


Rising Stars

by Aquilarion



Category: Alternate Universe - K/DA (League of Legends) - Fandom, K/DA - League of Legends, League of Legends
Genre: Alternate Universe - K/DA (League of Legends), Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eventual Eunkyung/Akali, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual OC/Akali, Eventual OC/Seraphine, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut?, F/M, Instruments, K/DA, Mentions of K/DA, Music, Music Production, References to Depression, Romance, Singing, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, TRUE DAMAGE, like really slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:55:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 104,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27202121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquilarion/pseuds/Aquilarion
Summary: [K/DA-Verse] Son Jaemin, armed with determination, talent, and passion, has worked his whole to pursue music. He desperately dreams to stand on a stage. But as he will soon discover for himself, the journey to stardom is riddled with trials and tribulations, struggles and successes. This journey is not one he will endure alone, however. Through a chance meeting written in the stars, he meets a pink-haired angel who may be his single shot at seeing his dream realized.OR:A story about wishing into the stars and fulfilling hopes and dreams, against all odds.[Updates are approximately every Friday.]
Relationships: Akali (League of Legends)/Original Female Character(s), Luxanna "Lux" Crownguard/Original Character(s), OC/Lux, OC/Seraphine, Seraphine/Original Character(s)
Comments: 96
Kudos: 90





	1. I - A Meeting Written in the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. So I originally planned to release this at the end of the month, but I ultimately decided against it. I sort of wanted to get it out as soon as possible, just so I could gauge people's reactions to it.
> 
> Hopefully everyone enjoys it. Thank you for supporting The Producer, and please continue to support Rising Stars.
> 
> Also, I have a discord.
> 
> Copy and paste this link: dis cord. gg/zAvF7yX without spaces into your search bar to join.
> 
> I love interacting with people. :)

**October 9th, 2019**

"The entire world of music is built upon the foundations of creative collaboration," Professor Laurent began. She placed her hands on either side of the lectern as she looked out at the entirety of the lecture hall. Her eyes narrowed into slits as she scanned each and every one of her students. Her silky red hair rested steadily. "For this midterm, I will be placing you into pairs."

The class collectively groaned.

"Your assignment," Professor Laurent called, reigning the class back in. "Will be to create an EP of any genre, using any DAW you are most comfortable with. The EP must be a minimum of three songs, and a maximum of six songs. Your songs will be graded according to the standard rubric introduced at the beginning of this course. Additionally, you will also be graded on the EP as a whole— this includes the EP's concept, execution, style, and so on and so forth."

At that, the class began to rumble with excitement.

I rested my hands on either side of my laptop, listening intently to Professor Laurent.

"Now, you might be asking: Professor, how am I supposed to make this EP presentable when I don't have a budget?" She cleared her throat. "Well, I am here to say that you, and your partner, will have full access to the Film and Photography department. The students are aware of this assignment, and they likely have their own assignments which fit in with yours."

Professor Laurent cleared her throat. "And lastly, the pair with the highest score will have their EP released through a label beneath our very own UMG."

The class blew up in cheers, applause, and raucous joy. And for once, I was a part of that as well. This was something I'd dreamt of; not only was it a chance to create and produce my own EP, but it was also a chance to become a recording artist! At the very least, a producer for a recording artist. And the EP being released under Universal Music Group? That was just icing on the cake.

I smiled widely, feeling the excitement bubble beneath my skin.

"Don't get too excited. This project will be due on October 31st."

My hands drifted to my pockets, my fingers tightening around the long and thin body of my phone.

"Oh! And before I forget, I will be choosing your partners for you," Professor Laurent casually reminded. "Right now." And she reached beneath her lectern and pulled out a small bowl with bright colored pieces of paper in it.

My head hit my desk. I thumbed the scar on my cheek.

"Jaemin? Are you alright?" called the Professor.

"Yes, I'm fine," I called back.

I repositioned myself. I watched Professor Laurent draw from the bowl.

"First is…" She trailed off as she fished a name out. "Son Jaemin!"

I sighed. _Of course._

"And your partner is…" Professor Laurent retrieved another name. "Yeng Seraphine!" She grinned. "Definitely an interesting pair. Jaemin, if you would please move your belongings next to Seraphine."

I looked to my left. And there, sitting on the opposite side of the lecture hall, was a bundle of pink hair. Seraphine waved at me, a small smile on her lips.

_Could be worse._

And I packed my things and began to move towards Seraphine.

**[;]**

Seraphine sat on the opposite side of the small cafeteria table they shared. Her incredibly long pink hair was tied up high, and even then it still reached below the table. She wore a simple, oversized blue t-shirt that draped down to her knees, and her shoes were surprisingly childlike with large soles and bright colors.

And as always, that little blue star that rested beneath her left eye twinkled as the sunlight hit it at just the right angle.

"So," she began. "We're partners for this project…" She narrowed her eyes at him. Seraphine seemed to be scrutinizing him for something.

"Mmhm," I said. My palms grew a little sweaty. I placed my hands in the pockets of my baggy, blue pants. A finger slipped through the tear within the pocket. _Shit. I need to fix that later._ I pulled my finger free.

We sat, trapped in a bubble of awkward silence that neither of us seemed to want to break through. I had no idea how to approach her. Seraphine seemed like a decent person, a good student too. But outside of the music she turned in or presented to the class, I wasn't sure what she enjoyed creating.

And considering that all of her pieces for class were heavily orchestral, I had a lingering feeling that she wasn't being entirely honest with her most-oft presented genre.

Then again, neither was I.

Professor Laurent was a fan of the classics. She generally graded easier if you turned in something that sounded Romantic.

 _Still never getting over that painting of Chopin she showed us_. I shivered.

Seraphine's voice pulled me back into reality. "Wait."

"Waiting," I replied.

Seraphine pulled out her phone and began typing rapidly. Then, she glanced between her phone screen and him. "You _are_ him!"

I raised a brow.

"There was someone who won the Cyrus Recitals four years in a row," Seraphine said. "And when I heard that it was someone my age, I couldn't believe it. So, I did research, and his name was Son Jaemin." She giggled. "It's crazy that I didn't realize it until I got a good look at your face." She thrust a small hand forward. "The name is Yeng Seraphine, nice to meet you officially, Son Jaemin."

I quickly dried my clammy hands on my pants before accepting the handshake. Surprisingly, her hands were heavily calloused. "You play guitar?" I asked.

Seraphine froze and pulled her hand free from his. "Yes, I do. Not that I'm any good or anything, especially not as a good as you when it comes to piano, but yes, I do play and—"

"Take a breath, Seraphine." I smiled. "I'm sure you're a great player. Do you sing too?"

"I… I do," she replied sheepishly.

"Any specific genres?"

Seraphine cleared her throat, and she seemed to have calmed down slightly. "Well, I think my voice is more suited for pop stuff. On the lighter end. Maybe bedroom pop?"

"Bedroom pop?"

"And R&B," Seraphine added. She rested a single finger on her chin in thought. "Though, I'm not much of a belter though. Every time I try, I strain my voice."

"I get it," I said. "I sing too."

Seraphine squealed. "You do?!"

Her loud outburst drew the eyes of others in the cafeteria, and she quickly bowed her head and apologized to them. Pink stained her cheeks as she turned her attention back to me.

"You sing?"

"Yeah. R&B. Same stuff you do, honestly," Ireplied.

"But your stuff for class…"

"Was just to impress Professor Laurent. She loves romantic stuff, so I try to cater to that."

Seraphine hummed. "I see, I see. How long have you been singing?"

"Ever since I was a kid," I said. "What about you?"

"For as long as I can remember," she replied. "I think my parents have a home video of me singing at, like, four or something." Seraphine giggled. "I had a toy guitar, a stage outfit, and everything!"

I laughed at the mental image of a tiny, pink-haired girl singing her heart out for her parents. It was truly adorable.

"Well, my embarrassing childhood aside, what type of music do you listen to?" Seraphine asked.

I grinned. "A lot of DEAN, Gallant, and Ariana Grande," I listed. "I listen to everything, but it's a lot of R&B and slow pop. What about you?"

"I really listen to everything," she said. "But ever since last year, I've been obsessed with K/DA."

I recognized the name. "Isn't that the girl group that Ahri put together?"

"Yup!" Seraphine replied. "POP/STARS is just such an amazing song, and they're all so cool, and chic, and awesome, and pretty, and, God, I just love them so much!"

 _Very excitable._ I rubbed the back of my head. "They're okay. I'm not too huge on K-pop."

"Not a fan?"

I shrugged. "Was always a little too normal for me," I said softly. "Not that I have anything wrong with it. But.. you know."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me," Seraphine comforted. "I understand." She smiled easily.

"Thank you, Seraphine."

"You're welcome, Jaemin."

Seraphine giggled. "I didn't expect you to listen to Ariana Grande."

"She has a lot of good songs."

"Oh? What's your favorite?"

"Dangerous Woman, probably."

Seraphine raised a brow. "And for Gallant?"

I flushed. "Uh… Gentleman."

The young woman laughed, both at my embarrassment and the song choice. "A very… personal taste in music."

I rolled my eyes, the blush on my cheeks finally leaving. "They're good songs."

And the field of silence surrounded us once again.

Though, this time, it didn't feel as awkward.

This time, it was comfortable.

**[;]**

I walked with Seraphine out of the cafeteria, my hands tucked beneath the straps of my backpack. The large, open-air campus of UCLA stretched out before them. Students gathered in small groups on the fields of soft grass, or the umbrella-covered tables, or the simple wooden benches alongside the street. Gentle conversation filled the air as we walked.

I smiled fondly.

Realizing that I was drifting behind Seraphine, I jogged to catch up with her. It was then that I noticed how much taller I was than her.

"How tall are you?" He asked absentmindedly.

"Five foot three," Seraphine replied. "You?" She asked, raising a brow and looking up at him.

"Six feet tall, I think," I said.

"Ooh," Seraphine said, overdramatically. She had a wide grin on her face. "Attractive."

My cheeks burned. Flirty was something I hadn't expected her to be. "Thanks, I guess. Are you normally flirty?"

"I'm flirty?" Seraphine hummed. "I guess I am. Should I tone it down?"

"I just need to make sure," I replied. "Don't want to catch feelings too quickly. And you being so pretty makes it even harder."

Seraphine giggled. "You're a little flirty too."

 _Huh. Never would have figured that._ "Flirty on the first day," I said. "My sister would be disappointed in me."

"You have a sister?"

"Yup," I said, popping the 'P.' "Seven years older than me. And she's a piece of work."

"Never would have figured that."

"That I had an older sibling?"

"That you had any siblings."

"What about you?" I asked. "Do you have any siblings?"

Seraphine shook her head. "Parents never had enough time for another kid. And they always complained about how much work I was on my own."

I chuckled. "Your parents sound like fun."

Seraphine laughed and nodded, her azure eyes alight with pure joy. "Yeah. They're a handful." She smiled. "Anyways, I'm sorry if I'm a little too flirty. I haven't had many friends since coming here."

"Since coming here?"

She nodded. "I traveled a lot as a kid because of my mom's work, so making friends was hard. And when I was admitted into UCLA, the cliques and friend groups were already established."

"Yeah," I said with a nod. "It's hard to wiggle your way into friend groups late into the term." I rubbed the back of my neck. "So, you've just been alone for the last two years or so?"

"Mmhm!"

"Oh." I would have felt bad for her, but Seraphine didn't seem in the least bit disappointed or saddened by it. Did anything get this girl down? "I'm sorry?" I tried.

She shook her head. "Nothing to apologize for. I'm good at being by myself." Seraphine smiled softly. "But I'm hoping you stick around."

I chuckled. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm at least sticking around until this midterm is over."

"And then we're done?" Seraphine challenged. She attempted to wear a look of cockiness, but it didn't suit her. She almost looked… sad.

I shook my head. "I'm more than willing to be your friend, Seraphine. If you'll be mine."

"Sounds like I'm entering into a contract instead of a friendship here."

"Well, that's not too far off the mark."

"How awful."

I sighed dramatically. "Truly.

Seraphine grinned.

Before I knew it, we stood in front of a blue Honda Accord within one of the parking lots that surrounded UCLA. The car looked almost brand new.

"How new is this car?" I dared to ask. I walked around it, in complete awe. There wasn't a single scratch, a single dent, nor a inch of its paint that looked dulled or aged.

"2019," Seraphine said with a frown. "My parents gave it to me as a congratulations for getting into UCLA. Even though I repeatedly told them that I didn't need a new car, especially one so new."

I laughed dryly. "Yeah, that makes sense." My phone began to vibrate in my pocket, and I mentally thanked it. "I need to take this." I fished out my phone and flipped it open. "Hello?"

Rakan's smooth voice sounded through the phone. "Jaemin. You're late. Are you not going to be able to make it for your shift?"

"I thought it was…" I glanced at my watch. "Oh f— Sorry, Rakan. I totally lost track of time. I'll be there right away!"

"Take it easy kid. Just start heading over here. I know how busy you are."

"Thank you, Rakan." I subconsciously bowed my head and hung up the phone.

"Work?" Seraphine asked.

I nodded. "I'll catch up with you later, Seraphine."

"I can drive you, if you want."

I froze. I felt my chest tighten. "I— I'm okay. Thank you, though, Seraphine."

"Are you sure? It's not any trouble for me." She began to open her car door.

"No!" I shouted. My voice echoed throughout the parking lot.

She flinched. Her mouth hung open slightly, her azure eyes ridden with hurt.

"I'm sorry— I just.. I don't need a ride right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Seraphine."

"Is it because of—"

"No, no. It's not your fault. I just…" My breathing hastened. My hands trembled within my pockets, as I held onto them desperately. The fabric stretched and stretched and stretched. My vision fluttered as the world stretched and stretched and stretched.

"Jaemin?" Seraphine stepped towards me.

My knees buckled.

"Jaemin?!" She dropped her bags and rushed towards me.

I steeled myself. I released my fingers, feeling the tension fade from the rest of my body. Seraphine outstretched a hand towards me. Graciously, I took it. "I'm okay. I just don't do well with cars."

The pink-haired woman nodded. "I understand. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah," I replied weakly. I smiled. At least, I tried to. "Eventually."

Seraphine held my gaze. Then, she smiled angelically. "Take care, Jaemin. I'll see you in class tomorrow."

Her voice soothed me, as did her words, and I found myself genuinely smiling. "You too, Sera." I turned on my heel and began to walk towards the nearest bus stop.

It was only then that I realized what I had called her.

**[;]**

I adjusted my black waist apron. The door to the staff room opened. a tall, dark-skinned man with slicked back black hair stepped inside. "Sorry about this, Rakan," I said.

He waved me off. "Like I said, don't worry about it. I know you're busy with work and school. Besides, Ori was here to cover part of your shift."

"Orianna?" I asked, slightly worried. Ori was a sweet girl. If a little… mechanical at times.

As if on queue, the staff room door opened once again. And a blonde-haired teen with wide, blue eyes paced into the room. Her hands rested perfectly still at her sides, and her blonde hair was parted evenly down the side. She looked at me.

"Hello, Jaemin. I'm glad to see you again," she said, her tone perfectly neutral.

"It's good to see you too, Ori." I glanced at Rakan who simply shrugged back.

"Mr. Qaelin," Ori continued, drawing Rakan's attention. "Now that Jaemin is here, I will be leaving."

"Yes, of course. Thank you for doing me that favor, Orianna. And I believe I told you to refer to me as 'Rakan' when we weren't on the main floor."

"Ah yes. My apologies." She bowed her head. "In reference to the favor, it is no issue. My schedule was free, and I figured that Jaemin would appreciate the help, especially because he works so many hours in addition to going to school." She looked owlishly at me once again. "Is it stressful, Jaemin?"

I placed my hands in my pocket. "Yeah, it is. But you get used to it."

Orianna stood, frozen in thought. "I see," she announced after a few seconds. "I understand why you would say such a thing. Thank you for your wisdom, Jaemin." She bowed her head slightly.

I waved my hands in surrender. "Don't worry about it." Coughing into my hand, I turned back to Rakan. "Well, I'll start working now."

Quickly leaving the staff room, I stepped out into the main floor of The Grand Vastaya. It was probably the most unique restaurant I'd ever seen in all of L.A., and that was saying a lot.

Strangely colored vines and bark crawled the walls and stretched all the way up to the ceiling. And from the ceiling, wooden chandeliers carrying small lanterns flickered with a strange blue flame that illuminated the entirety of the dining area in a calming, ocean blue light. From the kitchen, bold scents of foreign spices and flavors drifted through the air.

Rakan and his wife, Xayah, created this restaurant around the same time I was at the age to finally start looking for work, which would have been about five years ago. When I saw the 'Now Hiring' notice, I immediately signed up. And ever since then, I've been working at The Grand Vastaya.

Over the years, the restaurant skyrocketed in popularity, but when the one and only Akali of K/DA praised the quality of the food, The Grand Vastaya became one of L.A. 's top eateries.

But despite the massive influx of customers, neither Xayah nor Rakan wanted to jack up the prices or change the atmosphere.

At its heart, The Grand Vastaya was a homely place. The food served was always from homemade recipes, organic, and extremely delicious. However, the strangest part of The Grand Vastaya wasn't the food, nor the environment, nor the customers, but the employees.

For some reason, Xayah and Rakan hired the most unexpected people. Me included.

I jogged up to a teen whose blue hair was tied into a tight bun. She stood in front of the register, tallying up a party's receipt. "Jinx," I said. "Is that for table twelve?"

Jinx raised a brow, her brilliant pink eyes glancing at me. "No, it's for table seven. Why?"

"Just wanted to make sure. Table twelve said that they were served by you and were waiting for their receipt."

She looked at the receipt in her hand, and then on the screen of the register, and then back to the receipt. "Oh. This is for twelve."

I groaned. "Jinx…"

"Sorry! My head is just a little all over the place right now." Jinx quickly navigated back to the register's home screen and began the process of tallying the orders once again. "Sorry, Jae. Can you tell them that—"

"Yeah," I interjected, already moving back to the table. "I'm on it."

After I was brought on and trained, Xayah and Rakan hired Jinx. She began working about a month after I did, so she'd seen the humble beginnings of The Grand Vastayan. Jinx was a clumsy girl. Really sweet. Super energetic and gung-ho. But she was a little prone to mischief, dropping things on accident, and, obviously, mismatching customers.

As I weaved my way through the tables, taking orders from my assigned area and giving each customer my greatest attention, I bumped into Lux in the middle of the appetizer area.

The blonde girl was in the middle of gathering tortilla chips into a bowl.

Carefully, cautiously, I walked up to her. "Lux?" I began as quietly as I could.

But it didn't matter.

As if I'd come up behind her and screamed in her ear, Lux let out a piercing screech. Her hands flew in the air, and so did the tortilla chips.

And as always, her screaming drew the entirety of the main floor's eyes toward us.

She ducked her head beneath the divider. "I'm _so_ , _so_ sorry, Jae." Lux bowed her head.

"Lux, it's…"I sighed. "It's fine. Just help me clean this up."

"Right, right." She began to scoop the chips together and place them back into the bowl. "Can't believe I got surprised again. You weren't even trying to scare me that time."

"I never try to scare you," I stated. "Are you okay?"

Lux nodded. "I'm okay. Was I in your way?"

"Just a little," I said. I squeezed past her. "Don't forget to toss those chips in the trash before getting a new batch."

She gave me a thumbs up and a small smile. "Thanks, Jae."

"No worries."

And after Jinx, came Lux. When I first saw her, I expected someone entirely normal. That assumption wasn't too far off the mark. Lux was capable, independent, and very driven. Luxanna's only issue is that she's easily surprised. _Way_ too easily surprised. She made sure that all of her coworkers knew, but even after four years of working together, everytime I called her name she overreacted.

And, most recently hired, was Orianna.

All of these female coworkers had me convinced that Rakan was trying to set me up with one of them. Or, worse yet, Xayah was trying to set me up.

Eventually, the hours passed by and The Grand Vastaya approached closing hours. As the last of the customers filed out of the restaurant, the staff let out a collective groan. Especially me.

"Is it just me," I began, speaking to everyone as they gathered in the staff room. "Or did everything seem to move faster today?"

Xayah shook her head. "If anything, Jae, you were moving slower today."

"What? Really?"

Rakan nodded. "Are you sure these hours are fine with you? You come to work right after school, and I know that you have a lot of classes. Is that enough time for you to get everything done?"

I laughed as genuinely as I could manage. "Yeah. I manage just fine."

Lux hummed. "You cook when you get home too, right?"

Kayn, one of the chefs, nodded. "Yeah. He came by last week to ask for that new soup recipe that Xayah made. Was pretty confident with the directions too."

"I see you at school really early too. Sometimes around 7 A.M.," Jinx added. "I'm surprised you can even sleep."

"I…" I trailed off. "It's fine guys. Really. I need the money for a car so I can stop pestering my sister," I lied.

Xayah and Rakan stared at me, their eyes like lasers. Then, they glanced at each other.

"If you say so, kid," Rakan stood up. "Good work everyone. Let's have another good day tomorrow."

 _Oh! Almost forgot._ "Actually," I said. "I have a midterm coming up, and I need to put a lot of energy into it. I might be taking the next few days off to focus on that instead. Is that—"

"Yes!" Xayah exclaimed. "That's fine. Totally fine. Actually, take the next two weeks off!"

"But I only need a day or two—"

"Two weeks off with paid vacation!" She interrupted loudly.

"What?!" Jinx and Lux shot up from their chairs.

"Why does he get special treatment?" Lux questioned.

"Yeah! What Lux said!"

"Because he hasn't taken a single day off since working here," Rakan said. "Even on the weekends, Jae is here early in the mornings, taking inventory with the kitchen crew. And he even comes in at night to help wash dishes and sweep the floors for tomorrow."

Jinx and Lux returned to their chairs.

"Xayah," I said. "I really don't need two weeks off. I have a partner for the assignment, so—"

Rakan held up a hand. "Kid. You're taking two weeks off or we're firing you."

"But—"

"But nothing," Xayah said. "Take the two weeks. The girls will be more than enough until you get back."

"I…" I trailed off. It seemed that any form of protest was useless. "Okay. Fine. But I'm not happy about it."

Kayn chuckled. "Only you wouldn't be happy about two weeks of paid vacation."

"Head on home, Jae," Rakan said. "Tell Eunkyung that we said 'Hi'."

I grinned. "I'll be sure to do so."

**[;]**

"You called her Sera?" My older sister jested as she grabbed a piece of kimchi with her chopsticks and popped it into her mouth. "It's your first time actually talking together, and you already had a nickname for her?" Eunkyung laughed. "That's bold, Jae, especially for you."

"It was an accident," I protested while desperately fighting back a blush. "It just… I don't know, it just came out. I didn't mean to say it." I gathered my japchae and slurped up a mouthful.

"Any other exciting things happen to you today?" Eunkyung asked.

"Xayah and Rakan gave me two weeks of paid vacation," I announced casually.

"What?!" Eunkyung shot to her feet, her chair crashing to the ground. "Are you serious?!"

"I— Yeah," I said. I returned to eating my japchae. "It's not that big of a deal. I needed time to work on my midterm."

Eunkyung hummed. She collected her chair and sat back down on it.

"What."

Eunkyung picked up another piece of kimchi and placed it on top of a slice of pork. Then, she pointed her chopsticks at me. "You mean, 'more time to spend with _Sera_ ,' don't you?"

I flushed. "She's my partner for the project. So, in a way, yes. Working on my project means spending more time with _Sera_."

"Is she pretty?"

"Yes." _Stupid mouth! Shut up!_ I mentally cursed.

"How pretty?"

"Maybe like an eight out of ten."

"Ooh," Eunkyung cooed. "Most girls only score a five for you."

"She's a good person. That's why she's an eight."

"So it's not because of her looks?"

"Well…" I trailed off. Now that Eunkyung mentioned it, Seraphine was a very pretty girl. The kind of pretty that was both within reach and out of reach. Not to say that she wasn't beautiful. She was, obviously. But she didn't feel so pretty that Jaemin felt like he couldn't approach her, much less hold a conversation with her.

But more than that, Seraphine was just a good person. A genuinely good person. Maybe she was an angel disguised as a human?

"You've got a dreamy look in your eye, Min." Eunkyung raised a brow. "Or… don't tell me… is it a perverted one instead?"

I narrowed my eyes. As fast as lightning, I grabbed her piece of pork with my chopsticks and popped it into my mouth.

"Hey! I was gonna eat that!" Eunkyung protested.

"Too bad," I replied through a mouthful. "Rude older sisters don't deserve food cooked by their hard-working younger brothers."

Eunkyung rolled her eyes and began to build another piece of her _sacred_ pork.

And I laughed at her plight.

**[;]**

**October 10th, 2019**

"So…" Seraphine began. "How should we start this?"

Both Seraphine and I sat in front of the computer of the recording room they'd reserved at UCLA. Two KRK studio monitors stood on either side of the computer, the bright yellow speakers shone like small suns. I had extended the pull-out MIDI keyboard from beneath the table. On the monitor itself was an empty project. Over the years of production, and switching back and forth between DAWs, I'd grown the most accustomed to Ableton Live.

At least when it came to non-orchestral production. Nothing would ever touch Cubase for orchestral composing.

On my suggestion, Seraphine brought her guitar, which was a Little Martin. A decent guitar that definitely fit her frame. Especially her small hands.

"Let's not worry about the music for today," I announced. And I pushed the MIDI keyboard back into its place.

"But my guitar? Isn't the project due in two weeks? Shouldn't we work on—"

"Correction: let's work on other stuff before working on music for today."

Seraphine pouted but complied nonetheless. "Okay, what are we gonna work on?"

"How about genres and concepts for the EP?" I offered.

"Okay… any ideas?"

"Well, we both sing, and generally the same genres too." I pulled out a notebook and pen from my backpack. Flipping open to a blank page, I began to make some notes. "So," I began. "We could do some R&B, pop stuff?" I offered.

Seraphine bounced in her chair. "That sounds like fun. Oh!" She retrieved her own backpack and fished out her own notebook. "I wrote down some EP ideas in class today, actually." After opening up to the right page, she turned the notebook to face Jaemin.

"Love, death, hope, dreams," I read. Most of the ideas were single words packed with a lot of depth. But they were all a little cliche. "Reminisce?"

Seraphine nodded. "It means to think about the past, especially about better times and stuff."

"I know what it means," I said with a smile. "But I like the concept. There's a lot of possibilities for songs about our pasts." My hand drifted to the phone in my pocket. "What about you?"

Seraphine grinned widely, the little cyan star on her cheek shining. "It sounds good to me."

I wrote down "REMINISCE" across the top of my notebook. "Now, we need to think about what kinds of songs we'll put in, the EP's arrangements, and the relationship of each song to each other and the EP as a whole."

"Jaemin," Seraphine began. "Have you… Have you done this before?"

I shook my head. "No. Never. Why?"

"It's just that you seem like you're really your element," Seraphine said, awe written clearly across her features. "It's kind of cool."

I flushed. "I… Thanks," I murmured.

_Curse you social awkwardness._

"If it makes you more comfortable, I could tone it down a little."

Seraphine fiercely shook her head. "No, no, no. No way!" She made an "X" with her arms. "Keep doing what you're doing. I'll follow your lead."

"Alright." I cleared my throat. "Let's start with drafting a track list."

Seraphine shot up. "Already?!"

I shrugged. "I think it'd be a good place to start, considering—"

She frowned. "What if we just jammed? Right now?"

I froze. "Well, that's…" I trailed off. As I soon realized, arguing with an excited Seraphine would _always_ result in my loss.

Seraphine, seeing my shocked reaction, grinned madly. She pumped a fist into the air. "Let's do it! Just start the recording, I'll play something for us." Seraphine moved to her guitar case and began to unpack it.

With a sigh, I surrendered and pulled out the MIDI keyboard. Loading up the piano, I awaited for Seraphine's return to the chair beside me. When she sat back down, she had her hair tied up and her many bracelets pulled back on her arm. Her guitar rested in her lap.

"Do you know Señorita?" She asked.

"Shawn Mendes and Camilla Cabello?"

Seraphine nodded.

"Of course I do," I replied.

"Great." She cleared her throat. Then she tested a note.

Her voice cracked.

Horrified, she slowly turned towards me. Her pink cheeks darkened into a deep, cherry red as she attempted to hide her face in her hands. "Oh my gosh, that's so embarrassing! I'm so sorry. Man, the first time I sing for a guy, and this is what happens."

Fighting laughter, I waved aside her doubts. "It's nothing. A voice crack doesn't mean you can't sing. Sometimes it just means you're not warm. And I assume you haven't sung at all today."

"I know. But still…"

"Let's just get back to it," I interjected. "Here, I'll join you." I cleared my throat and tested a note, purposefully making it crack horribly.

She giggled, and then coughed into her hand to compose herself. "Okay. Let's give it a shot?"

I nodded. I began to record us. Placing my hands on the appropriate keys of the piano, I waited for her to count me in.

Seraphine tapped her knuckles on the body of her guitar. "One, two, three, four…"

She began to sing, her soft, and airy voice filled the recording room. " _I love it when you call me, Señorita. I wish I could pretend I didn't need you…_ "

I felt myself lift at the sound of her singing. It was beautiful, to say the least. And when it came to my part, I let out a breath before deeply inhaling and singing. " _Land in Miami. The air was hot from summer rain, sweat dripping off me…"_

The pink-haired singer shot me a grin. Her hands strummed along to the rhythm. Our voices melded perfectly with one another.

" _I love it when you call me, Señorita. I wish I could pretend I didn't need you. But every touch is ooh, la, la, la. It's true la, la, la…"_

As we sang and played, the world around me faded away. The worries, the fears, the anxieties. No. I didn't have to worry about any of that right now.

" _I wish it wasn't so damn hard to leave you. But every touch is ooh, la, la, la. It's true la, la, la. Ooh, I should be running. Ooh, you keep me coming for you…_ "

As a beautiful, melodic eternity passed within the next few minutes, I could only focus on the music that echoed around us. It felt larger than life. I sang and played with every fiber of my being. When Seraphine sang, I smiled widely at her, accompanying her singing with a harmony of my own. And when I sang, she did the same.

It was magical.

Eventually, when the song finished, Seraphine and I stared at one another. I quickly stopped the recording. "What was that?" I asked.

"You felt it too? Everything just—"

"Melted away?" Seraphine finished.

I nodded.

"What just happened?" She asked.

"I don't know," I replied. "But it wasn't bad, right?"

She shook her head. "I haven't had that much fun playing since… Since, well, ever. It was amazing."

I nodded slowly. "I don't even know…"

"What if it's one of those things where we're destined to sing together?" Seraphine dared to ask. "Have you seen those shows? Two musicians meet in college. They rise to fame together, and then they live happily ever after?"

With a chuckle, I shrugged. "Maybe." My hands grasped my phone. "Do you want to trade numbers? Just to stay in touch?"

"Oh!" Seraphine nodded. "Let's do that." She pulled out her phone, unlocked it, and handed it to me. "Just add your number and send yourself a text. I'll take a look at what we recorded while you do that."

I nodded. She was oddly pragmatic when it came to music.

_Still… what was that?_

I saved Seraphine's number to my phone. "Here," I said, returning her phone to her.

She glanced at my phone. She opened her mouth, but then closed it.

"It's an old phone, I know," I replied, the words leaving my mouth before I could stop them.

"Any reason why you're using it?"

"It's…" The words caught in my throat. I nearly choked on them. "It's a long story."

Seraphine's expression softened. "You don't have to tell me then," she murmured with a smile. "But if you need someone to talk to, I'm always here."

I nodded.

Every moment that I spent with Seraphine changed me. Whether it was a small or large change didn't matter. Everytime I interacted with her, everytime I spoke with her, Seraphine surprised me. She was comfortable, being around her was comfortable.

And it was impossible to say if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

My train of thought was interrupted by Seraphine playing the recording. Our voices echoed within the small recording room, and I was entirely unsurprised when I heard how good we sounded together.

Neither was Seraphine.

"We sound… amazing together," she said.

"Yeah. It's kind of weird."

"Weird?" Seraphine turned to me, her lips pulled into a pout. "Why?"

"Not weird!" I quickly corrected. "It's just that when you consider the fact that we've never sang together, or heard each other's voices, it's… interesting that we sound this great together."

She puffed her cheek and crossed her arms. "Well, I think it only adds more to my theory that we were destined to sing together."

"I'm flattered," I replied. Sitting down in the chair next to her, I placed my hands on the desk. "So, what do you want to do now?"

"Maybe…" Seraphine guided the mouse to the top of the screen. "Let's save this first." She pointed to her backpack. "In the front pocket, there's a USB there. Can you grab it?"

"Already trusting me with going through your things?" I asked, moving to her bag.

"Should I not?" She challenged. "You seem pretty trustworthy."

"Fair enough, fair enough." I searched through the pocket of her backpack that Seraphine described. After a few seconds, I managed to find the USB quickly. I zipped up her backpack and handed her the bright pink stick.

"Thanks." She stuck the USB into the computer, exported the project, and transferred it to her USB. "I use Ableton at home, so I can work on this."

"We're using it?"

Seraphine shook her head. "We don't have to. I'm just using it as practice for mixing and stuff."

"Hold on." I took control of the mouse and moved it back to the project window. She would have a bit of trouble mixing it if everything was recorded on one audio track. Not that I doubted her abilities, but mixing tended to happen in two stages. The first being the mixing of each individual track, and the second being mixing the track as a whole. "It's gonna be a little hard if everything is on one audio track, Seraphine."

"Sera," she said suddenly.

"What?" I did a double-take.

"You called me Sera yesterday, and it was cute. No one's ever used it before, so feel free to call me that."

"Oh," I blushed. _I hoped she'd forgotten about it_. "Are you sure?"

Seraphine nodded. "I'm sure."

"Okay…" I trailed off. "Well, we can work on this later. We have to start working on the EP."

"Aw," Sera whined. Her head dropped. "Okay."

"Hey." I nudged her lightly. "We're working on our own EP. Not many people can say that, you know. And you have my number now, so if you're ever in the mood to make music, or if you need someone to talk to, I'll try and make time for you."

Seraphine looked up at me. "Really?"

"Really."

"Always?"

"Always."

"Promise?"

I smiled softly. "Promise."

Little did I know, that small promise would change my entire life.


	2. II - Curiosity & Expectations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. School is kicking my ass, as usual. Some bookkeeping things:
> 
> First, the release date of the next chapter will be written at the end of each chapter. This is for my own accountability, as well as reader-writer transparency. I want to update things more consistently, so this is me telling myself to do that.
> 
> Second, each chapter will have a “Chapter Song” that contains the feelings and emotions that I attempted to convey over the course of that singular chapter. And more specifically, the emotions between Jaemin and Seraphine. Plus, I want to introduce you guys to some new music if I can, and this is my method.
> 
> Okay. That’s it for now.
> 
> Enjoy.

**Chapter Song:** _Jeremy Passion - Nothing_

**October 15, 2019**

Seraphine— Sera and I shared a simple plastic chair as we sat back to back. To my left was a plain white wallpaper, and about five feet from us, standing on a tripod, was a camera surrounded by studio lights.

Behind the camera was Khada Jhin, one of the professors of photography at UCLA. The photography students and hobbyists always praised his work, saying that he was going to bring about a new era in photography, so when Professor Laurent told us that we would be working with him, Sera and I were more than excited. Overjoyed. Thrilled.

We stepped into the small studio expecting to be greeted with someone professional, friendly, and courteous. However, Jhin quickly shattered that notion. Wearing a ridiculous gold-trimmed white coat and purple-black tights, he frivolously, hastily ordered us around the studio.

First, Sera and I got our hair and makeup done.

Jhin pushed me down into the chair, while he courteously pulled out Sera's chair and guided her into the seat. We both sat in front of large, portrait-style windows lined with brilliant white lights.

"Now," he announced, his voice like smooth, warm butter. "My partner will do your hair and makeup while I prepare the shoot. Please, enjoy yourselves."

"Hair and makeup?" Sera asked.

"Yes, of course. This is a professional shoot after all." Jhin grinned maniacally. "Now, I must be off!" And he strutted away, humming a strange tune all the while.

A few moments later, a woman with shining purple eyes and deep violet hair entered the room. She wore a simple white t-shirt that was tucked into a pair of black jeans. But her gaze pierced through both me and Sera. "The name's Morgana, but you can both call me Morg. It's easier."

"Nice to meet you, Morg," Sera bubbled.

"Likewise."

Morgana clapped her hands together. "Well, I suppose we should get started, then? Jhin gave me the gist of what the EP concept was, but I think that hearing it from you two would clarify some things."

"Well," I began. "I concept is based around reminiscing, thinking back on the past. That includes thinking about the good times, the bad times, the really bad times."

During my explanation, Morgana worked on Sera first.

"But it's also about looking forward," I continued. "Taking those experiences in the past and becoming better through them."

"That's…" Morgana trailed off as she sprayed parts of Seraphine's hair with a water bottle. "Surprisingly wholesome." She ran her fingers through Sera's hair. "You have wonderful hair, dear."

Seraphine nodded. "Thank you. I take pride in my hair care."

"As all of us should." Morgana collected some of Sera's hair in her hand. "Is this really natural?"

"It is. Weird, I know. But Jaemin has gold eyes, so it's not too weird, I hope."

"Hey, my eyes are my best feature," I protested.

In an instant, Morgana was upon me. Her hands pressed into either side of my face. She clutched my cheeks and pulled me closer to her. I could feel her hot, warm breath, her lips barely touching mine.

"Your eyes…" She breathed. "They _are_ your best feature." Her fingers caressed my cheeks, and she smiled slightly.

Shaking myself of my frozen state, I pushed Morgana off of me. "While I appreciate the praise, I'm not too interested in older women."

Morgana looked abhorred. "I'll have you know, I'm only twenty-two."

Sera gasped. "Twenty-two?"

 _I could have sworn she was older_.

Morgana smirked. "Not used to flirty types?"

"Not used to flirty types who don't even know my name," I replied sharply.

The purple-eyed woman hummed. "Very well."

And after that, Morgana didn't say another word.

When she finished with our hair and makeup, Seraphine and I exited that room looking pretty good, if I could say so myself. Morgana, for all of her theatrics, had applied a natural-looking appearance to the both of us. We didn't have our faces caked with makeup, but we were prepared for a photoshoot.

However, we had one more thing to do before Jhin decided we were ready for his camera.

"You two have… awful taste in attire," Jhin reprimanded, his fingers resting on his chin as he stared us down. "Jaemin, you have it much worse than Seraphine. Is there a reason everything you wear is so baggy?"

"I…" I trailed off, feeling heat build in my cheeks. I clenched my jaw and tightened my hands into fists. "It's a long story," I deflected.

"Then I will not pry," Jhin said. "However, I refuse to take pictures of either of you looking so drab." He cleared his throat. "Following the notes you two sent me, I believe you wanted the main color of the EP to be white?"

Seraphine nodded. "It's a good representation of reflecting, and starting anew."

"I couldn't agree more," Jhin stated. "Which is why I went through the effort to find you a pair of matching denim, shoes, and white sweaters." He pointed behind us, and Morgana approached, two plastic bags in either of her hands. "Feel free to get changed in the bathrooms. I will be waiting for your return."

Sera thanked Morgana, grabbed the bags, and pulled me out of the photo studio.

She placed the bag into my hand. As we walked towards the bathrooms, she spoke up. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Morgana was laying it on pretty thick back there," she explained. "I was worried you might overreact."

I shook my head. "It's nothing. But I appreciate your concern." With the bag, I motioned towards the single-room bathroom in the hallway. "You first."

Seraphine smiled and pulled open the bathroom door.

Soon enough, she and I finished changing and returned to the Jhin's studio. True to his word, she and I wore nearly the exact same set of clothes. In fact, I was fairly certain we were. The only differences were the sizes of the clothes.

We sported a stainless, stark white sweater that was tucked into a pair of ripped, light denim jeans held up by a plain black leather belt. And to finish off the outfit, we wore white, high-top Chucks. If I was being perfectly honest, it felt like an outfit you would see straight out a poster for Converse.

"Is it just me, or does it feel like we're modeling for Converse?" Sera asked.

 _We share a brain cell for sure._ "I was just thinking about that."

Sera smiled. "Glad it wasn't just me."

"Do you think it'll work for the EP?"

She shrugged. "At this point, we're just supposed to trust in Jhin's and Morgana's work, right?"

"Fair enough," I said. Working with people meant you had to trust them. It was true at The Grand Vastaya, and it was certainly true here.

"Ah, perfect," Jhin said, finally noticing us. He motioned for us to stand in front of the white wallpaper that was set up against the wall.

Seraphine and I awkwardly stood at arms' length from each other.

"You two look like a pair of robots that were meant to look human," Jhin commented.

"I've never done this before," Seraphine said.

"Same here."

"Yes, yes, I knew that." Jhin waved his hand. "Thus, I shall be guiding your poses. Don't be afraid to try something if it feels natural to you, and don't be afraid to ask me questions either." Jhin clapped his hands together. "Let's have a good photoshoot!"

**[;]**

"Perfect!" Jhin exclaimed as he fired off his camera for the fourth and final photo for Sera's set.

Sera sat on the chair, staring dreamily up at the ceiling. Her right hand rested atop the left side of her chest, and her left hand tightly held her right hip. I watched as her gaze drifted from the ceiling, to me. Her cheeks were flushed with pink. Sera stood from the chair and walked over to Jhin and I so she could take a look at the pictures.

She stepped up beside me, and nudged me with her elbow. "Do I look good?"

"Take a look for yourself," I replied. _Not a chance in hell am I going to answer that._ However, if I were to answer, Sera looked perfectly angelic. Jhin lived up to his reputation. Actually, he had done more than live up to it. The photos for the EP were perfect. "You don't look too bad," I said offhandedly.

Sera smirked. "Same goes for you."

Our conversation was cut off as Jhin showed us one of the paired photos from the shoot. Seraphine and I sat with our backs against the white wallpaper. Our legs were spread apart, with one leg crossed over the other's and our heads turned away.

Sera wore an expression of deep thought, like she really was reminiscing about something. I was forlorn, my brows were drawn together, and my lips slightly pulled downward.

And directly between us rested our hands, our pinkies intertwined.

It looked like something straight out of a poster for a high-school romance story. But it was a beautiful photo.

"This might be the EP cover," I murmured to no one in particular. A little cliche, but it would work. After all, cliches existed for a reason.

"Yeah," Seraphine said.

"Well," Jhin spoke up. "Since we are all in agreement, I will begin the process of editing this photo, and the others. I'll have Morgana email them to you as soon as they are finished."

And with that, Jhin quickly ushered us out of his studio.

"What about the clothes?" I asked.

"Keep them," he said, his hands already on the door. "Now leave! I must have time to perfect my art!" And he slammed the door shut.

Seraphine and I looked at each other.

"That was… something," she said. "What now?"

"We still don't have a single track," I said. "The concept is set in stone now." I glanced at her. "So… I suppose we'll just have to start making music. Are you free for the rest of today?" _God, that probably sounded creepier than I intended it to be._

"Yes, I'm free." Seraphine giggled. "You're good, Jaemin. It wasn't creepy at all."

"Was it that obvious?"

She shook her head. "I'm just good at reading people. Consider it one of my superpowers."

"Always knew that you were magical," I joked. "Now that I think about it, you kind of look like a magical girl."

Seraphine scoffed. "You wish I was a magical girl."

"I could think of a few spells I'd want you to cast."

Seraphine sucked in a breath of air. "Wow, look at you, Mr. Flirty."

"Too much? I asked, slightly worried. I needed to learn to control myself around her.

She raised two fingers and held them together, mimicking a squeezing motion. "Just a little. I wouldn't mind if you turned it down a tad."

"I would be glad to," I replied. My ears burned slightly. "I'm sorry, Sera."

"Apology accepted," Sera bubbled. "I appreciate your cooperation. And your willingness to change."

I nodded. "To the studio, then?"

Sera grinned. And she skipped off towards the studio.

I watched as she ran off, shaking my head slightly. Seraphine, in the five days that I've known her, proved to be far more confusing than I expected. Confusing, interesting, it didn't matter— she was nothing like I expected. I considered that to be a good thing. After eight years of predictability, I finally realized that I needed something unexpected in my life. Something impulsive.

Not to say that Seraphine was severely impulsive. She wasn't, that much was clear. But she was more spontaneous than me.

More than that, she was just a good person. Eunkyung had been teasing me about it consistently for the past few nights, but Seraphine really was just a genuinely good person. And despite her teasing, Eunkyung and I both knew how valuable, how rare, genuinely good people were.

My phone vibrated. I pulled out of my pocket and read the text that Eunkyung had sent me.

_Will be home very late tonight. Eat dinner without me. Please check the pay statements on my credit card and text the amount to me. If it's over ninety, can you please pay it using your card? I'll pay you back. Thanks, Jae._

I quickly typed back a reply.

_Don't worry about paying me back. I'll get it done. Stay safe, Noona._

I flipped my phone closed. My jaw tightened.

"Jaemin?" Sera asked. "Are you okay? I came back to check on you and—"

"I'm fine, Sera."

She flinched slightly, but I pretended to not notice.

I sighed. "Let's go get some work done. I want to finish this a few days before the due date."

Sera pouted. "Sick of me already?"

I chuckled and shook my head. "Not even close."

**[;]**

We sat in the small recording room once again. But since last week, we reorganized the room and added a few extra things. Yesterday, Sera and I reserved this specific room until October 25th. So we decided to make things a little more homely. We brought an extra chair into the room, a blanket from Seraphine's endless collection, and a small refrigerator that we stocked with our favorite drinks. After the photoshoot, Seraphine and I changed back into our normal clothes while we packed the new clothes into our backpacks.

Seraphine wore a grey tank top that was tucked into a pair of high-waisted black shorts that left her long legs on display. And I wore my usual baggy attire.

I handed Seraphine a box of strawberry milk. And I popped open a bottle of Milkis.

Sera sipped at her drink, placing the bottle on the desk. "So," she bumbled. "Where do we start?"

"You know what I've realized," I suddenly said. "I don't know _anything_ about you."

"You know my favorite drink, what I like to listen to, what my parents do for work…" She trailed off. "You know a lot about me."

"I want to know more."

Seraphine flushed. "How romantic."

Remembering her earlier words, I put my hands up surrender. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, no," Seraphine protested, her hands rapidly shaking left and right. "It's… nice to have someone be curious about me."

"Okay." I sat down beside Sera and turned my chair to face her. "Ask me a question and I'll answer it truthfully. We'll go back and forth from there."

Sera mirrored me. She leaned forward.

Azure met gold.

Her face was within mere inches of mine.

"Sera—" I tried.

And then she leaned back into her chair. "When is your birthday?"

"April 9."

She shot forward. "Wait. Really?"

"Yes? I'm not really sure why I would lie."

"We have the same birthday!" Seraphine beamed.

"Oh." I smiled slightly. "Interesting." I was vaguely reminded of my parents and their matching birthdays. Straightening myself, I hummed in thought. "I don't have any questions right now, so feel free to ask me one."

She placed a finger on her lips. Then, she exclaimed. "Oh! I've got one: are those strands of grey in your hair natural?"

I reached up and grabbed one of the strands. Wincing in pain and tearing a single strand off, I held it in front of Sera. The grey hair reached all the way to the roots. "Yeah. It's natural. It's been like this ever since…" I trailed off. "Well, it's been awhile." I tossed the hair into the trash can. I took another drink of my Milkis and set it down with a smile. "I've been curious about that little star on your cheek ever since I started talking to you. What exactly is it?"

"Oh." Sera rubbed the star. "It's… complicated? It's sort of been on my face ever since I was a kid. It was red back then. And it turned blue after I came to L.A."

"So it's _not_ a sticker?" I asked. I was still somewhat convinced she was bullshitting me.

Seraphine shook her head. "Not a sticker," she confirmed. And then a wild grin danced across her lips. "My turn."

My eyes furrowed in worry. "Should I be worried?"

"No." Seraphine crossed her legs. "How much do you weigh?"

"About one-fifty," I said. "And you?"

"Are you _really_ gonna ask me about my weight?"

"Not entirely."

Seraphine pouted. "Are you gonna judge me?"

"No, I won't." I smirked. "By the way, that's two extra questions you've used."

She pouted even stronger. "Jaemin!" She hit me lightly in the arm.

"Okay, okay," I surrendered. "But I really do want to know your weight. Not to be rude, but just to know."

"I'm one-hundred even," murmured Sera.

"That's a little—"

"You're being rude." She frowned.

"I'm sorry." _Why can't I keep my stupid mouth shut?!_

"But you're right." Seraphine sighed. "It's so hard for me to gain weight. And I've been wanting to start exercising, but I can't seem to find the time or energy to go to the gym, and it's just… Ugh."

"We could start going together," I offered. "I should probably start exercising too."

"Really?"

I nodded. "Why not?"

"Okay! We'll go later tonight."

"Uh…" I trailed off. "Sure."

"It's my turn still." Seraphine cleared her throat. "Your scar, how did you get it?"

"Around the same time my hair started to turn grey," I answered. "Has your hair always been pink?"

She nodded. "Ever since I started growing hair, it was pink." Seraphine hummed. "What's your favorite color?"

"I… Now that you mention it, I don't really have one. No colors really stand out to me."

"Shame."

"What about you?"

Sera grinned. "Blue."

"I figured it would have been pink."

"It's my hair. And while I love my hair, it's not exactly my most favorite color in the world." She smiled. "Have you ever dated anyone before?"

 _Oh. We're getting into it now._ "I have," I said, a little defensive. "But it was in high-school. We both knew that it wouldn't have lasted very long."

Seraphine sat in thought.

"How many people do you think I've dated?"

"Maybe four? Five? I don't know."

"Only two. One in middle school and the other in high-school, like I said."

"Have you ever… kissed anyone before?"

"Yes," I said.

"When?"

"That's two questions, Sera."

She shrugged. "Then you can ask me two questions."

"It was last year." Feeling a little bad if I waited for her to use more questions, I continued. "I went to a house party because some people from my class invited me. I didn't have anything else to do, so I figured that I would go and try to make some friends."

"Who was the friend?"

"Ekko."

She gasped. "True Damage Ekko?!"

I chuckled and nodded. "Yeah. Though, no one really knew he was working on that kind of thing until Riot released the teasers. Back then, he was just Ekko, a student and someone who rapped on the side."

"Wow. I can't believe you knew Ekko."

"I still know him," I corrected. "But he's… he's too busy to make time for me these days. So, I haven't talked to him in awhile."

Seraphine nodded. "I can imagine. Who did you kiss? Was she pretty?"

"Sivir Alahair," I said. "One year above us, vice-captain of the Jiu-Jitsu team. And she was very pretty."

"Was it a good kiss?"

I flushed. Rubbing the back of my head, I slowly answered. "It was… But nothing at all like how I wanted my first kiss to go."

"Oh." Seraphine pursed her lips. "She was your first?"

I nodded. "We were both a little drunk. We felt somewhat lonely and she asked me if I wanted to kiss her. I said yes."

"I'm sorry," Seraphine said.

"Don't worry. It wasn't your fault. Really, it was no one's fault. We were just two adults who wanted some comfort at the time. That's all it was."

"Did you two keep in touch after?"

I shook my head. "We both knew that it was just for that one moment. Anything more would have been pointless."

"I see." Seraphine straightened her posture. "Well, since I already know what you're going to ask, I'll just answer it now." She cleared her throat. "I have never kissed anyone."

"Oh." _Never would have guessed that._ "Interesting."

"That's it?! 'Interesting?!'"

I laughed. "Sorry. It's a little unexpected."

"Why?"

"Because I thought that someone would have at least kissed you on the cheek or something."

She pouted. "No one's done that either."

"Really?" I asked. I found it hard to believe. Seraphine was very… adorable.

Sera nodded. "It's awful. Anyways, is it my turn?"

I raised a brow. "I still haven't asked you my question."

"But I thought—"

I held up a finger. "You assumed." I smirked. "I was going to ask something else, but you thought I would ask if you had kissed anyone."

Sera's head dropped and she sighed. "Okay, what's your question?"

"What is your ideal type?"

Sera hummed in thought. "Someone taller than me," she began slowly. "Someone who sings or is musical, obviously. And someone who tries their best to better themselves each day, someone who really strives to live life to its fullest."

I nodded. "Those are pretty good." I waved a hand towards her. "Your turn."

"What about you? What's your ideal type?"

"Shorter than me," I said. "It'd be a little strange if I dated a girl taller than me."

"Not a fan of tall girls?"

"More like I wouldn't date them. But they're cool," I reasoned. "Musical, like you said. And… someone who isn't afraid to be themselves, someone that can show who they really are, even in front of people they don't know."

"Also good." Sera smiled. "I could probably say the same about myself."

I nodded. "Same goes for me."

Seraphine nodded.

"What made you take such an interest in music?"

Seraphine leaned back in her chair. She turned towards the desk and placed both of her hands atop it. "I think it was because I wanted to be on a stage some day," she said softly. "I've been singing since forever, making music since forever. I've always wanted my voice to be heard."

"Why?"

"Because…" She trailed off. "Because I think that, for the longest time, it wasn't heard. And when I realized that I had some level of talent, or skill, or whatever, I made the decision to never stop singing until my voice _was_ heard." She looked at me, her normally bright eyes slightly dimmed. "I probably sound really selfish right now."

"No," I said. "You sound like a real person."

Seraphine and I stared at one another for a time. Our eyes met, and she conveyed a thousand words to me in a moment. Sadness. Hope. Understanding. Happiness. Gratefulness.

And then Sera spoke up. "Thank you, Jae." She turned back towards me. She gathered her hands in her lap.

"It's your turn," I said. The nickname felt natural for me— even though Eunkyung was the only one who called me by it, it sounded different when Sera said it.

"Jae," she began in a tone so soft I could scarcely hear her. "Why do you use that old phone?"

I sat still, my entire body frozen over. "That's…"

"You said you would answer my questions truthfully."

"Sera—" I tried. My hands flew to the pockets of my pants as I clutched the old, grey flip phone.

But she was not having it. "Jae?"

I sighed deeply. "The phone… It was the first phone my parents ever gave me. It's sort of like a token. I guess."

"What…" Seraphine scooted closer to me. "What happened to your parents?"

My chest tightened. My vision fluttered and filled with spots. "Sera, please…" I looked at her, at least where I thought she was, and I desperately attempted to stave off the nausea that flooded my senses.

"Jae?" Sera stood up. "Jae, are you okay? Hold up two fingers if you're okay."

I held up two fingers. "Just give me a moment. Please, Sera. I'll tell you after."

"Okay." She sat back down. "How can I help?"

I held out my hand, realizing how sweaty and shaky my entire body was as I tried. "Hold… hold my hand," I choked.

Sera's hand grasped mine. And then she began to slowly caress the top of my thumb with her own. The tightening around my chest loosened, and my vision returned to normal as she continued her ministrations. Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, I managed to look straight at Sera.

"Thank you," I breathed.

She nodded. With her other hand, she grabbed a napkin and began to wipe my forehead of sweat. "Are you okay now?"

"Yeah." I readjusted myself and took the napkin from Sera. I wiped myself of sweat and smiled at Seraphine. "Thank you, Sera."

Sera nodded. Then, she looked down at our still-joined hands. "Do… do you still need this?"

I quickly released her hand. "Sorry."

"No, no. It's okay. If it helped you in any way at all, then I'm more than willing to do it again. Okay?" She returned to sitting normally on her chair. "Do you think you can answer my question now?"

I nodded slowly. "My parents died when I was young. And me and my sister have been living out on our own for the better part of seven years now. Almost eight years, I think."

Seraphine gasped. "I'm… I'm so sorry, Jae."

"It's okay, Sera." An easy smile managed its way onto my face. "But I appreciate the sentiment." And somehow, I actually found it in myself to tell her. Instead of running away like last time. I chuckled slightly. "I'm sorry that your partner has a lot of emotional baggage."

She shook her head. "Everyone has their baggage. Some just hide it better than others, I suppose."

It… it sounded like she was talking about herself for a moment. But I chose not to pry. Stretching my arms and arching my back, I let out a long groan of relief. "Well," I began. "I think that's enough of our little game for now. Let's get some work done?"

Seraphine grinned. Eagerly, she sat up and pulled her chair closer towards the desk, her finger already turning the computer on. "I was working on track ideas last night," she confessed. "I wrote down some lyrics in my notebook. Can you get it?" Sera pointed to the bright purple backpack that laid beside the refrigerator.

I walked over to it and opened up her backpack. "It's the one with stars on it, right?"

"Yes, it is."

I pulled the notebook from the backpack, handing it off to Sera while also grabbing another bottle of Milkis. "You know," I said, pulling the tab off of it. "We should probably get some snacks while we're at it."

"Do you want to grab something from the cafeteria?"

I stood up. "Why not go together?"

Seraphine momentarily froze. "Oh." She stood up as well. "Okay, we can do that too."

"Unless you want to stay here?"

"No, no." She folded up the blanket and placed it atop the chair she was sitting on. Sera smiled. "I'll go with you."

I grabbed the room key and my jacket before leaving the room.

Locking the door behind us, Seraphine and I made our way to the cafeteria.

**[;]**

Sera and I walked alongside one another to the cafeteria. The sky was alight with shades of pink, purple, and orange as the sun neared the end of its journey. A cool breeze skirted between us, causing Sera to shiver slightly. Her arms wrapped around herself.

"Cold?"

She nodded.

I took my jacket from my shoulders and draped it over her. "Sorry if it's a little thin."

Sera shook her head and slid her arms through the sleeves. "It's good. Nice and warm." She grinned.

I placed my hands into my pockets, fighting off the cold. "So, I guess we're not going to the gym tonight?"

She shrugged. "How late do you want to stay?"

"I have nothing to do for the next two weeks."

"Oh?"

"My boss gave me two weeks of paid vacation," I explained.

Sera whistled, impressed. "Why?"

"I told them about this project. They said I was due for a vacation anyways."

"But… it's a part time job?"

"I work forty hours a week."

"Really?!"

I nodded. "Have I not told you this?"

"No," she said. "You've never mentioned your job."

"Oh." I rubbed the back of my head. "I work at The Grand Vastaya. Been there ever since it opened, actually."

"I've heard of that place. It's supposed to be really high-end, right?"

"Not exactly high-end. Just popular."

"Do you get employee discounts?"

"I've… never actually eaten there before."

Seraphine's mouth dropped into a perfect 'O'. "Really?"

"Mmhm."

"Do…" She trailed off. "Do you want to go together?"

"Right— right now?!"

She shrugged. "Why not?"

I pointed to the cafeteria building that was right in front of us. "Because we're at the cafeteria already?"

Sera rolled her eyes. "Be a little impulsive, Jae. Let's head back to the room, get our stuff, and I'll drive us there."

At the mention of driving, I froze. "Sera, I can just bike there, it'll be fine—"

She shook her head. "You may have dodged my driving last time, but not now. Let me drive you. It's not a big deal."

"But—"

Sera rested her hand on mine. "Jae, I won't do anything dangerous. I won't do anything stupid. Please, trust me."

"I do trust you, it's just that—" _I don't trust other drivers_. I pulled my hand from hers. "You drive. I'll bike there. Just tell Orianna that I'm meeting up with you."

"Orianna?"

I nodded. "She's a blonde girl, a few inches taller than you. She'll be working the front."

Seraphine held my gaze for a time. "Do you really trust me?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper. She sounded so deathly afraid, so small, so insignificant.

"I do," I murmured. "I genuinely do. I wouldn't have told you about my parents if I didn't. Right, Ser?"

"Right. That's right," she breathed. Almost like she was trying to make herself believe in the words that she was saying. Her azure eyes met mine and she smiled widely. "So you'll be biking?"

I nodded. "It's not too far from here." Pointing my thumb back in the direction of the recording room, I continued. "Let's head back and get our stuff."

Seraphine nodded. She fell into step behind me, her arms still wrapped around my sweater.

Above us, the sun dipped below the horizon, creating a band of liquid gold above the sea.

**[;]**

I parked my bike where I usually parked it when I came in for work at The Grand Vastaya. When I slipped into the kitchen, Kayn spotted me first, his strange blue eyes widened.

"Jae—"

I shushed him. "Did a pink-haired girl come in?"

Kayn kept his eyes on the dish he was currently cooking. He stirred the small pot of butter. "She did. She's seated at table 15 right now. Why?" His eyes widened. "Are you two dating—"

I cut him off by slipping away once again, rushing towards the designated table. Now _that_ was a conversation I didn't need to have any time soon.

Seraphine sat in a booth. A blue light hung over the table and turned her pink hair to a light shade of pink. She held the menu in her hands and looked it over, her eyes wavering. I caught her gaze as I slid into the seat on the opposite side of the table from her.

"You got here pretty quick," she said.

"I'm a fast biker," I replied easily. Which was not wrong. After biking everywhere for the better part of ten years, my body had grown accustomed to it. And it was excellent exercise.

"Hello!" Lux chirped as she appeared in front of our table. "My name is Lux, I'll be your server for today— Jae!" She jumped. Her face lit up a brilliant shade of red. "I— I didn't think you would be back so soon."

"Hi, Lux," I replied. "We were hungry, so I figured that this would be a good place to eat." _Especially because I'd never actually eaten here before._

"Oh!" Lux oh-so-obviously looked Seraphine over. "Are you his girlfriend?"

Sera flushed. "No, no, no!" She protested, her hands rapidly waving side to side. "We're just partners for our class' midterm. And friends."

Lux hummed.

"Lux, please don't pry into our customers' personal lives."

She frowned. "Sorry. Jae."

I shook my head. "Don't worry about it." I smiled easily. "If you don't mind…"

"Right!" Lux cleared her throat. "What would you two like to start off to drink today?"

"I'll just have water," I answered.

"Me too," Seraphine echoed.

"Two waters," Lux repeated. She pocketed her order pad. "I'll be right back with those." She smiled, spun on her heel, and bounded away.

"She's interesting," Seraphine commented once Lux was a good distance away.

"Don't let her appearance fool you," I said. "Lux is _crazy_ smart. She graduated Valedictorian at her high-school, and is going to UCLA as an honor student."

Seraphine looked pleasantly surprised. "She definitely seemed like a bit of a klutz."

I chuckled. "A little clumsy. But she's a good girl."

"She's very pretty," Seraphine said.

I nodded. "So," I began. "Do you know what you want to eat yet?"

**[;]**

As expected, the food at The Grand Vastaya did not disappoint in the slightest. Despite having worked there, and having seen the food be prepared firsthand, it only enhanced its flavor instead of diminishing it.

Sera had ordered a dish with duck, saying that it reminded her of home. And I ordered something that resembled jangguk noodles; at least, judging from the picture, that was what it looked like. And when the dish came out, I was pleasantly surprised to find that my guess had been correct.

And it was _delicious_.

When Sera and I returned to UCLA, it was almost nine o'clock.

I met her in the recording room, since I gave her the keys to it after we'd finished eating. She sat in the chair, her blanket still encasing her in a cotton cocoon. As I pushed open the door, Sera glanced back and smiled at me.

"Let's make some music?" She asked.

I grinned widely. "Yeah."

Taking up the seat next to her as she powered up the computer, I reached for her guitar.

"Are you gonna play?"

"Is it okay if I do?"

She nodded. "I didn't know you played guitar."

"Oh." I tested the strings. "I play a lot of instruments."

"Like?"

"Piano, obviously. Guitar, violin, cello, and melodic percussion, so xylophones, marimbas, and such."

Seraphine hummed, impressed. She clicked on Ableton. As the program loaded, she turned to me. "How should we start?"

"How do you normally start?"

"The lyrics," she said. "Once I have the words, it's a lot easier to find the key and then the rest of the music from there. The lyrics also help me find the tone for the song."

"Then we can start there."

"But what about—"

I waved her off. "I can start anywhere. It really depends on how I'm feeling. But if you start from the lyrics, we can do that." I returned to the task of tuning her guitar. "What do you want to sing about?"

"I… I had this idea." Ableton finished loading, and Sera turned back to the computer. She stood up and grabbed a pair of AT4050s from the hardware drawer by the door. She began to plug them into the audio interface, a dual XLR Focusrite Scarlett that she brought into the recording room from her house. Quickly setting up the mics in front of the guitar and herself, Sera double-checked to make sure that the mics were providing the right amount of feedback into Ableton.

"Your idea?" I asked once I knew she was finished.

"It was a break-up song."

My brows rose in surprise. "Oh?" She never mentioned being in a relationship before, but then again, I don't think I asked her. "And here I thought you hadn't dated anyone before."

"I have. But it was a really sad relationship. We broke up on really bad terms."

"And you want to sing about it?"

She nodded. "I'm over it, but getting my thoughts out there would really help, I think."

"Okay, then you can sing about it." I pulled out my phone and jotted the idea of the song into my notes. "How many tracks should we do? And how do you want to split it up?"

"Well, there's a six track limit, right?"

"So you want to do two songs each, and then two duo songs?"

Sera shot a finger-gun at me. "Read my mind, Jae."

The new action surprised me. And also made me further realize how adorable Sera was. "Sounds good. I already have a few ideas for my songs."

"Great!" Sera bubbled. After double-checking the audio inputs for the microphones, she closed Ableton and opened up a blank notepad. Then, she began writing.

_I'm the one to blame,_

_I gave you my heart,_

_Willingly gave it away,_

_Should've known from the start._

_If I could get a taste_

_Of what we had when we started out;_

_It ain't the present no more,_

_It's time to let it go._

Not even ten whole minutes had passed before Sera pushed away from the computer, satisfied with what she had written.

"You work fast," I commented. I didn't doubt her talent for singing, but apparently Sera was also a gifted songwriter. Pumping out a verse in that short of a time span and being _satisfied_ with it was rare.

"Like I said," Seraphine began. She raised her arms above her head in a stretch. "I've had this idea in my head for a bit now." She glanced at me and smiled slightly.

"What?"

She grinned. "Do you need something to do?"

"I…" I realized that I was simply sitting in my chair, watching Sera work. I looked rather lost. I chuckled. "I'm content watching you work," I replied.

She rolled her eyes. "Maybe start working on your own tracks?"

I shook my head. "I'll find time for those. I want to work on your track first." I gave her my easiest smile.

"Mmm." Sera bit her lip. "Okay, fine," she surrendered. "But after we get this done, we're definitely working on yours."

I smirked. "That's fair." I tapped the front of her guitar with my knuckle. "So, I assume you wanted to use your guitar for this song?"

"Yeah. I think the vibe should be super bedroom pop, relaxed, and kind of chill."

"Even though it's a break up song?"

Sera shrugged. "It's what I'm comfortable with."

"Okay," I said. "Let's do that then."

Readjusting the position of my hands and arms around the body and neck of her guitar, I looked up at Seraphine. "Do you mind recording this really quickly? I think I have an idea for the chords."

Sera pressed the record button and I went to work laying down the chords for the song. They were soft, sweet, but also something that resembled sadness with a touch of hope. Sera's lyrics, sad as they were, also hinted at her feelings changing, at her letting the past go. And I wanted to represent that sonically.

Sera swayed to the rhythm of my strumming, and she hummed a melody that fit perfectly into the pocket and above the chords.

And as she sang, I became lost in her voice, in the music that we created together. The world, as it had every other time we sang together, melted away. In this small recording room, within its soundproof walls, Sera and I sang our hearts out, growing closer and closer with each passing moment.

**[;]**

Later that night, when my sister came home and laid her bag down in an empty chair at the dinner table, she looked tiredly in my direction.

"What did you cook?"

I raised a half-washed pot, the water and soap still dripping down its sides and onto my arm. "Jjigae."

Her eyes widened. "We had left over kimchi?"

I nodded. "For once." I tilted my head to the refrigerator. "It's in there. I already ate, so just toss it into the microwave."

Eunkyung stood up and walked over to the fridge, pulling it open. "You ate already?" She asked in the middle of reaching for the tupperware. "Where?"

"At Vastaya."

She stopped. "Really? You've made it a point to never eat there— always said it was too expensive."

I shrugged. "First time for everything, I guess."

"Did Seraphine eat with you?"

"I…" I sighed. "Yeah. She did."

Eunkyung continued past me, popped open the microwave, and placed the tupperware of food into it. After pressing a few buttons, the microwave started with a gentle hum. Eunkyung turned to me and crossed her arms. "How is she doing these days?"

"She's good. The project is going well too."

"How many pieces do you plan on having?"

"Six."

"Do you think you can do it?"

I stopped rubbing the side of the plate. The nearly scalding water fell through my fingers and into the sink. "I have to, don't I?"

The microwave beeped.

"Yeah," Eunkyung murmured. "You do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it from me. Please leave a comment if you enjoyed the chapter— they really mean a lot to me.
> 
> Love you.
> 
> Next Chapter: 11/6/2020


	3. III - The Weight of Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Thank you for reading and leaving comments and kudos. They really mean a lot! In case you haven't seen it yet, please join my Discord server.
> 
> discord.gg/zAvF7yX

**October 20th, 2019**

With Seraphine, the days passed at a foreign pace. Not slowly, not quickly, but somewhere between the two. Over the last week or so, we've worked day and night to get the EP finished. And between the two of us, we managed to finish up almost every song— arrangement. All that was left was the mixing, which would take a bit of time. But I was confident that Sera and I would be able to do it well, and do it quickly. The only issue, however, was agreeing on a final duet.

We had five of the tracks completed, which included Sera's solo songs, my solo songs, and the one duet we recorded.

Initially, I brought up the idea of covering a song.

"Let's just do a cover," I said.

"I don't think that's allowed," Sera said.

"The assignment never mentioned anything like that," I reasoned. "And people release covers as part of EPs all the time. Look at all of the Christmas albums over the years."

"Well, that's—" She pressed a finger to her lips in thought. "That's… totally fair. Okay. What song did you have in mind?"

"A DEAN song."

"DEAN?" She repeated. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "It's a good song for the EP. It juxtaposes your song. Instead of wishing for an old lover to go away, the song is about asking them to come over and trying to find comfort with them."

Sera placed her hands over the keyboard. "What is it called?"

"Come Over," I answered.

She quickly found the song and played it. A few minutes into the song, she turned to me. "Let's sing it."

And the final song of our EP was finished soon after.

**[;]**

**October 23rd, 2019**

As I looked through our tracklist on the computer, Seraphine came from behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Satisfied?" She asked jokingly. "I swear, Jae. This is the fifth time you've looked at this in the last ten minutes. Is there anything you want to change?"

I shook my head. "It's fine. I'm just… afraid? Nervous?"

"Well, you're—"

My phone began to buzz in my pocket, interrupting Seraphine. From the rhythm and the ringtone, I knew it was my sister. And so did she. I picked up the phone.

"Yes?" I asked.

" _Be home within the next hour. We're visiting them today._ "

"Today?" I asked. "But it's a week early."

" _I couldn't get that day off. Sorry, Jae._ "

I sighed. "Okay. I'll be home by then, Noona."

" _Thank you_."

I hung up the phone and nervously checked the time. It was almost six in the evening. And I didn't bring my bike today because I planned on being home a little later— after the traffic cleared up— and because I was feeling slightly lazy.

"Se— Sera," I began. "Do you mind d— driving me to my house?"

Sera's mouth dropped in surprise. "Are you sure?"

I slowly nodded. My hands found their way into my pockets. "My sister needs me to be home. We're… we're visiting my parents' graves. It's the anniversary of their deaths soon, and even though we go on the exact day, my sister couldn't get that day off and… " I trailed off, realizing that was over-explaining. And how winded I was.

Seraphine nodded once. "I understand. You don't need to talk about it unless you want to, Jae. Alright?"

"Yeah." I forced a smile. "Thank you, Sera."

"Do you need to leave now?"

"Yes."

"Okay," Sera said. She began to gather her belongings. I numbly did the same.

**[;]**

A few inches from the handle of the passenger-side door to Sera's car, my hand froze. Seraphine, who had already pulled her door open and stepped inside of the car glanced at me warily. Seeing the look on my face, she rushed to my side and placed one hand on mine while the other came to rest on my shoulder. "Jaemin?" She asked.

Steeling myself, I grabbed the door handle until my knuckles grew white.

"Jae," Sera said. "Are you sure you want me to—"

"I'm okay, Sera." I responded. "The sooner we get this done, the better I'll feel."

She stared at me for a time. But she eventually released me and returned to her side of the car.

I popped open the door and took a seat. My hands drifted to my pockets. I stared out of the windshield, and a wave of nausea surged through me. I felt sick, even with simply sitting in the car. I glanced at Sera. "Let's… let's go."

She had her finger on the Start Engine button. "Are you sure?"

"Sera," I choked. "Please."

Sera started the car. The engine rumbled to life.

My breath left me again. I clutched the sides of my chair for dear life. Just like I had all those years ago—

"You have amaxophobia?" Sera asked.

"I… I do."

"Is it…" She trailed off.

_Don't say it. Don't say it. I know you know, but please, for the love of god, don't say it out loud._

Sera, seemingly hearing my thoughts, closed her mouth and turned her attention to the road. "What can I do to help make this easier, Jae?"

"Drive safe. Very. Very safe." Sera looked like a safe driver. I trusted her. I _forced_ myself to trust her. Because if I wasn't going to get a ride from her, I would have to walk home. And walking home would not have made me feel any better.

"Okay," Seraphine agreed. "I am a safe driver." She giggled. "Angelic, actually."

Her laugh brought some life back into me. "Really?" I checked. "You sure?"

Sera rolled her eyes. "Have some faith in me, Jae."

Her carefree attitude should have scared me, but it actually comforted me. "Okay. I trust you," I murmured.

She placed her phone in my hand. "Do you mind typing your address into my phone?"

I nodded and entered it into the GPS app. Closing it, I noticed that her home screen was a picture of herself, staring up at the camera while cutely clutching a white, mouse-like cat.

I handed it back to Sera. "I didn't know you had a cat."

"Oh. Wow. I… Have I really not talked about Bao at all?"

"Bao? As in the steamed rice thing?"

Sera giggled, nodding. "Yeah. He looks like one, right?"

"I…" I trailed off. It looked closer to a mouse than a steamed rice bun. "I guess?"

"I'll introduce him to you one day." Sera placed a hand on the stick shift. "Ready to go?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

Carefully, Sera began to reverse the car.

My breath hitched.

As she returned the shift to the drive gear and pressed on the gas pedal, the car eased forward. A strange tingling sensation built on the tips of my fingers and roiled up my hand, up my arm, and to my shoulders. My nerves felt numb. Dulled. Like someone had stuck me in an ice bath for days on end.

"Jae." Sera's voice warmed me. "I'm going to start driving. If you need me to stop, pull over, or anything, let me know, okay?"

"Just go," I managed. "Just go there and don't stop." I shut my eyes as tight as I could. If I couldn't see, then I— I shook my head. That was dangerous. It was the passengers job to catch anything that the driver might have missed. If I couldn't see, I was being an irresponsible passenger.

Tearing my eyes open, I glanced at Sera. "I can do this," I urged. "I have to overcome it sometime, right?"

Sera nodded enthusiastically. "You do."

"And you'll be there to help?"

She grinned. "You promised me that you would stick around. And I promise to do the same for you. For anything. For everything."

"Friends?"

"Friends."

**[;]**

As the car pulled into its spot within the parking garage, I immediately pushed the door open and leapt out. The yellow lights that hung above me blinked like blurry stars. My legs collapsed beneath me, my nails pressing, digging into the asphalt like it was dirt— the precious, oh-so-precious, ground easing my beating heart. The numbness that wormed its way throughout every inch of my body retreated, deterred by the comfort of the earth.

Every second in the car was painful. Excruciating. Torturous. A million years passed in that twenty-minute drive. Every turn of the wheel, every push of the pedal, every creak of the breaks, every bump on the road, wrenched my painful past to the forefront of my mind.

But it would have been worse had it been anyone else.

Seraphine, even while keeping her eyes trained on the road, took moments to glance at me, to check in on me. She addressed me calmly; she repeatedly asked me if I was okay, if I needed her to pull over, if I wanted her to slow down at all, or if I needed anything at all from her.

She filled every request to the best of her ability.

While I was on the ground, Seraphine had turned off her car and locked it, the near-silent beep of the alarm echoing throughout the garage.

"Jae?" She asked, some distance away.

Slowly, I rose from my knees. After wiping my forehead of sweat with the back of one hand, I stuffed both my hands in my pockets. "I'm okay."

Sera tilted her head. Part of her hair fell to the same side. "Are you sure?"

I nodded once. "I'm sure." Glancing back to the interior of her car, I smiled slightly. "Can you unlock your car, I need to get my things."

"Oh!" Sera fumbled for her keys. Unlocking the car with a push of a button, she quickly spoke up. "I'm sorry! I forgot."

I chuckled, pulled open the passenger-side door, and grabbed my things from her car. "No worries, Ser."

"Ser?"

"Uh." I closed the door. "Too short?"

She shook her head and smiled. "It's cute."

"Any preference towards either nickname?"

Sera shrugged. "Either one is fine." She locked her door, and stepped up beside me. "So, where is your apartment?"

"Number 624," I replied. I glanced at her. "Are you coming with us?"

She smiled. "Well, I texted my boss that I wouldn't be able to make my shift today…" Sera trailed off.

 _Somehow, I should have seen this coming._ "I'm okay with you coming along," I said, trying to hide my hesitance. "But I'm not really sure if my sister—"

"Well, we can ask her when she gets here, right?"

"That's..." I sighed. "Fair," I surrendered. Getting through to Sera was impossible. And I knew she had good intentions, but sometimes it was a little difficult.

As she and I rode the creaking elevator up to my floor, Sera stood shoulder-to-shoulder with me. She had grown increasingly touchy since I asked her to drive me home. Not that I minded physical contact with her. It felt a little out of character.

"Sera?" I tried. "You don't have to try so hard."

She looked up at me. With hesitance written across her face, she looked back to the ground. "I… Are you sure?"

"I'm sure, Sera." Placing my hand on her shoulder, I continued. "I really appreciate it. Really. You've been a ton of help."

Sera smiled softly."Really?"

I patted her shoulder with my hand reassuringly. "Yes, really."

The elevator dinged. The doors pulled open, and Sera and I stepped out onto the hallway. It was then that I realized where I was. Where Sera was.

She was in my apartment complex. My awful, shitty apartment complex.

The hallway was as much of a mess as it usually was. The edges of the hall, near the wall, clumps of dust and small piles of trash gathered. The floor itself, which was normally stark white, was streaked with shoe stains, spills, and the remnants of mostly finished cigarettes. The light yellow walls were scratched with use. Several trash bags stood outside of each door. One room in particular had an entire trash bag dedicated to cans of beer and bottles of vodka. As we passed by that room, the scent of alcohol and drugs snuck beneath the door and filled the hallway.

_Fucking Darius and Draven._

I rushed to my room, walking as quickly as I could but still glancing back at Sera to make sure she didn't fall too far behind. She stuck close to me, her hands drawn in front of her. I stopped. Sera bumped into me.

"Jae—"

"Walk in front of me," I said. I didn't want to meet her eyes.

"Why?"

"For safety," I answered. "I want to make sure you're safe."

"Oh. Okay." Sera smiled slightly. "It's 624, right?"

I nodded.

She continued walking down the hall and stopped in front apartment 624. The door looked the same as all the others, save for the word "Son" written in Korean beneath the numbers.

I unlocked the door and stepped inside, Sera following me shortly after.

"I'm home!" I called as I closed the door and locked it. I undid my shoes and placed them in the shoe rack. "Noona, are you home?"

Sera mimicked me, picking a free spot to place her own shoes.

"Just washing up!" She called back.

Our apartment was small, but it was serviceable. After the front door, there was a small hallway that led to the kitchen and dining area. The black and grey countertop of the kitchen formed a J-shape. The white refrigerator stood to the immediate right after the hallway ended. Shockingly, the sink had no dishes, and our dishwasher wasn't running either.

Beyond the kitchen, on the short-end of the J, was our small dining area. A wooden, black table for four that was closer to the right of the dining area. On its right was a large window covered with tall, slate gray curtains and white blinds, and a simple grey rug rested beneath the table.

Opposite the end of the hallway was my sister's room, the door slightly ajar.

"This is my room," I said, stopping at the closed door closest to the front door. I pointed at the final door which was adjacent to mine. "And that's the bathroom. Eunkyung should be finishing up soon. I opened my door and quickly placed my backpack at the foot of my bed. Jogging past Sera and to my kitchen, I reached up and pulled open a few of the black cupboards. "Did you want any snacks?"

She shook her head. "I'm okay." Approaching me, she stood with her back against the counter. "I guess… we'll talk after?"

I nodded once. I hadn't told Seraphine about my living conditions at all. And while my sister and I tried our best to keep our own apartment clean and neat, the other tenants didn't— that was something we couldn't really control.

My sister stepped out of the bathroom, her long, silky blackhair wrapped up in a towel. She wore a pair of white shorts and a white tank-top and had her toothbrush in her mouth, looking not at all presentable.

Eunkyung glared straight into my soul. " _Jae. You didn't tell me that we had guests._ "

I swallowed. "I… Uh…" I bowed my head deeply. "I'm sorry."

Seraphine was quick to mimic me. "I'm sorry too!"

Eunkyung sighed. "It's okay. Get up you two." Eunkyung glanced between Seraphine and I, and then she raised a brow. "Let me finish getting ready, and then I'll introduce myself properly."

She returned to the bathroom to finish brushing her teeth, and then she ran off to her room to change.

"She's.. interesting," Sera commented.

"Interesting?"

"Mmhm."

After a few minutes of silence, Eunkyung returned from her room. She left her hair down as it fell over her black blazer— with a dark dress shirt tucked into a pair of black slacks. Eunkyung looked Sera over.

"Hi," Sera said. "I'm Yeng Seraphine, Jae's friend."

Eunkyung nodded. "He's talked about you. I'm Son Eunkyung— Jae's older sister."

Seraphine flushed. "He's— he's talked about me?"

I sighed.

"He has." Eunkyung grinned. "Actually talks about you every time we eat dinner."

"Really?!"

"He _won't_ shut up about you."

Sera glanced at me. Her cheeks were unbelievably bright with red.

"Eunkyung," I began. "I'm gonna change. Do… do you have spare clothes for Sera?"

"Is she coming?"

I nodded.

Eunkyung motioned for Seraphine to follow her. As the pink-haired woman began to follow behind my sister, I walked over to my room. Seraphine's first meeting with my sister hadn't gone too bad. But then again… they hadn't actually spoken to each other, they joked around for a bit. Leave it to Eunkyung-noona to expose how often I talked about Seraphine.

I changed into the same clothes I wore every year— a white dress shirt tucked into a pair of black slacks. Taking a simple, light grey jacket with me, I stepped back out into the living room and waited for Seraphine and Eunkyung to come back.

When Seraphine left my sister's room, she looked nothing like the Seraphine that I knew. The Sera I knew dressed in bright or neutral colors, in a strange mixture of both baggy and tight-fitting clothes. But Sera, now, wore clothes similar to my sister— a simple black t-shirt paired with a grey cardigan and grey pants.

"She and I are pretty close in size. Except for the shirts," Eunkyung commented as she shut the door to her room.

Already knowing what she was referencing, I sighed and pressed my palm to my forehead. "Okay," I said after I had gotten over myself. "Let's get going. They've waited long enough, I think."

Eunkyung nodded and made for the door. "Don't forget the flowers."

As she passed me, Sera followed, stopping beside me.

"I… I feel bad for being here," she whispered.

I shook my head. "My sister and I appreciate the company." _And I'm sure they will too._ I smiled softly. "Let's get going."

**[;]**

As I clicked my seatbelt into place, I noticed Eunkyung glancing worriedly at me.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"I am," I replied. "Really. I am," I continued upon realizing just how unsure her countenance was.

"Okay."

The car started with a soft rumble, and we were off.

The drive was silent, save for the muffled sound of instrumental music that came from the speakers. Within my lap, the flowers— a bouquet of violet asters, pale forget-me-nots, and pale pink hyacinths— gently shook to the rhythm of the bumps in the road.

"Have you told her?" Eunkyung suddenly asked.

"About?"

"Our parents."

"I…" I trailed off. "Not the specifics."

Eunkyung hummed. She glanced up at her rearview mirror, likely catching Sera's gaze. Then, she looked back to the road. "Our parents died in a car accident."

Seraphine sucked in a breath of air. I could hear the wince from the front seat.

"It was a little under eight years ago," continued Eunkyung. "They died on October 31st."

"I'm sorry," Sera breathed.

"It wasn't your fault. Don't apologize," I interjected.

Sera pursed her lips and nodded. "Then… we're visiting their graves, right?"

"Yeah." Gently, like a pinch of sunlight that peeked through a cloudy sky, a smile crept across Eunkyung's lips. "I think they'd be excited to meet you."

"Re— really?"

My sister nodded. "It's the first time they're seeing someone other than us. And you're Jae's friend." Eunkyung chuckled. "Our parents always thought that Jae would be alone his whole life."

"It was _you_ who thought that," I corrected. "It was hard for me to make friends when I was younger."

"It still is, isn't it?" Eunkyung asked. "You're not even friends with the girls at your work, even though you've been there for five years."

"They're co-workers!"

"I'm friends with all of my co-workers," Eunkyung countered.

"Oh? Then when was the last time you had dinner with them?"

She froze. "Well… Just because I don't eat dinner with them doesn't mean I'm not their friend."

"That's exactly—"

Seraphine's laugh cut through the air. It was infectious, causing Eunkyung and I to break out into laughter as well. It was pleasant— having someone new to talk to, especially around my sister. It was refreshing.

I hadn't seen my sister laugh or smile in front of someone like that in awhile. A long while. It felt strange, almost. Not the fact that my sister was happy, but the fact that I wasn't on the verge of breaking down inside of a car.

Which wasn't to say it was Sera's fault. It wasn't. Had she not been there… I shuddered at the thought.

"There's more to it than that," Eunkyung said to Sera, referring to what she said about our parents. "But I… I think Jae would rather tell you that himself."

Sera glanced at me.

I nodded simply, fighting back my unsteady heartbeat.

The rest of the car ride was enjoyable, as we talked about things that weren't so heavy on our conscience. It was mostly reminiscing— which meant my sister revealed as much of my past as she could during the remaining twenty minutes of the car ride.

"Did you know he used to be terrible at singing?"

"Really?"

Eunkyung nodded. "He really was. We all feared he was tone-deaf, but when he picked up the piano…" She smiled fondly. "Jae was always good at the piano."

"He won the Cyrus Recitals pretty often," Sera agreed.

"He was better than that, actually."

"Noona—"

"Really?!"

Eunkyung grinned. "He made Liszt and Chopin sound like _Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star_."

I flushed. "I'm really not that good."

"Are you sure?" Sera asked. "You've done some pretty amazing things for the EP."

"Oh, speaking of the EP," Eunkyung began. "Do you mind telling me anything about it? Jae absolutely refuses to tell me anything."

"He hasn't said a word?" Seraphine sounded like she couldn't believe it.

Eunkyung parked the car in the spot closest to the graveyard. I unbuckled my seatbelt and stepped out of the car, the flowers shaking gently in my hands and my jacket slung over my shoulder. I walked over and opened Sera's door for her, glancing around at the near empty parking lot.

Cautiously, she stepped out as well.

My sister was already a ways ahead of us, a stiff breeze blowing her blazer aside as she eagerly walked towards our parents.

"Is she that fast every year?" Seraphine asked. She drew her arms together, hugging herself to fight off the cold.

"She is," I replied. For a moment, I debated offering to hug her, but—

Seraphine stepped close to me. Our arms brushed against each other.

"Cold?"

She nodded.

I took my jacket and draped it over her shoulders, patting them slightly.

"Do you want to hug me too?"

I froze, my hands still on her shoulders. It wasn't so much what she said, but the environment she said it in that caught me off guard. "I… uh." I sighed. "Timing, Sera."

"Oh." She rubbed the back of her head with the sleeve of my jacket. "I'm sorry," she mumbled.

I shook my head. "It's okay." Looking back to the entrance of the cemetery, I smiled slightly. "C'mon. It's time you met my parents."

**[;]**

Sera and I found my sister kneeling before a pair of headstones, both wreathed in vines, and bundles of flowers already beginning to surround them. She had her hands clasped together, the tips of her fingers resting on her lips as she mumbled something.

"They're early this year," I said to Eunkyung, nodding to the flowers.

A few moments later, she stood up and brushed the dirt and grass from her knees. "That they are." She looked to Sera with a small smile. "Introduce yourself, Sera." Eunkyung waved a hand to the headstones.

Each one was engraved in a beautiful script, befitting of my parents. The one on the left read:

_Son Jungwon_

_Music Rings True, Eternally_

_January 25, 1968 — October 31st, 2013_

Beside my father's headstone was my mother's, and it read:

_Amelia Rose_

_The Voice of an Angel_

_January 25, 1965 — October 31st, 2013_

"They were born on the same day?" Seraphine asked.

Eunkyung chuckled. "Yup. Those two wouldn't shut up about being 'destined to be together'."

Seraphine and I glanced at each other.

"Wait," Eunkyung began, looking between the two of us. "Don't tell me that you have the same birthday too?"

I nodded once. "It's a cool coincidence," I said. "Not that it means anything."

"Right." Eunkyung said.

I rolled my eyes. "Anyways. Sera," I continued, turning to the headstones. "This is my Mom and Dad." I waved a hand at the headstones. "Mom and Dad, this is Seraphine." My other hand waved at Sera. "My friend."

Seraphine glanced at the headstones, then at the floor, then at Eunkyung and I, then back at the headstones. "I…"

"Don't be shy." I nudged her forward slightly and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Just introduce yourself."

"Hi." She waved. "I'm… I'm Seraphine, like Jae— I mean, Jaemin said. I'm twenty-one, I love singing and writing music, and I'm honored to be friends with your son."

I smiled, satisfied with her response. And I was certain that Mom and Dad were too.

However, now that I thought about it, this was incredibly awkward for Sera. Introducing yourself to headstones wasn't exactly normal behavior, but she did well. And it made me happy that Sera was trying so hard for me. And Eunkyung.

"I'm sorry if it's a little awkward," I said, verbalizing my thoughts.

She shook her head. "It's not too awkward. I talk to my Nai-Nai like this too."

"Oh. She's…" I trailed off.

"She passed when I was very young," she continued. "But I have fond memories of her. I'll tell you about it another time, maybe." Sera smiled easily.

"Maybe?"

"Okay," she said with a grin. "When we have time in the studio again."

"Sounds good."

"I'm gonna head back to the car," Eunkyung said. In that moment, I realized that I had entirely forgotten she was here. She held out her hand for the flowers.

"I'll put them down this year," I said.

Eunkyung's hand retreated to the pockets of her slacks. "Good. You two stay safe. Don't take too long. Got it?"

"It'll just be ten minutes," I confirmed.

And with that, my sister began to walk back towards the car.

"Did she already finish praying?" Sera asked.

"I don't think she had anything else to say this year," I said. I kneeled before the headstones, placed the flowers beside me, and clapped my own hands together.

_Hello, Mom. Dad. You two know that I've been pursuing music for some time now, and normally I don't talk to you guys about how that's been going. But this year feels like it might be the year I finally get started. The project I've been assigned, if I do well, will allow me to release an EP from Universal Music Group. Crazy. I know. I can hardly believe it myself._

_But besides that, I… I think I've made my first real friend._

_She already introduced herself to you. Her name is Seraphine, and she's… she's amazing. Incredibly talented, passionate, and determined. Working with her has been an absolute pleasure, and every moment I spend with her has been amazing._

_Every time we record, or just even just play together, has been surreal. It felt like the world just… disappeared. Like nothing else besides us, in that moment, together, mattered. Like the music we were making was more important than anything else in our lives._

_It was amazing._

_She's amazing._

_Other than that, I'm still working at The Grand Vastaya. Xayah and Rakan have been incredibly helpful, as always. I've been thinking of getting a third part-time job, but I know you would yell at me for working too hard, so I've been avoiding it._

_That's it for now, I think._

_Love you both._

_I miss you both._

_Please watch over Eunkyung and me for the next year. And Seraphine too. She'll appreciate it._

My shoulders feeling a little lighter, and a small smile finding its way onto my lips, I gathered the flowers and placed them between both of the headstones. They laid there, gently quivering in the wind, sheltered by my mother's and father's resting places. It was past sundown now, and small lamps that rested on either side of the cemetery walkways flicked on. They illuminated the cemetery in a warm, calm light.

"Are you okay?" Seraphine asked.

"Yeah." I stood up. Placing my hands into my pockets, I began to walk back towards the car. "What about you?"

"I'm okay." She stepped up beside me. "Do other people bring flowers to your parents?"

"Mmhm. They were really popular musicians. But every year there's been less and less flowers."

Sera frowned. "That's really sad."

I shrugged. "It's just the way things work. Besides, I like the quiet."

"Even though you're a musician?"

I chuckled, nudging her with my elbow slightly. "Good one."

She mock-bowed, bringing her head lower and flourishing her hand. "I try." With a giggle, she readjusted herself. For a few moments, she was silent. But her gaze would flick between me and the path ahead of us like she was debating on speaking up. Eventually, however, she did. "Jae. I've been meaning to ask…"

"Hm?"

"Your parents. The car accident. Your sister mentioned that there was more to it?"

I forced myself to not freeze up. I had expected her to ask me about it, but not so soon. Not this early. "It's… Yeah. There is." I stopped in the middle of the pathway and faced Seraphine. "What did you want to know?"

"What happened? How did it happen?" She asked frankly.

"Do you know what my sister used to do? Before her current job?"

Sera shrugged. "Something musical, I assume."

"It was seven— actually, eight— years ago," I began. "Eunkyung had her first live performance as a jazz pianist. We were really happy for her. _I_ was really happy for her." At the memory, I laughed softly. "I was her biggest fan, I think. When I saw her performance, I was moved. Her entire band was dressed up for Halloween." As I reminisced, I realized just how ridiculous it sounded. "I mean, can you imagine an entire jazz band dressed up as characters from Dr. Seuss, all playing out of their mind. It was amazing."

"It sounds like it was quite the experience."

"You have no idea. It was beautiful. Perfect." I pursed my lips. "When she finished, we went to congratulate her. And after that, we separated and began to dr— drive home." I mentally cursed my stutter. Steeling myself, I continued. "Most of the drive was normal. Mom and Dad talked about the concert, I occasionally chimed in and gave my own input. I… I remember Mom mentioning something about feeling bad that Eunkyung's concert was on Halloween. And then I said that I was sure Eunkyung was okay with it. I mean, that was probably me just projecting onto my sister— I wanted to be on that stage alongside her so badly. You have no idea…"

As I continued, my vision fluttered slightly. A numbness settled between my teeth and my tongue and my gums. I could feel my words slurring together. I struggled to put words together.

"Anthen we stoppedata light. It wassred." The words dripped out my mouth like leaking water. "Thenit turned green. Anthen Dad pressedon thegas."

Sera took a cautious step towards me. "Jae—"

The numbness grew into a dull sting that flooded my mouth."Mom screamed. Atleast I think shedid. She looked toherright. Before screaming: 'Stopstopstopstopstop," I echoed numbly.

My vision darkened until I could see nothing but a small, faint, flickering light.

A hand touched my shoulder.

"Let me go."

The hand did not move.

"Let me _go_."

"I—"

"Let. Me. GO!" I shoved the hand off. "Where's my Mom?"

"Jae—" The voice tried.

"Where is my Mom? Where is my Dad?"

My heart hammered in my chest; it thumped against my ribs. My brain roiled; every thought coiled around itself, creating a mental maze of cords, memories, thoughts I wish would just go away. Those thoughts scorched my mind; they numbed my arms and hands and chest; they chilled my spine, freezing every vein on my body.

"Where are they?"

"Jae, I don't know—"

"Where is my Mom? Where is my Dad?" I cried. "WHERE ARE MY PARENTS?" My voice shattered, the words cracking like the metal of a broken car. I collapsed onto my knees and clutched my face with my hands.

Even though I desperately fought back the tears that I had held back for years, they still threatened to break free. They treaded the edge of my eyes— pushing against the lids with the slightest of stinging pressures. If I couldn't hold them back now, they would fall. Ceaselessly. Roughly. And painfully.

I repeated the mantra that I drilled into my head:

 _You can't. Not right now. You don't have the time to cry; you can't_ _ **afford**_ _to cry right now. Save it for later. Find your peace. Find your calmness. Find your serenity._

And my vision clarified. The tears retreated, sufficiently threatened by the words.

I looked up at Seraphine.

She looked… afraid. "Jae… I—" Her soft voice sounded like broken glass— like every word hurt to say.

I stood up and turned my back to her. "Let's get going."

Her hand brushed against mine. "But—"

"You got what you wanted, right?" I replied, not even trying to hide the venom in my tone.

Sera winced. "That's not exactly how I would put it."

I clenched my jaw and bit back a terrible retort. "Sure. But we should get going. Eunkyung is waiting for us."

And I left Seraphine alone in the middle of the pathway; the lights a little dimmer, the stars a little darker, and the gap between us growing wider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst begins? Anyways, please leave a comment with your thoughts if you enjoyed the story.
> 
> Love you.
> 
> Next Update: 11/13


	4. IV - Seeking Forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy.

**October 29th, 2019**

"You're avoiding her."

"I'm not."

"Jae."

"I'm not avoiding her."

Eunkyung set down her chopsticks. She snapped her fingers to draw my attention. "Jae. You've been cooped up in your room since last week. You haven't attended Laurent's class, and you've been home before dinner every day."

"The project is basically done," I attempted to reason. "There's no point in seeing her if there's nothing we have left to work on."

"Your presentation for the EP?"

"Our parts are sectioned off. We both know what to do."

"And it doesn't it all bother you that you haven't seen her in a week?"

"We didn't exactly part on the best of terms."

"You're telling me." Eunkyung leaned back in her chair. "I was the one who drove you two back, remember? I could literally feel the tension on my skin."

"So then you know why I'm avoid— I mean, not purposefully looking for her."

"I can guess," Eunkyung replied. "But you still haven't actually told me."

"I…" I bit my lip. "I told her about the car accident."

"What did she say?"

I hesitantly shrugged. "I didn't really give her the chance to properly respond."

"What did _you_ say?" Eunkyung tried.

"I asked her if she got what she was looking for."

"Word for word?"

"Word for word," I repeated.

She sighed. "You know that she's just trying to help, right?"

"By prying into every aspect of my life? That's not exactly helpful."

Eunkyung rolled her eyes. "I understand. Really, I do. But you wouldn't have been responsive otherwise. Am I wrong?"

"I—"

"You're not exactly the most open person, Jae. And I'm saying that as your _sister_." Eunkyung pointed her chopsticks at me. "She has good intentions."

"Yeah. I know."

"Then you know why she's that pushy."

"Does the end really justify the means?"

Eunkyung raised a brow. "In this case? Yes."

I let out a long sigh. "This is the part where I tell you that I'm thankful for your wisdom, right?"

Eunkyung smirked. "It's good to know that we have such good communication."

"I hate you."

"I love you too." Eunkyung pointed at the plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. "Now pass me the plate before I actually start scolding you."

**[;]**

As I laid in my room staring up at the ceiling, I toyed with my phone. I tossed it up into the air, caught it, and flicked the screen up to check for any notifications. Not that I expected there to be any. Eunkyung had already left for work. And she also informed me that she wouldn't be home until late tonight.

It was only noon. I had nothing to do all day. The EP, as I told Eunkyung, was entirely finished. I listened to every song over and over again, double-triple checking the mix for any flaws that might have eked through my keen ears. In the short time we were allotted, it was about as perfect as an EP could get.

As for the presentation, I had practiced it well enough.

Public speaking wasn't my strength. But I had to give it my best shot for tomorrow. After all, nearly half the grade hinged on the presentation. If I didn't perform well, Seraphine's grade would also be impacted.

I sat up and raised my phone to my face. Clicking a few buttons, I stared at my text history with Sera. It was nothing but a week straight of her texts. With no responses from me.

_Hey, I'm free after class. Do you want to practice our presentation?_

_Hi. Are you doing okay? Just letting you know that I'm always here for you._

_Hey! I put some more drinks and stuff in our recording room. I'll be there from the end of class until whenever. Feel free to drop by!_

_Hope you're doing well— practice for the presentation is going decently so far._

_I'm really struggling with some parts. I hope you're not struggling as much as me._

_Thanks for outlining our sections. I managed to get today and tomorrow off. Message me anytime you want to practice._

_Grrr… I feel like you purposely gave me the hard parts! It's okay. You're probably really stressed out right now. I'll do my best to learn it!_

_Our presentation is tomorrow. Don't forget! Let's do our best!_

This was not the first time I had looked at these texts.

And each time I did, regret, guilt, and an incredible sadness flooded every inch of my being. It hurt. It hurt me in so many ways that it would be impossible to describe.

But for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to face her.

Every time my fingers grazed the keypad, I stopped.

Every time I tried to write out a response, I froze.

I closed my phone.

I rubbed the tears that pricked my eyes.

A moment later, it buzzed.

_I'm at your apartment. Can you open the door?_

I shot to my feet. I moved without thinking. Before I knew it, I was standing before my front door and pulling it open.

And for the first time in nearly a week, I met eyes with Seraphine.

She smiled. "Hi. It's been awhile."

**[;]**

Seraphine sat on a stool on the other side of the kitchen counter. Both of her hands wrapped around the yellow mug of black tea that I served her. Today, she wore a large blue and purple hoodie with a pair of simple black leggings. She placed her backpack on one of the dining table chairs.

Her eyes flicked between the black countertop, the bright yellow mug, and me.

"So—"

"I—"

We both stopped.

"You can—"

"I'm sorry—"

We stared at each other. I waved a hand for her to go.

"How…" She trailed off. "How has your practice for the presentation been going?"

"It's been going." I intertwined my fingers.

"Going?"

"I'm awful at public speaking," I said honestly.

"Do you want to try practicing together then?" She offered. "I might be able to help—"

"Sera," I interjected. "Why are you really here?"

"I…" She looked up at me. "I just wanted to see you. See how you were doing."

"I'm doing fine."

"And— and to work on the presentation," she pressed. Sera looked to the side, one hand rubbing her arm. "It'll be more efficient if we work together than if we were to do it alone. Plus, there's a lot of the EP that the slides don't cover— like how we decided on the concept, or the amount of songs, or the content of each song, or…" When she realized that she was rambling, Sera stopped. Her gaze met mine. "You… you don't want me here, huh?"

"It's not that. It's just that it was a little unannounced."

"Besides that, Jae." She rubbed the sides of her mug. Steam floated from the unmoving black tea. "We didn't exactly part on the best of terms last week."

"Wonder why."

Seraphine glared at me. "Jae, I'm trying to—"

"I know. I get it. But I don't want to hear it."

She stood up. "What do you mean?"

"I'm just tired of it, Sera." I pushed off of the countertop and began to walk towards my room. "Just see yourself out."

She stomped towards me. "Don't think you can just walk away from this, Jae."

I put a hand on the doorknob. "Looks like that's exactly what I'm doing." I wrenched the door open, but as I tried to slam it shut, Seraphine blocked it with her body.

"You're being unfair," she protested.

I slammed my fist into the door, creating a visible dent in the wood. "And you're overstepping your boundaries! Again! It's all you ever do."

Seraphine pushed past me and stumbled into my room. "Because you never want to talk."

"Because I don't want to fucking _talk_!" I roared. "I want to solve my problems, Sera. I want them gone. I want to be able to sit in a car and not feel every inch of my _goddamn_ brain breaking."

"But that won't happen unless you talk about it."

"I've tried. I've tried before, and I tried last week." Desperately fighting back my anger, I clenched my jaw, my hands tensing and tightening so hard my knuckles grew white and my nails cut into my palm. I tried to reason with myself— to calm myself down. "But it didn't work."

"It did," Sera tried.

"It didn't." I motioned between the two of us. "We're arguing and I haven't gotten better."

She shook her head. "It's not that you're not getting better. You're just angry."

"I…" I trailed off, feeling the anger spill away. It struck me then; just how foreign it felt to be angry. _Furious_. And that foreignness wasn't pleasant either. It felt wrong. And when Sera called it out, it felt like I was caught in the middle of doing something immoral.

A wave of guilt surged through me. I swallowed. "I'm sorry."

"I—"

"Please leave, Sera."

"But—"

I pushed past her, already moving towards the front door.

"Let me _talk_!" She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back. I underestimated her strength, and the sheer force of the pull nearly caused me to collide with her.

We stood mere inches from each other.

Sera looked up at me, her eyes pleading.

I glanced away.

"Jae," she began. "I… Please tell me what's going on. _Please_. I… I don't know what's wrong, and I can't help if I don't know—"

"That's just it, Seraphine. You want to know. You _always_ want to know. You always want to be a part of something."

She looked at me and asked, "Is that so bad?"

"It is when you go too far. And you always go too far."

"I'm doing my best to help, Jae."

"Sometimes, Sera, people don't always want or need help."

"So what?" She countered. "I'm just supposed to stand there and do nothing?"

"Exactly."

"That— that— that doesn't make any sense!" She shouted, her voice reverberating within the living room. "People always want help, and even if they say they don't, they do!"

At those words, something shattered my composure. They struck me, they sundered every inch of my rational mind and sent me spiraling into an abyss of endless anger.

"That's not true, Sera!" I roared. "Stop acting like you know what I'm thinking."

"But we—"

"Just met. Three fucking _weeks_ ago. We're _friends_ , Sera. Not star-crossed lovers. Not partners for life. We're not destined to be together, to be friends forever." I stepped towards her, feeling fury spread like fire through my veins.

Sera collapsed, clutching her heart and her chest tightly. "Jae—"

" _You don't know me_ , _and I don't know you._ "

She sucked in a breath of air— and tears began to fall from her azure eyes. "I thought… I thought we were more than just friends—"

"Then you thought wrong."

Sera tensed. "You promised," she protested. "You _promised_ that you would stick around, that whenever I needed you, _you would be there_."

I glared. Hard. "Some promises don't last."

Her breathing hastened. And she spun on her heel, her pink hair whipping around her. With quick but heavy steps, she walked to her backpack, stuffed her belongings inside of it, and slung it on. Sera kept her eyes glued to the floor as she pushed past me.

The air hung still. In that stillness, a deathly silence settled between the two of us. But cocooned within that silence were Sera's sniffles, her sharp inhales, her choked sobs, her muffled wails as she struggled to put her shoes on.

After a few moments, she stood up.

The door clicked open.

And then it slammed shut.

**[;]**

When Eunkyung came home that night, I was still laying in bed. I had been since Seraphine left.

I only got up to cook dinner.

Eunkyung knocked on my door before opening it. She stepped inside and dropped her bag beside my bed before sitting on it. There was a small smile on her face, but the moment our eyes met, it vanished, replaced with a look of sheer concern. "Everything okay?"

"Sera dropped by."

"Oh no." She groaned. "What happened?"

"We… disagreed. We fought. Badly."

"What did you fight about?"

I told Eunkyung everything. I left nothing out. It took me a while to get through the whole story, especially because Eunkyung asked far too many clarifying questions. But I did my best to give her the most neutral version. Which was really, _really_ difficult.

When I finished, Eunkyung sat in thought for a time.

"You're both idiots," she decided.

"Noona—"

She raised a finger. "Let me finish. Sera's an idiot for trying to guilt you like that. If she was your real friend, she wouldn't have tried to play the 'You Promised!' card."

"That's the thing. I did promise. She's in the right to—"

"No, Jae. She's not in the right. And neither are you. There is no moral high-ground here for either of you." Eunkyung turned to face me completely. "You two are friends. Do you know what that means?"

"That we stick together? Through thick and thin?"

"No. It means you fight. You disagree. And you get angry at each other, just like any other kind of relationship," Eunkyung corrected. "But the thing that makes friendships different is that both parties need to know that it's not permanent. Friends are lost more often than you think. Sometimes they're lost over time, slowly, because neither friend wants to communicate. Other times they're lost tragically. And, in your case, they can be lost because both sides are too angry, too blind, and too impulsive to see reason. Of course, there are other ways, but those don't apply to you. Not right now."

"But the promise—"

"You said it yourself, didn't you? Some promises don't last." Eunkyung scoffed. "Sera was naive to think that promises last forever. They don't."

"I…"

Eunkyung placed a hand on my shoulder. "Mom and Dad promised a lot when we were kids. And now…?"

"They're gone."

She nodded. "I'm not saying that Sera will leave. But you need to know that promises are just that. Words. Nothing more, nothing less. They don't mean anything unless they are made into action."

I stared weakly at her, an uneasy feeling settling in my heart. "So what now? Am I just supposed to stop being friends with Sera?"

"That's the best part about friendship." Eunkyung smiled slightly. "You can choose whether or not you want to keep being friends with someone." She stood up and moved her hand from my shoulder to my head. She ruffled my hair. "It's up to you, Jae. I don't control your life. Sera doesn't control your life. _You do_."

With a roll of her neck and shoulders, she let out a satisfied groan. "Anyways, that's enough of me lecturing you. I'm hungry. Are you going to eat?"

I smiled. "I'm gonna eat later."

"No problem, Jae. I'm here if you need anything, okay?"

Before she left, I called her name. "Eunkyung."

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

She grinned. "You're welcome."

Eunkyung shut the door behind her, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

My sister's advice replayed in my head.

"Promises are just words. Nothing more."

"You can choose. You decide."

In the end, it all came down to a single question.

_What did I want?_

I laid there for a small eternity. There were a lot of answers; too many to count, to question, to think about. Happiness? Obviously. Everyone wanted to be happy. It was just a matter of getting there. And that was where my problem lied: finding my happiness.

Okay. That's step one. Now:

_What makes me happy?_

Music, I guess. But lately….

My thoughts drifted to a short woman with long, pink hair.

I chuckled. _Yeah. That sounds about right_. But it wasn't _just_ Seraphine that made me happy. Sure, she brightened my days, made me smile and laugh countless times, and was, for the most part, a literal angel. But if I really thought about it, the reason why she made me happy was very simple: she made me comfortable.

Even though she had overstepped my boundaries, delved too deeply into my life for my comfort, I understood why she did it. Like Eunkyung said, she had good intentions. And… and that was okay, right?

Nevertheless, I knew what I wanted.

I wanted comfort.

More than anything else.

**[;]**

**October 30th, 2019**

"Next is… REMINISCE, by Son Jaemin and Yeng Seraphine."

As our presentation appeared on the large screen, I breathed in deeply. I steeled myself, trying to quell just how quickly my heart was beating and the sheer _nervousness_ that chilled every part of me.

Seraphine stood behind me. Her eyes were trained on the floor, and when she momentarily glanced up at me, she looked like she was trying to tell me something.

But I ignored it.

We had something more important to focus on.

And in my hastiness, on the final step up to the stage, I slipped.

I let out a yelp and quickly caught myself. The class chuckled. My cheeks burned. I coughed into my hand and conquered the final step and positioned myself on the far end of the screen.

Seraphine stood on the opposite side.

"He—hello," I began shakily. _Great._ "I'm Son Jaemin."

"I'm Yeng Seraphine."

"And our EP is titled REMINISCE."

The next slide appeared.

Seraphine spoke up. "The concept behind our EP was about looking at our past, our memories. Initially, we had a lot of ideas. Simple ones like love, death, and dreams. But we ultimately settled on reminiscing." She glanced at me.

"And…" I trailed off. My mind blanked. I glanced down at the note cards I had prepared, but I knew that my moment was slipping away. My hands began to shake, and as I was examining my cards, my fingers loosened around them. They dropped to the floor with a soft clatter. In a blurred panic, I bent down to pick them up.

"I'm sorry." Seraphine cleared her throat. "And from there, Jae and I began to work on the album." She looked at me— her gaze filled with worry. Then, she looked back to our audience.

The next slide clicked on.

"Even though we started with the concept, our methodology was still somewhat amateur." She nodded along to an imaginary rhythm that matched the flow of her words. "Instead of getting straight to work, we spent time getting to know each other, becoming familiar with what type of music we wanted to create." Seraphine glanced at the screen, and then waved a hand towards it. "This is the project file for one of our first 'jam' sessions, as we started to call it. If you'll click the play button, Professor…"

Professor Laurent did as Sera asked. And as the music from our cover of _Señorita_ played, Sera took that moment to rush over to me.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you good to keep going?"

"I don't exactly have a choice, Seraphine."

"You do."

I shook my head. "I _don't_." I stood up and sighed. "Let's not get into this now. We should focus on the presentation."

Sera huffed. "Right." And she walked back to her side as the song finished.

I breathed in deeply and opened my mouth to speak, but as I did so, my words caught in my throat. They sat there, trapped, encased in a verbal net. It was as though my voice had been stolen. I couldn't speak.

I glanced at Seraphine. I tried to convey as much of my panic, fear, and anxiety as I could into the glance. _I can't. I can't do it._

She nodded once.

And like an angel, she saved the rest of the presentation. Seraphine spoke elegantly, calmly, and precisely. She smiled when she needed to, paused at the right moments, and bubbled with excitement whenever she willed it. By all means, it was a perfect presentation.

Had it been assigned alone.

The entire time Seraphine presented, Professor Laurent scrutinized me— she kept her gaze trained on me, unmoving, unwavering.

"I'm Yeng Seraphine," Sera trailed off, looking at me.

"I'm— I'm Son Jaemin."

"Please enjoy our EP: REMINISCE. Thank you for your time," Seraphine finished with a smile. She walked over to my side and gently guided me off the stage. The room brightened as Professor Laurent ordered the lights to be turned back on.

"Thank you for the presentation, Seraphine," Professor Laurent said pointedly. "As for the rest of the class, please pick one song from the EP to do an analysis on as we begin listening."

A few moments later, the first song on our EP began to play.

I walked up to Fiora. "Professor," I began shakily. "I would like to leave the room for a few moments."

She tilted her head. And then nodded. "Take ten minutes, Jaemin." She glanced at Sera who still stood behind me, her hands on my shoulders. "Are you going with him?"

Seraphine glanced worriedly at me. And my sister's words echoed in my head. _It's your choice. You choose who you get to be friends with_.

I nodded.

Sera smiled gratefully. "Mmhm."

"Take care you two."

We quickly left the lecture hall and exited into the hallway.

"Jae," Seraphine began as soon as we were in a somewhat secluded area. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm okay now." I plopped onto the floor, pulling my knees to my chest. "Like I said, I'm terrible at public speaking. I guess I just got really shaken up." I looked at Sera. "I really screwed our grade over, didn't I?"

"You…" Sera trailed off. She sighed. "Maybe. Most likely, actually."

"I'm sorry," I choked. _I fucked it up._ "I'm _so_ sorry."

_I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up._

"Jae—"

"I'm sorry, Sera."

She placed a hand on my shoulder. "Jae. It's okay."

"But I—"

She shook her head. "It's okay. I'm okay. I'm not mad at you."

"It's all my fault. If I had just prepared more. if I just got over this stupid fear of mine—"

"That's an unrealistic goal, Jae," Sera urged. "Getting over something like that takes time."

"It wouldn't have taken any time if I was just a stronger person."

Sera cupped my cheeks and forced my gaze to hers. "Jae. Stop." Behind her azure eyes burned a flame brighter than any that I'd ever seen. She held my gaze, her thumbs caressing my cheeks. "You _are_ strong. You're the strongest person I know. You've been through so much, much more than anyone should at our age. You and your sister have had to be on your own for years, working too many jobs, going to school, struggling when you shouldn't have needed to."

"But I _needed_ this, Sera," I protested between choked back sobs. "I needed this to work. Just so my sister and I could live comfortably." Almost unconsciously, I found myself leaning into her soft hands. I grounded myself in the steady rhythm of her fingers.

"And you'll have another shot," she whispered.

"That's not guaranteed."

"Neither was this."

"I had a better chance here than anywhere else."

"That's not true," Sera protested. She stared at me strongly. "You're talented, Jae. More talented than me, and everyone else in that classroom."

When I tried to speak up, she quickly placed a finger on my lips to silence me.

"Let me finish," she scolded before continuing. "This was just the first step. It's not the last EP you're going to make. And… and if we keep going, it definitely won't be the last EP we make together. Your journey hasn't ended, Jae." A small smile danced across Seraphine's lips. "It's just begun."

**[;]**

After that moment, Seraphine and I returned to the classroom. They already finished listening to our EP, and despite the poor presentation, the class received it rather well. They complimented the EP's production and singing quality, while also praising the songs we sang in our native language, which were both of my solo tracks and one of Seraphine's.

The only glaring critique was our decision to cover a song.

And it seemed that Professor Laurent wasn't too happy with that decision either.

When all of the presentations had finished, she began to meet with each pair and give them their grade. And when it came to us, Seraphine and I approached unsteadily.

"Your final grade for this project is a 75%," she said flatly.

Seraphine and I immediately began to protest.

"What—"

"That's unreasonable—"

Professor Laurent's ruler smacked the side of her lectern. "That's _enough_. This grade is final and non-negotiable." She looked between the two of us. "I expected more out of you two. Especially you, Jae. That presentation was miserable."

"I…" I trailed off. There were no excuses. I bowed my head in apology. "I'm sorry, Professor. I'll do better next time."

"Professor—" Seraphine tried. But before Professor Laurent could scold her, I stopped her myself.

"It's okay, Sera." I tried to give her my easiest smile. "It's not the last EP project for the semester. Right, Professor?"

She nodded. "Correct. But I will make an official announcement during our next lecture." Even though she had a harsh appearance and an even harsher demeanor, Professor Laurent was, at her core, a kind-hearted person. Sure, she pushed her students hard. But it was what the music industry would eventually expect out of us. And Professor Laurent's unwavering precision and judgement prepared us for that. At least, I hoped. "I will write a more detailed report for you, and all of the students, by tonight. Unfortunately, as I'm sure you've realized, your EP will not be released by UMG."

I knew that. I'd known it since the presentation crashed and burned. But hearing it… hearing it was different. It _hurt_ to hear. Two and a half weeks of hard work just gone. Burned away like flash paper.

"But, I have hopes for you on the next project. I assume you two would like to remain partners?"

"We…" Seraphine glanced at me.

I nodded.

"We would, Professor. Thank you."

After that, Professor Laurent sent us off. As we packed our things, Seraphine and I were approached by a few other students in our class.

"Your guys' EP was great," said Violet, a girl with long, violet-dyed hair. From what I remember, she played the cello. "Is there any chance you can put it on a streaming platform?"

"Same here," commented Orion. He sang and played the guitar, I believe. "There were a few songs I was seriously in love with."

The other students all voiced their agreement. And Seraphine and I looked at each other awkwardly.

"I'm not sure about getting it onto Spotify," I began. "But I can put it on Soundcloud."

"That's fine too!" Violet exclaimed. "Thanks, you guys. I look forward to hearing it again." And as she twirled away, Orion and the other students followed her lead.

"That was… interesting," I tried.

Seraphine giggled. "I guess some people really enjoyed it."

"Yeah, I guess they did." I slid on my hoodie and slung my backpack over my shoulder. I walked with Seraphine to the exit of the lecture hall. "Do you have Music Theory today?"

She shook her head. "Krouse said that he had an emergency. No lecture, but we do have a replacement assignment." She tilted her head. "Do you have work?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna go in now."

"Do you…" Sera trailed off.

"I'm okay." I smiled. "Thanks for the offer."

I could tell from a glance that she wanted to press the offer. But when she simply nodded, I was immensely grateful. It was going to be a slow process. Learning where my boundaries were, I mean. But if Seraphine was willing to try, then I was more than accepting of it. After all, losing one of the few friends I've ever had in my life was the last thing I wanted.

Sera and I parted ways with a simple wave.

**[;]**

After not having worked there for nearly three weeks, falling back into the organized chaos that was The Grand Vastaya was more than just a little strange. Actually, it was _really_ weird. I hadn't seen Jinx or Orianna since the day my break began, but Lux was my server two weeks ago. Still, after not seeing the girls as frequently as I had before was like whiplash to my somewhat stabilized schedule.

"It's good to see you again, Jae," Lux said as I walked into the break room.

"You too." I smiled. "How long have you been here?"

"Just got in. I told Rakan that one of my classes had a double lecture today."

"Heimer?"

"Heimer."

I chuckled, popping open my locker and stuffing my backpack into it. "You're the one who decided to double major in Mechanical Engineering _and_ Physics."

She flushed, her head sinking a little. "It's fun. Just… a lot of reading and math."

"Which is exactly why I don't understand why it's fun," I replied. I raised my uniform. "Should I change first?"

Lux nodded. "If you don't mind." She turned around and pulled out her phone.

I quickly changed. After I was done, I let Lux know I was finished before leaving the break room.

"Thanks, Jae."

"No worries. See you in a bit."

The Grand Vastaya was packed nearly full, even on a Wednesday night. Jinx, Lux, and I ran laps around the main floor, taking orders, delivering orders, filing receipts, and returning cards or change while Orianna manned the entrance with a clockwork efficiency.

The hurricane that was The Grand Vastaya was tiring work, extremely tiring work actually, but it made the time pass by quickly. And before I knew it, we were closing.

Jinx after the last customer left, dropped herself into an open chair and let out a long, heavy groan. "That was the _busiest_ day we've had."

"Wait. Really?" I asked, a hand resting at my hip.

Lux stepped up beside me. "Yeah. Most days have been somewhat slow, with the main floor only getting to about three-fourths full. But this is the first time we've been full _and_ had a long line of customers."

"You are bad luck, Jaemin," Orianna voiced.

At that, Jinx and Lux giggled.

"Thanks, Ori," I muttered.

"You are welcome, Jaemin."

Jinx and Lux were laughing now.

I covered my face in embarrassment.

"Good to have you back, Jae," Xayah called as she came out of the kitchen. Kayn and Rakan followed behind her.

"Sorry I couldn't greet you before your shift," Rakan said. "We were really busy."

"No worries," I replied. "Have you guys thought about getting some extra help?"

Rakan and Xayah glanced at each other.

"Actually," Xayah began. "We've been thinking about making the place a little smaller."

"Wait, as in moving to a smaller building?"

They nodded.

"As nice as it is to have a space this big, we're not interested in hiring more workers," she said. "We like you guys, and we like the environment we have. So if this is too much to manage, we're more than happy to move to a smaller building."

"Are… are you sure?" Lux asked.

Rakan nodded. "We're sure. Like Xayah said, we really like this team."

"When are you planning on moving?"

"By the end of November."

 _November?_ I mentally repeated. That was far sooner than I was expecting. Maybe the end of the year, or the start of next year— but for them to already have a general time period set for the move meant that they had already finalized a lot of things.

That worried me.

Xayah caught the change in my expression. "Jae?" she asked. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I replied. "It's just a little weird to think that you guys are downsizing instead of growing."

The pair shrugged.

"Well," Lux began, nudging me with her elbow. "I, for one, think it's sweet of you guys to like us so much."

"But what about when we all finish school?" I asked. "We're not going to be working here forever."

"Jae, that's—" Lux tried.

"It's unbelievable that you guys are even thinking about doing this," I pressed. "You're one of the most successful restaurants in L.A., and you want to move to a _smaller_ location? Why? Why on _Earth_ would you ever do that?"

"Because…" Rakan trailed off, looking to Xayah for an answer.

She didn't have one either.

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "Just… think about it a little harder, maybe. I'll see you guys tomorrow." I spun on my heel and headed for the break room.

It just didn't make any sense to me. I couldn't fathom it. They were choosing to take a hit to their profits just so they can keep their current team, even though we all knew these weren't permanent positions. Orianna, Lux, Jinx, and I all went to college. We all had more important things on our minds. We had our futures ahead of us.

Sure, I loved Xayah and Rakan. They treated me well. They were excellent bosses, and they were also my friends.

But at the end of the day, this was just a part-time job.

I finished changing out of my uniform as Lux entered the room. Her fingers interlocked and her hands rested before her as she looked warily at me.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"I'm fine," I replied. I immediately regretted how poisonous my words sounded from Lux's visible flinch. I sat down on the break room couch, resting my elbows on my knees and drawing my hands together. "Sorry, Lux. I just… I'm really stressed out right now."

"You don't have to apologize," Lux said, taking a seat next to me, her posture utterly perfect. "Any reason you're so stressed out? More than normal, at least."

I chuckled at her lighthearted jab.

"I'm serious," Lux protested. "What's wrong?"

"I've got a lot going on, Lux," I replied. "It's… there's a lot on my plate."

She held my gaze for a time. And I was worried that she would attempt to pry. But to my surprise, she didn't.

"Okay. I won't ask," she replied. "But… I really don't like seeing you down." She stood up and beamed, her hands on her hips and her blue eyes sparkling like the sun on an ocean. "So, I'm going to cheer you up tomorrow!"

"Wait, Lux—"

"No waits! No buts!" She grinned. "We're gonna go to Disneyland!"

I rubbed the back of my head. "I… don't have the money, Lux."

"My aunt got me a pair of tickets and told me to take one of my friends. And…" Lux trailed off. Her eyes refused to meet mine. "You're a friend, Jae."

"Thanks."

"I mean, I've known you for like four years now, so it's only natural that I consider you my friend. I know that Disneyland is normally a place that couples go to and all, but I'm not insinuating that I want that sort of a relationship with you—"

I put a hand on her shoulder. "Lux," I interjected. "It's fine. We can go. It's been a long time since I last went to Disneyland anyways."

She let out an 'eep!' "Really?!"

"Yes, really."

"Okay, are you free tomorrow?"

"Even if I wasn't, would it matter?"

She shook her head. "I want to make sure you're really free, Jae. I don't want to take your time away from anything you need to do."

"I… I can check. I'll text you when I know."

Lux glanced sheepishly to the side. "I don't have your number."

"Oh. Wait. Really?"

She nodded, then scrunched her nose adorably. "Yeah. I can't believe it either."

"Give me your phone. I'll add my number to it."

Lux handed me her phone with her contacts already on the screen. I filled out my information and gave it back to her.

"Feel free to shoot me a text whenever. I'm always willing to talk to you," I said with a smile.

Lux, with pink coloring her cheeks, nodded excitedly. "I'll send you a text when I get home."

"Okay. That sounds good." I stood up and stretched. Grabbing my backpack from my locker, I gave Lux one last glance. She stared at her phone screen, a small, yet impossibly happy smile on her lips. "I'll see you soon, Lux."

Her brilliant blonde hair twirled as she looked over at me. She shot me a dazzling smile. "See you soon, Jae."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh… Should I change the relationship tag from OC/Seraphine to OC/Lux? I don't know. Let me know how you guys feel about this newly revealed relationship.
> 
> As always leave a review if you enjoyed the chapter, and feel free to join the Discord. The link is in the first chapter.
> 
> Love you.
> 
> Next Chapter: 11/20


	5. V - To New Experiences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. This chapter kicked my ass.
> 
> Enjoy.

**October 30th, 2019**

The night I got home, Lux immediately began to text me. And as I expected, she was an energetic texter, to say the least.

 _Hi. I'm home. This is Lux, by the way. I'm glad to finally have your number now._ _:D_

I chuckled. Somehow, she was still as adorable through texts as she was in person. _**Thanks. Same here. I'll let you know when I'm free for Disneyland.**_

_Okay! :) Thanks._

And not thirty minutes passed before she bombarded me with texts.

_Still can't believe we've known each other for four years and I never got your number._

_**I feel like I should apologize…** _

_No! Don't. I'm sure you had your reasons. And I'm just happy to have it now more than anything else._

_**Oh. Okay.**_ It felt strange. Lux was an entirely different person from Seraphine. Sure, they had some similarities. They were both extremely bright and cheerful, but that was where the similarities stopped. _**I have to cook dinner, but if you wanted to talk later just send me a text.**_

_I have to shower and study. But I'll be sure to do that._

_**Okay. See you in a bit? Idk how this works.** _

_See you in a bit!_

Our conversations continued like that for a time. They were safe, casual, and not unlike the conversations we shared at work. But of course, when Eunkyung caught how often my phone vibrated and rang from the texts, she couldn't resist teasing me.

"Seraphine doesn't text you that often."

"It's Lux, actually."

"Lux?" It took Eunkyung a moment to connect the dots, but when she did, she exclaimed. "Ah! I remember you mentioning her. She's the Crownguards' girl, right?"

I nodded. I'd honestly forgotten that Lux's parents were fairly high-profile politicians— she hardly talked about them, even in our texts. "She's a coworker too. And a friend."

"She seems rather excited to be texting you."

"She's just an excitable person in general."

Eunkyung raised a brow, and then pointed her chopsticks at me. "I loathe to be a woman who likes you. You're awfully blind."

I rolled my eyes. "Believe me, if I knew that Lux had a crush on me, I'm fairly sure I'd be able to point it out."

"And?"

"And what?"

Eunkyung's head banged against the table. Then, she looked up at me with half-lidded eyes. "You're such a piece of work."

"Thanks."

She readjusted herself. "How's Sera doing? I assume you two are at least on talking terms now."

"Yeah. We're… taking things slow right now, I guess. By now, she's learned how to maneuver around my boundaries and she's doing her best to not step over them."

"Good. That's really good," Eunkyung said, clearly relieved. "I was worried for a bit there. That you would lose one of the first friends you've ever had."

"Do you think it would have been deserved?"

"What, ending your friendship with her?"

I nodded.

"I'm not sure. I might have, I might not have," Eunkyung said, her tone purely honest. "But one thing's for sure: it would have taken me a lot more convincing to stay friends with her."

"But it sounded like you wanted me to stay friends with her."

"Because it seemed like you wanted to," Eunkyung explained simply.

"But—"

"I already told you, Jae. I can give you the best advice in the world, if I could, I would read your mind and tell you what you would want to hear. But at the end of the day, you get to choose what you do with your life. Not me."

"I know, and I chose to stay friends with her."

Eunkyung crossed her arms and nodded in satisfaction. "So, any reason why you only gave Lux your number now despite knowing her for four years?"

"She wanted me to go to Disneyland with her."

"Oh. Really? As a date?"

I shrugged. "Maybe? It's not like she would ever tell me that it was one."

"She's that kind of girl?" asked Eunkyung, picking up her chopsticks and preparing another mouthful of food.

"She's that kind of girl," I confirmed.

"When are you two going?"

"Most likely this weekend."

"Can you afford it?"

"Her aunt paid for the tickets. And I have enough saved that I can at least pay for some food," I explained. I'd considered getting souvenirs, but money was tight enough already. Maybe some time in the future I could get Eunkyung a gift from Disneyland.

"What about work?"

"The Grand Vastaya is closed on the first Sunday of every month."

"Okay." Eunkyung gave me a thumbs-up. "You're good to go." She chuckled. "Not like you need my permission."

"I know. But letting you know is common courtesy."

She clicked her chopsticks together. "I know. Aren't you glad you have me as an older sister?"

"Yeah, yeah." I waved her off. "Just eat. The food's gonna get cold."

**[;]**

**October 31, 2019**

After washing the dishes and putting the leftovers away, I laid in bed and stared at my phone. I flipped it open and began to text Lux.

_**Lux, I'll be free on Sunday if you wanted to go to Disneyland then. Just let me know.** _

Before I could even set my phone down, I received a response.

_That sounds great! Where should I meet you?_

_**Can you drive?** _

_I can drive. Did you want to take a car?_

I steeled myself. If I could stand it with Seraphine, I could stand it with Lux. _**Yeah. That's fine with me.**_

_Okay. Should I pick you up?_

_**I can just bike to your house. Can you send me the address?** _

_Yeah! 1739 Queen's Crown Avenue_

Just from its name, I recognized the address. It was in Beverly Hills, and even in Beverly, it was Queen's Crown Avenue was considered an expensive place to live. _**Ah. Sometimes I forget that your family is wealthy.**_

_If it's easier on you, I'm offering to pick you up, Jae._

_**No, it's fine. I can head to your house and we can go from there. I assume we'd want to be at the park fairly early.** _

_If you could get here by 7:30 A.M., that'd be perfect!_

_**Sounds good. Thank you for inviting me, by the way.** _

_Don't mention it! I wanted you to come._

_**Then I'll see you on Sunday.** _

_See you then!_

I closed my phone with a satisfied smile. To be honest, I was more than a little excited at the prospect of going to Disneyland— it'd been years since I last went, and I could hardly remember any of it. And more than that, it would give me a chance to actually spend time enjoying myself. The stress of the project, work, and the sheer emotional weight of the last few weeks left my shoulders heavy and my entire body tense.

The thought to text Seraphine had crossed my mind, but I ultimately decided against it, and I doubted Lux wanted her to come at all.

I stood up from my bed and rolled my shoulders. Grabbing a jacket from my closet, I stepped out into the living room. Eunkyung, dressed in an oversized white t-shirt and her hair up in a ponytail, stared at her laptop screen through her glasses. From the reflection, I could see that she was reading something.

"Where are you going?" She asked, her gaze not moving from the laptop.

"Just for a bike. Maybe to the pier? I'm not sure."

"Okay," Eunkyung said. "Just be back before midnight."

"Studying again?"

She nodded. Then, she waved a hand dismissively at me. "Get going. You're distracting me."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, okay."

As I put my shoes on, an idea popped into my mind. I pulled out my phone.

_**Are you free?** _

_I can be. Why?_

_**I'm in the mood to get out of my apartment, and I don't want to be alone either.** _

_Okay! I'll meet you at CAP in ten minutes?_

_**Yeah! See you then.** _

**[;]**

"Hey," I said to Lux as I approached her. She wore a white-dress shirt with lace trim collars tucked into a pair of black, high-waisted pants. With a small, chestnut backpack hanging off of one shoulder, she gave me a slight smile and wave. Given that I only ever saw her in our work clothes, seeing her in an outfit like this was slightly jarring. "Someone's well-dressed."

Lux's cheeks turned pink. "I…"

"I'm not complaining. You look great," I said with a smile.

Pink turned to bright red. "Thank you, Jae."

"No problem."

"So," Lux said, bringing her hands behind her back and puffing out one cheek. "What did you want to do?"

"I'm not too sure."

"I was half-expecting you to be wearing a costume."

I tilted my head. "Why?"

"It's Halloween, Jae."

"Oh." I placed my hands into my pockets and shrugged.

She giggled, but not in the same way that Seraphine giggled. Seraphine's was almost musical, like she sang instead of laughed, while Lux's laugh was bright and warm. And adorable. But that's besides the point. Lux rested her hands on her hips, her head tilting slightly. "You invited me out with no plan in mind? That's a little rude, Jae."

"Sorry, I didn't realize that I needed to have a plan to invite a friend out."

"It's common courtesy," Lux explained. "But I just so happen to have something I wanted to try tonight."

"And that is?"

She flipped her backpack to her front, unzipped the largest pocket, and fished out a white polaroid camera. She held it up. "I got this a week ago, and I wanted to try taking photos with it, as practice before we go to Disneyland."

"Oh. Sorry, I didn't really dress to be a model."

Lux rolled her eyes. "It's not like I'm posting these anywhere. This is just for me." Her eyes widened in a panic. "I mean, not like it's _for me_ , or anything like that— I just meant that this is just for practice. My own practice. Like—"

"Lux," I interrupted. "I get it." I laughed. "Okay, let's go find places to take photos."

She grinned. "Great!" Then, she began to skip away.

Shaking my head, I followed behind Lux, a smile finding its way onto my lips.

**[;]**

Lux cradled the film in both of her hands as she examined it."Why are you so good at posing?" She held it up to me.

The photo was one of me leaning against a brick wall. My head was tilted slightly to the side as I looked casually at the camera. It was a good photo, like something you would see out of an indie album package. Or a photocard. _Thank you for teaching me how to pose, Jhin._ "We had to do photoshoots for the project, and Jhin taught us how to pose."

"Also helps that you're very good looking," Lux murmured.

 _I'll just pretend I didn't hear that._ "Maybe it's also the photographer's abilities."

"Sure." She rolled her eyes and placed a hand on her hip. "Regardless, I appreciate the compliment." Lux pocketed my photo before handing me the polaroid. "Do you mind taking a photo of me?"

"I'm not sure if it'll turn out that great, Lux."

"It's easy," she said as she took up a casual pose on a nearby bench. Illuminated by the orange glow of the lamp, the top of her bright blonde hair had an almost ethereal shine to it. "Just point at me and click the button."

"Alright. Ready?"

She responded with a bright smile. I held up the polaroid and counted down for Lux before I clicked the button. There was a bright flash of white, then the film rolled out from the top of the camera a few moments later. I sat beside Lux and handed her the film and the camera.

"Thanks." She pulled out the film and placed it into the front pocket of her backpack along with the rest of the polaroids. Lux pressed her palms against the bench on either side of her. She shot me a sideways glance. "So, are you excited for Disney tomorrow?"

"Yeah." I raised my hands above my head and stretched. "It'll be nice to finally have a break before diving into finals."

"Tell me about it." She leaned her back against the bench. "I swear, it's like my professors knew I was going to Disney this weekend and decided to dump a bunch of assignments on me."

I chuckled. "You think?"

"Three projects, two papers, and five labs, Jae." She sighed. "It's not like they're hard, they're just bothersome."

"I hate busy work."

"That's pretty much what my major is. Until I get out of school, I'm stuck doing busy work." She propped her arm on the armrests and rested her head in her palm, looking at me. "What about you?"

"I guess I'm pretty lucky. Most of the work for my major is all reliant on theory— so everything we're assigned doesn't really count as busy work. Plus it's fun."

"What I would give to have fun in school again."

I smirked. "It's your major. And it's too late to change it now."

"I know, I know." Lux blew a raspberry and crossed her legs on the bench.

For a moment, we sat in silence, simply enjoying one another's company. As I looked up at the sky, I let out a small sigh.

"Something wrong?" Lux asked.

My gaze drifted from the sky over to her. I smiled lazily. "Maybe I'll tell you about it tomorrow."

"It doesn't sound like its good news."

"Does it need to be?"

"Well, if it isn't good news, hopefully the happiest place in the world will change that," she joked.

I laughed. "It's not good or bad news," I revealed. "I just figured that you would want to know it."

Suddenly, she stood up and stretched. Then, she turned to face me, her golden hair cascading around her face. Lux grinned— her smile as dazzling as it was last night. "Then I look forward to you telling me about it."

And I was captured by how beautiful she was once again.

**[;]**

**November 3rd, 2019**

It was around 6:30 A.M. when I left my apartment for Queen's Crown Avenue. A soft, colorless fog accompanied my trip to Lux's house. And as I rounded the corner to her street, the change in scenery was like whiplash to my senses.

Beautifully clipped hedges lined either side of the four-lane street, and tall oak trees, with their brilliant vermillion leaves stood in the center island between each side of the street. Towering above the hedges, and interspersed alongside the street were the houses: modern mansions, wondrous estates, and, the largest among them, a tremendous, expansive villa.

It looked like something you would see straight out of a movie about rich people.

With a beautiful mixture of modern and Victorian architecture, the marble villa, even from this distance, had a grandiose air to it. And as I biked up its winding driveway to the gate, that air only seemed to grow stronger.

Stopping before the ivory gate, I was approached by one of the guards— a tall man laden in white and gold clothes.

"State your business."

"I'm Son Jaemin," I said as clearly as I could while also adjusting my clothes. I needed to look my best. "I'm a friend of Luxanna Crownguard. She asked me to meet her at her house today."

The guard reached into a pocket and pulled out his phone. After tapping on the screen a few times, he nodded. "Very well."

The gate pulled open.

"Please follow behind me. You may take your belongings, but leave your bike here."

"But—"

"I assure you, Mr. Jaemin," the guard said. "It will be here when you return."

"Okay," I surrendered. I moved my bike to the side and dropped its stand, then I followed behind the guard, slipping my thumbs beneath the straps of my backpack.

As we walked through the lavish front yard gardens, I did my best to shake off my nerves. It wasn't every day you met some of the richest people in Los Angeles, maybe in California.

The Crownguard family might have a history as high-profile politicians, but they were also entrepreneurs and businesspeople. They owned Crownguard Elements, a human resources and contracting company; as well as Crownguard Airlines, a flight company, and one of the largest in the world.

To say Lux came from money was like saying I came from talented parents.

It was a weak comparison to say the least.

The guard stopped at the villa's thin and tall front doors, and he knocked thrice.

After a few moments, the door opened.

It was Lux.

She was dressed in a cream-colored, floral satin dress with an almond jacket thrown over it. Her silky blonde hair came down in smooth waves. Barely visible, light purple eyeshadow rested above her eyes, accompanied by thin wings of eyeliner and light mascara. A miniscule amount of blush tinged her cheeks with pink and red.

"Jae," she murmured. "You're staring."

"Oh." I flushed, feeling heat on my cheeks. "I'm sorry." Then, I tilted my head. "Are you gonna be warm enough with just that?"

"I have an extra jacket in my backpack," she said, pointing to it. "And I'm wearing nude tights." Lux demonstrated by pinching a part of her thigh and tugging on the skin-colored mesh slightly.

After quickly glancing down where she was gesturing, I gave her a thumbs-up. "Okay. Good."

"An— anyways." She coughed, probably remembering that there was someone else here. "Thank you, James," she said to the guard. "You're free to go."

"Of course, milady." James, the guard, bowed his head to Lux and then to me.

Lux smiled as he left. Then, she turned to me. "Come in!"

I stepped inside of the house as Lux closed the door behind me.

"Okay," I commented. "This is unbelievable."

The first thing I noticed was how tall the ceiling was. It _towered_ over me, and was one of the tallest ceilings I had ever seen. The foyer continued for a ways, leading up to a staircase that split off before reconnecting to a second floor hallway. Several landscape paintings lined the right wall, each one depicting a different season in impossibly magical locations, and floor-to-ceiling windows lined the opposite wall.

The windows looked out onto a lavish garden, where a waterfall spilled out onto a natural-looking pool of clear, cerulean blue water.

"Jae," Lux called, interrupting my staring. "You should probably greet my parents before we go."

The nerves I had been trying to keep at bay surged to the forefront. "Oh."

Lux walked up to me. She patted my shoulder. "You can do it." She smiled softly. "Plus, you have me here. They might seem intimidating, but they're actually pretty nice. Okay?"

I let out a breath. "Okay."

Her smile grew into a grin.

As Lux led me on a small tour throughout the house, I occasionally checked my phone to make sure we weren't spending too much time.

"Lux," I said as she was explaining the history of one of the paintings in the hallway. "We should probably get going soon. It's almost 7:30."

"Oh!" She exclaimed. "I'm sorry, I get carried away a lot."

"I know."

She pouted. "Anyways, my parents should be in the dining room for breakfast. Are you hungry?"

In response, my stomach growled. "Yes, I suppose I am."

Lux giggled. "That's okay. I was a little hungry too. Let's go eat!"

As it turned out, Lux's assessment of her parents was correct. Pieter and Augatha were both incredibly intimidating, with charismatic auras and piercing gazes. But after a nerve-wracking introduction and the short, tense silence that followed, the conversation drifted towards simpler topics such as school, work, and the like.

It also helped that the food was delicious.

"So," Pieter began, clearing his throat after chewing down a mouthful of ham. His voice had a tenderness to it that I didn't expect considering his largeness. That wasn't to say the man was fat because I was fairly certain he had less than an ounce of the stuff in his body. He stood a solid head above me, and his broad form commanded a room, even one as large as the dining room. "Lux tells me you are a musician. If you don't mind me asking, what do you play?"

I glanced at Lux. She shrugged and tilted her head sheepishly. "I play a lot of instruments, but I enjoy the piano more than anything else."

"The piano?" Augatha repeated. Her piercing grey eyes sparked with thought as she stared at me. It was like she was trying to pry information from me merely with her eyes. "Ah! I remember now. You're the same Son Jaemin who won four consecutive Cyrus Recitals all those years ago, correct?"

I flushed. Not so much because Augatha figured that out, but more so because I hadn't really told Lux anything about that despite knowing her for so long. "Yes, I am."

"Astounding," Pieter said. "Luxanna, did you know about this?"

Luxanna Crownguard's eyes narrowed into slits as she turned to me. "No, Father, I did not."

"It never came up?" I tried.

She rolled her eyes.

"Then that also means you're the child of Amelia Rose and Son Jungwon," Augatha continued.

At my parents' names, I froze. It was like a cold hand crept up my spine and placed itself on my shoulders. I fought back a shiver. "Yes. I am. Though I would prefer not to talk about them now."

"Right. I apologize," Augatha immediately replied. "And I'm sorry for your loss."

I smiled, taking solace in the retreating cold. "Thank you."

"Moving on," Pieter said. "You two are planning to go to Disneyland today, correct? With the tickets Tianna gave you?"

"Yes, Father."

I glanced at my phone. "Speaking of which, I believe we should leave soon. It's almost 8:00."

Lux shot to her feet. "Wait. Really?!"

"Yeah," I said. "We started eating at around 7:30, so…"

Her head dropped. "Okay." She looked at Pieter and Augatha. "Mother, Father, I hate to cut this short, but Jaemin and I must really be going."

Pieter nodded. "You are free to go." He smiled. "It was nice meeting you, Jaemin."

"You as well."

"Especially considering Luxanna's persistent mentioning of you during dinner."

"Oh. I see…" I slowly turned to look at Lux, who was doing her best to not meet my gaze.

"An— anyways! We're going, Jae!" She spun on her heel and began to head towards the garage.

With a wave and a slight bow directed at her parents, I followed behind her.

**[;]**

"That's your car."

"It is."

"That's your car," I repeated.

"Yes, Jae. It is."

"This is _your_ car?!"

I stood before a white-gold Audi A4. And even though I barely knew a thing about cars, this one simply _looked_ expensive.

Lux unlocked the doors and stepped inside.

My hands wrapped around the door handle, the metal smooth and cool beneath my touch. But my mind raced at a hundred miles an hour. I stood there for sometime, trying to calm myself down.

Until Lux's hand touched mine.

Her soft touch eased me, and I looked up to meet her gaze.

Brilliant blue eyes and a soft smile warmed my heart.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her tone gentle.

"I…"

"It's okay if you're not, Jae."

"Just give me a few moments."

Lux nodded. "Okay." Then, she took her hand and interlocked her fingers with mine.

I did my best to focus on the rhythm of her thumb as it caressed my hand. It helped. _More so than Seraphine_ _did._

And as poisonous as that thought might have been, it was true.

Eventually, I managed to calm myself down.

"I should have known you were afraid of cars," Lux whispered. "You bike to work every day for years. And I only ever see you with your house keys. So much for being smart." She palmed her forehead. "I was so _stupid._ "

"Wait, Lux—"

"If you want, we can maybe find a train that'll—"

I raised a hand. "Lux. Stop. It's fine. Really." I exhaled. "I'm good now."

She pursed her lips. "Okay. I trust you."

"Good." I grinned. I released Lux's hand and opened the car door, stepping inside. The cream interior was spotless, and as Lux re-entered the car and started it, soft blue LEDs illuminated the underside of the dashboard.

The rumble of the engine was unsettling, but it didn't give me the same whiplash that Seraphine's car did. Silently, I thanked Seraphine for the exposure therapy.

After typing in the address into the car's touch-screen display, Lux switched over to her music app. She turned to me. "What do you want to listen to?"

"I'm okay with whatever," I replied. "Surprise me."

"I pretty much only listen to pop, Jae. There's not much to surprise you with." She handed me her phone. "It's already hooked up to the car. Feel free to play whatever you want." She put a hand on the steering wheel and the gear shift, and then she slowly began to pull forward out of her car's bay.

Yeah. The Crownguard had individual bays for their cars. As Lux continued to drive forward, the headlights of the Audi flicked on automatically. Because the cars were stored underneath the grounds of the house, Lux gently drove up the ramp back to the ground level.

As the car accelerated, so did my heartbeat. I turned to Lux. "Want to listen to my EP?"

"You have an EP?"

"I do. It was for my class. Remember Seraphine— the girl I was with when I went to The Grand Vastaya? We were partners for it."

Her fingers visibly tightened around the wheel. "Oh. Her."

"Her?" I repeated.

"Nothing, nothing." She scrunched her nose and glared at something.

"Anyways," I continued. I hovered my finger above the 'play' button. "Ready?"

Lux's glare vanished and was replaced with a grin. "Yeah!"

**[;]**

From the moment we left Lux's house until we got to Disneyland, we danced, performed, and sang at the top of our lungs to the music. To my surprise, Lux could sing. It wasn't on the same level as Seraphine, but it was rude of me to expect that of her. She could hit notes, and she had a pleasant voice.

"Remind me to never go to karaoke with you, Jae," Lux commented as Gallant's Celine finished. "I guess you weren't kidding when you said you sang."

"It's not like you can't sing either," I replied honestly.

"Thanks." She smirked. "Same for you, I guess."

I chuckled. "Music is one of the few good things I'm good at."

"Good?" She scoffed. "You matched Gallant note-for-note. And it sounded a lot better than just 'good.'"

"I mean I—"

"Jae," Lux interrupted. "Just take the compliment."

"Alright, alright," I surrendered. "Thank you, Lux."

"Sorry for how awkward my parents made breakfast," she said. "I guess they were a little excited at me bringing a friend home."

"Why would they be?"

"I'm… I'm not that great at making friends," Lux revealed. "I'm sociable and all, but most people want to talk to me because I come from a wealthy family. And when I call them out on it, they just leave."

"Oh. That's unfortunate."

She shrugged. "I'm alright with it. I want nothing to do with people who are only interested in me because they think I have money."

"You do, don't you?"

Lux shook her head. "My family prides itself in their children not depending on their parents for stuff like that. We're raised to be purely independent— but that's not to say my parents are neglectful."

"They didn't seem like it."

She hummed in agreement. "They have good intentions, even if they're a little _too_ protective of me."

"Too protective?"

"Yeah." She signalled to the right as we approached our exit— then, Lux switched lanes and began to drive onto the regular street. "It's weird. They never coddled me, but they never wanted me to leave their sight either."

"Seems like an odd dynamic to live with."

"At least my older brother makes it bearable."

"Garen?"

She nodded. "I'm not sure I'm supposed to tell you this, but he's in a relationship with Katarina Du Couteau."

"Daughter of the famous general right?"

"Yeah."

"I don't really see the issue there…"

"Our families have an unsteady relationship with each other, and their decision to date each other could literally shake the foundations of American politics if it gets discovered by the wrong people."

"Oh." I flushed. "That's a lot of pressure."

"Yeah." Lux shrugged. "But it made Garen realize just how controlling our family was over us. Now, he does his best to abide by their orders while following his own. And I follow his example."

"He's a good brother."

Lux grinned. "He is." She glanced at me. "What about you?"

I raised a brow. "I don't have a brother."

She rolled her eyes. "I know that. I meant your sister."

"Oh." I coughed into my hand. "She's doing well. Studying, going to work, stressed out. Nothing new."

"What's she studying?"

"Criminology and law."

"Really? I thought she did music."

"She… she stopped. After our parents died. Something about getting a real job," I murmured. "I can't remember the last time I heard her play."

Lux pouted. "That's unfortunate. It sounds like you really miss her playing."

"I do." I leaned my head back. "I think you would have loved hearing her, Lux."

"You think?"

I nodded. "She was a jazz pianist."

"Maybe." Lux smiled. "You know, I could get used to this."

"What, driving me around?"

She laughed. "I meant hanging out with you."

"Oh."

Lux raised a challenging brow. "Why? Not interested in hanging out with me?"

"Wait, wait. I never said that," I backpedaled. "I'm more than willing to hang out with you."

"Good. I would be worried if you weren't, considering you're gonna be spending the next fifteen hours with me."

"That's a long time."

"Afraid, Jae?"

"Should I be?"

Lux giggled. "No." She placed a hand on her chest. "I've been told that I'm angelic company."

 _Angelic, huh_? "Well, you've been great company so far."

"Thanks. I try." Lux turned her attention back to the road as we neared the entrance to a large parking garage. A line of cars stood before us, slowly but surely rolling forward. "Can you hand me my wallet? Should be in the front pocket of my bag.

I opened her bag and produced her wallet, handing them to her.

We moved through the line, and upon reaching the ticketer, Lux paid for parking. And then we were off. The workers guided us through the numerous floors of the parking garage, the roar of the Audi's engine echoing throughout the concrete structure.

As a final employee instructed us where to park, Lux pulled into the spot and stopped the car. She grinned.

"Ready?"

I shot her back a smile. "Ready."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. Next chapter will finally be Disneyland. And also a whole chapter dedicated to Lux and Jae. Maybe interesting things will happen?
> 
> Next Chapter: 11/27/20


	6. VI - The Happiest Place on Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I apologize for this being late. No promises if the next update will be on the exact day as well, but it'll be there sooner rather than later.

####  **Chapter Song:** _KATIE - Future Love_

**November 3rd, 2019**

After parking, we made our way down to the ground floor and waited for a shuttle with everyone else. And as expected, there were large families with a bunch of excited children in tow— they were screaming, shouting, and chasing one another while we waited.

But as loud as it was, it was also endearing. They were just excited to be at Disneyland, and they visibly showed it more than Lux and I did.

When the shuttle finally arrived, Lux and I sat in the front-most car. As more people filed in, our hips, arms, and shoulders were forced together. I fought back a blush, trying to focus on something other than how warm she was despite the chilly weather.

Lux turned to me, her phone in hand. “Jae, let’s take a picture together.”

“Right now?”

She nodded. Lux held out her phone for a selfie. When she spotted how I was trying to distance myself from her, she motioned for me to come closer. “You can sit a little closer. It’s a picture, so I’m okay with it.”

I let out a breath. Then, I moved closer to her. Lux smelled like violets and roses with a hint of sandalwood— it took far more willpower than I expected to resist moving even closer to her. I positioned my chin just above the crook of her neck and looked up at the camera.

It clicked several times, and then Lux checked the photos.

“How does it look?”

“You’re cute,” she said. Then, Lux realized what she said. “I mean— It’s cute. The photo. Not to say that you  _ aren’t _ cute, you are. But I was talking about the photo. Not you.” She laughed awkwardly.

“That’s good,” I replied, moving back to my original distance from her. I glanced at her phone screen as she pulled up Instagram. “You’re posting it?”

“Mmhm!” Lux smiled. Then, she tilted her head. “Do you not want me to?”

“No, you can,” I replied. “I’m just asking.”

“Okay.” She returned her attention back to the phone and picked out the best photo. My cheek was centimeters from hers, our smiles were wide, and Lux held up a peace sign to the camera. It  _ was  _ cute. I wouldn’t deny that. Then, she posted it to her story. 

The shuttle arrived at Downtown Disney, and after purchasing drinks at the Starbucks, we headed towards the entrance of the actual park itself.

“You know, I had forgotten how loud amusement parks were,” I said to Lux as we stood side-by-side in the line to get into the park.

She glanced up at me. “Tell me about it. And it’s not like the inside of the park is any quieter.”

I chuckled. “Well, it’s not like we came to Disneyland to enjoy the peace and quiet.”

Lux laughed. “Yeah, that’s true.” She rested her hands on her hips. 

“I forgot to ask, but the tickets are park-hopper, right?”

She nodded. “My aunt only delivers the best.”

We slowly moved to the front of the line, and once Lux reached the rotating bars, she showed the employee our tickets. The employee scanned her ticket and snapped a picture of her. Then, Lux stepped through the gates.

After grabbing a pair of maps, I followed shortly behind her.

Warmth spread through my chest as I watched her skip to the center of the area. Behind her, a white-flower version of Mickey Mouse smiled widely.

“Let’s get someone to take our picture, Jae,” Lux said to me. She dragged me into a line near the base of the Mickey Mouse. At the front of the line, the next group stood in front of the flowers and an employee clad in a dark blue vest snapped a picture of them before handing them a card with a QR code.

“Not even a minute in the park and we’re in a line.”

Lux giggled. “Standing in lines is half of the Disneyland experience, Jae.”

As we found ourselves at the front of the line, Lux and I stepped up to the employee. 

“Oh, it’s the first couple of the day!” He exclaimed with a wide smile, extending a pair of badges towards us. “The first couple of the day gets free photos for the entire day.”

I raised my hands up. “We’re not a—”

Lux, meanwhile, pounced on the badges, immediately handing me one. “Thank you so much!” She pulled her phone out of her pocket. “Do you mind taking a picture of us with my phone too?”

The employee, somehow, managed to smile even wider. “Of course! Stand right on the little black circle and smile wide.”

Lux and I stood side-by-side and arm-in-arm, her arm tightly interlocked with mine. She leaned her head against my chest and held up a peace sign, while I simply smiled towards the camera.

With a few clicks, the camera flashed brightly several times. Then, he switched the phone and snapped a few more photos. After giving us the codes for the photos, the employee turned his attention back to the growing line as more and more people passed through the park entrance.

“So…” I began slowly, following behind Lux as she looked through the pictures. “We’re a couple?” I teased.

Lux’s entire body froze as she turned to look back at me, complete horror written plainly across her features. “I… No. I just wanted to free photos, that’s all.”

I tilted my head. At that moment, I chose to believe her. “Okay. Well, if they’re gonna charge us for every picture, these badges will save us a ton of money.”

“Mmhm! And what’s the point of going to Disneyland if you’re not going to take pictures?”

I laughed. Reaching into my pocket and taking out one of the maps, I unfolded it. “Alright. So, where do you want to go first?”

Lux stood beside me and pointed at the top of the map. “Oh. That’s new.”

“ _ Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge? _ ” I wasn’t that much of a Star Wars fan. But the music was well-made and pleasant to listen to. “Are you into  _ Star Wars _ ?”

“I enjoyed the movies. Not much more of a fan than that,” she replied.

“So we can go there later,” I decided. A smirk found its way onto my lips as I followed Lux’s gaze. “So, Tomorrowland?”

“Tomorrowland.” She pulled out her phone. “We can get Fastpasses for Space Mountain while we’re in line for Buzz Lightyear or the other Star Wars ride. Is that good?”

“Sounds good.”

As we made our way through Main Street, I watched as Lux skipped slightly ahead of me. She twirled and spun, her blonde hair whirling around along with her. She drank in the sight of Disneyland. Everything from the winter flowers and decorations that hung from the buildings and stores, to the giant Christmas tree that towered over Main Street.

Already knowing what she wanted to do, I caught up with Lux. She turned to look at me. 

“Jae, let’s—”

“Take a picture?”

Lux nodded excitedly. “Need to make use of the badges somehow, right?”

“Right.”

After another set of pictures, Lux and I headed towards Tomorrowland. We walked beside one another. Lux leaned into me slightly— and part of me welcomed just how warm she was against the chilled, morning air. Then, she seemed to remember just how close she was to me. “Sorry,” she said, backing away.

I shook my head. “It’s okay. Are you cold?”

“No. Just…” Lux trailed off. She brushed back a strand of her hair. “It’s nothing.”

I figured that it wasn’t ‘nothing.’ But if Lux wasn’t comfortable with telling me, then I wouldn’t pry. That being said, I had a fair idea of what she was going to say. Or at least what she wanted to say.

I’d considered, if only for a moment, confronting her about it. But… I wanted to enjoy this. Having a friend, that was. Regardless of how Lux felt about me— how I figured she felt about me— she was a great friend. She was reliable, kind, and filled with unbridled empathy.

I knew how hard it was to find someone like Lux. 

And I knew how hard it was to keep someone like Lux at a friendly distance.

####  **[;]**

“Jae?!” Lux yelped between bouts of laughter. “Stop! Stop spinning it!”

“Not happening!” I tightly grasped the wheel in the middle of our bright blue teacup. With all my strength, I continued to turn it. “We have to go faster!”

And faster we went. Much, much faster.

Lux tried to peel my hands off of the wheel, but because of how hard she was laughing, she couldn’t do much. Eventually, however, I released the wheel and leaned back against the teacup, fighting my own laughter.

As the ride slowed down and came to a full stop, Lux and I shakily stood from our teacup. She punched me lightly in the arm, grinning. “You asshole.”

I bowed dramatically. “I try, milady.”

Lux giggled. “Why am I not surprised that you like that ride so much?”

“It was one of the few rides my sister actually enjoyed,” I explained while reaching into my backpack for a water bottle. I popped the cap open and took a swig before offering it to Lux. “So I always wanted to make sure she had as much fun as she could.”

Lux accepted the bottle. “You’re a sweet little brother.” She drank out of the water bottle, returning it to me once she was done. Then, she glanced at her phone. “It’s already noon.”

“Oh, really?” I was a little shocked. We’d only been in the park for about three hours, but we already rode all of the attractions in Tomorrowland. Then again, our luck with the times for lines had been immaculate all day.

“Mmm.”

“Where did you want to eat for lunch?”

She raised a brow. “There’s only one right answer.”

“Cafe Orleans,” we said simultaneously. 

Lux cheered, pumping a fist into the air. She raised her hand for a high-five. “We make a good team.”

I met her high-five. “That we do.”

After heading through the orange-rock pathway from Fantasyland to Frontierland, we grabbed lunch at New Orleans Square. As always, crowds of people filled the square, forcing Lux and I to walk rather close to each other. I reached around Lux and pulled her into a side hug. 

She gasped at the sudden contact.

“Is it okay?” I asked as we walked.

Lux puffed her cheeks, nodded, then deflated her cheeks. She was trying to look at anyone, anything, or anywhere that wasn’t me, but that didn’t stop her cheeks from turning a brilliant shade of red. When we finally made it past the crowd and into Cafe Orleans, Lux nudged me with her elbow.

“J— Jae, you can stop hugging me now.”

“I’m sorry, I probably should have asked if it was uncomfortable.”

“You did, and I was okay with it. But…” She trailed off. “We’re still just friends, you know?”

Immediately, I released her as a wave of guilt rushed through me. “Yeah. I understand. I’m sorry.”

Lux smiled softly. “You have nothing to apologize for. It’s not like you did anything wrong. And it wasn’t like you were out to do anything malicious to me, right?”

“Just wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to lose you in the crowd.”

“I appreciate the gesture.” Pink bloomed on her cheeks. “And ma— maybe if we ever date, you can do that sort of thing.”

I chuckled. “Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.”

As Lux opened her mouth, her stomach let out a growl. She giggled and ran a hand through her hair. “I guess I’m hungry.”

In response, my own stomach growled. “So am I,” I said with a smirk. “What did you want to eat?” I asked, reaching for my wallet.

“Clam chowder, please,” Lux replied. “While you order, I’ll find us a table.”

“Okay.” And we separated.

I quickly placed our orders, and after a short wait, our food was ready to be picked-up. Carefully taking the tray into my hands, I spotted Lux waving at me from a table positioned on the outer edge of the roofed courtyard. The afternoon sun shined brightly from above us, and the cloudless sky allowed its rays to stretch without limits.

I grabbed the hem of my hoodie and pulled it over my head. My shirt began to hike up, but a pair of hands pulled it back down. “Thanks,” I said to Lux, folding my hoodie neatly before placing it into my backpack.

“No worries,” she bubbled. “Now let’s eat!”

####  **[;]**

Faster than I could even remember, the mid-afternoon sun sunk beneath the horizon and the moon drifted in the darkness above us. By the time Lux and I finished all of the things we wanted to ride at Disneyland, it was nighttime, and we were already making our way towards California Adventure.

The shimmering lights of Pixar Pier reflected on the water, accompanied with the nose-tickling sugary scent of the churro that Lux munched on as she leaned against the metal fence. She had her elbows pressed against the metal, and as a cold breeze gusted through the air, Lux visibly shivered.

“Are you okay?” I asked, tentatively placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Just a little cold,” she said shakily.

“Wait, I have an extra jacket.” I set down my backpack and pulled a large, black hoodie out of it. “It’s going to be pretty big on you,” I said, handing it to her.

“It’s… fine.” She pulled the hoodie over her head. The bottom dangled to around her knees, highlighting the contrast between the dark jacket and her pale legs. 

There was something about seeing Lux in my clothes. I shrugged the thought free. “Warmer?”

“Yeah. Much warmer.” Lux smiled up at me. Then, she looked back to the gleaming lights of the ferris wheel, the icon of Mickey Mouse glowing like a miniature star. “Jae?” She asked.

“What’s up?”

“How are you?”

“I’m… good. What brought this up?”

Lux’s arms wrapped around herself. “I’m… I’m just worried.”

I tilted my head slightly. “Why?”

“You work a lot of hours while going to school, and your sister does the same,” she began slowly, trying to find the precise wording. “I don’t mean for this to be condescending at all, but are… are you two struggling a lot?”

_ Ah. That’s what she was talking about _ . “We’re not,” I said honestly. “Some months are tighter than others. But we manage.” I turned to face her, leaning my side against the fence. “Any reason you’re asking now?”

“I… I didn’t mean to pry.”

“You didn’t, Lux. I’m just asking for my sake.”

“Like I said, I just worry about that sort of thing. And I worry about it even more when I know I have a way to help,” she said. “So, if you ever need a place to stay or anything like that, my house is always available.”

“I’m not sure if we’ll ever make use of the offer,” I replied. “But it’s greatly appreciated nonetheless. Thank you.”

Lux beamed and nodded. “Of course. I just want to be helpful should you guys ever need it.” She raised her arms and stretched. “Alright, it’s 8 P.M., and I want to ride Incredicoaster at  _ least  _ twice before the water-show.”

“Then let’s get going!”

####  **[;]**

Lux clinged to my arm for balance as she woozily stepped out of the roller coaster cart. As it turned out, riding Incredicoaster three times in a row tended to cause a bit of motion sickness— even for the most die hard roller coaster fans. 

“Are you okay?” I asked Lux, gently taking her arm and draping it over my shoulder so she had something to lean against. 

She managed a small smile. “I’m alright. I just need to sit and drink some water.”

Carefully guiding her to the nearest place where she could sit, I sat beside her and grabbed a water bottle from my backpack. I unscrewed the cap and handed it to her. Lux’s hand wrapped around mine as she drank from the bottle.

When half of the bottle was finished, Lux wiped her lips and chin with the sleeve of her borrowed jacket.

“Hey, that’s my jacket, you know,” I said, half-scolding, as I tapped my elbow against her other arm.

“Sorry,” she mumbled before releasing my hand and the bottle.

I packed the bottle away. “I was just messing with you.”

Lux pursed her lips and nodded. “Do… do you mind if I lay down for a bit?”

I shook my head. “My shoulder or my lap?”

“Whichever you’re more comfortable with.”

I chuckled, patting my lap. Lux moved to a more comfortable position before laying down. She looked up at me, her blonde hair splayed outward like a blanket of gold across my lap. A rainbow of lights danced in her blue eyes.

Without thinking, I reached down and began to brush parts of her hair with my fingers. “Good?” I asked.

Lux hummed. “Yeah.” 

She laid in my lap for some time. It was already around 10 P.M., and there were still a good amount of people in the park. But California Adventure was closing soon, so they were beginning to make their way back into Disneyland. As they walked past us, most smiled and whispered about how cute we were, some merely offered us glances, but a select few took out their phones and snapped photos of us.

_ Rude. _ I lifted the side of my jacket to block Lux’s face and part of mine, the flashes of the cameras causing Lux to rustle slightly.

They were gone as quickly as they came by.

Lux stirred. “What was that?”

“Just some rude people,” I replied. “Did you get enough rest?”

She nodded. “I think so.” Sitting up, she gathered up her hair and put it into a ponytail. Lux still had her hand in her hair as she glanced at me. “So, ready to watch some fireworks?”

####  **[;]**

As we walked from California Adventure to Disneyland, Lux was tightly hugging my arm for warmth. And as we waited beneath the night sky, she rested her head against my chest. 

“Is this okay?” She asked.

I nodded. “Cold?”

She hummed in agreement and leaned further into me. We stood that way for some time, until the park began to dim. Music crescendoed from around us, and the crystalline lights of Cinderella’s Castle sparked to life.

With a peal of bells, the first set of fireworks shot into the sky. 

“It’s… really pretty,” Lux whispered as she stared up at the sky, a brilliant array of colors setting it alight. They reflected in Lux’s wide, glass-like eyes that captured the fireworks like stars. 

“Yeah. It is.”

She glanced up at me. “Jae,” Lux began. “Are you happy right now?”

A firework erupted, leaving behind a shower of golden sparkles in the sky.

“I… I think so.”

“You think so?”

“I hope so,” I corrected with a slight smile.

“Good,” Lux said, turning her attention back to the fireworks. “So, what was that thing you wanted to tell me?”

“Pardon?”

“A few nights ago, when we were hanging out at UCLA, you mentioned that there was something you wanted to tell me. That it wasn’t good news or bad news.” 

“Oh.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I wanted to thank you for inviting me out here. And for being my friend. I don’t think you know how much it means to me to be able to hang out with someone like this, so I just wanted to express my gratitude. That’s all.”

Lux grinned. “You’re welcome. And thank you for being my friend as well. A true, genuine friend, that is. You’re pretty great, Jaemin.”

“And so are you, Luxanna.”

####  **[;]**

“Did she kiss you?” 

I nearly spat out my water as Eunkyung’s voice called from across the dim living room. “Jesus Christ.” I breathed out a sigh. “Would it kill you to at least turn the light on before you leave your room?”

Eunkyung rolled her eyes.

I finished the water and rinsed out the glass before placing it into the dishwasher. “No, she didn’t kiss me. But…”

“But?”

“I think she’s definitely attracted to me.”

“Oh?”

I leaned against the kitchen counter-top. “We were pretty physical with each other throughout the day. Hugging, holding hands, stuff like that.”

“And you were okay with that?”

“It was nice,” I said honestly.

“But?”

“But I don’t know what I’m gonna do. About her. About our friendship,” I said. “I… I’m still figuring out how to make friends, and  _ keep _ them.”

“Do you think I have the answer?”

I shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not. But I have to stop relying on you eventually, right?”

Eunkyung nodded once. “Alright. Get some sleep. You have class at 7 A.M. tomorrow.”

“I know, I know.” I stretched and began to walk to my room.

“And Jae.” Eunkyung placed a hand on the door frame, turning her back to me. “For your sake, I hope you figure out what you want. Before it all goes wrong again.”

####  **[;]**

**November 5th, 2019**

I caught Seraphine in the halls as she walked towards Professor Laurent’s class. She wore a pair of loose white jeans and an oversized, light pink hoodie, her pink backpack slung over one shoulder.

“Hey,” I called, stepping up beside her.

“Oh.” Seraphine looked surprised to see me. “Hi, Jae.”

I tilted my head. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She glanced away. “I just… didn’t expect to see you today.”

“I see.”

We entered the classroom together, and for the first time in awhile, most of the students were there before Professor Laurent was. 

And I was immediately surrounded by several people from my class. They bombarded me with questions. Not ones regarding music, but ones regarding a certain blonde-haired and blue-eyed woman.

“Jaemin, is it true you’re dating Luxanna Crownguard?” Violet asked.

I flinched from the suddenness of the question. “I… No. I’m not dating her.”

“But people saw you two at Disneyland together!” Violet continued. “Here, Janna Windweaver even wrote an article about you two.” She showed me her phone, and true to her word, there was an article with one rather scandalous headline.

**LUXANNA CROWNGUARD AND MYSTERIOUS BOYFRIEND** **CAUGHT BEING ROMANTIC AT DISNEYLAND.**

I scrolled further down the article.  _ Oh boy. _ There were numerous pictures of Lux and I holding hands, hugging, and, of course, Lux laying on my lap to rest her head and eyes. The article itself was nothing more than questions surrounding me and my relationship with Lux, calling into question my ‘worthiness’ to be around her.

In hindsight, I probably should have seen this coming.

“So…” came the soft, hesitant voice of Seraphine. “You two aren’t dating?”

I shook my head. “We’re not.” I turned to the rest of the interrogators. “Besides, even if we were, it’s not anyone’s business but ours, right?”

Violet bowed her head slightly. “Sorry, Jae.”

I waved her aside. “It’s fine. You were just curious, I don’t blame you.”

As the group returned to their seats and Seraphine and I moved towards ours, I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. Not so much in Violet and the rest of the class, but more so in myself. How I didn’t figure that Lux, coming from a well-established and renowned family, would be in the public eye is beyond me. Then again, I wasn’t sure how she forgot about—

_ Ah. Nevermind. _

In hindsight, it made perfect sense why Lux forgot about it. 

“I didn’t know you knew Luxanna Crownguard,” Seraphine said from beside me as she pulled out her laptop. “Any other children of world-renowned families you’re on speaking terms with?”

I rolled my eyes. “For the record, I didn’t know she was that famous until recently. Up until then, she’s only been Lux, a coworker at The Grand Vastaya. Honestly, I’m more surprised that  _ you _ didn’t recognize her when she was our waitress the one time we went there.”

Seraphine flushed. “Well, it’s not like I was really looking at her.”

“You were giving her a death glare,” I reminded her.

“It wasn’t exactly a death glare—”

“It  _ was  _ a death glare.”

Seraphine rolled her eyes. “You don’t seem too stressed about this,” she observed.

“I already have too much to worry about besides this,” I replied. And it was true. I was going to be busier than ever with finals right around the corner, in addition to The Grand Vastaya’s decision to move that loomed over my head. 

She leaned her chin against the palm of her hand. Tilting her head towards me, Seraphine stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry.

####  **[;]**

As I pushed open the door to my apartment, the scent of frying kimchi reached my nostrils. The door closed behind me. 

“Jae?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” I kicked off my shoes and walked into the kitchen. I found Eunkyung standing in front of the stove, a spatula in her hand, patting down kimchi with the flat end. “Wow. You’re cooking.” I pulled open the refrigerator and grabbed a can of Milkis.

Eunkyung nudged me with her elbow as I cracked the can open. “I’m home earlier than you for once. Any reason why they kept you so long today?”

“Was helping Xayah and Rakan move stuff into their new building,” I said. Even with Seraphine and me going to the gym more often lately, everything they made me carry was still heavy as all hell. Glancing over Eunkyung’s shoulder, I could see that she was focusing intensely on getting the food right. I debated whether or not I should tease her— but I ultimately decided to shower while she cooked.

When I stepped out of the shower, the table was already set and Eunkyung had her laptop on the table. Her eyes scanned the screen while diligently taking down notes on her notebook. 

“Jae, can you—”

“I got it.” I served her a portion of the kimchi fried rice before serving myself one. Over the last few days, this was how dinners usually went when Eunkyung got home at a reasonable time— beside her cooking, at least. She was taking her bar exam soon, and was spending every waking hour at home studying for it.

It.. it made me feel lonely. But I perfectly understood why Eunkyung was so focused on it. If, or when, she passed, we wouldn’t have to worry so much about money. That was the goal for both of us, I think.

I quickly finished my meal, but as I moved to begin washing my dishes, Eunkyung stopped me. 

“I’ll wash the dishes later tonight,” she said. Eunkyung’s gaze turned towards me and she smiled slightly. “Okay?”

“Yeah.” I sat back down.

Eunkyung laid her glasses down and began to eat. “I saw an article about you today,” she said. “Rather, my coworkers showed me an article about you today. Never thought I’d see the day my little brother got into a scandal.”

I rolled my eyes. “If you can even call it that.”

“Did Lux talk to you about it at work today?”

I shook my head. “She wasn’t at work today.”

“Makes sense, her family probably doesn’t want her to appear in public for a while.”

“Do you think they’ll do anything to us?”

Eunkyung shook her head. “I doubt it’d be anything legal. It’s not like you two had sex.” She raised a brow. “Unless—”

I was abhorred. “What?! No?! No! No. We didn’t do anything like that.” I nearly felt myself gag at hearing Eunkyung even  _ mention _ sex.

“Then you have nothing to worry about.”

“And Lux?”

“The worst she’ll face is a scolding by her parents. This is small news in comparison to her brother, Garen, and his relationship with Katarina.”

I breathed out a sigh of relief. “Okay. That’s… that’s good.”

A small smile appeared on Eunkyung’s lips. “Why? Are you worried about her?”

“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Eunkyung shrugged. “It was just a question, Jae. I was curious, that’s all.” She grinned. “So, how did Seraphine handle the news of you supposedly dating the daughter of one of the richest families in the world?”

“Ugh,” I groaned. My forehead banged against the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed. Love you.
> 
> Next Chapter: 12/4/2020


	7. VII - Perfect Imperfection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi sorry for the delay and the small size of this chapter. I chose not to make it too large because any more content would have been filler, and ultimately useless to the rest of the plot. As always,
> 
> Enjoy.

**Chapter Song: Shawn Mendes - 305**

**November 13th, 2019**

Professor Laurent's ruler slapped the side of her lectern, releasing a loud, cracking snap! Sera, who, since the midterm project had ended, had begun to sit next to me in class, let out a gasp at the sudden sound.

And upon realizing that her outburst was audible, Sera flushed and looked at me as I would do something to help her.

I shrugged. It wasn't like the class was paying attention to her. They had the professor to focus on.

"Now that I have everyone's attention, I would like to announce the final for this class." She cleared her throat. "Much like the midterm, the final will also be an EP project. However, instead of you choosing an EP concept, I will instead be assigning you one."

There were no groans, exclamations, or sounds of complaint.

It was nothing but pure silence.

I looked at Seraphine. Her mouth hung open in pure shock, and it seemed that everyone else wore the same expression as well. I could hardly believe it. Of all the teachers that would curb our creativity, of all the classes that would curb our creativity, Professor Laurent and Music Composition were the last two that I would have answered with.

For months, Professor Laurent had lauded the importance of creative freedom, collaboration, and so on and so forth. But now she was taking almost all of it away and assigning it to us as our final.

"Professor." Violet stood. "Did I hear that right?"

"Yes, Violet. I will be assigning you the concept for your EP."

"This isn't fair, Professor!"

Following Violet's outburst, the class exploded into a ruckus of shouting, pointing, and complaining. It was hard to resist getting dragged in with the rest of them, for a moment I slowly began to rise out of my seat, but Seraphine grabbed the sleeve of my jacket and stopped me.

"No point in fighting against it when there's nothing we can do, right?" She asked.

"Right." I sighed. Professor Laurent was a stalwart woman, when she set her mind on something, there wasn't much to be done about changing her opinion. Thinking more positively, I continued. "We should just try and make the most out of whatever she assigns us, right?"

Seraphine smiled and nodded.

After a short while, Professor Laurent managed to calm the lecture hall back down. She sounded half-tempted to lecture us on things other than what we were supposed to learn that day. Curtly, she continued her lecture. "As I said: you will be assigned concepts for the final EP project. You have the option to continue working with the partner you had in the previous EP project, and if you wish to be assigned another partner, please let me know." She scanned the room for any dissenting gazes. "In addition to this EP project, you will also be assigned a small bit of research."

Professor Laurent grinned. "There will be a Music-Appreciation Festival in Venice Beach this upcoming weekend. It will be open from November 15th through the 22nd. I expect every group to go and make note of at least one genre of music at the festival, and attempt to make a song within that genre."

Seraphine and I shared an excited glance.

"The EP project will be due December 9th. Unlike the last project, the EP with the highest grade will not be released by UMG, but hopefully the fact that this is worth a quarter of your grade in this class still motivates you." Professor Laurent produced the same bowl that she used to draw names for the first EP project. "Seeing as we are all here today, I will draw concepts now. Please speak to me after class if you and your partner would like to work with different people."

"For Violet and Orion," Professor Laurent began, her hand dipping into the bowl and swirling around the pieces of paper. She pulled one out and unfolded it. "Your concept will be Night."

Violet groaned, and Orion patted her on the back.

"For Seraphine and Jaemin…"

"Oh boy," I murmured. "Here's hoping we get something good."

"Agreed," Seraphine added.

"Your concept will be Wonder."

**[;]**

Over the last week or so, Seraphine and I had slowly returned to a normal friendship— it was the only positive outcome of the scandal that Lux and I created on our trip to Disneyland together. After that incident, Lux and I had a long conversation about what our relationship with each other really was.

It was a strange, but much needed conversation. After what was essentially a date at Disneyland, I felt awful for treating Lux the way I did; it felt like I was accidentally leading her on the entire time there. Even though it wasn't my intention, I still couldn't help but feel that way. Lux reassured me that wasn't the case, and that the blame was on both of us. We both crossed boundaries that we shouldn't have simply because we got carried away in the moment. Now we were facing the consequences of our careless actions.

Lux was stuck at home, and wouldn't be able to see me face-to-face for an unknown amount of time, anywhere from a few weeks to several months.

Ultimately, we decided that it would be best to remain friends.

I… I don't think I would have minded starting a relationship with Lux after that. But during our conversation, she put it in such a way that made perfect sense: "We should probably try being friends first. I don't even know anything about you other than the fact that you sing, make music, and work at the same place I do."

So ever since Lux was forced to stay at home, and whenever I had time, we would text one another. It was harmless conversation, just asking questions and learning more about each other.

I glanced down at Seraphine as we walked out of Professor Laurent's class and towards her car. We were both done with classes for the day. I thought it best to be courteous and walk her back to the parking garage.

She was trying to make an argument in favor of the concept. And while I understood where she was coming from, I still couldn't help but feel pigeonholed. Months after months of creative freedom, all amounting up to… this.

It felt wrong.

"It's not like the concept is foreign," Seraphine argued. "We can totally make something out if it."

"That's not the point, Sera." I sighed. "It feels like the professor is taking something away from us. Something that shouldn't ever be taken away."

"I know. But like I said earlier, there's not much we can do about it, right?"

"Yeah. I get it." Stuffing my hands into my pockets, I decided to leave the conversation there. Seraphine had a point there. We just had to take in stride. "So, we should probably go to that music festival before anything else, right?"

Seraphine agreed. "Definitely. After that, we can try what we did for the last album."

"Now that I think about it, Professor Laurent didn't mention anything about how we would get photos."

"Maybe she wanted us to get them on our own?"

I shrugged. "Either way, let's focus on that festival. Are you free on the 15th?"

"I should be."

"Cool."

"It's a date?"

"It's a da—"

Seraphine giggled.

I rolled my eyes. "Very funny, Ser." Of course, normal for Seraphine and I meant that we shared a little bit of harmless flirting here and there. "Alright," I said as we approached her car. "I'll see you on Friday?"

Seraphine walked to the other side of the car. "Friday."

I waved at her one last time before she got in the car. The engine rumbled to a start, and I stepped back as she began to pull out of her parking spot. I waited for her to be out my vision before walking towards where I parked my bike.

**[;]**

November 15th, 2019

"Sera!" I called, jogging over to her easily identifiable bundle of pink hair. She wore a pale, cropped puffer jacket in tandem with a simple black t-shirt. She also sported a pair of denim shorts, a bright yellow dad-hat, and her black guitar case slung over her shoulder. Her pink hair was tied into a ponytail that she fitted through the hole in the back of her hat. When she spotted me, a look of pure relief washed over her. "You okay?" I asked.

"I'm fine," answered Seraphine. "Just… a little weary from all of the people here."

The music festival was packed. Actually, even packed was too light of a description to use. For as far as my eyes could see, all across Venice Beach, booths and tents were propped up. Each one colored vibrantly, and each one playing either music I've heard a thousand times before, or music I hadn't ever heard once in my life. And an endless sea of people flooded the area between the booths.

"I guess a lot of people really like music here."

"Jae. You live in LA."

"I know, I know," I defended. "Still shocking." I shrugged. "I guess I don't go outside enough."

"You work forty hours a week and take eighteen units," Seraphine reasoned. "Makes sense that you don't go outside."

"Alright, alright. Which way should we head first?"

"South," she replied immediately. "I'd rather die than go to Santa Monica on a Friday."

I laughed. "Sounds good." I jerked a thumb at my backpack. "Did you bring a notebook or something?"

Seraphine tilted her head. "I can just use my phone to take notes, Jae."

"Oh. Right. Smartphones."

She tapped my shoulder. "C'mon. Let's get going."

**[;]**

As it turned out, Professor Laurent forcing us to attend this music festival was a genius idea. It allowed Seraphine and me to interact first-hand with musicians that all had different sounds, identities, and ideas of how to approach music. And when it came to approaching a concept… it was like some deity came down and blessed us with this opportunity.

I lost track of how many different ideas we thought up even as we were walking by booths. When we heard something interesting, Seraphine recorded it on her phone, and I marked down the specific notes or chords it contained.

Specifically, there was a booth where a cello and a French horn played together. And the timbre of both instruments together was so filled with emotion that it was almost numbing to the ears.

"It should be illegal for those instruments to sound that good together and for no composer to be using them like that," I said to Seraphine as the duet slowly rose into a crescendo. The piece itself… was unexplainable; it had so many rising and falling melodies that it sounded like two birds locked in a twisting and spiraling dance across the sky.

"Yeah…" Seraphine breathed.

When the piece ended, we gave the performers our best applause.

Seraphine looked up at me. "We're totally using that for the EP, right?"

"Oh yeah. We are."

And with the assignment already completed, Seraphine and I could focus on simply enjoying the music. And each other's company.

As we walked along the beach, Seraphine nudged my side with her elbow. When she noticed she had my attention, she pointed to one of the booths not promoting some type of music. "There's funnel cake. Do you want some?"

The sickeningly sweet scent of funnel cake immediately overloaded my senses. I covered my nose with the sleeve of my hoodie. "If you want," I replied. "Not too into sweets myself."

Seraphine tilted her head. "Wait. Really?"

I chuckled. "Yes. Really."

"I could have sworn that you told me you liked sweets."

"Nope," I replied, popping the 'p.'

"Huh. Okay," Seraphine said. "I'm gonna get some then."

After Sera got her funnel cake, we found a place to sit on the bleachers near a small sand park. Seraphine rested the paper plate in her lap, her shoes resting on the edge of the bleachers below her. Soft sunlight graced the side of her face as she munched on the funnel cake.

I sat beside her and simply enjoyed the feeling of the ocean breeze against my skin. The whirlwind that was finals season left me exhausted and my muscles sore. Even with how little time I already had to myself, I ended up with even less time. If I wasn't working, I was studying. If I wasn't studying, I was working. And if I was doing neither, I was practicing or producing.

"Enjoying yourself?" Seraphine asked.

I chuckled. "I needed a break. Otherwise I think I would've collapsed sooner rather than later."

"You work too hard," she added through a mouthful of funnel cake. She swallowed. "You're lucky that your grey hair looks good on you." Seraphine pointed her powdered sugar coated fork at me.

"Yes, yes." I ran a hand through said hair. "I should be thanking my parents for having good genes." I chuckled.

Seraphine giggled. "Yes, you should." She quickly finished the rest of the funnel cake and wiped her lips with a napkin before tossing the plate, her fork, and her napkin in a nearby trash can. Raising her hands above her head, she let out a satisfied groan. "I probably shouldn't be eating that, considering we went to the gym this morning… but I don't care."

I stood up. "There's also the fact that you already ate it, Ser."

"Okay. Fair enough."

"So," she began. "Where to now?"

**[;]**

From mid-afternoon until sunset, Seraphine and I spent the remainder of the day at the festival. We shared laughs, a few snacks, and enjoyed the sheer talent that filled Venice Beach. We absorbed as much of the music as we could, even if it meant that I had to remind Seraphine that we were here for class. And she always responded with a small sigh, a nod, and a, "such a party-pooper, Jae."

I'm sure she appreciated the reminders.

Nevertheless, we eventually made it all the way to Santa Monica from Venice Beach. It was strange spending this much time with Seraphine again. The last time she and I shared a whole day together was nearly a month ago, may be a little more or a little less. But the change of pace was welcome.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, we sat next to each other on the beach. I laid out a blanket over the sand so we wouldn't have to worry about getting sand all over us or the guitar case. I caught Seraphine shivering, her clothes not doing very much to shield her from the cold ocean breeze.

"You okay?" I asked.

She shakily nodded. "Just cold."

"Do you want my jacket?"

Sera shrugged. "I wouldn't mind it."

I unzipped my jacket and placed it over her shoulders. "You know," I said, laying on my back on the blanket. "I feel like I should just carry around an extra jacket when I'm with you."

She giggled. "Yeah, maybe."

Listening to the sound of the waves lapping the shore, taking in the soft and subtle scent of Seraphine's perfume I found myself drifting towards sleep. And before I knew it, I was fast asleep.

Seraphine gently stirred me awake. I wasn't entirely sure how long I was asleep, but it couldn't have been that long. She had my head in her lap, one hand on her side and the other scrolling through her phone. "Did you have a good nap?"

"I did," I said. I sat up and glanced at her. "Any reason why I wake up with my head in your lap?"

"I figured it would be a little more comfortable than the sand. Or the blanket." She set her phone down. "Sorry if it made you uncomfortable."

I shook my head. "Not at all. I was just curious."

After that, we fell into a strained silence that neither of us wanted to break. We'd long since run out of things to talk about, and with the festival over, there was nothing but the sound of the waves against the sand, and the calling and shouting of other groups at the beach. A few bonfires lined the shore, each one alight with a twisting and curling fire.

We sat in that silence for a time. Neither of us looked at each other, neither of us reached for our phones, and neither of us attempted to make conversation. We simply stared out at the darkened ocean.

Seraphine moved over to her guitar case and began to unzip it. Pulling out her guitar, she tested it, the notes ringing throughout the night air. "Let's sing something," she said suddenly.

"Oh. Okay." I cleared my throat. "What did you want to sing?"

"end of summer."

"Our song?"

She nodded. "Do you need to warm up?"

I shook my head. "Don't think so. I should be fine."

After two measures of counting in, Seraphine began to strum the main chords of the song. I quickly found the tempo, and settled myself into the pocket of the guitar, my body bobbing along to the rhythm

"It's the end of summer and I feel. Don't wanna remember but I will. Don't forget me when I leave, don't forget me… Please, don't forget me."

A small smile bloomed on Seraphine's lips as I began to sing, and I smiled as well. My eyes closed on their own as I submerged myself in the ocean of music. I sang with as much feeling and fervor as I could, pouring every ounce of myself into the small performance.

"Don't forget me when I leave, don't forget me when I cry, don't forget me… Please, don't forget me." I finished the chorus, and Seraphine joined in a moment later— her pure voice rang out like a bell.

"You said 'please don't forget me.' I said 'who's gonna do that?' These words I'm saying will not make you stay." She tapped the body of her guitar with her knuckles synchronously with her singing. As she finished her verse, she glanced at me, her fingers moving back to the strings.

And we began to sing together. "It's the end of summer and I feel. Don't wanna remember but I will. It's the end of summer and I feel." Our voices melted together like green tea and honey, or a perfect blend of coffee.

The song finished with a few final chords.

"Can't believe you took the melody from me at the end," Seraphine said with a pout, her fingers still lingering on the strings. "You know how much I love singing the melody."

"And I also know how much you love singing the harmony," I said with a grin.

She elbowed my side. "Rude."

We shared a laugh as Sera set down her guitar. With the awkwardness diffused, Seraphine let out a long, deep sigh. "It's been a weird month, huh?"

"Yeah. It certainly has."

She rubbed the back of her neck. "Making friends… is a lot harder than I expected."

I chuckled. "Agreed. But… it's been fun, right? Mostly?"

"Mostly." Seraphine brought her knees to her chest. "Can I ask you something?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Go ahead."

"Are you worried about the EP?"

"I am."

"Why?"

"Because Professor Laurent forcing us into a concept—"

"Besides that," Seraphine immediately interjected. "There has to be more to it than that, Jae."

"I have to be perfect, Ser," I said honestly. "Everything I make, everything I write, and everything I produce has to be perfect. For me to get anywhere, my music has to be perfect."

Seraphine smiled softly, shaking her head. "No one's perfect. You don't need to be perfect, or strong everyday." She reached out and brushed my cheek. "Jae, the best things in life won't be perfect. And you have to accept that."

"But I…" The words died on my lips.

"You have to accept that, Jae," she finished. "And I'll be there with you every step of the way. If you let me, if you want me to."

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked.

"Because you haven't before," answered Seraphine. "And you probably won't in the future."

"You sound so sure."

She smiled. "Because you're as stubborn as an ox, and about as prideful as one too," she said, whimsically. Seraphine laid on her back, her gaze tilted up at the sky before it rolled over to me. "But that's okay. I think I'm finally getting used to it."

I laid beside her, resting my hands on my stomach. "Or you're just getting more persistent."

"Hey, I haven't been persistent in a while."

"True enough."

"What do you want, Jae?" Seraphine asked suddenly. "Out of this friendship, what do you want?"

"I want to know you, Seraphine," I murmured, staring out at the ocean as we sat on the sand. "You're one of the few people in my life that have stuck around this long." I chuckled. "I don't care if you constantly make me feel like I'm on a rollercoaster. I just want to know you. To be able to understand you. To make music with you." I looked at her, our eyes meeting. "That's all."

Seraphine pursed her lips. "That's all?"

"That's all."

Her pursed lips slowly morphed into a small, nearly imperceptible smile. "Okay. Then feel free to know all about me."

Something about the way she said those words threw me for a loop, but Seraphine was already on her feet and brushing the sand from her legs before I could even ask her about it. She bent over, picked up her guitar, and returned it to its case. "You know what we should do sometime?" She asked.

"Hm?"

"Busking."

"You think so?"

Seraphine nodded with her guitar case slung over one shoulder. "It's something I've been wanting to do for awhile now, and with you by my side, it'll be a little bit more exciting than just me doing it alone." She grinned. "Plus, it'll be a great way to get some performing experience for our inevitable concerts in front of a crowd of thousands."

She and I shared a laugh. And it made me realize just how much I enjoyed Seraphine's laugh, even if it was closer to a giggle than anything else.

"You sound so sure of our success."

Sera shrugged. "Gotta start by believing in yourself, right?"

"Agreed."

"So," she began as we started to walk back to her car. "How are things between you and Lux?"

"Wh— what?"

Sera shrugged. "You two were pretty close at Disneyland, and I assume that you've seen one another often. I'm just wondering. Making conversation."

"Oh." I tilted my head. "We actually haven't seen each other since Disneyland. After the article came out, we decided to let things cool down for a while, at least until people forgot about it."

"So you two aren't dating?"

I shook my head. "No. We're not."

Seraphine bobbed her head. "Okay. Cool."

"Why the sudden interest?"

She glanced at me with widened eyes. "N— nothing! Like I said, just making conversation." Sera lifted the bill of her hat and ran a hand through her flattened hair, walking slightly faster.

I chuckled and jogged to catch up with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment or some kudos if you enjoyed my work!


	8. VIII - Honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to split this chapter into two parts. I'll upload the other half next week. It'll most likely be late because of finals and such. Thanks for bearing with me, everyone.
> 
> Enjoy.

**Chapter Song:** _One Republic - Life in Color_

**November 20, 2019**

Seraphine let out a deep breath as she pushed open the door to the recording room. "So, we've got this reserved until next month?" She asked, already moving to take off her backpack.

"Yeah. Until the fifteenth."

"I'll start moving our stuff back in then?"

I gave her a thumbs-up. "Sounds good."

We dropped our backpacks and other belongings in the room before locking the door and heading back towards Seraphine's car. As with any kind of move, it was a slow process, especially because we were carrying everything basically across campus. But thanks to our frequent visits to the gym, we both could lift more than we could the last time we had the rooms reserved, and that saved us more than enough time.

On the third trip, we finally finished moving everything back into the recording room. The blankets, the mini-fridge, the pillows, and our drinks and snacks returned, and Seraphine seemed immensely satisfied.

She popped open a pack of shrimp chips and a bottle of strawberry milk. "So," she said after chewing through a mouthful of chips. "How should we start this?"

"We already have the concept, so we don't have to worry about that." I checked it off mentally. "I… I suppose we can start with writing some songs?"

"But we did that last time," Sera protested. "I want to try starting with something new."

"Okay. What did you want to try?"

She hummed. "How about you start?"

"What do you mean?"

"Last time, I started the EP," explained Seraphine. "This time you start it how you want."

"Oh." I pursed my lips. "Okay."

She stood up from the chair in front of the computer and motioned for me to sit in it.

I adjusted the seat's height. I pulled out the MIDI keyboard, loading up a piano onto the computer.

My fingers traced the surface of the keys. As I slowly began to play, Seraphine perked up at the melodies I pulled from the piano.

I played a descending melody, closing my eyes and letting my fingers, my thoughts, my feelings guide me.

There was no process, no theory, no sense of direction.

It was just me and the music.

And the words came to me naturally.

" _Neck to neck the waters rise, we swim good we drown sometimes._ " I glanced at Seraphine as my hands found the right chords. " _Lift you up you catch your breath, help me up we take a step, oh_."

Seraphine swayed to the slow, steady tempo.

" _Take the time to figure out. Let's not fight or fool around, no. Love is not a losing game. But surely we can find a way, yeah."_ I momentarily lifted my hands from the piano. Then I let them run free across the piano like birds through a cloudless sky.

After another minute of playing, I finished the song with a few final notes. My gaze drifted from the keyboard to Seraphine.

"Wow," she breathed, her hand over her mouth. "That… that was amazing."

"I…" I trailed off. I wasn't entirely sure what to say. "I just let the music take control, I guess. I don't really have a better way of putting it." I turned my attention back to the computer monitor, only to realize that I hadn't begun the recording. I sighed. "And of course it wasn't recorded."

"It's not like you forgot the melody or anything, right?" Seraphine asked. "Because I still remember it."

"Yeah, I remember it. Just let me record it." I pressed the record button and quickly replayed the melody from memory. Once I finished, I grabbed a hold of the mouse and scrolled through the sounds and instruments that we had access to.

"Where did the lyrics come from?" Seraphine asked, scooting her chair up next to mine. "They were really good."

"It was freestyle," I answered. At the same time, I found a set of unbelievably natural, live drums. I stood up and moved to the back of the room to find an Akai MPC.

Seraphine followed me with her gaze as I walked. "That was freestyle? Seriously?"

"Yeah." I let out a sigh of relief. The MPC was still there. I figured that someone would have taken an interest in it and moved it into another one of the rooms. I dusted it off and placed it on the table, hooking it up to the computer.

"What is that?" Seraphine asked. Her fingers tapped one of the sixteen black pads.

"It's an MPC," I replied. With all of the wires correctly plugged in, I mapped the drum samples to each one of the pads. "People use them to record drums."

"Why not just program it in?"

"Well…" I rubbed the back of my head. "That's one way to do it. But I always preferred to do it this way. Makes the drums feel more natural, I guess." I hovered my fingers over the pads. "Watch." I nodded my head towards the record button.

Seraphine pressed it.

After a few measures of leaving the pianos alone, I tapped the pads of the MPC to create a smooth, flowing, and classical R&B percussion line. I recorded it for several measures before stopping the recording and simply pasting the percussion the rest of the way. I edited the percussion more heavily, removing some instruments, adding others, and after twenty minutes, the percussion of the entire song was finished.

And I hadn't written down a single word of the lyrics yet.

"Wow," Seraphine said. "I guess you really don't start with the lyrics."

"I kind of did. The words I sang let me find the rest of the song." I pulled open the notes and wrote down the lyrics I sang earlier. "Now I just have to write the rest of it."

"Do you need me?" Seraphine asked.

I raised a brow. "Why not? You're good at writing lyrics. I could always use the help."

She tilted her head, and for a moment, Sera looked like she wanted to protest. But that look quickly went away, and she simply nodded her head. "Alright. I'll see what I can do."

**[;]**

With a roll of my shoulders and a long, deep groan, I leaned fully against the back of the chair. As it turned out, the rest of the song wasn't as easy to write as either of us expected. What I thought would be an easy song that we finished in an hour, turned into a grueling, almost excruciating five hour recording session.

And as much as I hated to say it, I believed it was my fault.

I was obsessive, borderline sociopathic, with how each line, each word, each _syllable_ was delivered. I didn't want to be stuck making the same songs as I did in the last EP project. And while this song was R&B, I needed the color of my voice to be different. I needed to show that I had grown from the last EP. The instrumental conveyed that well enough, with an emphasis on the percussion and a simple precision of the chords that I hadn't shown before.

An artist that doesn't grow, that doesn't change, isn't an artist— they are an imitator. That was my belief, and it was more true than ever now.

By the time I finished mixing the song, Seraphine was already fast asleep on the recording room couch. And it was nearly midnight.

She was shivering.

I lightly sighed. "Of course she forgot about the blanket." Unfolding her bright pink blanket and draping it over her, I began to clean up the room. I exported the project onto my USB, packed all of the instruments and production tools away, and shut off the computer. I sat beside her. After maybe ten or fifteen minutes, I stirred her awake.

"Hey," I said. "Wake up."

Her eyes fluttered open, and she stared up at me with her brilliant azure gaze. "Hi," she half-breathed, half-groaned. "Morning?"

I chuckled. "More like 'goodnight.'"

"What time is it?"

"Midnight now."

Sera rubbed her cheeks with the palm of her hands. "Oh gosh. I need to get home."

"Do you think you can get there safely?" I asked, genuinely concerned.

She pursed her lips. "Yes?" She answered drowsily.

I narrowed my eyes. "How long is your drive?"

"Thirty minutes."

I narrowed my eyes even further.

"Jae, there's nowhere I can stay—"

"You can stay at my place."

Sera crossed her arms. "How would we even get there?"

"It's only ten minutes from here," I countered. "A lot shorter than the drive to your house. You can take my room, I'll crash on the couch or something."

"But your sister—"

"Won't care," I interrupted. With a sigh, I gently pushed Seraphine to her feet. "C'mon. Let's head on out of here and to your car. I'll ride with you."  
"What about your bike?"

I raised a brow. "Your safety is more important than a bike, Sera."

"But—"

"Stop arguing," I finished. "I swear you're as stubborn as me sometimes."

Seraphine sighed. "Fine."

**[;]**

Throughout the drive, I found myself panicking nearly twice as much as I did normally. I did my best to distract myself by doing something productive, like worrying about Seraphine while she drove. With my hands clenched around my seatbelt, I glanced at Sera.

"You okay?" I asked.

Seraphine placed both hands on the wheel. "I feel like I should be asking you that." She motioned to her phone. "If you want, you can play something. If it helps."

I shook my head. "No, it's fine."

"Jae…" She smiled. "It'll make it easier for me to stay awake if you play something. Or sang. Either one."

"I…" I sighed. "Okay." I grabbed her phone and searched for a song to play. I needed it to distract me. Anything to distract me. _Ah. That._

The signal pinged from Seraphine's speakers, and it slowly morphed into the gentle crescendos of deep chords on a synth pad.

" _Bone + Tissue_?" Seraphine asked. "Of course you'd play this."

"What? A song by Gallant? That is incredibly difficult to sing well? I would never," I replied, already feeling my shoulders loosen as the bass of the song rolled in like a growing thunderstorm.

Seraphine laughed. "Alright. Let's hear it then."

" _Give me more than God in a courtroom. More than broken glass in my house shoes._ " The music flooded my senses like a tsunami. My eyes closed on their own as I began to sing, to submerge myself in the music, and to lose myself in its currents. " _Take money on a bet that you wanna lose, babe. Quit taking your time making time feel better."_

"Woo!" Seraphine cheered as the song exploded into the chorus.

" _Sell me something I can use to catapult my value. Treat me like the cardinal anointed in my vessels._ "

Seraphine hummed along with me, siphoning energy from me. Her humming morphed into full-blown singing. " _And any time I bite the hand that feeds, won't you lie through your teeth and tell me I'm a monument to more than bone and tissue._ "

Sera and I sang and jammed for the rest of the way to my apartment, my worries and anxiety mostly diffused. She pulled into an open spot in the parking garage. She turned to me and looked at me through lidded eyes. Her energy was clearly expended in the ten minute car ride. Just looking at her made me sleepy.

"You okay?" I asked.

She slowly nodded. "I never stay up this late. And all of that singing a lot out of me too. So I'm a little disoriented."

"A little?" I joked.

Sera smiled sleepily. "A little," she repeated.

We got out of the car and made our way up to my apartment. Thankfully this time, the hallway was cleaner and free of trash. Mostly. There were always the perpetual trash bags in front of Darius' and Draven's apartment.

I unlocked my apartment door and let Seraphine step inside first.

"Haven't been here in awhile," Sera murmured. She slipped off her shoes and walked over to the couch. "Here?" She asked. "Or your room?"

"You can take my room," I answered, pointing over my shoulder to the currently closed door. "Let me get you something to change into." I quickly found her a clean t-shirt and a pair of shorts. "If you want to," I began, walking out of my room. "You can shower…" I trailed off and sighed.

Seraphine laid on the couch, with her knees hugged to her chest as she quietly snored. A tiny bit of drool fell from her mouth and onto the couch. She mumbled something unintelligible as I draped a grey blanket over her. Then, she stirred. Her eyes slowly blinked open. "Oh… I fell asleep.'

"Yes, Sera," I said with a slight smile. "Yes you did."

She wrapped the blanket around herself, nodding her head at the open space on the couch beside me. "I'm hungry," murmured Sera.

"You're hungry?"

She pursed her lips and nodded.

"Is ramen fine?"

"Do you guys have Shin—"

"Yeah. We do."

Seraphine smiled. "Thanks."

As I got to cooking, Seraphine grabbed the remote and flicked on the TV. "Do you guys have Netflix?" She asked from across the room.

I glanced up from my task of stirring the pot of boiling noodles. "Should be on there. What did you want to watch?"

She shrugged. "I just want something to fill the silence." Sera pressed a few buttons on the remote. "Ah. There." The television darkened before the Netflix logo flashed onto the screen. She randomly selected something, and judging from the opening music, it was a k-drama that Eunkyung finished recently. I simply listened as the scene played out, choosing to focus on cooking rather than the show.

After dropping in some chopped green onions, a half-clove of minced garlic, and some grated ginger to the broth, and a healthy amount of vegetables, I placed the pot onto a slightly wet towel, and placed that in front of Seraphine, along with a pair of chopsticks and a few napkins.

"Thank you," Seraphine said. "I feel bad for asking you to cook for me, though."

I waved her off. "It's alright." I ran a hand through my hair and noticed just how greasy it was. "I'm gonna shower. When you're done, just drop it into the left sink. I'll wash it."

"I can wash it." She smiled. She made a shooing motion. "Go shower."

"Alright, alright."

**[;]**

I showered quickly, not wanting Seraphine to feel too lonely, especially considering that she was at my house. When I stepped out of the bathroom, my hair still slightly wet, Seraphine was standing behind the kitchen counter, her long, pink hair free from the ponytail that she kept it in all day. Her hands were in the sink, scrubbing away at the finished pot of ramen.

"If you wanted to shower, your clothes are here," I said, pointing to the t-shirt and shorts that I left on the coffee table earlier. "Use the orange towel. It's clean."

"Okay. Thanks." Seraphine brought her arms across her chest and stretched as she walked over to the bathroom. "I won't be long."

"Mmhm." She walked into the bathroom and flicked the light on. The door shut behind her, and a few moments later, the shower turned on.

"Do you know how to make the water hot?"

"Yeah. I got it."

_Wow. Don't hear that everyday._

After about fifteen minutes, the water turned off. And then the whirr of our hair dryer slipped beneath the doors. It took a whole thirty minutes before the hair dryer shut off.

When she finished, Seraphine sat beside me on the couch. She was already moving towards the fuzzy grey blanket that I had given her earlier and keeping herself cocooned in it. With her hair mostly dried, she fully relaxed into the couch. The show that she decided to put on illuminated her face in the dark room. When she caught me staring, she turned to look at me. "Something on your mind?"

"There's a lot."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm good." I smiled at Sera. "You know, I don't think I've ever thanked you for everything you've done for me."

Seraphine brought her knees to her chest and hugged them. "I don't really think I've done much to deserve your gratitude."

"You have," I interjected. "You've done more for me than a lot of people I know."

Seraphine pursed her lips.

"I'm serious, Sera. Thank you. For today. For tomorrow. For yesterday. For however long ago. Thank you for believing in me, Ser."

"I…" She trailed off. "You're welcome."

I smiled. "Alright." I stood up. "I'm gonna head to bed. It's getting really late. And we have—"

"Jae," interrupted Seraphine. "Do… do you want to skip school tomorrow?"

**[;]**

**November 21, 2019**

"I can't believe I actually convinced you to skip school today," Seraphine said as I laid down a plate of sunny-side-up eggs on the table. She picked up a serving and moved it over to her plate with her chopsticks. "And I find it even crazier that your sister actually agreed to it."

I shrugged, taking up the seat beside her. "It's not too crazy. She knows that I'll manage it. And she likes you."

"She does?"

"Sorta."

Sera giggled. "That sounds more accurate."

She and I ate in relative silence, simply enjoying the food and each other's company. It was strange. Usually I only ever saw her in the afternoon or the middle of day, depending on our schedules— but seeing Seraphine first thing in the morning was something like a pleasant surprise.

We finished the food, and while I washed the dishes, Seraphine showered. And after she finished her shower, I began mine.

"What are we gonna do today?" I asked, stepping out of the bathroom with my hair still damp. "We can't just sit around and do nothing."

Seraphine glanced up from her phone. "Why not produce here?"

"Oh." I nearly facepalmed. "Sure, let's give it a shot."

Seraphine stood up and followed me into my room. And it was then that I realized she would be one of the first people, besides my sister and myself, to step into my room. I opened the door, and stepped inside.

Seraphine let out a small gasp as she entered.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"No, no. I'm… a little surprised that it's so clean."

I tilted my head. "Oh?"

"I didn't mean it like that. I figured that you would've been too busy to clean your own room or something."

I shook my head. "It's not like I have much of a room to clean."

"Fair enough."

While my room was much smaller than my sister's, I did my best to make it look homely. My bed sat in the middle of the room, with its headboard dominating a majority of the back wall. A white-topped nightstand stood beside the bed. On the left side of the bed, nearest to the door, was a sliding-door that opened up to my closet. And directly in front of the door, on the opposite wall, was my L-shaped desk.

The tower of my computer had its closed side to the wall, and both of my monitors covered the tower itself. A pair of studio monitors— speakers specialized for music production— rested beside the computer monitors. On the left side of the desk, there were clear, plastic containers for microphones, keyboards, and other supplies that I knew I would need for production.

Seraphine approached the desk, immediately reaching for the instrument cases I kept beneath it: a cello, a violin, and both an electric and acoustic guitar. "This is quite a setup, Jae," she said, taking it all in.

"I like being able to work from home," I said. "Don't want to be cramped in the recording room all the time, even if it's really comfortable there."

"I understand. Still… this is way better than what I have at home."

"As long as you're being productive, it doesn't matter what your setup looks like," I answered honestly. "And this is coming from someone who used to make songs using an old Macbook. The gear doesn't make the artist. Talent and effort do."

Sera nodded. "Right. Is it alright if I…?" She trailed off, pointing to my bed.

"Feel free to sit or lay down. Make yourself comfortable." I turned on my computer, taking a seat in the chair. I spun it around and turned to face Sera, who was currently peeling my blanket free and wrapping herself around in it. "So, what did you want to work on? Your solo song? A duet?"

Seraphine rested her head on an arm, closing her eyes in thought. "I kinda want to just talk."

"To talk?"

She nodded. Her eyes blinked open. "Like how we talked for the last EP. We just asked each other questions and stuff."

"Oh. Again?"

She frowned. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"No, no, not at all. I'm just asking."

"Yeah. Again." She smiled. "I'll start."

"Should I be worried?"

Sera's smile grew into a sly grin. "Maybe." She cleared her throat. "Just so we can set boundaries, how far do you want to go?"

I crossed my arms. "Better question is how far you're willing to go."

Seraphine rolled her neck and cracked her knuckles. "You've yet to scratch the surface of me, Jaemin."

"I should be saying that to you, Seraphine."

**[;]**

Seraphine sat on the edge of my bed, her legs crossed as she stared inquisitively at me. "Who's hotter: me or Lux?"

My answer came flying out of my mouth before I could stop it. "You." I ignored the fire in my cheeks and the blush that bloomed on Seraphine's. "Were you jealous of Lux and me?"

"Yes. I was. What's hot about me?"

"Your voice."

Seraphine rolled her eyes. "Lame."

I shrugged. "It's the truth." _Partly_. "What's hot about _me_?" I asked.

"Your eyes," she fired. "And… your voice…" She sighed. Then, a sparkle of mischief appeared in her eyes. "Be honest: did you want me to sleep with you last night?"

If I had been drinking water, it would have shot straight out of my nose. "Wh— what?"

"Did you want me to sleep with you last night?" Seraphine repeated.

"Yeah, yeah. I heard you. I just… Wow. You _actually_ asked me that."

"Told you."

"Sure."

Sera froze. "What."

I raised a brow. "Sure. You did tell me."

"Oh."

"Did you think I was…"

"Yeah."

"Ah."

"Any— anyways," Seraphine began. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"I wouldn't have minded."

"And he answers anyway." Seraphine groaned and her head dropped into her hands. Her ears began to flush with red. "Please… just ask your question already."

I chuckled. "Okay, okay. What would you do if we were dating?"

Seraphine hummed. "I think the most obvious thing would be telling you how much I can't stop thinking about you."

"Oh?"

She flushed. "I mean... I feel like that's a common thing in all relationships, right? Thinking about each other, dreaming about each other, fantasizing about each other?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. Not sure that's how it worked in my relationships."

Seraphine hummed. "I see."

"If there was one person you could write a letter to, who would it be?"

Seraphine's response was instant. "My future love."

Something clicked in my head. "That was quick."

"I feel like a lot of people would have the same response if they thought about it."

"What would you say?"

"I... I would ask them to be strong for me, and that I hope we meet sooner rather than later."

"That's very romantic of you."

She crossed her arms. "So?"

"Nothing wrong with that," I defended. "Just a comment. I'm a romantic too. Just… not as much as you are, I think."

Sera rolled her eyes. "Well, we've been talking for awhile now."

I glanced at my computer monitor to check the time. It was almost noon, and we finished eating breakfast a little over three hours ago. As if on command, my stomach let out a small rumble.

"Hungry?"

"Mm."

"What should we eat?"

I shrugged. "Not sure what we have in the way of groceries. Maybe we just order delivery?"

"What are you in the mood for then?"

"Kinda want Chinese."

Seraphine and I shared a glance.

"Gu-Yi?" She asked.

"Gu-Yi," I answered.

"I'll give them a call. What do you want?"

"The sauteed pork." I turned my chair to face my computer. "While you call, I'm gonna get started on something." I grabbed a MIDI keyboard and plugged it into the USB port.

"Sounds good." Seraphine stood up from the bed with her phone in her hand, dialing the number of Gu-Yi. She stepped out of the room. The door closed with a quiet click.

While she ordered our food, I got to work making a new song. Something about what Seraphine said about who she would send a letter to— the way she put, or at least the way it sounded in my head, inspired me. It was a song that was perfect for the EP concept, and I believed that Seraphine could sing the song perfectly.

Using the MIDI keyboard, I laid down smooth yet plucky chords. Something that roused emotions, but kept them at bay as well. A perfect balance of eagerness and patience.

When Seraphine returned, she sat back down on the bed and took out her phone.

"Writing lyrics?" I asked in the middle of programming in the percussion.

"Mmhm," she answered. "This is about that future love thing, right?"

"How'd you figure that?"

She shrugged. "Sounded like it."

I took that as a compliment.

Seraphine and I worked on the song until our food arrived, and by then we had most of the song already written and produced. We had the melody, the arrangement, and the timbre that Seraphine and I both wanted.

The doorbell rang, and I stepped out of my room to grab the food. The delivery man gave me a nod as he handed me the food. I placed the plastic bag on the dining table before wandering back into my room.

"Food's here," I called.

"I'll be there in a sec. Just want to get the recording stuff set up."

I set the table, taking in the delicious smell of freshly-cooked Chinese food. Seraphine stepped out of my room after about a minute or so. As she grabbed a plate and took her seat at the table, she slid her phone over to me.

"Take a look at the lyrics," she explained. "I just want to make sure it sounds good." She broke her chopsticks and began to eat her braised beef.

" _Guess I'm tired of the same things, ready for a change of mind. And I've been so busy with the music, barely even got the time_ ," I read aloud. " _To love someone, to call him mine. To give myself, to share my time. With another soul who gets me, that'd be nice._ "

"First verse."

"I think it's good." I scrolled down to the chorus. " _To my future love…_ "

**[;]**

" _Wherever you are, can you be strong for me when I'm not?_ " Seraphine sang, one hand on the headphones and another waving in the air in time with her singing. " _Touch me like gold, and I'll be your star. This is for you. My future love, my future love, my future love."_ She let the rest of the chorus ride out. She bobbed her head to the rhythm of the drums and the vocal sample I pulled from another recording.

Slowly, she pulled off her headphones.

"That take was good," I said, pausing the song. I glanced at her. "Satisfied?"

She hummed in thought. "Yeah. I think it won't get any better."

"Alright." I cracked my knuckles. "Do you need a break, or should we keep going?"

"We have nothing else left to record right?"

"Yeah. Other than some harmony parts, there isn't much left."

"Okay." Seraphine placed the headphones on the desk and laid down on my bed. She let out a deep sigh. "I'm beat."

"Already?" I asked, turning to face her.

"We're not all machines when it comes to making music, Jae."

I chuckled. "Fair enough." I smiled at her as she took out her phone and absentmindedly scrolled on it. "If you don't mind, I'm gonna work on another song, then."

That caught her interest. "Oh?"

"Yeah." I reached under the desk and pulled out my cello case. I freed the instrument from the case and set it down on the bed, beside Seraphine. "Let's see if I still remember how to play this thing."

"How… how long has it been since you last played?"

I ran my fingers across the body of the instrument. "Not too long. Maybe two, three weeks."

"That's not long at all."

I shrugged. "It always feels a little bad when I can't find the time to practice my instruments."

"I'm sure you're still really good."

I grabbed the cello stand and placed the instrument on it. I rested the bow on the bridge, and, still slightly hesitant, played out a scale. My hesitance showed. The first few notes of the scale were shaky, my fingers too tense around the bow. I rolled my shoulders and let out a breath, letting the nervousness leave my body in waves. I played the same scale— and it was much smoother this time.

Still not as good as I wanted, but it would suffice for the recording.

"Sera," I began. "What… what you said to me that night we were at the beach."

"What about it?" She asked.

I turned to face her. "I… I want to write a song about it."

Her eyes widened. "Wh— why?"

"Because people need to hear what you told me." I smiled. "I can guarantee there's a billion other people out there with the same problem as me. And if someone hasn't told them what you've told me… then they need to hear it."

"I…"

"That's what you want, right? The whole reason you even started singing? To have your voice be heard?" I asked, echoing what she told me when we first met. "This might be your chance."

Seraphine rubbed her arms. "I'm not really sure, Jae. That… What I told you was really personal, and—"

"That's how the best songs are made. From something personal. From the depths of our heart, our minds."

She stared at me. I could see just how torn she was over it.

I stood up from my seat, laying the cello against the chair, and sat beside Seraphine on the bed. I reached over and intertwined my fingers with hers. Slowly, her fingers tightened around my hand. "What you told me…" I let out a small chuckle. "It was a reminder of how human I am. How human I _should_ be."

"You would have realized that without me—"

"No, I wouldn't have," I interrupted. "And by the time I did, it would have been far, far too late for me to do anything about it."

"But you still stay up late, you're still overworking yourself, and you still…" She trailed off. Her other hand reached up to touch my cheek. "This whole time, after our fights, after our disaster of a presentation for our EP, I've spent so much time thinking— just _thinking_ — about how I can help you. When I said those words on the beach, I was so afraid… I was afraid that you were going to be mad at me again. Th— that…" The words sounded choked, like she was desperately holding back tears.

Our eyes met.

Tears stained the corners of her stunning azure eyes. They gathered the edge of her eyes like water at the end of the dam so dangerously close to spilling.

"I was afraid that you were going to hate me," Seraphine whispered.

And the weight of the world visibly crashed onto her.

I caught her as she nearly fell to her knees. She buried her head into my shirt. Sobs racked her small frame. She shuddered and shook— the desperate wails and heaving cries leaving her body in ruin. She sniffled, wiped at her eyes, and dried her runny nose.

I wrapped my arms around her. Pulling her into a hug, I gently patted the top of her head, comforting her. "It's okay, Sera. You're okay. I'm not mad at you."

"Y— you— you were," she managed between choked cries. "I could tell."

"I'm not mad anymore," I corrected. I pulled her closer. Somehow.

"You didn't say _anything_ to me. You never responded to me in class. You never replied to my texts. You didn't greet me in the hallways." She sniffled. "Those two weeks… those were the worst weeks of my life. I thought you _hated_ me."

"I could never hate you."

"That's a lie."

I shook my head. "It's not," I murmured into her hair. "I could never hate you. _I could never hate you_."

We sat there for a time. Until Seraphine's tears stopped, I kept her wrapped in my arms. Slowly, she pulled away from me. "Thank you," she breathed.

I sat beside Seraphine, slowly, methodically running a hand through her hair as she recovered from her crying. "If you ever feel down and out, or you need to take it all out on me, let me know, Ser."

"Thanks." She managed something between a giggle and a sniffle. Sera's hands came to rest on her lap. "What now?"

"Maybe… maybe it's a good time for a break."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story progression stuff. And we're closing in on the end of Act 1. Thanks for supporting the story so far.


	9. IX - Our Solace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this chapter early? On time? Doesn't matter. Here it is. As always,
> 
> Enjoy.

“You know,” Seraphine said as she sat beside me in the recording room. “It never gets boring watching you work.” 

My hands paused on top of the keyboard. "Why's that?"

"Because you're always in a world of your own."

I turned to look at her. The most minute of smiles danced across her lips, appearing and disappearing like it was never there in the first place. "Is that a compliment?"

She hummed. "Maybe for you it is."

"And for you it isn't?"

Sera shrugged. And she left it at that. Seraphine spoke up again a whole hour later, when I asked her if she wanted to start recording her vocals.

"Let me warm up first," she replied.

The day after Seraphine stayed the night at my apartment, we managed to get two songs finished that day, something that would've been unheard of during the production of the previous EP project. And I didn't mean that we had two songs fully recorded and produced, just waiting to be mixed— no, those two songs were completely done. There wasn't anything left to do on them.

"Ready?"

Seraphine slipped her headphones on, sliding them over her ponytail. "Mmmhm." She positioned herself in front of the microphone and tried a note. And as always, the sheer purity of her timbre blew me away. She shot me a quick thumbs-up, and I rewinded the track to the beginning, pressed the record button, and watched Seraphine work.

" _Yeah I don't know why you're messing around with all them other girls. Acting like you've got all of the time left in the world_." Seraphine's eyes closed on their own, her body swaying to the music as she sang. " _Because it's 4 o'clock in the morning. And that's about the time I start zoning. Thinkin' 'bout all the ways that I want it. And it's time that you know, you know, you know…"_

When Seraphine finished recording, she placed her headphones on the microphone stand and returned to her chair beside me. "How is it?" She asked.

"Wouldn't hurt to record it all again," I said. As great as Seraphine sounded, there were still a few instances where her voice wasn't being used to its full effect, or the note she was singing wasn't entirely clear to the listener. "Let's take it one stanza at a time though."

"One stanza, huh?" Seraphine asked.

"Yeah." I raised a brow at Sera. _For some reason…_ I sighed. I turned to face Seraphine as she picked up her headphones again. "Seraphine."

She perked up. "Hm?"

"What's wrong?" At her confused expression, I continued. "You seem… prickly today."

"I…" Seraphine trailed off. She glanced at the ground, and let out a long, incredibly deep sigh. She ran a hand through her hair. "It's nothing."

"Talk to me," I pleaded. As strange as it felt to say those words, it also felt right. Seraphine was my friend— we were each other's friend— and that meant being there for one another when it mattered. "I can't help you if I don't know what's going on."

"It's nothing, Jae," Seraphine repeated, much stronger this time. "I'm okay. Really."

"You…" I sighed. I didn't want to press her for an answer. If she didn't want to talk about it, then I would leave it at that. Even if I knew that it wasn't for the best. "Okay. Let's get back to work."

Eventually, Seraphine settled herself into the groove of working. We finished that song within the hour, and quickly moved on to the next.

"Jae, I can't do this."

I laughed. "C'mon, if we're gonna have one sexy song in the album, we might as well have two. One where you sing and one where I sing."

Seraphine covered her face with both her hands, desperately fighting back a blush. She sucked in a deep breath. "Okay. Okay. I got this."

"Just sing about... I don't know, not needing instructions to be in love with each other. Letting your hearts lead the way. Something like that."

"Wait, that's pretty good."

I grinned. "Yeah. I know."

"Okay, Mr. Cocky. Tone the ego down a little." She stretched, pulled out her phone, and then quickly jotted a few lyrics down. "I think I have the chorus. Play the instrumental."

I did as she asked.

The chords flowed in like water, accompanied by the gentle crackling of a vinyl sample. As the track surged into the chorus with the rolling of hi-hats and the swelling of synths, Seraphine began to sing. " _No instructions, no instructions… See you gotta let your heart lead the way, 'cause real ones never wait. No instructions."_

And much like the previous song, we finished that track quickly, and called it a day soon after that. Seraphine sat in the recording room couch, her head against the armrest and her body laid out along the length of the couch. "I'm beat," she said. "We did _so_ much today."

I nodded. "But that's not so bad. How's your voice holding up?"

She massaged her throat. "It's alright. I feel a little hoarse, but nothing a little rest won't fix."

"Good, that's good." I smiled. "Alright, I'm gonna finish cleaning up. You can go home, Sera."

She sat up. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I replied. "It's almost 5:30. Wouldn't want you getting caught in awful traffic."

"Fair enough." She sighed, grabbing her backpack and guitar case. "See you later, Jae."

I waved at her. "You too. And drive safe."

"I will."

**[;]**

"How is the project coming along?"

I absentmindedly glanced at my second monitor. Luxanna Crownguard sat in front of her laptop camera— a textbook rested beside her open notebook, her eyes tracing the page as she read it. Despite not attending classes in-person, Luxanna still needed to keep up with her studies. Fortunately for her, most UCLA professors recorded their lectures, and she used those to "attend class."

This was how Lux and I spent most of our time together. At least, when we weren't at work. Since we couldn't meet with each other in-person, we decided to call each other through an app called Discord— miles better than Skype, according to Lux's recommendation. And she was right. As she often was. While she studied, I either studied as well, or worked on mixing the songs that Seraphine and I finished with earlier in the day.

"It's going well," I replied. On my main monitor, I had one of the songs for the EP open. "I think we've got a little over half of the EP done now." I pressed play on a certain section of the project. I flinched at the suddenness with which Seraphine's voice rushed out of the speakers. I quickly adjusted the dynamics of her vocals down to fit the rest of the section. "How about you? How's the studying?"

Lux sighed, running a hand through her hair. "It's studying. It's weird to not have to attend classes but still get a grade for the stuff I do."

"Mmm."

"How's Sera?" She asked.

"Good. We're doing better now."

"That's good. From what I remember, you two were pretty out of touch because of what she said."

"That's the gist of it." I hummed. "It's not entirely her fault though. I… I said some stuff that was uncalled for."

"When we're angry, we tend to say stuff we don't mean," Lux murmured. "But that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's therapeutic."

"I always thought it was terrifying."

"It's that too." Lux laughed. "But a little fear never hurt anyone, right?"

"True enough."

My phone pinged with a text from Seraphine.

_Hey, are you free tomorrow evening?_

_**Yeah. Why?** _

_Come over. Let's record that song you wanted me to sing at my house._

_**Oh. Okay. Sure. Send your address, I'll come by after work.** _

_Don't forget your instruments._

Thank God she reminded me. I genuinely think I would have forgotten. _**Right. Thanks.**_

_G'night, Jae._

_**Goodnight, Ser.** _

"You know, Jae, it's rude to text other girls while on the phone with one."

I snapped my phone shut. "I… uh…"

Lux giggled, and waved her hand dismissively. "It's not a big deal. I assume it was Seraphine?"

I hummed in agreement. "She wants me to come over to her house tomorrow to record a song."

"Oh. I'm _sure_ that's the reason," Lux grumbled.

"Lux."

She rested her elbow on the table, leaning her head against the palm of her hand. "Sorry."

"It's alright." I fought the urge to pinch the bridge of my nose. "I don't really know what you have against her. She's a good friend."

"No good friend blatantly oversteps boundaries and crosses lines that shouldn't be crossed," Lux countered. "And from what you've told me, she hasn't even apologized for it!"

"She hasn't." And when Lux pointed that bit out to me, it _irked_ me. When you did something wrong, you apologized for it. "Should… should I be telling her to? I feel like that's really rude of me."

"It is," Lux replied. "Just let her do it naturally. If she really is a good friend, then she'll apologize sooner rather than later."

"Right." A small part of me knew that Seraphine wouldn't apologize for awhile, but whether it was because she didn't want to, didn't know she should, or something else was entirely a mystery to me. I chose not to dwell on it any longer. "So," I began. "Wanna sing for me some time?"

**[;]**

**November 26th, 2019**

The door to Seraphine's apartment cracked open. I saw her pink hair before I saw her eyes, and Sera quickly ushered me into the room. She wore a loose purple t-shirt that was tucked into a pair of light grey shorts, and a pair of fuzzy blue socks with little yellow stars covered her feet. Adjusting the straps of my backpack, I followed behind Seraphine.

Her apartment looked like it was about the same size as mine. But the design was so different, that it almost looked like it was two different eras. After removing my shoes near the door, I entered the kitchen area. To my immediate right, the bare wall curved before straightening out to align with the rest of the hallway. The kitchen was directly in front of me. The island was located in the center of the area and dominated the space. Several uncleaned dishes were stacked atop each other inside of the sink within the island.

Sera guided me around the kitchen, skipped past the carpeted living room, and through a door that I could only assume led into her room. I stopped at the foot of the door, hesitant to step inside.

"Shouldn't I meet your dad first? I feel a little rude—"

"He's not here today," Seraphine said. She placed a hand on the door frame. "Out of state until Friday, actually."

"Oh." I swallowed. _That means we're alone. In her house._ I fought back a blush, and stepped into Seraphine's room. A light shade of pink covered the walls of the room, and a large, queen bed occupied the wall on the side opposite the door. Several posters from numerous pop culture icons hung above the bed. The only one I vaguely recalled was K/DA's Ahri. Immediately to the right of the dar was Seraphine's desk, and it was full of clutter. Open textbooks, several notebooks, numerous pencils, pens, and highlighters, and in the center of it all was Seraphine's computer.

"You can sit on the bed while I clean all this up," she said.

"Sounds good." I set my stuff down at the foot of the bed and began to unpack everything. Thanks to Seraphine, I remembered to bring the instruments we needed to record the song for today— a cello and a violin. And since I couldn't play a french horn, nor did I know someone who could, I planned on using Kontakt's french horn samples. Of course, they weren't going to be as good as live horns, but I had to make do with what I had.

Seraphine quickly organized her desk, and plopped down onto her chair with a sigh.

"You okay?" I asked, sitting down on her bed.

"Yeah." She waved me off. "I'm good." Seraphine stood back up, not even sparing a

second to rest. "Did you want something to drink or snack on? I can go grab it while you set up."

"Just some water. Maybe chips if you have it." I smiled at Sera. "Thanks, Ser."

"Yeah. No problem." She left me alone in her room, and I got to work hooking up my gear to her computer. And because Sera used Ableton, it was easy to navigate through the menus to get the exact sound I wanted. Seraphine returned, carrying a handful of snacks and a couple bottles of water. She placed the snacks on the table. Then, she left the room again and grabbed an extra chair from the kitchen. "We can order real food later," she said. "Or make some."

"You cook?"

Seraphine shrugged. "Sort of. Whenever we don't have any leftovers, or when my dad doesn't have time to cook." Then, she rested her hands on her hips as she grinned. "Would it be rude to ask you to cook me something that'll last until Dad gets back?"

I shook my head. "No. Not really." I smiled as well. "Let's try and get half of this track done, and then we'll take a break to make some food. Does that sound good?"

She nodded. Then, she let out a sigh as she finally sat down in her chair. "So, I assume that this'll be the track we do the thing Professor Laurent wants us to do?"

"Yeah. I figured we might as well try something new, right?" I asked, sitting beside her. "Can't always make R&B songs, our music would get boring pretty fast."

"Fair enough. Though, our tracklist on this EP is already more diverse than our last."

She had a point there. Compared to how acoustic our last EP was, this EP was more synthetic— but to really show the range of our abilities, we needed acoustic songs. And the song I recorded last week, _Camped_ , was the first step towards that sound. And Seraphine's final solo song was the next.

Curiously, Seraphine and I both agreed to not have any duo tracks for this EP. We figured that the concept of "Wonder," was something to be experienced alone. It's difficult to wonder about something when the very thing you're wondering about is right in front of you. And more often than not, the imagined version of that thing is more spectacular than the reality.

That's what Sera said.

And I wasn't sure what, or who, she was talking about.

"So we already have the chorus for your track," I said.

"We do?"

"Yeah." I popped open the notes on Seraphine's computer and wrote down the lyrics.

" _No one is perfect. You don't need to be strong, every single day. No one really knows along the way, that the best things in life won't be perfect anyway_?" She repeated. Then, she let out a small breath. "You really weren't kidding when you said you wanted to write a song about that night."

"No. I wasn't," I replied honestly. Ever since she told me that, I've been overly conscious of my well-being. And it's been monumentally helpful. Sure, I still stay up late or work until I'm dead tired, but I'm not overworking myself. "And I think I already have a melody in mind."

Sera deflated slightly. "Oh. Okay."

"Did you have one?"

She shook her head. "No, no. It's fine. We can use yours—"

"Play it so I can hear—"

"It's fine, Jae—"

"I want to hear—"

Seraphine's hand came crashing down onto the table with a _bang!_ "It's _fine_ , Jae! Just _fucking_ drop it already!" Her azure eyes were cold. Terrifyingly cold. She glared at me, her gaze like icy daggers.

"I…" I trailed off. "Alright." I turned to look at the computer and tentatively placed my hands on Sera's keyboard. Before I played, I couldn't help but speak up. "You know, if you want to talk about it…"

She shook her head. "It— it's nothing."

"It's clearly _not_ nothing."

"Jae. Please," she pleaded. "Not now."

I sighed. "Okay, okay. I'll stop prying."

Seraphine spent the next hour in complete and utter silence. While I worked on the song, she sat in her chair, either absentmindedly toying with her phone or staring off into nothingness. She wasn't writing lyrics, she wasn't offering suggestions. I tried to ask for her opinions as I did normally, but she didn't have any input. To say I was worried was an understatement.

As I finished the recording, I placed the bow of the cello on the desk and placed the cello itself backside-down on the ground. "Sera?"

She looked up at me. "Mhm?"

"We're halfway done with the track." I walked over to the door. "You said you wanted me to cook something for you, right?"

"Yeah."

I motioned for her to follow me. "I'll cook for you. But you have to come with me, okay?"

When we got to the kitchen, I asked Seraphine to show me where everything was. I began cooking while she stood beside the island, her elbows on the countertop, staring into the island, and through the floor.

I wiped sweat from my brow and glanced at Seraphine, just to check on her. She was sitting on the living room couch now, but she looked on the verge of falling asleep. And, unsurprisingly, she eventually fell to the side, crashing onto the surface of the couch and falling into a deep sleep.

 _Guess she was really exhausted._ I smiled slightly. _Just rest, Ser. I'll take care of everything._ I turned down the stove and grabbed an extra blanket from Seraphine's room. I placed it over her sleeping form before returning to the kitchen. I couldn't help but sneak glances at her as she slept, just to see if she twitched, turned, or showed any signs of discomfort.

After almost an hour of cooking, Sera hadn't so much as stirred.

I turned off the stove, sighing slightly. I cracked my neck and rolled my shoulders, the joints popping and the tension releasing from my body. As it turned out, moving around the kitchen, lifting pots and pants, and cutting and dicing ingredients alone for an hour really puts your body to work. _Thank God I never work kitchen duty at Vastaya._

Using the ingredients on hand, I made Seraphine a sizable portion of soybean jjigae, along with a healthy amount of kimchi fried rice. It would be more than enough to feed her until her dad came back. I tested the taste of the jjigae broth. It tasted like how I remembered it— which was perfect.

I walked over to the couch, placing my hand on Seraphine and gently shaking her awake. "Ser?"

Her eyes fluttered open. "Y— yeah?"

I smiled. "Good evening."

Slowly, shakily, Seraphine sat up. "Good morn— evening," she corrected. With slightly narrowed eyes, she scanned the room. "How… How long was I asleep? Why does it smell so good?"

"You were asleep for about an hour and a half. And I just finished cooking." I pointed at the pot of jjigae. "Hungry?"

Her stomach growled. Sera flushed.

I chuckled. "Guess so."

She sat up, keeping the blanket wrapped around her, and waddled over to one of the stools at the bar. As I walked by her, Sera pouted. "I'm hungry," she whined.

"Alright, alright," I said. I found her a bowl and served her some of the jjigae before serving some for myself as well.

Sera hovered over the bowl and breathed in the scent "Wow. This smells… so good."

I smiled. "Thanks." Then, I pointed my spoon at her. "Now eat."

She eagerly nodded, and then began to dig into her food. Sera finished the serving faster than I'd seen her eat anything else, and when she went to grab a second and then a third serving, I narrowed my eyes slightly. Seraphine sat back down on the stool, licking her lips.

"Sera," I interrupted, just as she was about to dip her spoon into the soup. "When was the last time you ate?"

"Uh…" She trailed off. "I don't know?"

"Sera."

"Well, my dad left about three days ago. So… three days?"

My spoon clattered to the floor as I shot to my feet. "You haven't eaten in three days?!"

"Nothing like an actual meal…"

"What about your job?!"

"Got laid off last week."

"WHAT?!" I let out a breath to calm myself down. I sat back down. "Explain."

"My boss said that he found a better location in another part of California," Sera explained. "So, he closed the business and told me to find another place to work."

"Wow. That's…" I sighed. "That's awful."

"Yeah. You're telling me."

"Do you need any help finding a job?" I asked, my fingers tapping the surface of the bar. "You might be able to work at The Grand Vastaya for a bit."

"Doesn't Lux work there?"

"Yes. Why?"

Seraphine looked to the side. "It's nothing. We'll see. I'll let you know if I need to."

"Sera, why didn't your dad leave you any money?"

"Didn't think I'd need it," she grumbled. "He said he'd only be gone for two days at most. And then an emergency happened during his trip."

"Is he… okay?" I tried.

"Yeah. He's good. His team ran into a logistics problem, so they're out there solving it. Like I said, he should be back by Friday." Seraphine tried a smile. "Thank you for cooking, Jae."

"Yeah," I murmured. "No worries. There's still kimchi fried rice in the fridge. Shocked you guys had kimchi, honestly."

Sera nodded. "We love our Korean food. As I'm sure you can tell."

I chuckled. "Yeah." I hopped off of the stool and picked up my fallen spoon, placing it into the sink and grabbing a new one. When I sat back down, Seraphine began eating again. We finished our bowls at around the same time, and we set to work cleaning up the kitchen.

Seraphine pulled out her phone and tapped a few buttons. A moment later, a _blip-blip-blip!_ echoed from above us.

"There's a speaker up there?"

Sera nodded. "Dad wanted something we could play music from. But he hates having clutter on the floor." She waved to the wall-mounted television and the nearly invisible legs of the living room coffee table. "So, what'd you want to listen to?"

"Something that'll keep us moving."

Sera hummed in thought. Then, she grinned and picked a playlist.

A sample played from the speakers. " _All for the 'gram. Bitches love the gram. Oh wait, shit—"_ And then a bumping kick, trap hi-hats, and smooth guitar chords slid into the song. " _Roxanne, Roxanne, all she wanna do is party all night."_

Seraphine made her way around the island, doing her little dance all the while. As she passed me, she shot me a grin and emphasized the shaking of her hips. I laughed, and danced alongside her.

" _She from Malibu, Malibu. If you ain't got a foreign, then she laugh at you. Malibu, Malibu, spendin' daddy's money with an attitude."_ Seraphine did a little shoulder dance to the beat. Her hair bounced and swayed along with her movements— she let out a giggle. She and I continued to dance, to sing, and to jam for the next several songs, feeling the tension escape from our bodies, being replaced with pure euphoria instead. As the last song came to a close, Sera and I let out a sigh, taking a seat on the couch.

"Haven't done anything like that in… awhile," I commented.

Sera nodded. "Yeah. Same for me too."

I placed a hand on her shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

Seraphine pursed her lips. "I'm… I'm just really stressed out, Jae," she breathed. "Really, _really_ stressed out. There's so much I have to do, and it's seriously getting to me." She looked up at me. When our eyes met, it was then that I noticed just how _tired_ she looked. There were clear bags under her eyes, something that I've never even seen on her— and the way her gaze seemed to lull between consciousness and unconsciousness. Tears built at the corners of her eyes, she reached up and wiped them away.

"I… I'm sorry, Sera. I didn't know," I said. "I was so focused on the project that I didn't stop to think about how you were, that I didn't check in on you at all."

She shook her head. "I didn't want to burden you with how I felt. I thought— I thought that I just needed to get over it by myself and—" She began to cry quietly.

"We're friends, Sera." I sat beside Seraphine, slowly, methodically running a hand through her hair as she recovered from her crying. "If you ever feel down and out, or you need to take it all out on me, let me know, Ser. I'm here for you." I smiled. "Always."

"Always? For real this time?" She asked, a small frown on her lips.

"Yes. And if I'm not, you're free to yell at me all you want."

She wiped her cheeks free of tears with a chuckle. "Okay. Deal."

I stood up and stretched, then glanced down at Seraphine. "Ready to clean up the mess I made?"

**[;]**

Seraphine mopped and wiped down the countertops while I washed the dishes. Music still played from the speakers, and Seraphine kept up her occasional dances as she cleaned. When we eventually finished, Sera slid the pad off of the front of the mop and dropped it into the trash can. Then, she returned the mop to the closet, and stood beside the island, her elbows on the surface as she glanced at me.

"So, you mentioned that you could hook me up with a job at the Vastaya?" She asked.

"Yeah." I ran the last dish through the stream of water that flowed from the tap before delicately placing it into the clean side. "Should still prep a resume, no guarantees that my bosses would hire you."

"Aren't they moving into a new building? Do they have enough space for another employee?"

I nodded. "Lux's been working less and less hours lately."

Seraphine rubbed her arm. "I feel like I'm replacing her…"

I shrugged. "It's how part-time jobs work." _Not like she needs the money_ , I mentally continued. "I'll mention you to them during my next shift."

She grinned. "Sounds good. Thanks, Jae."

I raised my hands above my head and stretched. "Alright! Let's get back to work, yeah?"

Sera nodded excitedly. "Yeah. Let's go finish up that song!"

**[;]**

"Okay, be honest. You and I have some serious chemistry," I said, turning my gaze from computer screen to Seraphine. She stood beside me with one hand on my shoulder and her head right near mine.

"I've been saying it from the start." She grinned. "We're a movie or a book that just so happens to be writing itself."

I laughed. Over the last few hours, she and I worked tirelessly on her final song for the EP. After we ate and had our… talk, Seraphine seemed to have returned to her normal, energetic self. She ceaselessly offered her input on certain parts of the song, especially her own singing— something she hadn't been doing in the last few days due to how exhausted and stressed she'd been.

" _And no one is perfect, you don't need to be strong, every single day. No one really knows along the way—_ Ugh." She sighed. "Again. I need to change how I need to go higher on ' _way_ '."

"Split it into two parts when you sing it," I commented, pausing the recording.

"First half like the word 'when' and then the last half like 'away'?" She asked.

"Yeah. Hard to split up a one syllable word like that though."

She strengthened her resolve. "I can do it."

"I believe you."

I rewound the track to the beginning of the chorus. The instruments dropped out, leaving only a guitar and the ticking of a clock. Then, when Seraphine began to sing, the strings, the percussion, and the horns swelled right along with her. " _And no one is perfect, you don't need to be strong, every single day. No one really knows along the way. That the best things in life won't be perfect anyway."_

She continued to sing. With her earlier hiccup corrected, Seraphine sang her heart out for the rest of the track. And just as the second chorus came to a close, the instrumental bridge began. The cello stood front-and-center in the mix, dominating the soundscape. One-by-one, the rest of the instruments followed, overtaking it. The slow yet rapid movements of the violin, the fingerpicking of the guitar that played in unison with a harpsichord. And beneath it all, the french horns and the cellos crescendoed, growing louder, and when it came time for Seraphine to sing again, deep drums and crowd claps joined them.

" _And no one, is perfect. You don't need to be strong, every single day. No one really knows along the way. That the best things in life, won't be perfect anyway._ "

As she finished the verse, the french horns, the cellos, the violin, the guitar, the percussion, all came roaring back— pure elation shined in their tone as they moved from note to note like glistening water. Seraphine, along with the other harmonic takes, sang from her heart. The sheer purity, the clearness of her voice illuminated the song in a brilliant light as she climbed higher and higher. With a final note, most of the instruments and her voice faded away with the roll of a cymbal, leaving behind only the piano chords and the rise and fall of the strings to finish the track.

"That was… something."

"Yeah," Sera breathed. "Wow. Your playing is _really_ good."

"And so is your singing." I glanced at Sera. "I… I think it's done."

"Re— really?" She removed her headphones, placing them on the table. "Are you sure? I was a little shaky on that last note, and I think I messed up—"

I shook my head. "No, no. You sounded good. Genuine. It… it sounded like you were really singing. Like you _felt_ what you were singing, Ser." I smiled at her.

And for a moment, when we locked gazes, I swore I could feel my heart flutter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. Oh...? Thank you guys so much for reading, and if you enjoyed the chapter, please leave a review. Love you. Merry Christmas everyone. Stay safe out there. And if you want to have a chat, feel free to join my Discord server!
> 
> dis cord. gg/zAvF7yX
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> Copy and paste the link above into your search bar to join. Make sure to remove the spaces.
> 
> Next Chapter: 12/25/20


	10. X - Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! This chapter is two days early. 
> 
> Enjoy.

#####  **December 5th, 2019**

White and orange lights beamed down onto the stage that Seraphine and I stood on, making it hard to see those seated in front of us. The projector screen was rolled down, our slideshow visible to the entire lecture hall. With my cards in hand, I glanced at Seraphine as she continued the presentation.

“For our concept, _Wonder_ , Jae and I chose to tackle multiple aspects of the emotion. From looking toward the future, reflecting on the past, and thinking of the present, the eight tracks in our EP all take into consideration those feelings.”

“And,” I began. “We decided to put a personal twist on the concept as well. As you’ll notice from the tracklist, there is not a single duet song within the entire EP.”

I let out a small breath before continuing. Nervous as I was, I managed to find a comfortable rhythm. 

“As Seraphine put it: ‘Wonder is an emotion that people often experience alone. Because usually, the thing, the person, the time, or whatever you might be wondering about isn’t anywhere near as beautiful as the reality.’”

“As sad as that it is, it also encapsulates life as a whole,” Seraphine continued. “When Professor Laurent first assigned us this project, she made all of us attend a music festival, and then required us to choose a style of music we found there to incorporate into the EP. Jae and I found a booth where a cellist and a french horn player shared a duet. And from that, we wrote and produced: _With Starry-Eyes_ , our EP’s best and most thematic song.”

Our presentation continued onward from there with no problems, as Seraphine and I described our writing process and other aspects of the EP’s production. As it came to a close, we shared a glance and nodded.

“Without further ado and with starry eyes, we welcome you to our land of Wonder.”

Sera and I bowed before the lights shut off, and the first song off of our EP began to play. We quickly made our way to Professor Laurent. She finished noting something down on a piece of paper and glanced up at the two of us.

“An excellent presentation,” she said, smiling slightly. “A marked improvement from your last. Well done, you two. Please, return to your seats.”

We silently thanked her and turned, making it five steps before Sera nudged my side, a wide grin on her face for the entire walk back to our seats. “You did great, Jae!” She said once we sat back down. “You barely stuttered, you spoke clearly, and you perfectly made it the whole way through . I’m so proud of you.” Her arms wrapped around me in an instant, her hand patting my back, the side of her head pressing into my chest.

I returned the hug. “Thanks, Ser. You helped a lot.”

She pulled away, her smile seemingly stuck on her face. “We did it. Together.”

“Yeah,” I said. “We did.”

####  **[;]**

#####  **December 15th, 2019**

It’d only been a few days since Seraphine started working at the Vastaya, but she seemed like she was already getting used to the flow. I placed a hand on her shoulder as she was leaving the kitchen, a platter of drinks balanced on her forearm. She kept her long, pink hair in a tight bun that fit through the hole in the back of her black hat. The words: _The Grand Vastaya_ were stylishly sewn at the front of her hat. Her white dress-shirt was tucked into form-fitting black slacks and a black waist apron was fastened around her hips.

“Table nine just got filled,” I informed her. 

“How many?”

“Party of seven.”

“Okay. Got it.” And then she was on her way once again.

Despite having no prior waiting experience, she picked up the skills quickly, even after only one day of training. She was rather enthusiastic that I was the one training her however.

It was a good thing that Sera learned fast. Luxanna was down to only working one shift a week as she was deep into finals season and I knew that she spent nearly ten hours a day just cooped up in her room, doing homework and studying. It also helped that Xayah and Rakan were more than willing to hire her. She was hired almost immediately after the interview, actually. Even Sera was surprised.

“I guess my recommendation means a lot to them,” I reasoned with a shrug.

“Yeah. Guess it does,” Sera replied.

Sera got along with almost all of the others pretty well. 

She and Jinx were amicable. Their hair color was closer to each other than their personalities. But they were friendly with one another, and that was more than I could ask for.

Sera and Orianna always seemed to have either incredibly interesting, or incredibly hilarious conversations. Something about the way Seraphine saw people and the way Orianna spoke made them quite an interesting duo.

Sera and Lux had only worked one shift together, but… but even I could sense some tension there. When they met in the break room, they didn’t say a word to each other, and they avoided each other while on the floor— even if it meant a break in our communication.

At the end of that shift, I pulled Lux aside, asking her to follow me out the back of the restaurant. 

“What’s going on between you and Seraphine?” I asked, my hands stuffed into the pockets of my pants. 

“Nothing,” she replied immediately.

“Lux.”

“It’s… I don’t know. I just need to get used to seeing her more often, I guess.”

“Is there a problem with that?”

“Not inherently. Just…”

“Just what?”

Lux bit her tongue. “She hurt you, Jae. And she still hasn’t apologized. That’s the problem here. Everytime I see her, I just want… I want to yell at her, scold her, tell her that she messed up and that she needs to apologize.”

I raised a brow. “I know that. But you don’t see me getting angry at her.”

“Well, that’s—”

I placed a hand on her shoulder. “Lux. I appreciate you getting angry for me, being frustrated for me. But I believe that Sera will apologize sooner rather than later, I trust her. And I won’t hold it against her forever if she doesn’t.” I smiled. “I’m happy being friends with her. I’m happy being friends with you. And it would make me even happier if you two got along.”

Lux sighed. “Alright. I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask.” I smiled. “Thanks, Lux.”

“You’re welcome.” She crossed her arms and pouted. “You owe me,” she grumbled.

“I’ll buy you a Starbucks after we finish up here.”

“You better.”

####  **[;]**

In addition to Seraphine coming to work with me, she and I made it a habit to grab food after our shifts together.It was sort of like a date. A friend date. If those existed. A small part of me liked to believe that they did.

“Does Lux have a problem with me?”

I nearly spat out my drink at the sudden question. I slowly set down the glass and looked at Seraphine. She sat on the other side of the table, her elbows on its surface as she mulled the question over. “Wh-what?”

“Does Lux have a problem with me?” She repeated.

“No, no, no. I heard you the first time. I just can’t believe you’re legitimately asking me that question.”

She tilted her head. “Why not? You two are close. And every time I talk to you, she looks like she’s trying to kill me with her eyes.”

“I… I have a rough idea.”

“What’s your rough idea?”

I shook my head. “Not my place to say.”

“She’s jealous, isn’t she?”

 _Okay, wow. Straight outta left field._ “What?”

Seraphine shrugged. “She seems like the jealous type. Maybe she’s convinced herself that I’m trying to steal you away from her or something.”

“That’s.. that’s definitely not it,” I said. “It’s a little less immature than that, Ser. Lux isn’t an idiot.”

“Never said she was.”

I scoffed, shaking my head. “I don’t even know where this is coming from.”

“She’s been rude to me every time I’ve talked to her and—”

“Not unlike how you’re being rude to her right now,” I countered. I closed my eyes, rubbing my forehead. Sometimes, Sera’s persistence really got on my nerves. “Look. It’s not my place to say whether or not Lux has an issue with you. If you’re so keen on solving it, then talk to her about it yourself. Like adults.”

“But Jae—”

“Drop it, Seraphine.”

She let out a breath. “Okay. I’m sorry. I ruined our dinner.”

“It’s okay.” I sighed. “Not exactly a Michelin-star dinner we’re having,” I said, motioning to the bright red containers of In-n-Out burgers and fries between us.

“You know what I meant.”

I’m not really sure what changed between us, or if anything changed at all actually, but whenever Seraphine smiled at me, and whenever she spoke directly to me, with her azure eyes trained on mine, my stomach and chest fluttered. Or my hands and arms tingled. It was a strange feeling. Like I was always nervous around her.

Of course, I did my best to hide it. And as far as I could tell, Seraphine hadn’t noticed anything. 

“This is super random,” I began after swallowing a fry. “But do you want to celebrate Christmas with my sister and me?” I asked. “Don’t feel obligated to say yes by the way.”

“Okay, now you’re making me feel obligated to say yes.”

I smirked, raising a brow. “Oops?”

Seraphine rolled her eyes. “Sure. Why not.”

“Wait, what?”

“I said, ‘Sure. Why not.’”

“Really? You’re sure?”

Sera crossed her arms, her serious facade breaking into a smirk of her own. “Why? Are you taking back your invite?”

I shook my head vehemently. “No, no. Not at all. I’m just… surprised that you accepted is all.”

“My parents are both out of the country during that week,” she explained. “And I didn’t exactly want to spend Christmas alone. Nor did I want to ask if I could spend it with you because that’d be pretty rude of me. So your offer came at a good time.”

“Oh. I see.” A small part of me wilted at her reasoning— but then I realized how ridiculous it was of me to feel that and I pushed the feeling away. “So… I’ll see you on the 25th?”

Sera nodded. “Mmhm.” She popped a fry into her mouth. “What time should I be there?”

“Maybe between 3 or 4. Not too late, not too early.”

“You guys don’t need help with anything?”

I shook my head. “Actually, we’ve been steadily decorating over the last few days.”

“Does it look good?”

I chuckled. “Never said that.”

Sera giggled. “Well, I might be awful in the kitchen. But I _can_ decorate.”

“I’ll believe you. You can’t be bad at everything, right?”

Sera blew a raspberry. “Rude.”

####  **[;]**

“Did you finally invite her?”

“How did you even—”

“Jae,” Eunkyung interrupted, looking up from her book. “You should know by now that I can read you like one of these.” She held up the book.

I sighed. “Yeah. I invited her.”

“She said yes?”

“She did.”

“Hm. Surprising.”

“Yeah. It was for me too.”

“Did she say why?”

I walked over to the table, setting it with plates for Eunkyung and myself. “Her parents aren’t gonna be home for the holidays.” I walked back to the kitchen to grab the food: a large pot of ramyeon with vegetables and slices of pork, accompanied by kimchi and some store-bought fried chicken. The meal was cheap, but it was something we’d had a million times before, and it never disappointed.

“Were you expecting another answer?”

I shook my head. I hadn’t told Eunkyung of how I felt. And I didn’t plan to for awhile. She would either find out herself, or I would announce it by telling her that Seraphine and I had begun dating. _Way to skip, like, fifteen steps there, Jae_ , I mentally chided.

“You’re excited, aren’t you?”

“Should I not be?”

Eunkyung rolled her eyes. “It’s just a question, Jae. I’m not going to grill you.”

“Yeah. I am.”

“Good.” She smiled. “You should be.”

Something about the way she said it confused me. But I chose to ignore it. If Eunkyung wanted me to realize something, she’d say it to my face, leaving everything bare. 

Eunkyung motioned to the poor attempt at Christmas decorations that ruined our walls and floors. “Is she going to help decorate?”

“She said she was good.”

“And how often does she say that she’s good at things?”

“Pretty often.”

“Is she as good as she says she is?”

“Like I told her: she can’t be bad at everything, right?”

Eunkyung laughed at that.

####  **[;]**

#####  **December 25th, 2019**

Promptly at 3 o’clock, the doorbell to my apartment rang. I quickly turned down the stove and closed the pot of boiling beef broth. I jogged over to the door, opening it and smiling widely at Seraphine as she stepped inside. She wore an orange-red blouse tucked into a pair of high-waisted black slacks. “As punctual as ever,” I commented. I held out my hand to take her bags.

“Like I said, I’m good at some things. Being on time? One of them.” Seraphine placed one of the bags she carried into my waiting hand. “Thanks.” 

“Not the other one?”

She shook her head. “It’s got your present in it, so no.”

I raised a brow. “You got me a present?”

“I…” She trailed off. “I did. Why? Did you not get me one?”

I didn’t want to spoil the surprise, so I chose to simply chuckle and walk away from her. I figured a little bit of teasing would do her some good.

“Jae?” She stepped up behind me. “Hello? Did you even get me a present? Jae?”

I shot her a sly grin. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

Sera rolled her eyes as she dropped her bags by the Christmas tree. She placed her hands on her hips, giving the living room and kitchen a once-over. “You guys really decorated this?”

“As well as we could.”

“Let me guess, you also happen to have a career in interior design?”

“More like Eunkyung does. She was the one who picked out most of the decorations for the house,” I explained. “It’s one of the many things she practices as a hobby.”

“Practices?”

“Yeah.” I smiled slightly. “Ever since she stopped playing the piano for ten hours a day, it’s been reading, drawing, architecture, writing, dancing, interior design, photography, gardening, graphic design… The list goes on and on.”

Seraphine pursed her lips, taking a seat at the bar, her elbows resting on the black countertop. “I don’t know whether I should be happy for her, or just sad.”

“You can be both.” I placed my hands on either side of the counter. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Do you guys have eggnog?”

I smiled, shaking my head. “Nothing like that. We have peppermint hot cocoa, though.”

Seraphine grinned. “Even better.”

Eunkyung stepped out of her room, dressed in the same ugly sweater she wore every Christmas— it had a cutely drawn dragon that laid atop of a pile of Christmas presents instead of a pile of gold— and caught up with Seraphine while I finished cooking. Soon enough, the food was done. With Seraphine’s help, I set the table and Eunkyung prepared her camera.

Eunkyung set up the tripod in front of the Christmas tree. She had her phone in her hand to check if the angle lined up almost exactly the same as the previous years’ photos. When she was done, she called Seraphine and I over. She placed a pair of matching Santa hats on our heads. “There. Now, do you two mind standing over there for me?” She asked, pointing to the space in front of the Christmas tree.

Sera and I stepped away from the table to do as she asked. We posed, but Eunkyung had a weird look on her face.

“You two look like you seriously hate each other.” She chortled. “Scooch closer. Pretend like you like each other.”

“Do you mind if I put my arm around you?” I asked Sera.

She shook her head.

I put my arm around her waist and pulled her close. She smelled like jasmine flowers, amber, and cedar— a scent that was entirely unexpected, yet addictive all the same.

Eunkyung celebrated. “There we go.” She snapped a few photos. “Great. Sera, I’ll fit in to your left.”

“R-really?” Sera asked. “But I feel bad being in the center, especially when it’s your guys’ photos.”

Eunkyung shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. Not like these are getting sent out to anyone.”

“You… you guys don’t have cousins?”

“Both of our parents were only children.”

“Grandparents?”

“Died before I turned five,” Eunkyung answered. “Which means Jae never met them, and I can hardly remember them.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Sera breathed.

“You’re fine, Sera,” I said, rubbing her side with my thumb. “Eunkyung and I are pretty used to celebrating Christmas alone, so having you here is more than enough company.”

Sera smiled. “Thanks, Jae.”

“No worries.”

“Now that we’ve got that settled,” Eunkyung began. “Let’s get these photos done, eat, and get this party going!”

####  **[;]**

It didn’t take very long for the celebration to start. Or for Seraphine to get comfortable around my sister. After finishing an early dinner, Eunkyung grabbed one of the many photobooks in the house and showed Seraphine my high-school and middle-school self. They sat beside each other on the couch, Eunkyung shared stories about me while pointing at one page in the photobook. Seraphine laughed and giggled the whole way through.

When they finished with one book, Eunkyung retrieved another. They spent the next hour or so on that couch, while I cleaned up the kitchen and dining table, and washed the dishes. But I was more than happy to do so. Seeing Seraphine simply talking with my sister was worth being stuck with clean-up duty.

I set down the final dish and came around to the back of the couch, looking over their heads. They were looking at my highschool yearbook. At a photo of me during a high-school performance. I sat atop a stool onstage, singing and playing guitar. The microphone that was held up by a stand covered part of my face. 

And beside me stood no one other than Janna Oahnem. She was in the middle of singing, the light perfectly framing her pale, porcelain face. 

“I haven’t heard from her in… so long,” I said, pointing at Janna. “What’s she up to?”

“News reporter. Forecaster. Journalist.” Eunkyung glanced at me.

“Jae, she wrote that article on you and Lux. Remember?” Seraphine added.

“Oh. Right.” I rubbed the back of my neck. _Guess some people never change._

Seraphine’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts. “Guess you have a pretty clear type, huh?”

“What?”

Eunkyung burst out laughing.

Sera narrowed her eyes. “You have a type. Blonde. Blue eyes. Nice body. Unbelievably attractive,” she listed it off, a bitter edge to her voice.

“We just sang together, Ser,” I attempted to reason, raising my hands in surrender. “That’s all.”

Eunkyung scoffed. “Yeah, right. I refuse to believe, even for a second, that you weren’t into her.”

“I… Okay. I was—”

Seraphine shot to her feet. She pointed a finger at me. “See! That just proves my point. You totally _do_ have a type.”

“Just because I’ve been attached to a blonde in the past doesn’t mean they’re my type,” I protested. 

Sera crossed her arms, a brow raised. “And Luxanna?”

“Just a friend.”

“That invites you to Disneyland. With just her.” Seraphine sighed. “Whatever. I don’t even know why I’m stressing about it.”

“Neither do I,” I replied. 

“Alright, break it up,” Eunkyung intervened. She looked between Seraphine and I. “You two really know how to bring a Christmas party down, huh?” She stood up. “I’m gonna go and grab some dessert. You two want anything?”

“Ice cream,” I replied.

“Cheesecake,” Sera said.

“Great. I’ll be right back.” Eunkyung grabbed her keys from her room before moving towards the front door. Before closing it, she gave us one last look. “Don’t do anything irresponsible while I’m gone, alright?”

“We won’t.” I waved at her. “Drive safe. Love you.”

“Love you.” And she shut the door.

I took Eunkyung’s seat on the couch. Seraphine continued to flip through the pages of my high-school yearbook. I placed my hands on my knees. “Are you still mad?”  
“No. I’m not.” She looked up at me. “I’m over it now.”

“Good.”

“Mmh.” Sera crossed her arms and leaned against the back of the couch. “I’m sorry. I… I’m being rude. Again.”

I shook my head. “It’s alright—”

“It’s not, Jae,” she interjected. “Please. Stop saying that it is.” Sera let out a breath. “But we can talk about that later.” She stood up and closed the yearbook. She walked over to the bookshelf, quickly sliding the yearbook back into its place. Sera placed her hands on her hips as she thumbed through the bookshelf. “Got any other interesting things in here?”

“Pretty sure that Eunkyung’s yearbooks are there too, if you’re interested.”

“Not right now.” She bent down and cracked open a drawer. “Woah. That’s a lot of sheet music.”

“Also Eunkyung’s.” I made my way over to her. “And mine, I think. Back when I attended recitals.”

“Chopin, Beethoven, Liszt, Herbie Hancock, and Bill Evans,” Seraphine read, flicking through the files of sheet music. “It’s good you guys haven’t tossed these.

“My sister’s a little attached, I guess.”

Seraphine pushed aside the file and found another box buried beneath it. This one, much smaller and split into two clear sections. “Paganini, Ysaye, Vivaldi. These are all violin composers.” 

She moved to the other section. “Frideric Handel? Mendelssohn..? I’ve never heard of these people, but the sheet music is choral.” Sera removed some of the sheets and held them up to me. They were completely marked up with blue pen ink, with notes specifically for Soprano 1 and the concertmaster. 

An indescribable feeling bubbled within me. 

Immediately, I sat beside Seraphine. We looked through the folders together. And the more pieces we found, the more my suspicions were confirmed. 

I plucked one of the sheets from its folder. It was the sheet music for Caprice 24. All across the staff, across each measure and bar, individual notes were crossed out, added, or adjusted. There were words and more reminders of phrasings and voicings for each individual variation. Something about it was intimately familiar.

I swallowed. I held it up in front of Sera. “This… this is my dad’s.” I gave the sheet music to her and moved to grab one of Handel’s pieces. “An— and this is Mom’s.” 

Seraphine glanced between the sheets of music. “This is amazing, Jae.” She chuckled. “Your parents worked really hard, huh?”

“Yeah. They did.”

“Do you think you can play this?” Seraphine asked, holding up Caprice 24.

“I haven’t played it fully before. But I’ve heard it a million times, and Dad’s notes should make it easier.”

“Give it a shot,” Sera said, handing me the paper.

I scanned the music staves, read the notes, and began to make my way to my room. I grabbed my violin case along with a music stand. I set the sheet of music on the stand, raising it so it was eye-level with me.

Seraphine was already sitting on the couch. She was smiling widely. A stack of sheet music rested in her lap.

After unpacking my violin, I let out a deep breath. I held it up. 

With an unbelievably uneasy heart, I began to play. As I began to play, as my fingers found their places on the fingerboard, as the music flowed out of me, as the voicing for each variation came to me like second nature, I felt like someone else besides me was playing. 

I felt more connected to my parents than I had ever been.

And that thought nearly brought me to tears.

I finished the piece strongly. But I set my violin down on the coffee table in front of the sofa. Seraphine brought her hands together in nearly silent applause. When I sat down beside her, her hand rested on my shoulder.

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“Yeah. I just need a second.”

She rubbed my shoulder. “Take all the time you need. I’m here for you, Jae.”

“R— really?”

With an impossible softness, Seraphine’s azure eyes met mine. “Always.”

I did my best to hold back my tears, but they pricked at the corners of my eyes, welling up to the point of overflowing. 

“Let it out, Jae,” Sera murmured. Her hand drifted from my shoulder down to my arm, and then she took my hand in hers. “You can cry. You _should_ cry. You can stop holding yourself back.”

And I broke. I collapsed into Seraphine’s waiting arms. My hands slowly wrapped around her as tears fell freely down my cheeks. Nearly a decade of emotion came flooding out of me. I cried until I was dizzy, nauseous, until the room was spinning, and until I couldn’t cry anymore. 

Seraphine ran her hand through my hair, murmuring comforting words the entire way through. My tears stained the entire front of her blouse. 

When I eventually pulled away, I wiped my cheeks and eyes with the sleeve of my shirt. “Sorry,” I murmured. “I ruined your shirt.”

Seraphine shook her head. “It’s okay.”

“I miss them so much, Sera,” I whispered. “I miss them so, _so_ much.”

“I know, Jae. I know.”

“I… I want them back.”

“That’s impossible, Jae,” she murmured. “You know that.”

“Why not?”

“Because they’re still here.” Seraphine cupped my cheeks with one hand. Then, with her other hand, she poked at my heart. “In your heart.” Then she poked my temple. “In your head.” Then she waved to the sheet music on the coffee table. “And in the music you make.”

“You’re gonna make me cry. Again.”

Seraphine giggled, and she pulled me in for a tight hug. “Are you okay?” She asked.

“Yeah. I’m good.” I pulled away. “I should probably go wash up… Don’t want my sister to think you made me cry or anything.”

“Fair enough.”

“Thank you, Sera.”

Seraphine smiled. “Any time, Jae.”

I made my way to the bathroom to wash up. “Sera?” I asked when I stepped out. “Do I look fine?”

She gave me a thumbs-up. “Yeah. You look good.”

We packed my parents’ music back into the box and cleaned up the drawer. After, Seraphine and I kept ourselves busy watching music videos (or live performances) on YouTube. 

After about fifteen minutes, Eunkyung returned to the apartment with much more than just dessert. She propped open the door with her foot and peeked her head in. “Help?” She asked, holding up several plastic bags.

I rushed over to her and relieved her of some of the bags. “What’d you even buy?”

“Groceries for the next three weeks. Figured I might as well get them since I was out anyways.”

“Fair enough.” I placed the bags on the kitchen counter and set to work sorting them and placing them into the fridge or pantry. “There’s still more food. Should probably try and finish it before the night is done.”

“After we open presents, Jae,” Eunkyung said with a dismissive wave. She turned her attention back to the TV. “Why are you two watching this performance?” She asked.

It was K/DA’s performance at last year’s Worlds for League of Legends.

“Sera put it on.”

Eunkyung glanced at the pinkette. “A fan of K/DA?”  
Seraphine nodded. “They’re all inspiring. Especially Ahri.”

Eunkyung hummed. “Inspiring, huh?” She tested the word. “I guess they are.” Then, Eunkyung grinned. “Wanna watch Jae’s old performances?”

“Wait, that’s not—” I tried.

“Yes! I totally do!” Seraphine exclaimed. And as Eunkyung went into her room to grab the DVDs, Sera stuck her tongue out at me. 

“Rude.”

####  **[;]**

Seraphine peeled the wrapping of her gift open. The paper fell away, revealing the signature crimson of a well-known keyboard. “No way.” She tore more of the wrapping off. “No. Way.” Sera looked at me. “Jae…”

I raised my hands in surrender. “Yes?”

She entirely removed the wrapping. It was Nord Electro 6 HP. One of the most renowned keyboards for pianists and music producers. And it was also a sizable investment. “Jae. This piano is like two thousand dollars. I can’t accept this.”

I dropped my hands. “Too bad. You are.”

Sera looked to my sister for help. “Eunkyung? Please tell him to return it.”

Eunkyung shook her head. “He’s had his mind set on this as your present for a while now, Sera. I think he bought it some time last month? Maybe less, maybe more.”

“Jae…” Sera trailed off. “Man, this makes my gift seem totally lame.”

“It’s okay,” I replied. “I’m a hard person to find gifts for. I don’t blame you.”

Seraphine picked up her piano and set it down on the dining room table. Then, she grabbed one of the two presents that she brought here. It was a small box, maybe around the same size as a piece of paper. She handed the neatly wrapped gift to me. “Here. From yours truly.” Sera walked away, her hands drawn together before her.

“Thank you.” I undid the wrapping. Out of habit, I did my best to undo where she taped it together, and then folded up the paper. The box was white. And there was an Apple logo on it. “Sera.” I looked at her.

Seraphine hid her face behind her hands. 

I continued to unwrap the present. 

It was a brand new iPhone.

“I… I thought that giving you a phone as a present would be a little risky, but I wanted to give it a try. Even if I thought it would be a longshot,” she murmured. “I know that you hold onto your phone because it was from your parents, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a new one too.” She glanced at me. “If you don’t want it, I can just return it. It’s okay. You don’t have to accept it, even if its a gift—”

“Seraphine,” I interrupted. “It’s perfect. Thank you.” 

She beamed. “You’re welcome, Jae.”

####  **[;]**

Seraphine and I sat on the living room couch together, neither of us really paying attention to the movie currently playing, Seraphine turned to look at me. The Christmas tree in the room kept her face alight with gold, light blue, and dazzling red. A Santa hat rested atop her head, and she was wrapped in a Christmas-tree-patterned blanket. It was around midnight now, the rest of the evening spent singing Christmas songs, dancing around the living room, enjoying our desserts, and even baking a small cake. 

It was one of the best Christmas celebrations I could remember having.

“Thank you.”

I tilted my head. “For..?”

“For letting me spend Christmas with you and your sister.” She smiled. “It means a lot.”

I nodded, smiling along with her. “Of course.” As I turned back to the movie, Seraphine spoke up again.

“One more thing.” She cleared her throat. “I… I want to apologize. Formally. Fully. For everything.” 

When I didn’t respond, she continued. 

“A lot has happened in the last two months. _A lot_ . More than both of us expected, I think. While we had some good parts, we also had some really, _really_ bad parts.” Seraphine let out a sigh and pursed her lips. “And I… I still haven’t apologized for what I did to you. Ever since our first argument, I’ve felt so guilty for not apologizing at all and…” She trailed off.

“Mmhm.”

“So, I want to apologize now.” She stood up, removing the blanket and hat she had on. Seraphine got on her knees and placed her hands before her. Then, she pressed her head to the floor of the apartment. “Son Jaemin. I am sorry for all of the pain, stress, and trouble I have caused you in the last two months. I am sorry for overstepping your boundaries and for not respecting your privacy. Please, forgive me.”

I shot to my feet. “Wait, Sera. You don’t need to go that far—”

She went further down, her face now pressing into the floor. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

“Okay, okay. I forgive you, I forgive you,” I said, kneeling down beside her. I grabbed her by the shoulders and set her upright. “Please, stop.”

Seraphine wiped her eyes and sniffled. While she wasn’t full-on crying, I could see the tears building at the edge of her eyes.

“I’m sorry too,” I murmured. “I haven’t treated you as well as I should have. I kept dismissing your feelings. I was far too focused on myself.”

“And I forgive you too.” Seraphine smiled.

“So,” I began, standing up along with Sera. “How about we treat each other right next year? Be good friends, respect boundaries, keep each other in check, the whole nine yards.” I extended my hand. “Does that sound like a deal, Miss Seraphine?”

Seraphine laughed. She removed her Santa hat and plopped it onto my head, then she grabbed my extended hand. “That it does, Mister Jaemin.”

I pulled her in for a tight hug, which she warmly returned.

Moments before we separated, the door to Eunkyung’s room opened. “Ugh!” she exclaimed. “And here I thought you two were keeping it PG in here.” Then, she smirked. “If you two get frisky, please use protection.”

Seraphine immediately freed herself from the hug, her cheeks turning a brilliant shade of red. Hiding my embarrassment better than Seraphine, I simply rolled my eyes and sighed. “Whatever, Noona.”

Eunkyung walked past us and into the kitchen. She popped open the refrigerator. Seraphine and I returned to our seats on the couch. We shared the blanket, and Seraphine leaned closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder.

I draped my arm over her, and she settled further into me. “Merry Christmas, Ser.”

She smiled up at me, her azure eyes alight with an unexplainable emotion. “Merry Christmas, Jae.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we have it. The end of Act 1 of Rising Stars. How is it so far? What are your thoughts? Let me know in the comments! 
> 
> Depending on how I am feeling, the first chapter of Act 2 will be released on either January 1st, 2020, or January 8th 2020.
> 
> Love you guys. Thank you for supporting my story thus far.
> 
> Merry Christmas. Happy New Year.


	11. XI - A New Year & A Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a tad late. Oops.

"I…" I trailed off, the question catching me entirely off guard. "I don't know. I probably won't."

"What are you gonna do?"

"Maybe go to school again? I'm not sure."

"You can't afford to go to school again."

"And you can?"

Eunkyung narrowed her eyes. "We're not talking about me, Jae."

"I…" I rubbed the bridge of my nose. "Right. I'm sorry. Just stressed."

"It's alright." She leaned back in her chair. "There's an easy solution to your problem."

"Which is?"

"Work your ass off," she answered, like it was the simplest thing to do. "Make your music the best it's ever sounded. Try everything you can to succeed. Take risks." Eunkyung grinned. "The only reason you haven't succeeded yet, Jae, is because you're too afraid to take the dive. You're too hesitant."

"But what if I can't? What if the stars don't align for me, Eunkyung?"

"They already have." The grin on her face slowly morphed into a proud smile. "You have grown and changed so much in the last three months… you _and_ Sera. You two, together, will change the world, Jae. You two could sing into the night sky, and the stars would sing right back."

I smiled. "Thank you for your confidence, Noona. It's appreciated."

"It better be." She grinned. "Now get to work. You still have some time before school starts."

I finished the rest of my tea and placed the mug into the sink. "I'll go get some work done then." With my worries settled and my mind put at ease, I headed back into my room, my thoughts already drifting towards a new EP concept.

**[;]**

The orange sun dipped below the horizon, creating a thin band of gleaming golden light that reflected against the deep blue surface of the sea. A crowd's clamor surrounded both Seraphine and I as we stood side-by-side at the edge of Santa Monica pier.

Sera tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear, her gaze momentarily flicking to me. Her hands were stuffed into the pocket of the large, violet hoodie she wore. "It's a little weird, isn't it?" She suddenly asked after a long moment of silence.

"What is?"

"Having nothing to worry about school-wise. Being on break. Being _bored_."

"Our break is pretty much done, so you won't have to worry about being bored for the next six months."

Sera removed her hands from her pockets, placing her elbows on the pier's fence and resting her head in the palm of her hands. She fully turned her head towards me. "Think it'll be a good year?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea. But I'm going to try my hardest to make it a good one. I mean, we're _graduating_ this year. That's insane to me." I met her gaze. "What about you?"

"I'm excited. For school. For graduation. For summer. For _everything_." Sera grinned. "I've got a good feeling about this year."

"Yeah?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "Mmhm."

"How's your family?" I asked.

"They're good." Sera glanced out at the ocean right as a wave crashed against the pier, the sea foam bubbling up against the pillar beneath us before dissipating into clear mist. "It's nice to have them back."

"How long is your mom staying again?"

"Until next Saturday."

"That's not very long."

Seraphine shrugged. "I'm used to it. It's been like that for as long as I can remember; Mom being able to stay for just the holidays or a couple weeks, and Dad leaving for a few days before coming back."

"Sounds hectic."

She nodded. "I'm not sure how I made it after my Nai-Nai passed away."

"How long ago was that?"

"Close to five years ago."

"Did sixteen year-old Seraphine know how to take care of herself?" I asked.

"After Nai-Nai passed, she had to," Sera replied.

"Our lives are a little tragic, aren't they?"

"That they are." Sera interlocked her fingers. "But I wouldn't have it any other way."

"What do you mean?"

She nodded. "I think we're better people for it. As… sad as that is to say."

"I agree." I leaned against the pier's fence. "What's your plan for the year then?"

"You mean my resolution," Sera supplied.

"Mmhm."

Seraphine hummed in thought. "I think that, ultimately, I want to make good memories. whether its through making music with you, spending time together just like this, or whatever. If I can look back on this year and say 'Yeah, that was a good year,' then I'll be more than happy."

"That's… a way better answer than I was expecting."

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"Yeah." I smiled. "It's definitely a better answer than mine."

"What's yours?"

"I…" I remembered my conversation with Eunkyung earlier this morning. "I want to do my best this year. Give it my all. I think… by the end of this year, I want to be successful."

"Well, that depends on what success looks like to you."

"Comfortable," I answered frankly. "Like I'm not pushing myself to the limit every day."

"That's a good answer," Sera said. "More realistic than mine, honestly."

I shrugged. "Maybe both are more reasonable than either of us think."

"Being successful in a year versus being satisfied with a year," Sera said, weighing the options. "Yeah. I'd say both are equally reasonable, especially considering our personalities."

"Think so?"

"Jae, you're a music-making machine. If you put your mind to it, I genuinely think you can be successful by the end of the year. And I… while, I like to think I have a pretty positive outlook on things. And if _I_ put my mind to it, I know that I'll be able to succeed in my goal."

"Your confidence is inspiring, Sera."

She winked cutely. "Thanks." She giggled. Then, she smiled. "But that's enough of that kind of talk." Sera moved closer to me, then she held out her hand as if asking for something.

"What is it?"

"Your phone," she said.

"Oh." I gave her my new phone. Because I had gotten it so recently, I still considered it Sera's phone. And I hadn't stopped thanking her for it either.

"You don't even have any new apps?" Sera swiped through my phone, desperately looking for something. "Jae, I bought you this phone, and you really haven't taken a single picture with it?"

Wasn't the main point of having a phone to call or text people? Not to take photos? "Uh... Should I be?"

"Yes." She rolled her eyes. Then, she motioned for me to stand beside her. "C'mere. Let's take a picture."

I awkwardly positioned myself to her right.

Sera glanced up at me, her lips drawn into a small pout. "I'm not a stranger, Jae. You can move closer."

"Sorry." I adjusted how I was standing, moving closer to her. Close enough that I could catch the scent of her perfume— the same as the one she wore on Christmas day. Hesitating slightly, I finally made the decision to drape my arm over Sera.

She leaned into me. With my phone in her hand, she tilted it, and held up a peace-sign. "Smile, Jae. At least pretend like you like me."

"But I do like you."

Sera's cheeks turned a brilliant shade of red.

"Wait, not like—"

"Okay, okay, okay, whatever," she interrupted. She narrowed her eyes. "Smile."

I raised my hands on surrender. "Yes ma'am."

We repositioned ourselves. And after a few small mistakes, Sera eventually snapped the perfect photo. Our cheeks were touching and faces were alight with wide, brilliant smiles. The tiny blue star on Seraphine's cheek glimmered in the fading sunlight. My golden eyes shined like pools of fresh honey.

Sera grinned up at me, accompanying it with a thumbs-up. "Now you'll have a background for your phone." She handed the device back to me.

True to her word, the lock screen was the selfie that she and I just took.

"Not afraid that people will ask questions?"

Seraphine shook her head. "What's a selfie between two friends?"

"Fair enough," I replied, slowly nodding.

Sera looked like she wanted to say something else, but the expression was gone before I could even think about commenting on it. And so, we moved on to something new. We headed back towards the middle of Santa Monica pier, to Pacific Park— the amusement park that stood on the pier itself.

When I asked Sera to come out, I didn't have much of a plan besides seeing her again, catching up, and just hanging out. But Seraphine seemed like she was focused on something else. Like something was distracting her.

"Something else on your mind?" I asked as we stood in line to grab a bite to eat at one of the stands. "That was a pretty intense talk we had back there."

Sera glanced up at me. "I'll… I'll talk about it later, Jae."

Understanding that was all I was going to get out of her, I nodded. When we reached the front of the line, I placed our orders. The raven-haired cashier grabbed two hotdogs and a basket of fries, placing them in front of Sera. I swiped my card.

"Thanks," I said to the cashier, picking up the fries.

"You're welcome," she beamed. She jotted something down on the printed receipt and gave it to me. "Have a good day."

"Mmhm." I folded up the receipt and put it into my pocket. "You too."

I followed behind Seraphine as she quickly found a rather isolated table on the pier. She set down the hot dogs. Then, she shot me a full, harsh glare, her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed into cold daggers. "Why did you keep it?"

"...Keep what?"

"The receipt."

I raised a brow. "Because it's a receipt."

"Jae." She sighed. "Look at it."

I fished out the receipt and began to unfold it. "Sera, it's just a receipt, I don't know what's got you so worked—"

Scribbled onto the receipt were four simple words.

_If single, call me._

And beneath that was a phone number.

"Oh."

"Yeah." Sera rolled her eyes.

"Well, it's not like we're…"

Sera's eyes somehow narrowed further. "Hm?"

My mouth opened and closed as I looked for an answer. "I mean, it's true," I said. "We aren't together."

"Yeah, but I…" Sera trailed off.

"You?"

"Nothing."

"Then let's just leave it at that, alright?" I offered, folding the receipt back up and placing it into my wallet. I began to munch on our food, and before long, Seraphine did the same. Yet she seemed more distracted than ever. I couldn't exactly blame her. Sure, what I said came off as a little strong, but at the end of the day, it was true.

Seraphine and I _weren't_ dating.

And for her to say something like that was out of line.

The rest of the day went on in effectively complete silence. We eventually made the decision to head back to Sera's car before it got too late.

Speaking of her car, after Christmas, and after Sera bought me a new phone, I had been more receptive to the idea of getting in a car. At least with her. Rides with my sister still felt a little shaky. But with Seraphine, I could actually _enjoy_ the car ride— something I couldn't ever remember doing. Sera unlocked her car and popped open her door. She slid into her seat, while I followed suit.

Without a word, she started up her car with a gentle rumble. We drove our way back to my house in silence as well, with only the music that came from the car's speakers that covered up most of the awkwardness.

Eventually, Seraphine broke it.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, one hand on the wheel and the other resting on her lap. Her index finger tapped the top of the wheel in double-time.

"For?" I already knew what she was probably intending to apologize for. But I wanted to make sure she knew, and that she had no doubts.

"What I said earlier. About… our relationship," she murmured. "I shouldn't have said those things."

"I forgive you." I smiled. "I understand why you said them."

"Y— you do?"

I sighed. "Sera, we've been dancing around each other for the better part of a month now. It's not big of a mental leap to think something like that."

"...Like what?"

"Like you getting protective over me."

Her finger stopped tapping. Then, she let out a long, deep sigh. "Right."

I decided to leave it at that. Because even though my feelings for her were new, whatever the butterflies in my stomach were new, whatever stirred my heartbeat whenever she spoke or looked at me were new, I had a rough idea of what those feelings meant.

As it was now, our friendship was a little confusing to me. Ever since Christmas, Seraphine and I had grown closer with each passing week, but something about the new year made it feel… Different. Foreign. New.

Not that any of those feelings were unwelcome. Sorta.

Okay. In truth, I was afraid of them. I mean, that had to make sense, right? Being afraid of new things, things I didn't know about, things I'd never experienced before… that was normal.

It had to be.

**[;]**

**January 23rd, 2020**

Over the course of the next week and a half, my life went from spending each day languidly, to being more busy than I could even remember. With it being my last semester of college, I needed more extracurriculars than ever. Between that and taking twenty units, working forty hours a week, and continuing to practice and create music… like I said: I was busier than ever. Thanks to the conscious efforts of both Seraphine and Lux, I somehow managed to keep sane. I continuously talked to them, but because Seraphine was about as busy as me, I tended to call Lux more than often.

"She really said that?" Lux asked, entirely disbelieving. "So much for respecting boundaries." She wore a pair of rose-gold glasses, a simple blue blouse, and a pair of fluffy grey pajama pants. She sat with her back against the headboard of her bed, her laptop on her lap, and white earbuds placed in her ears. Her blonde ponytail flopped to the side as she tilted her head.

"She meant well," I defended. "And… I think I probably would have done the same for her."

"And for me?"

"I would do the same for you."

"Getting protective over me? Or assuming our relationship status?"

I rolled my eyes. "The former, Lux." I frowned slightly. "And please stop digging at Seraphine behind her back. I've said it before. I don't want to repeat myself."

Lux bowed her head. "I know. I'm sorry. It… She just annoys me sometimes."

"Everyone gets annoying sometimes," I said. "Just need to learn to take it in stride."

"Normally, I can. With being a member of the Crownguard family and all that, people get nosy in the worst ways." Lux crossed her arms, looking up at the ceiling of her room. "It only really irks me when it affects people I'm close with. That's the worst part."

"But she's close to me, Lux. Please understand that."

She pouted. "I… I know. I'll do my best."

"Thank you, Lux. That's all I ask." I leaned against the back of my chair. "So, earlier, before I got into this whole spiel about that day, you said you had something important to tell me?"

"Oh!" Lux bubbled. "As it turns out, my study abroad program that I was talking about last week finally got approved."

"That's great!"

"Yeah." She brought her hands together. "So, I'm flying out to South Korea on the 30th and attending Seoul National University."

My eyes widened. "Korea? SNU?!" I shot out of my chair, managing to catch my chair just as it was about to fall to the floor. "That's amazing, Lux!"

She rubbed the back of her neck, and her ears and cheeks slowly reddened. "Thanks…"

"Amazing." I sat back down, still shocked. "You know its considered _the_ best school in South Korea, right? You should be proud of yourself."

"I am, I am," Lux replied. "It's just…"

"Just?"

She looked at me. "I'm gonna miss you, Jae."

"It's not like we won't be able to talk, Lux," I protested.

She shrugged. "We already talk pretty rarely as it is. And you're only thirty minutes from my house. It's unrealistic to think that the time difference won't affect our friendship."

"Well, I'm going to try my best to make sure that it doesn't."

Lux smiled. "Your efforts are appreciated, Jae."

"What time is your flight?"

"5:30 P.M.," she answered. "Gonna see me off?"

"Of course."

"How very gentlemanly of you," Lux said with a nod.

"I do my best, m'lady." I grinned.

"Gonna ask your sister to drive you?"

"Probably gonna ask Seraphine. Eunkyung won't be free that day."

"I see." On the camera, her mouth moved, but the camera didn't pick up what she was murmuring.

"...Lux."

"I didn't say anything!" She raised her hands up in surrender. "Seriously. I didn't say anything. And I wasn't thinking anything either."

I hummed in thought for a moment, then decided to let it go. Scolding her again likely wasn't going to do anything, and I trusted Lux enough to figure that she really would try her best to change her outlook towards Seraphine. Especially because this was the second time I'd told her to do so.

"Anyways, I'll send you the details of where to find us and all that."

"Alright."

The rest of our conversation continued smoothly. But although we returned to a more comfortable discussion of balancing school, work, and hobbies, my thoughts still lingered on the news that Lux delivered.

She was _leaving_. One of the few people that I actually even spoke to was leaving.

I perfectly understood why she was leaving, of course. Lux was moving on to bigger, better things. She had her own set of dreams and aspirations— and it would be remiss of me to burden her with my own feelings regarding her studying abroad.

At the end of the day, if Lux was happy, then I was happy.

Then again, I doubted she was eager to leave as well. That thought gave me some comfort.

**[;]**

"Are you free on the 30th?" I asked Seraphine. As I looked at her, it still weirded me out to see her hair in a large bun. Today, she wore a yellow crew neck together with a pair of black leggings and black shoes.

She looked up from her notebook, setting down her pencil. "Yeah. Why?"

We sat beside one another in Professor Krouse's lecture hall. It wasn't nearly as large as Professor Laurent's, so maybe calling it a hall is a stretch. It was closer to the size of a living room, honestly. Because it was an upper-division Music Theory class, there were only fifteen of us in the classroom itself. Fortunately, that meant we had a lot of time for self-study.

"I need you to drive me to LAX," I replied. "Lux is flying to South Korea for her study abroad program and I want to see her off."

Seraphine nodded. "Okay. What time?"

"Just… just like that?"

"Why wouldn't I?" She raised a brow. "I like Lux, and she's your friend."

"Didn't exactly share that sentiment a month ago," I reasoned.

"Well, you and I didn't even know each other's last names three months ago," she countered. "A lot can change in a short amount of time."

"Fair enough." I smiled. "Her flight is at 5:30 P.M. From a private runway."

"Oh right. Sometimes I forget she's very wealthy."

"Me too."

We shared a look.

Then we laughed.

"Are you two getting any work done over there?" Professor Krouse asked, speaking up after hearing our peals of laughter.

"Yes, Professor," I replied, adjusting myself.

"Wonderful."

Seraphine giggled.

I rolled my eyes, a smile slowly making its way onto my lips. I always found my conversations with Seraphine to be entertaining, and sometimes in the strangest ways possible. Maybe it was because we rarely found time to actually speak to one another outside of school and work. Nevertheless, we made it work.

After Music Theory ended, Seraphine and I filed out of the room with the rest of the students. Then, we walked to our next class, Audio Engineering, which was around fifteen minutes from Professor Krouse's room. It was in the same area, just in another building.

"So she's staying until the end of the semester, right?"

"I think so."

"Do you think you'll be okay being stuck with little old me?" Sera asked, fighting back a smile.

"Not sure," I replied. "Might need to find a new friend."

She clicked her tongue and her hands came to rest on her hips. "How very rude of you." Sera's walking turned into small skips. She bounded forward, her hair bobbing along with her movements.

"It's weird seeing you with a bun," I commented.

She whirled around to me. "Why? Does it look bad?"

I shook my head and shrugged. "Not bad. Just different."

"So what's the verdict?"

"It's cute. I like it," I decided.

Sera's smile morphed into a grin. "Thank you. I will take your feedback into account for all of my future hairstyle plans."

"Ever considered dyeing it?"

"What color would I even dye it?"

"Maybe—"

Sera's eyes narrowed into daggers. "I _swear_ if you say blonde, Jae." Her words were cutting, as was her tone.

I sealed my lips shut.

"You totally have a type." She sighed. "Nothing beats a blonde girl with blue eyes, huh?"

"Not this again," I breathed. "So I think they're attractive. Is that really so bad?"

"It's not," Sera stated. When I shot her a deadpan look, she waved her hands in protest. "Really, it's not. I just give you a hard time because it's a little funny."

"And regardless of my tastes, you're still a very attractive person," I murmured.

Sera straightened and stood stock still. "Uh…" A blush began to bloom on her cheeks. It spread like a wildfire, her ears turned bright red as she looked straight at the floor. "...Thanks, Jae."

"No worries." _Is… is it flirting if I genuinely just meant it as a compliment?_ I tossed that thought around in my head the rest of the way to my next class with Sera.

**[;]**

**January 30th, 2020**

"I feel like I shouldn't have been surprised," Seraphine said as the security guard waved her forward. Her car rolled past the threshold of the white gate, and onto the airway for Crownguard Airlines' planes. "But here I am: surprised."

I laughed lightly. "Me too." I pulled up the directions that Lux gave me a few nights ago. "She says her plane is in Bay 4."

"We're coming up on Bay 3 right now."

"Then the one after this one," I said.

"Okay." Seraphine let out a slow breath, then she shook her head as if getting her hair free of something. "I feel nervous. And I'm not even the one she's close with." She glanced at me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm alright." I looked out the window towards the other runways. The intricate movements of the planes looked more like a dance than anything else as they wove in and out of each other's paths. A large passenger plane began to crest around a bend, its engines spinning up with an ear-piercing whirr. "It feels more bittersweet, actually."

Sera hummed. "Gonna miss her, huh?"

"I think it'd be foolish of me not to," I replied. There was a bit of humor to it, actually. Despite knowing Lux for the better part of four, almost five years, she and I had grown so close, so quickly in the last four months that it was almost blinding how fast it happened.

"Fair enough." Sera grabbed the wheel with both hands, decelerating and turning closer to Bay 4.

There, dominating the center of the bay, was a private jet. Inscribed on each side of the canopy and the bottom of the tailfin was the logo of Crownguard Airlines: a winged sword of white and gold, with the side profiles of two helmeted knights bearing their shields behind both wings.

And on the starboard side of the jet was its name.

Valor.

"That's a beautiful plane," Sera breathed.

"Yeah. You're telling me."

One of the guards saw Seraphine pull up, and motioned where to park. Seraphine followed his directions, and maneuvered to the inside of the bay. Then, she stopped the car at the indicated spot. She turned to me. "Time to get going."

"Mmhm."

We popped open the doors and stepped out of the car.

"Jae! Seraphine! Over here!" Lux's voice called out to the both of us. She stood at the bottom of the boarding stairs. She was dressed for maximum comfort, with a pair of white sweatpants and a golden hoodie. Beside her stood her parents, Pieter and Augatha Crownguard, their appearances as regal and graceful as ever.

There was one more person that I hadn't seen the last time I was at the Crownguard house, however. And his massive, towering stature was impossible to miss.

Garen Crownguard towered over the rest of his family. He wore a well-fitted black suit and slacks, his hair slicked back and his chiseled jaw clenched. His arms were crossed over his large chest as he stared directly at me.

Sera and I walked over to the Crownguards.

"Mister and Misses Crownguard," I said, bowing my head slightly toward them. "Garen."

The man held out his hand.

I met his handshake.

And he nearly crushed my hand with his grip.

Eventually, he released it. And I resisted the urge to shake off the numbness that tingled my fingertips.

"It is good to see you again, Jaemin," Pieter said with a smile. "And you have brought a… friend with you?"

"Ah, right." I cleared my throat. With a wave towards her, I introduced Seraphine. "This is Yeng Seraphine, a friend of Lux and I. I brought her today because my sister wasn't available to drive me here, and since I can't drive myself, Seraphine was kind enough to drive me today."

"Hello," she bubbled. Sera grinned at Lux.

And much to my surprise, Lux smiled back.

"Thank you for coming then, Seraphine," Augatha chimed in. "Any friend of Jae's is a friend of ours, right Luxanna?" The older woman glanced at Lux.

"Right," Lux approved.

Pieter clapped his hands together. "Well, since we still have a bit of time to kill until Lux's flight, why don't we have an early dinner aboard _Valor_?"

Sera and I shared a glance. She nodded.

I turned back to the Crownguards. With a shrug, I responded. "Why not?"

**[;]**

As expected, the food created by professional cooks using professional-quality ingredients and supplies tasted _heavenly_. And it helped that Pieter and Augatha tended to the environment well. They led the conversation as we waited for our food. They were as kind, as courteous, and as friendly as ever. Before bringing out some wine, they even asked if it was okay for them to drink in front of me. And that warmed my heart more than I expected.

"Of course," I replied. "I wouldn't want my past to affect your enjoyment."

"Nonsense, dear," Augatha stated with a wave of her hand. "Your past is important to us, and we want to make sure you know that. So I shall ask again: are you truly okay with us drinking in front of you?"

I nodded. "Yes, Mrs. Crownguard. As long as you don't drink too much."

"Ah, you need not worry about that," Pieter said. "We only drink alcohol for the taste. Not to get drunk."

A few moments later, one of the waiters placed a bottle of Chateau Austone Red on the table. Garen reached over and popped the bottle open, and began to pour wine for himself and his parents.

Speaking of Garen, he was… chattier than I expected, given his appearance and first-impression. He often joined the conversation to offer his own input, or give us a bit of advice. It was welcome. It felt good to hear the opinion of someone older than me that was around Eunkyung's age, but not a girl.

There was one more thing about him that I didn't expect.

He was rather mischievous.

"Jaemin," Garen said as he wiped his mouth with the table napkin. "Luxanna tells me that you are a musician, correct?"

After swallowing my water, I responded. "Yes, I am."

"And you play many instruments?"

"I do."

A small smile danced across his lips. "Are you aware that Luxanna has been spending the better part of the last two months singing and practicing the piano nearly every day at home?"

Lux's cheeks flared up with red. She raised her hand up to hit her brother, before realizing where she was. She slowly set her hand down and instead used it to cover her face in shame. "Garen…"

The man in question laughed loudly.

"Really?" I asked, entirely intrigued.

Lux looked up at me with a pout. "Yeah… What about it?"

"Nothing, nothing at all." I smiled. "I'm just glad that you took what I said about your voice to heart."

"Hey, hey, don't forget that I can still sing too," Seraphine chimed in.

"You can sing as well?" Augatha asked Sera.

"Yeah." Seraphine motioned her head towards me. "Jae and I are both musicians. We were assigned to be partners for a project last semester, and we've been friends ever since."

"A musician duo, then," Pieter added.

"Essentially."

"Yup!"

The conversation drifted from music to school to work to careers to hobbies, and eventually we ran out of things to talk about just in time for the pilots and crew to start the pre-flight checks. We collectively made our way out of _Valor_ to let them work.

"Jae," Lux said, walking over to me with her arms crossed. "Mind if we chat for a bit?"

"Sure."

She looked around. "Just.. the two of us."

"Oh. Alright."

I followed behind Lux until we were out of earshot from everyone else. We sat beside each other on a bench within the bay.

"How are you holding up?" I asked.

Lux fingers interlocked, her hands rested on her lap. "Excited. Maybe a little nervous." She looked up at me and attempted a smile. But I could see it all in her eyes. She was terrified. More than anything else. "It's obvious, huh?"

"Yeah."

She sighed. Lux leaned her head against my shoulder. "I'm so scared, Jae."

"About what?"

"Leaving. Moving out. Being in another country. Failing my parents. All of it and so much more."

Cautiously, I wrapped her in a hug. She leaned into me and draped her arms around my stomach. I pressed my cheek to the top of her head.

"You'll figure it all out," I murmured. "You're driven, you're determined, and you're brilliant, Lux. More brilliant than you could even imagine. I'm not worried about you, Lux, because I know you'll be okay."

"But what if—"

I shook my head. "Don't worry about that. Worrying about that is unproductive and you know it." I gently extracted myself from her embrace. "You got this, alright?"

She nodded. "Thank you, Jae."

"Of course." I grinned. "And I'll be there for you whenever you need me."

"Really?"

"As long as you don't text me at an ungodly hour," I corrected.

Lux giggled. "Alright, I'll hold you to that. Thank you, Jae. Again." She stood up and stretched. "Think it's time for me to leave?"

I shrugged. "Probably."

"C'mon then."

Together, Lux and I returned to the rest of the group. Seraphine, upon noticing our return, shot me a glare. I merely shrugged in reply. She rolled her eyes and mouthed something that resembled, "Tell me about it later."

I nodded.

When it came time for Lux to depart, it was surprisingly tame. Her parents and brother didn't shed a single tear, and instead gave her support and more advice than she would ever remember. Lux hugged her parents tightly, clearly fighting back tears.

Garen held Lux tightly, and seemed to whisper something in Lux's ears. When they pulled away, the young woman was nodding, smiling, and holding back laughter. Whatever Garen had told her, it seemed to ease a lot of her worries.

Seraphine and Lux awkwardly embraced. Sera expressed her support for Lux and handed the blonde a piece of paper, saying, "If you're ever in the mood to talk to someone that isn't Jae or your family, feel free to shoot me a text."

Lux grinned and pocketed the paper. "You got it."

And lastly, was me.

As she embraced me, I couldn't help but poke a little fun at her. "Don't cry, alright?"

In the middle of the hug, she weakly jabbed at my side. "Asshole." She pulled away, and for several moments, simply stared at me.

"Lux? Are you okay?"

Then, she leaned forward and gently kissed my cheek. Her lips felt almost impossibly soft. Hesitant as they were, they were also filled with intent. Meaning. Purpose.

Before I could fully savor the moment, her lips left my cheek and she stood at the base of the boarding stairs. She ascended the stairs, waving back at all of us enthusiastically. After a solid minute of waving, Luxanna entered the jet and disappeared behind the slowly closing door.

"Jaemin, Seraphine," Augatha began, smiling widely. "Have a goodnight. Make sure to follow our car so we can properly escort you out."

"Thank you, Mrs. Crownguard."

"Please, Jae. It's just Augatha."

"Ah. Thank you, Augatha."

The Crownguards entered their car, and Seraphine and I climbed into ours.

"You look surprised," Sera said as she started her car.

"...Should I not be?" I asked.

"Let's just say that pretty much all of us saw it coming," Seraphine said with a smile.

"Oh. Why didn't you say anything?"

She shrugged. She pulled out of the parking spot and followed behind the Crownguards' car. "Don't think that me saying anything would have changed the outcome."

"Fair enough."

"Was it bad?"

"No!" I immediately protested. "It wasn't bad. Nor was it unwelcome. Just… unexpected."

Seraphine hummed. "I see."

The conversation drifted into silence, accompanied by the hum of the car's engine and the rhythm of the tires rolling against the runway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. Please leave a comment or some kudos if you enjoyed.
> 
> Next Chapter: 1/8/21


	12. XII - Once More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize about the delay on this chapter. Someone important to me passed away very recently and I have been grieving. I'll take this time to remind everyone to please, please, please wear your masks and social distance when you are outside. COVID-19 is nothing to joke about. Seriously.
> 
> That aside, as always,
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> EDIT 1: Adjusted the date of the new chapter. I'll be taking a one week hiatus from this story. So, the new chapter will be posted on 1/22, not 1/15.

**January 31st, 2020**

I walked alongside Seraphine to her car. Our classes for the day were finished and our shift at The Grand Vastaya was starting in about half an hour. During class, she and I had little time to talk to each other because the professors spent almost all of class time lecturing, describing assignments and concepts, and making sure we understood everything for the upcoming exams.

Sera unlocked her car and the both of us entered. I sighed as I slid on my seatbelt.

As we drove, my thoughts began to drift to Lux. I absentmindedly wondered how she was doing on her flight, whether or not she was comfortable, able to get sleep… Really, I just wanted to see her and talk to her again.

"Thinking about yesterday?" Seraphine asked.

"...Yeah."

"Kiss was that good, huh?" She teased.

I chuckled. "It was pleasant. To say the least." I didn't say much more. In truth, Lux's kiss only confused me. Even more than I already was.

Seraphine hummed. "Do you miss her already?"

"I do," I replied honestly. Lux was a dear friend— it would've been foolish of me not to miss her. "But she's going to do great things over there. I know it."

"That she is," Sera agreed. "She's a smart one."

"Mmhm."

"Does everyone at the Vastaya know that she left?"

"They do. I think she told them during her shift last week."

"What'd they say?"

"Xayah and Rakan were understanding. Kayn was as stoic as ever. Jinx cried. And Orianna cheered her on."

"As expected."

I chucked. "Yeah. As expected."

"Did you cry when she told you?"

I shook my head. "I was a little disheartened, but I also understood. Her talents would be put to much better use over there than here. And she's got a lot more to learn."

Seraphine nodded. "I hope she'll shoot me a text sometime. She seems like a ton of fun to talk to."

"She is." I grinned. "Seriously, I think you two would be good friends."

Sera smiled at me. "Here's to hoping, then."

**[;]**

**February 1st, 2020**

Lux arrived safely in Seoul and was now staying in an apartment near Seoul National University. And when she got to her apartment, she immediately called me, even before she called her parents.

Fortunately, it was a Saturday, so she and I stayed on the phone for quite awhile, at least until she finished unpacking and made the decision to shower. She told me all about her flight, how comfortable _Valor_ was, and how great of a plane it was to fly in. She also told me that the next time we had the chance, she would do her best to get me a flight on it.

I, of course, didn't refuse. I mean, who would? Not many people got to fly in a private jet, much less one owned by Crownguard Airlines.

Lux stood up from one of her many open luggage bags and grabbed her phone that she leaned against the television in her living room. Then, she dropped herself on the sofa and laid down with her back against the leather surface.

"Taking a break already?" I asked. She'd only started unpacking maybe ten minutes ago, and she had two more bags to unpack in addition to the one she'd been working on.

She sighed. "I'm _beat_ , Jae."

"If you're tired, then at least sleep on the bed," I urged. "Last thing you need is to wake up from a nap with a sore back."

Lux giggled. "Yeah. Guess so." She sat up and glanced at her awaiting luggage bags. "But I should probably get back to unpacking."

"It's midnight there," I reasoned. "I think you'd adjust to the time a lot faster if you slept."

"That's fair…" She trailed off, visibly contemplating whether or not to sleep. "Alright, fine. I'll sleep."

I smiled. "Shoot me a text when you wake up."

"I will." She grinned back in reply. "Goodnight, Jae. Or good morning, I guess, for you."

"Sleep well, Lux."

And the call ended with a _blip!_

**[;]**

**February 10th, 2020**

The next week and a half flew by in a blur. My schedule eventually found a consistent rhythm that I could reasonably manage. I had classes every week day from 7 A.M. to 2 P.M. I worked every day from 3 P.M. to 11 P.M, excluding Saturday and Monday.

Thanks to tips and the healthy wage at The Grand Vastaya, I was making close to a thousand dollars a paycheck. And that wasn't even counting tips. Because I'd been working there for so long, regulars recognized me, and even some new customers had heard about me— and they all tipped well. With tips, that pushed my paycheck to around one and a half thousand. Sometimes even two thousand.

Not bad for working as a waiter at a well-to-do restaurant.

Of course, a lot of the earnings went to bills for the apartment, health insurance, and groceries— the works. But, taking into account Seraphine's advice to take some time to myself, I bought myself a few new things.

The first of which was new clothes— something that Lux helped a bunch with. She was the most fashionable person that I knew, so I made the decision to text her about my interest in clothes. And to say that Lux was ecstatic at the prospect of dressing me would be an understatement.

For the entire time that I was at the mall, she was on the phone with me, her voice ringing in my earphones as she enthusiastically commented on what would look good on me or not. After about two and a half hours of shopping, I left the mall with my wallet much lighter, and my hands filled with bags.

I think I spent around two or three hundred dollars on just clothes that day. But Lux's insistence on it being a good investment comforted me, as did my realization that my wardrobe desperately needed an update.

I'd bought a couple sweatshirts and jackets, a few t-shirts, a couple pairs of pants and sweatpants, a dress shirt, and even two new pairs of shoes. I thanked Lux for her help that day, to which she made a promise that she would bring me clothes when she returned from Korea.

**[;]**

Seraphine dropped her backpack at the base of the bed before throwing herself atop it. She spread her arms and legs out like she intended on making a snow angel as she looked up to the ceiling.

"Someone's making themselves at home," I commented, walking past the foot of the bed and over to my desk.

"Your new mattress is _ridiculously_ comfortable." Sera breathed a sigh of pure relief. "I feel like I could fall asleep any second on it."

I chuckled. I bought the mattress at the beginning of February, and when I'd told Seraphine about it, she came over the next day to try it for herself. And since then, she'd made it a point to come over at least three times a week just to take a nap on it.

While the mattress was expensive, I considered it the first of my expenditures for myself. "Try not to. We have a bit of work to do today."

"I know, I know." Seraphine adjusted herself so she was sitting upright. She unzipped her backpack and pulled out her laptop, then she moved all the way to the headboard and leaned against it. "Any reason why you sound so driven today?"

I booted up my computer, the machine whirring to life and booting up in a flash. "A lot of things," I replied while typing in my password. "And we haven't made any music since the last EP project, so I miss it."

"I miss it too." Seraphine stretched. "Has it really been that long?"

"It has." I found it a little amusing too. Despite the both of us being musicians at heart, the realization that we hadn't made any music in almost two months was disorienting. And concerning. I loaded up Ableton and set out my MIDI keyboard onto the desk.

"So, what inspired this EP?" Sera asked.

I turned to look at her.

Over the course of the last month, I'd drafted up a few EP ideas and concepts, some outlandish and others unrealistic, but they all revolved around the same set of confusing emotions that I'd begun to experience more often. Especially around one pink-haired, azure-eyed woman.

If I found something as trivial as removing myself from making music for two months to be disorienting, then navigating how I felt about Seraphine was like getting tossed into a tornado. While blindfolded.

However, if there was one thing in my life that I knew better than anything else, it was music. And I figured that if I wanted to understand my feelings, then what better way was there to do so than music?

"Jae?" Sera stood in front of me. Her hands rested on her knees as she leaned forwards, our faces merely a few inches apart, concern strewn across her features. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I…" I trailed off. My gaze was naturally drawn to her eyes. "Yeah," I said, finally mustering the power to turn away. "I'm fine."

"My question?" She asked while moving back towards my bed.

"A lot of things," I replied. _More than I could ever tell you, to be honest._

"...Like?" Sera continued.

"How I feel."

Sera pursed her lips. "About?"

"Sera," I murmured. "Please. Let's just stop there."

"Alright." She frowned slightly. "I'm sorry. I did it again."

"It's okay. I forgive you." I smiled back at her. "Besides, we have more important things to focus on, right?"

She pumped her fist and grinned. "That we do."

Over the course of the next several hours, Seraphine and I mapped out the EP's concept, the number of tracks, and the arrangement and theme of each track. She and I sat beside each other, the both of us staring at the stark white computer screen that was littered with text. Several sheets of paper, crumpled or otherwise, rested atop my desk, just as filled with writing or sketches.

"I think it looks good," Seraphine breathed.

"Yeah. Me too."

"Think we can handle the concept?" She asked.

I shrugged. "We won't know 'til we give it a shot, right?"

Sera smirked. "Guess so."

"Alright," I began, pushing myself away from my desk and standing up. "I'm hungry. Let's go and grab a bite to eat."

Seraphine stood up as well. "Was just about to ask. Where do you want to eat?"

"Anywhere's fine with me."

As we headed for the door, I took one last glance at the monitor.

The concept of the EP emblazoned the screen in large, dark letters.

_ANGEL._

"Jae?" Seraphine asked. "Did you forget something?"

"No, nothing." With a small smile and a flutter in my heart, I closed the door to my room.

**[;]**

On the drive back from In-N-Out's drive-thru, Seraphine glanced at me as she turned down the volume of the music. "Any luck with Valentine's Day this year?"

I chuckled. "Not one." I placed my elbow against the armrest and rested my head in the palm of my hand. "What about you?" I asked.

"Surprisingly, I haven't had one either." She pouted slightly.

"Surprisingly, huh? So you usually get one?"

"At least one. Not that I'm complaining. It's just a little surprising." She shrugged. "It's still a little early, so there's time."

The way she said it made it seem like she was asking _me_ to be her Valentine. I chuckled at the thought of me asking her before realizing how embarrassing it would be. _Sorry, Ser. Gonna be awhile 'til that happens_.

"What about you? Do you get Valentine's often?"

I shook my head. "Not once."

"Wait. Really?"

I nodded. "I've never been the recipient of something like that."

"I find that hard to believe."

"Well, regardless of whether or not you believe it, it's true." I laughed slightly. "Do you remember those Valentine's Day celebrations in elementary school? When everyone would bring candy for another student?"

"Mmhm."

"I was the last to be picked," I said. "And one year, the _teacher_ stepped in to make sure that I was picked."

"Oh. I'm sorry, Jae."

I shrugged. "Not a big deal. It was elementary school. Besides, I think it was because I was always regarded as special. If there was something musical happening on campus, whether it be a school play or a small performance, and it needed a piano player, they asked me to come in." I crossed my arms as the car arrived at a stoplight.

"Don't think the idea of 'out of your league' exists in elementary school."

"But the idea of considering something foreign does. And you know how kids get when they interact with something they're unfamiliar with."

"...Yeah. I do." A hand absentmindedly drifted towards her pink hair before suddenly freezing and returning to the wheel. Sera bit her lip. "Sorry, Jae."

I shook my head. "It's alright. No reason to apologize." Before the conversation could fall into an awkward silence, I spoke up. "So, you've gotten a lot requests to be someone's Valentine, huh?"

"Yeah…"

"And you've still never kissed anyone on the lips?"

Sera blew a raspberry. "Just because I've been people's Valentine's doesn't mean I let them kiss me."

"Never considered just doing it?"

She shook her head. "I…" She chuckled. "This sounds so cheesy. But I want it to be special. And with someone I'm actually in love with. Or could see myself being in love with. I don't want it to just be a one-and-done kind of thing, y'know?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I get it." I ran a hand through my hair. "Looking back, I think I would've had mine happen like that too."

"Disappointed?"

I shook my head. "It was a good kiss. And Sivir is very pretty, so that helped."

Sera smirked. "Satisfied just going around and kissing pretty women? First Sivir, then Lux…" She glanced at me. "Who's next on your list?"

I hummed in thought. "Dunno. Have to give it some more thought. Might have an answer for you in four days' time, though." I threw an exaggerated wink in her direction.

Sera laughed at my antics. "I'll keep it in mind."

**[;]**

**February 17th, 2020**

Steadily over the course of the next week, Seraphine and I added working on the EP to our already hectic schedule. We usually worked on it over a call instead of Seraphine driving to and from my house nearly every day. I shared my screen with her to give her a clear view of how the project looked so far so she could provide input whenever she wanted to.

However, we'd spent most of the time as of late writing and brainstorming lyrics.

"I don't even know where to start," Seraphine murmured, her voice just barely picking up on her microphone. She had her notebook in front of her and a pen in her hand. She pressed the cap against her lips in thought.

"Neither do I."

"...That's kinda surprising."

"Oh?"

She nodded. "You seem to always have a place to start."

"That surprising, huh?"

Seraphine shrugged. "Like I said, you're talented. Like scarily talented." A small, sad smile found its way onto her face. "It's even more surprising that you chose to stick with someone like me for this long?"

"'Someone like you?'" I repeated.

"I'm not the most gifted person, Jae," Sera began. "I'm nowhere near as talented as you, and when I think about how lucky I am to have met you—"

"Sera." I sighed. "Sure, let's say that I agree with your sentiment about not being as talented as me. Regardless of that, I still think you're a great musician. Skilled. And talented in your own right." I grinned. "If anything, you should take me choosing you to be my partner as a sign of your talent. I wouldn't pick anyone who wasn't."

"Wasn't what?" She asked.

"Wasn't someone I could learn from," I replied.

Seraphine bit her lip.

My stomach quietly rumbled. "I guess I'll leave you to think on that. I'm gonna grab some food really quick." I stood up from my chair and made my way to the door.

**[;]**

"New reports of the Coronavirus disease are spreading all throughout the United States," announced the news reporter, his clear tone blaring out of the television speakers. "And with the President closing travel to and from China and neighboring countries, time will only tell if the disease spreads further."

Eunkyung sat on the couch. Her eyes were trained on the screen, until she realized that I was in the room.

"Worried?" I asked.

She bit her lip. "A little bit."

I shrugged. "We'll just have to wait and see, right?"

"Yeah."

I smiled. "Let's just hope that it doesn't mess with my graduation."

Eunkyung shut off the television as the broadcast moved onto another bit of news. "How's Sera?" she asked.

I rounded the corner of the kitchen countertop. "She's good. Once again miffed that I'm still hanging out with her."

"Why?"

"She thinks that our levels in skill are too different. Too far apart for me to consider her a partner. At least creatively." I popped the fridge open and grabbed one of the leftover boxes of takeout from last night's dinner. I closed the fridge, opening the microwave and placing the box inside.

"And what do you think?"

I inserted a time into the microwave, shut the door, then pressed start. The microwave hummed to life. I turned back to face Eunkyung. "I think she's being foolish. Like I told her: the reason I still choose to be around her is because I learn from her. Because she teaches me so much, more than I could ever learn from anyone else in my life. And…" I trailed off, unsure if I should continue.

"...And?" Eunkyung asked.

"I don't know." I scratched at the nape of my neck. "I just… I think I need to find the right words for it."

Eunkyung analyzed me for some time. And just when she was about to open her mouth, the microwave loudly beeped, signalling that my food was finished.

 _Saved._ I silently thanked the creator of the microwave as I lifted my food from the small rotating platform.

"That's why you're writing again, isn't it. To find the right words?"

I swallowed. "Yeah."

Eunkyung's eyes met mine. Contained within them was a series of emotions that all seemed to blur into one, unwavering, unshakeable gaze. "Don't act on it now."

"What? Don't act on what?"

"Your feelings. Whatever they may be."

"I have a sneaking suspicion you already know what they are."

Eunkyung crossed her arms. "I do."

I tilted my head. "Why wouldn't I act on it then? That doesn't make any sense."

Eunkyung looked at me straight on. "Jae. You've worked tirelessly to keep your friendship with Seraphine. If you mess up now, with something as delicate, as precious as this… it'll be almost impossible to get back."

"I..."

"Take my word for it: You don't want your feelings to ruin this friendship, Jae." She glanced to the side, a cold expression on her face. "There's not many things worse than losing a dear friend over something like this." She bit her lip.

I let out a small breath. Eunkyung hardly ever talked about— "Is she…"

"She's doing as well as she can." Eunkyung pursed her lips. "Like I said: learn from my experience." She looked up at me and tried a smile. "Just give it some thought, alright?"

I nodded once. "Yeah. I… I'll think about it."

**[;]**

**February 29th, 2020**

"Do you know what you're getting?" I asked Seraphine, looking up from the laminated menu.

"Yeah. I think so."

We sat within a booth at Isoshi, a popular Japanese udon restaurant near UCLA's campus, and about fifteen minutes from my apartment. The soft, paper lantern-lit interior, accompanied the traditional wooden panels across the floors and walls and ceiling. Paintings done in traditional Japanese calligraphy were interspersed across the walls.

After placing our orders and watched as the waiter walked away, I turned to Seraphine. "You know, Ser," I began. "This place is pretty romantic."

"Mmm." She looked around, then looked back at me, grinning widely. "I suppose it is. Why? Thinking of taking someone on a date here?"

I hummed, fighting back my own grin. "Maybe I'll take Lux when she gets back."

"Oh?" Sera placed her elbows on the table and cupped both sides of her face. "Not little old me?" She pouted adorably, the small star on her cheek sparkled beneath the light of the lantern.

"Well, I…"

She giggled. "You're so adorable when you get flustered."

"Not my fault you're so pretty," I mumbled.

Sera sucked in a breath at the unexpected compliment. "Y— Yo— You—" she sputtered. "That's _so_ not fair."

I crossed my arms. "What's not fair about it?"

"You just straight-up complimented me, which is against the rules."

"I wasn't aware that we were playing a game here."

"I mean, I didn't say that it was a game specifically," Sera explained. "Just… that…" She trailed off, a blush slowly growing on her cheeks. "Nevermind."

"And besides, you started it."

With her cheeks still red and steadily becoming as red as a cherry, she tilted her head. "How?"

"You said that I'm adorable when I get flustered," I stated, grinning.

Sera sighed. "Fair enough."

Ever since the week of Valentine's Day, Seraphine and I had been flirting with each other more and more. Her normally underhanded style of flirting morphed into a directness and honesty that I'd never seen in her before. In more than just a few instances, she would tell me how good I looked in my clothes, or how my hair was styled well. But beyond just how often she addressed my appearance, she was touchy.

Far, _far_ more touchy than normal.

Sure, Seraphine liked to be within an arm's distance of me, she liked to prod my sides and poke me with her fingers whenever possible. But with these recent developments, Seraphine clung onto my like a koala clung to its branch.

As pleasant as it was to have someone like Seraphine attached at the hip, it was a little… uncomfortable. Not because she was unattractive, or unpleasant to be around, or whatever else.

It was because it felt like something out entirely out of left field.

Previously, she'd been more subtle about how she went about our relationship. I liked it that way. I felt safe. I felt like I could take my time to understand my feelings. I felt like I could take it slow.

But now, I felt pressured to make a hasty decision. To act quickly. Impulsively.

All things considered, I think I would have acted. However, the words of my sister acted as the stopper to my impulsiveness.

_Don't act on it._

I sighed.

"That's a pretty heavy sigh, Jae," Sera commented. She reached across the table to touch my hand. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just thinking."

"About?"

"The EP," I said, naturally finding the excuse. "I've barely made any progress on any of the tracks, and it's starting to bother me." There wasn't an ounce of truth to those words, and I was fairly certain that Seraphine knew that as well.

"Me too." Seraphine glanced at our interlocked hands. "I… I think that it's because of how foreign that territory is to me. And to you."

"You think so?"

She nodded. "It's hard to write about something you have no experience with. And it's even harder when you want what you've written to come off as genuine."

"Never fallen in love before, huh?" I dared to ask.

Seraphine's hand froze atop mine. Her mouth hung open, and just as I was about to comment on it, she spoke up. "I… I have."

"Then it should be easy to—"

"It's not," Sera interrupted. "It's not easy, Jae. Some of us aren't born with talent like yours."

"I never said it was about talent."

Seraphine scoffed. "You mean to tell me that you've fallen in love completely with someone? So much so that you can write and sing genuine songs about it?"

I met her gaze, and I nearly lost myself in the brilliant azure pools of water that were her eyes. Her pink hair perfectly framed her face as it cascaded down to her sides in smooth waves. The small, blue star on her cheek shone against the light of the lantern. "Yes. I have."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh? Relationship stuff already?!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. Please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed the chapter.
> 
> Love you.
> 
> Next Chapter: 1/22


	13. XIII - Finding Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this chapter.
> 
> Thank you for bearing with me during this hard time. I'll address how I'm feeling and all of that at the end of the chapter. 
> 
> Until then,
> 
> Enjoy.

#####  **March 20th, 2020**

As it turned out, COVID-19 caused more complications than the entire world expected. Ever since last month, it felt like the entire world stopped; stopped working, stopped moving, stopped turning. 

It was like everyone on the planet had collectively taken a deep breath, and was now holding it in.

Everything closed. Every mall, every restaurant, nearly every grocery store, and every business that wasn’t essential, and it put everyone who worked in those businesses out of a job, including Seraphine and me. 

Xayah and Rakan texted every employee as soon as news of the lockdown became public that the Vastaya would be closed until further notice. While I was initially worried about whether or not the Vastaya would open again, they assured us that they would survive the lockdown. After all, it was a successful business. And the decision to move into a smaller building paid off apparently.

And that wasn’t even the kicker.

When UCLA closed and moved  _ all  _ of its courses online, I knew just how bad the virus was. They were even going so far as to kick people out of their dorms, which was unheard of because of how much those students were paying to live on campus. 

Part of me understood why the college chose to do that. It was for safety, for the sake of public health and security. But another part of me was infuriated. Those students were  _ paying _ to live on campus, and the fact that UCLA just kicked them out like a tenant with an overdue bill was trashy. More than that, I was angry because I  _ still  _ needed to pay the full-price for a class when it was going to be entirely through the internet, an inexcusably cheaper learning platform than in-person classes.

But there wasn’t much I could do about it. 

At the end of the day, the Board of Directors called the shots. And I was fairly certain that even if the entire student body sent them angry letters, they still wouldn’t change a damn thing.

I let out a frustrated sigh, and Seraphine looked up from her notebook, her head tilted slightly to the side and her pink hair cocooned in a large towel turban. “Something wrong?” She asked.

“Just thinking about how stupid online classes are,” I explained, deciding to spare her from my exhausting train of thought. 

"Do you think we'll even be able to have a real graduation this year?" Sera asked, glancing back down at her notebook. "It... It would really suck if we didn't have one."

"I sure as hell hope we have one." I clicked my tongue.

Ever since we were forced to stay home, Sera and I have been calling on a consistent basis. Nearly every day, actually.

On the contrary, I hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to Lux as much as I wanted to. With school and extracurriculars starting to pick up for her, I think the last thing she needed was me constantly bothering her with messages. I figured letting her initiate the conversation would be best.

It wasn’t like I had all the free time in the world either. Online classes were proving more difficult than in-person classes, and between that and working on the EP, helping Eunkyung study, and looking for work wherever and whenever I could. The stimulus checks and our savings would momentarily block the tidal wave of bills that were piling up, but once those ran dry, then I’d have a lot more to worry about than just school and music.

“Jae?”

“Sorry,” I replied. “A lot on my mind.”

She set down her pencil. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

I shrugged. “I mean it’s nothing substantial. I just need to focus more.”

Sera raised a brow. “..Focus… more?”

“Apply myself more, I mean.”

She hummed. “I see.”

“Sorry, that didn’t clear it up at all.” I chuckled. “I’m worried about finances. It’s hard to pay for bills with no job, after all.”

“Yeah.” Sera nodded. “The stimulus checks aren’t helping much, are they?”

I shrugged. “Sorta. Worst comes to worst, I’ll have to look for another job while the Vastaya is closed. But… God, we’ve been so good at staying out of debt, and now this pandemic is going to wring us back into that hole.”

“I’m sorry,” Sera murmured. “I feel bad that there isn’t much I can do.”

I shook my head. “Don’t feel bad for that. We’ll pull through.”

She grinned, her eyes shining. “Yeah. You’ve done it before, you’ll do it again!”

“So,” I began, deciding to move back to the topic at hand. “The EP. Have you made any progress on your songs?”

Sera rubbed the back of her neck. “Sort of. It’s weird, even with all of this free time, writing songs for the EP is still a challenge.”

“Yeah.” 

Ever since we started the EP, Seraphine and I have somewhat made progress over the course of the month.  _ ANGEL _ would have eleven tracks total, four solo songs for Seraphine and I, and three duet songs. But past that, we had virtually nothing. Nothing written. Nothing composed or produced. 

The EP was a blank canvas.

Seraphine spoke up. “There’s… there’s actually two songs I wanted to cover.”

That piqued my interest. “Oh? What songs?”

“ARY’s Childhood Dreams and K/DA’s POP/STARS.”

“Interesting decisions,” I said. 

“I mean, the songs don’t exactly fit in the standard context of the EP’s concept, but in many ways, my dreams and K/DA are my angels,” she reasoned soundly. “And I don’t mean that I obsess over K/DA, or that I’m in love with them or whatever, but that they inspire me to do my best, to be the best singer that I can be. Does that make sense?”

I thought about it for a bit, then nodded. “Yeah, it does.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yes?” I tilted my head. “Was I supposed to say no?”

“No, no,” she protested. “I’m just a little surprised.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” She glanced to the side. “It’s stupid. I thought you would straight up shoot me down or something if I asked.”

“If this was an assignment, I probably would have shot you down. But we’re making this EP for ourselves,” I replied. “If we aren’t happy with the end product, then we didn’t really succeed, right?”

“Mmhm.”

“I think covering those songs would be great.” I couldn’t stop the smirk that appeared on my lips. “On two conditions.”

“...Which are?”

“That I produce entirely new instrumentals for those songs.”

Seraphine grinned, and winked at me. “Sounds good, Producer.”

I rolled my eyes. “Please don’t start calling me that. It makes me feel like I’m not even your friend.”

“Alright, alright. Jae it is.” She giggled. “And the other condition?”

“That I get to cover a Gallant song.”

Seraphine laughed. “I don’t even know why you had to ask me that.” She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the surface of her desk. “Do you know which song you want to sing?”

“I… I have an idea,” I said with a smile.

She rolled her neck and raised her hands over her head for a stretch. “Alrighty then. Let’s get to work,” Sera beamed.

**[;]**

“We eventually need to decide on those duets,” Seraphine said. She stood just out of the frame of her laptop camera. The wire of her headphone dangled off of the desk, jiggling slightly as she adjusted her headphones. She had her microphone stand positioned in front of the isolation shield that I’d recently given to her, the large black soundpads blocking most of her face from view.

The question had caught me entirely off guard. “I…”

An index finger jutted out from the side of the isolation shield. “Hold on, I’m gonna record for Childhood Dreams.” The music started, and I could tell from the jiggling headphone wire that Sera was dancing behind the soundpads.

“Right.”

_ That’s why you’re writing again, isn’t it? To find the right words. _

I let out a humorless breath. 

_ What are the right words, Noona? _

The thought to ask her crossed my mind, before I pushed it aside. This was something I needed to figure out myself. Because if I asked Eunkyung for help, then it wouldn’t be as genuine as it should be. But even after spending a month writing and erasing and deleting and rewriting and re-deleting nearly every idea or lyric that I brainstormed about  _ love _ … I still couldn’t find the right words. 

I knew how I felt. I knew  _ what _ I felt. At least, I think I did. 

Seraphine made me happy. She made me laugh, she brightened my day. Every moment that I spent with her was amazing. 

That’s… what love was, right?

All of those feelings? All of what  _ I  _ was feeling?

“Jae?” Sera asked, pulling me out of my thoughts and back into reality. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just trying to think of how I want those duets to sound.”

“There’s no rush, y’know? Like you said earlier: this EP is for us. Not for anyone else. If we’re not happy with the end product…”

“Then we didn’t really succeed,” I finished. I ran a hand through my hair. “Alright. I’ll give it some more thought later tonight, I guess.” Glancing at the time, I stood up and stretched. “Eunkyung is gonna be home soon. I’m gonna go and make dinner, Ser.”

“Alrighty,” she bubbled.

“I’ll call you at the same time as usual?”

“Mmhm!” She smiled. “I should be done with homework by then.”

“Sounds good.” I waved at the camera, leaning over my desk and moving my mouse over the ‘end call’ button. “Bye.”

Sera waved back with a grin. “Bye.”

**[;]**

Seraphine’s text pinged my phone, and Eunkyung glanced up from her plate with a raised brow. “Sera?”

I nodded.

“You two have been talking to each other pretty consistently over the last couple of days,” she commented.

“Is that problematic?”

She shook her head. “Just pointing it out. No need to get defensive.”

“I wasn’t getting—”

“Have you found a way to voice your feelings yet?”

“I…” I trailed off, feeling my palms grow sweaty. I interlaced my hands and touched the tips of my index fingers and thumbs together. “I haven’t.”

“You know, if you keep waiting, someone’s going to steal her away from you, Jae.”

“Th— that won’t happen,” I weakly protested.

Eunkyung raised a brow. “Are you so sure? She’s a very attractive person. Not to mention she’s talented, intelligent, and bright. That kind of person doesn’t come around very often. I doubt it’s going to be long before she finds a partner.”

“Then she’ll find one. And I guess I’ll keep being her friend,” I said.

“You guess?”

I shrugged. “I don’t have much of a choice, right? If they make her happy, then I should be happy for her. That’s what you told me.”

“What?”

“To not act on it,” I replied. “So here I am. Not acting on it.”

"Jae. Can I just speak honestly for a moment?"

"Mmh."

"My intention for that piece of advice wasn't for you to follow it. I... I wanted you to not do what I did. I wanted you to not follow me. Because what I did to myself, to my relationship with Caitlyn, was my fault."

"But you—”

Eunkyung placed a hand on her chest. "I'm not perfect. You know that. Which is why I want you to learn from my mistakes."

"But I don't even know how I feel,” I argued. “How am I supposed to learn anything about being in-- I mean, about love."

"You'll figure it out, Jae. I'm not worried about you. Or rather, I'm not too worried about you." She smiled slyly. "After all, I wouldn't be a very good older sister if I didn't worry about you, right?"

I rolled my eyes. As jokingly as she said it, I knew that Eunkyung meant every word. And that was more than comforting for me. “When did you know?” I asked.

“Know what?”

“That you loved her.”

Eunkyung smiled softly. “When she walked away.”

**[;]**

“Do you think we’ll still be friends ten years from now?” Seraphine asked. The sound of her voice cracked slightly from the speakers of my phone.

“I think so,” I replied. “Why? Do you not want to be?”

“I— I never said that,” she sputtered. “It was just a question, y’know?”

I laughed. “Relax. I’m just teasing.”

“Sure…” She giggled, which was followed by some shuffling as Sera moved around on her bed. “I think,” she began, her voice sounding much closer and clearer than before, “that I’d be really lost if we weren’t friends.”

“You think so?”

“I know so,” she replied. “I mean, I’ve changed so much in these couple months, and it’s all thanks to you.”

“I wouldn’t say it was  _ all _ thanks to me.”

She giggled. “Okay, okay. A large part of it was thanks to you.”

“Mmm… Alright, I’ll allow myself that much credit.”

I could  _ hear  _ her eyes roll from over the phone.

It was several long moments of silence before Seraphine spoke up out of the blue.

“Y’know,” she said. “Heh, this is gonna sound so weird.”

“I’m sure you’ve said weirder things.”

“I don’t know if that’s supposed to be an insult…”

“It can be whatever you want it to be.”

“Compliment it is,” Sera replied. “Anyways, I was gonna say that these calls have been a ton of fun. And that we should keep doing them.”

“I had no intention of stopping.”

Sera hummed. “Good.”

“Worried?”

“Should I not be? Thinking about leaving me anytime soon?”

“Leaving you?” I repeated.

“Y— you know what I mean.”

“Don’t think I do.”

“…Jae.”

“Really, I don’t have an idea.”

Seraphine groaned. “Stop lying to me, Jae. You know exactly what I mean.”

“I don’t. That’s why I’m asking.”

She fell silent. I figured she was trying to find the correct phrasing.

“Leaving our relationship,” she finally murmured, her phone barely picking up the words because of how softly she uttered them. “Our friendship. And— and whatever else this is.”

“‘Whatever else?’”

“I…” Sera trailed off. “Forget I said that, alright?”

“…Okay.”

“Thank you,” she breathed. Sera clicked her tongue. “You made that a lot harder than it needed to be.”

“Sorry, sorry. I was just a little confused. But I guess that cleared it up a little.”

“You guess? What happened to all of that confidence at the end of February?”

“About?”

“Falling in love, Jae. Having fallen in love.  _ Being _ in love,” she breathed.

“That wasn’t really confidence.”

“Then what was it?”

“Hope? Belief?” I replied. “I’m not really sure.”

Seraphine scoffed. “You believe that you’re in love?”

“I think.” I chuckled slightly. “I’ve never experienced it, so its hard to say.”

“Then wh— why did you look at me when you said it?” Seraphine murmured. 

“That’s…”

“That’s what?”

“A difficult question to answer.” I let out a small breath.

“Why?”

I pursed my lips to keep the words trapped inside. But without warning, like water bursting through a dam, they came flooding out from me. “I think you can figure out why, Ser.”

“You…” Sera fell silent. And then a sharp inhale followed by a rapid shuffling of the sheets resounded from the speakers on my phone. “You lo—”

“Please,” I interjected. “Don’t.”

Seraphine jumped up and pressed her mouth against her phone. “Don’t what? Don’t say it? Why? Why not? Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because I…” I sighed. I could feel my hands shaking, my throat closing, and my heart beating against my chest. “I don’t know. I— I just—  _ I  _ just  _ don’t know _ , Ser. I don’t want to say it, and I don’t want you to say it  _ because _ I don’t know.”

“But you won’t know until you try, right?” She argued.

“And how do you feel?”

“How do  _ I  _ feel?”

“Yeah.”

“I…” She trailed off, falling silent as she carefully considered her words. “I’m not really sure myself, honestly.”

“Then why are  _ you  _ sure about how you feel, Ser?”

“Like you said: it’s more of a hope or a belief.”

“And those hardly ever translate into reality,” I answered.

“Then what are we supposed to do?” Seraphine asked. “Just dance around our feelings and each other like two high-schoolers? We’re in college now, Jae. We’re graduating in three months.”

“But—”

“But nothing,” Seraphine argued. “I’m more than ready to take the chance with you. And if it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t work out. I’m sure we’ll still be friends after.”

_ Those were the last words I needed to hear _ . I wanted to laugh at the incredulousness of Seraphine’s words. Staying friends after a break-up was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard of.

That wasn’t how things worked. At all.

My sister was a living example of that.

So I bit my tongue to silence myself.

“Jae?”

“I still need time to think,” I replied. “I’ll give you my response when I’m ready, okay?”

“… Okay. I’ll be here. Always.”

“I know.” I picked up my phone. “Goodnight, Ser.”

“G’night, Jae.”

I ended the call and placed my phone face down on my nightstand.

Laying on my back, staring up at the stark white ceiling of my room, I let out a deep sigh. 

_ What a way to end the night _ .

**[;]**

#####  **April 9th, 2020**

On the morning of my birthday, I awoke to the sound of rapid knocking on my door. Groggily, I rolled out of my bed and opened it, rubbing my eyes. “Yes?”

“Morning, Jae!”

Before me stood Seraphine Yeng, a surgical mask covering the bottom half of her face. She wore a simple white tank top that was fringe-tucked into a pair of ripped, blue short-shorts that left her long legs on display. 

“Wait, Sera? What on Earth are you doing here?!”

She clapped her hands together. “It’s our birthday, and since my dad’s out of state again, I wanted to spend it with you!” She beamed, her eyes sparkling with unbridled joy.

“But the pandemic—”

“I haven’t stepped outside once, and neither have you, so I’m certain that we’re both perfectly safe,” Sera stated confidently. “Right?”

She rose up to her tippy-toes to ruffle my hair. “Wow, your hair is really tangled in the morning.”

“Mmh.” With two fingers, I grabbed her wrist and peeled her hand from the top of my head. “Let me shower and fix up my room a little bit.”

“I can do it for you,” she offered.

“Not sure how I feel about having you clean my room.”

Seraphine’s hands went to her hips as she glared up at me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, that’s sort of how it works regarding everyone. I don’t even let Eunkyung clean my room.”

“Just let me help out, Jae,” she said. Then, a mischievous look flashed across her features. “Unless you’re hiding something… inappropriate in your room?”

I sighed. “Nothing you wouldn’t find in a normal, twenty-one year-old’s room, I guess.”

“Condoms?” Seraphine asked.

I looked at her with the flattest, most emotionless look I could muster. “Ser.”

Her facade cracked, and she broke out into a laugh that was too loud and too raucous given how early it was. Still, seeing her so happy… It was hard to dissuade a smiling Seraphine from smiling. “Sorry, sorry,” she said, wiping the corners of her eyes. “I couldn’t resist.”

“Oh really now?”

She giggled. “Yes, yes.” With one hand, she tapped the side of my arm. “Okay, go shower. I’ll tidy up your room for you.” 

_ Some things never change _ , I thought to myself as Seraphine stepped past me and into my room. I grabbed a fresh change of clothes and a new towel from my dresser. With my hand on the doorknob, I glanced back at Seraphine.

She was dutifully removing all of the sheets and pillows from my bed, placing them in the seat of my chair. Then, she set to work adjusting the corners of the bed sheets so that the surface of the bed was flat.

“Do you move around a lot in your sleep?”

“I think so,” I replied. “Most mornings, I wake in an entirely different spot from where I slept.”

“Interesting.”

“Mm. I’ll be back in fifteen,” I announced, walking out of my room and to the shower.

**[;]**

With a plain white t-shirt and a pair of black sweatpants, I returned from my shower to Seraphine and Eunkyung sitting beside each other on the living room sofa. They both glanced at me, Seraphine with a smile and Eunkyung with a mixture of concern and confusion.

“Did you eat yet?” I asked Sera.

She shook her head. “I woke up, did my morning routine, and then made the decision to drop by. No time for food.”

“Right.”  _ Or you just missed my cooking _ . “What do you two want?” I asked. The kitchen was fairly well-stocked. Eunykung and I made the decision awhile ago that she would be the one to leave the house for any groceries or errands that needed to be run— I say decision, when I really mean that she just volunteered. 

“Anything’s fine with me,” Eunkyung replied.

“Same here.”

Taking out a few ingredients from the fridge, I shot them both a deadpan look. “Why are you both so indecisive?”

“Because I like surprises.”

“Because you know my tastes.”

I rolled my eyes. I set to work cooking a simple breakfast of bacon, eggs, and pancakes. While they sat on the couch, watching a show on the TV. They had their eyes glued to the screen as the scene played out. Eventually, the smell of cooked food pulled their attention from the TV and to the dining table as I set the food out. 

“Thank you for the food,” Seraphine said, taking up the chair closest to the sofa while Eunkyung sat in her usual place.

I sat beside Seraphine. Mostly because she was sitting where I usually sat. 

The conversation over breakfast was minimal— seeing as everyone was rather hungry and eager to have their stomachs filled. Eventually, breakfast was finished; Eunkyung went back to her room to start getting ready for her day, and Seraphine helped me clean up the dishes and wash them.

“You guys keep your apartment super organized, it’s kinda freaky.”

“Organization is freaky?” I asked incredulously. “What a hot take.”

Sera shrugged. “Just saying. You two have a really good handle on everything, even with how young you are.” She stepped up beside me and began to dry the dishes that I finished washing.

With the last dish washed, I turned the faucet off and moved to the other side of Sera so I could return the dried dishes to their respective places in the cupboard. “Well, we had to grow up pretty fast.”

“Fair enough,” Sera replied, drying off the last plate.

“You know,” I began. “While I was at your place, I noticed that it wasn’t very tidy.”

Seraphine pouted. “How rude.” She stood with her hip against the kitchen counter, facing towards me.

“Sorry.” I chuckled. “Whenever I’m able to come over next, I’ll try and help you clean up or get organized or whatever.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Mmh.” I placed the last dish in its respective cupboard. I turned to look at Sera. “So, Birthday-Partner, what else do you want to do today?”

She tilted her head in thought. “Well, I can tell you what I don’t want to do.”

“And that is?”

“Make music.”

“Oh?” I raised a brow. “Why not?”

“I want to take a break. Last night, after I finished up my assignments for the week, I was up until like 2 A.M. trying to write lyrics.”

“No progress?” I asked.

“No progress.” Seraphine pursed her lips. “Like I said it’s a difficult topic to write about.”

“Yeah.” Much like Seraphine, I hadn’t made much progress on any of my tracks for the EP either. In all my life, I’d been through hurdle after hurdle, trial after trial, but the one thing that has remained consistent for me was music. Making music. It was a frustrating part of my reality now— being  _ stuck _ on something musical. 

I needed something to ground my thoughts in. 

I just didn’t know what it was. Or if it would ever even come to me.

“Doing a lot of thinking there,” Seraphine said. “Are you okay? You’ve been spacing out pretty often on our calls too.”

“Have I?”

Seraphine nodded. “Let’s sit, yeah?”

“Sure.”

Seraphine and I sat awkwardly beside each other on the sofa. Sera kept her hands folded over her crossed legs. I grabbed hold of the TV remote and scrolled through the available shows on Netflix.

And like coming straight out of a comedy, Eunkyung stepped out of her room at the perfect time.

“Wow. You two look like the most awkward couple to ever exist,” she commented as she walked past us. Eunkyung popped open the fridge. 

Sera and I glanced at each other, our cheeks slowly turning pink.

“Jae, I’m gonna take the leftovers from last night as lunch.”

“No problem,” I replied.

Eunkyung made her way to the front door, and after slipping on her flats, she glanced back at Seraphine and I. “If you two end up doing anything… frisky, just know that I don’t have condoms in my room.”

“Wait, why?” Seraphine just  _ had _ to ask.

Eunkyung rolled her eyes. “Because I’m a lesbian.” And then she shut the door behind her.

Seraphine’s mouth hung open. “Oh.”

I stared at the last place Eunkyung stood, impressed with her words. “One of the few times she’s actually admitted it outloud to someone.”

“Really?”

I nodded. “My parents… Well, you know, conservative values and all that. They didn’t exactly respond too kindly when they found out about her sexuality. She held it against them up until they passed, and she… She’s felt bad about it ever since then.”

Seraphine nodded. “I understand.” Then, she sighed. “What are we even going to do today?”

“You know, I feel like I should’ve been surprised that you went to my house without a plan for the day. But here I am. Not surprised in the slightest,” I said.

“Okay, that’s just rude.”

“It’s also true.”

She pouted. “It was purely impulsive, alright. You know how impulsive I am.”

“I do. Which is why I’m not surprised.”

Somehow, Seraphine’s pout grew. She crossed her arms as she glared at me. “Okay then, what was your plan for the day?”

“Finish some assignments, then try and write, or produce, the EP again,” I stated. “I also needed to make a list of groceries for Eunkyung to pick up, call Xayah or Rakan about the status of the Vastaya…” I trailed off. “Yeah. I have a lot to do today.”

“Jae…” Seraphine whined. “Well, while I’m here I might as well help. Is there anything you need or want me to do?”

“I’d hate to ask you to do errands on your birthday.”

“It’s your birthday too,” replied Seraphine. “And since we’re birthday partners, we might as well split up the duties, right?”

“Right.” I stood up, placing my hands on my hips. “Let’s go and be productive today.”

Seraphine stood alongside me. “Right!” She glanced up at me and beamed, her azure eyes sparkling with joy.   
  


**[;]**

I synced my phone to the TV, started up my playlist, and got to work on my assignments— and while I did my homework, Seraphine called Xayah. Their conversation acted as some good background noise, except when Seraphine told Xayah that I was with her.

“You’re at Jae’s house?!”

“Yes, I am.”

“Do you mind putting him on the phone?”

Sera glanced at me. I looked back at her from my Audio Engineering worksheet. It was a relatively simple assignment, just matching terms to their definitions from the class textbook, and then analyzing those definitions in the context of the given piece of music. 

I shrugged. “I can talk for a bit.”

Seraphine handed the phone to me.

“Hey,” I said. “Just wanted Seraphine to check in on you guys while I did some homework.”

“How sweet,” Xayah crooned. Then, her tone turned serious. “What is Seraphine doing at your house? Did you guys forget about the pandemic or something?”

“She…” I trailed off. “She just sort of showed up. She assures me that she’s safe and not infected, and I trust her.”

Xayah seemed to deliberate my words for some time before responding with a simple, “Mhm. Okay.”

“Yeah.”

“How are you and Eunkyung handling everything?”

“We’re trying to get it together,” I hesitated. “In truth, I’m not really sure what the next few weeks are going to look like for us, much less next month.”

“If you guys ever need anything: a place to stay, a few extra hands, and maybe even some money—”

“Xayah, it’s okay,” I immediately protested, feeling myself recoil at the thought of Xayah giving us money. “But the offer is appreciated. Really. It is.”

“As long as you know that the offer is there, alright?”

“Mmhm.”

“I want a ‘Yes, Xayah, I understand,’ Jae.”

“Yes, Xayah, I understand.”

To my side, I heard Seraphine stifle a giggle. 

“Good,” Xayah huffed. “Alright, you can put Seraphine back on the phone now. I just wanted to check in, that’s all.”

“Thanks, Xayah.” I handed the phone back to Seraphine, returning my attention back to my homework.

“Hey, Xayah,” Seraphine began.

And the two began to converse.. Of course, I only caught Seraphine’s responses.

“Yes. Mmhm. I will,” replied Sera. She glanced over at me, and then giggled. “Yeah, definitely can’t do it on his own. I’ll take care of him, Xayah, don’t worry about it.”

I rolled my eyes.

“No, my schedule’s been pretty free, even with school.” Seraphine glanced at me and then made a writing motion. I handed her a piece of scratch paper and a pen from the supplies lying around. 

“Yes. Solari Bakery?” She jotted down a phone number and an address. “Mmhm, I got it. Well, no, I haven’t looked for work lately because I… I figured that you guys would just take me back in once lockdown was over,” she hesitated. 

“Ah. I see.” Sera’s hand around her phone twitched, and I watched as her smile faltered slightly. “Okay, well, I’ll give them a call I guess. Right. Thank you, Xayah. Have a good rest of your day. Bye.” Seraphine ended the call and calmly placed her phone on the coffee table.

“Did they lay you off?” I asked.

“They did.”

“I… I’m sorry, Ser.”

She shook her head. “I mean, I guess I should’ve seen it coming. I was only brought on a couple of months ago. And compared to the rest of the staff at the Vastaya, I’m the most inexperienced.”

“Just keep your chin up,” I encouraged. “I’m sure the place that Xayah told you about will be just as good if not better than the Vastaya.”

“Mmhm.” Seraphine let out a sigh. “Not at all how I was expecting that call to go.”

“Me neither.”

“Well,” she tried. “Not much to be done about it now. So, what else do you need me to do?”

Not wanting to take her willingness to do chores for granted, I brought out our vacuum and asked her to vacuum all of the bedrooms while I finished up my work, and I would worry about the kitchen, and the living and dining room. She quickly got to work with her earbuds pressed into her ears and her eyes focused on the task at hand.

Steadily, I finally finished up my assignments just as Seraphine left Eunkyung’s room with the vacuum in hand. 

Over the course of the day, Seraphine and I managed to do all of my errands and chores for the entire week. Everything from vacuuming the floor, to cleaning the bathroom, to doing laundry, and even to organizing our fridge.

At around 2:30 P.M., Seraphine and I crashed onto the couch. She leaned her head against my shoulder, letting out a deep sigh. Her pink hair, which she previously had down, was now kept in a high and tight ponytail. Beads of sweat made its way down her neck and collarbone to her chest.

“Do you want to shower?” I asked.

“I probably should,” she replied. “My clothes are all sticky and gross from sweat.” Sera rose to her feet and walked to my room. “I’m gonna grab a change of clothes for my shower. Do you mind?”

I shook my head. “No birthday suit?”

Sera’s head peeked out from the doorway. “Wanna see me in one?”

“N— no, I— I’m good!” I sputtered.

Seraphine giggled and winked. She then disappeared back into my room before reappearing with a pair of pants, a shirt, and a towel. “Be back in a sec,” she announced, popping open the bathroom door and stepping inside.

**[;]**

“Okay, no, you have to admit that she’s got a  _ brilliant _ voice,” Seraphine said. 

“I think I like Evelynn’s more though,” I replied, my hand on my chin.

Seraphine had taken it upon herself to introduce the members of K/DA to me, especially because she was a huge fan of them and I wasn’t. While I was initially apprehensive about the idea, I figured that I would amuse her for a bit. It was her birthday after all. However, much to my surprise, the members of K/DA were incredibly gifted musicians. Each of them approached music in their own way, they all had their own flair and identity, and created music to fit that identity.

People who lived and worked like that always inspired others to do the same.

Others like Seraphine.

And that’s how I ended up watching nearly every second of available content that K/DA had. Everything from their performance at the League of Legends World Championship Finals in 2018, to their numerous interviews, and their music videos; starting with Ahri’s music videos from early in her career, all the way to K/DA’s POP/STARS.

“Really? I thought you’d like Ahri’s voice more.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because it’s kinda close to mine.” Seraphine winked.

I resisted groaning at the sheer greasiness of the line, but there was some truth to it. I loved the timbre of Seraphine’s voice, among other things. 

However, there was a confidence in Evelynn’s voice— an almost arctic attraction that was meant to draw all eyes to the diva. “Evelynn’s is just way different from any voice I’ve heard before. But they’re all amazing singers, honestly.”

“Right?!” Seraphine beamed. “I’m glad you can finally understand where I’m coming from. Once this virus clears up, we should definitely try going to a concert of theirs.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go  _ that _ far,” I said.

“It’s not even that big of a stretch, Jae. It’s just a concert.”

“It’s not just in regards to K/DA.” I pursed my lips. “It’s been awhile since I’ve been to a concert. Don’t exactly have pleasant memories from the last one I went to.”

“Oh,” Seraphine realized. “I’m sorry.”

“No reason to apologize.” I smiled. “I learned a lot about something you love, and that’s always a positive, right?” 

“Mmhm.”

I grinned. “If you don’t mind, I’m gonna need to rewatch POP/STARS.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re doing a cover of it, right? Even though I’m producing an entirely new instrumental for it, I want to do the original as much justice as possible.”

“Sounds like a plan!” Seraphine shot me a thumbs-up, and then replayed the music video for POP/STARS. 

From the get-go, the unique timbre of the synths, the vocal chops, and the bass, was going to be nearly impossible to recreate without the original samples. Every moment leading up to the pre-chorus of the song was driven by punchy snare hits, arpeggiated, chopped vocals, and a bass caused the floor to shake. As expected, the pre-chorus was mostly tenor, accompanied with steadily building drums. And when the chorus finally dropped, it was energetic, exciting, and  _ satisfying _ , driven by synthesizers, perfectly-organized percussion, and a brilliant vocal delivery by everyone in K/DA.

If there was one issue I could foresee during the production of Seraphine’s cover, it was the fact that the K/DA girls had an air— a confidence— about them that Seraphine wouldn’t be able to accurately encapsulate. 

And that wasn’t a dig at Sera. Some people just had more stage presence than others. 

For Sera, the strength of her voice was just how versatile it could be, as well as the range and depth of emotion she was capable of.

As much as I wanted to keep parts of the original, it was going to be a difficult, and ultimately useless endeavor. Just because she wanted to cover a song, didn’t mean that her version had to be the exact same as the original. In fact, covering a song meant that you put your own spin on it— you made it sound like  _ your _ song.

And after a bit of thinking, I knew just where to start.

I stood up from the couch.

“Jae?” Seraphine asked.

“I got an idea for your cover of POP/STARS,” I said, grinning widely. 

“But— but I said that I wasn’t in the mood to—”

“Sera, I know you,” I interjected. “You’re never  _ not  _ in the mood to sing. You were just frustrated that you weren’t making progress, right?”

She rubbed the back of her neck. “Well, that’s not entirely untrue…”

I grabbed her hand. “C’mon. Let’s go and make some music.”

**[;]**

“Let it be known that an inspired Jae is a terrifying Jae,” Seraphine announced to no one in particular. She sat alongside me in front of my computer. Her guitar rested in her lap and a microphone pressed close to its soundhole. 

“Terrifying? Why terrifying?”

“You work so fast that it’s kind of mind-boggling,” she explained. “That’s all.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

Sera rolled her eyes despite the smile that danced across her lips. “You’re welcome.”

Upon realizing that I wasn’t going to be able to match K/DA’s sound, I decided to put POP/STARS in an entirely new light. 

For all intents and purposes, Seraphine  _ wasn’t _ a popstar. At least not yet. She dreamt of being one. She put her entire being into eventually standing on a stage and singing, performing for a crowd. 

Her cover of POP/STARS needed to be about her dream to become a popstar. 

Not  _ being _ a popstar.

So, I produced a song that would perfectly fit (and encapsulate) Seraphine as a singer. The track opened with her vocals, her guitar, and an echo-y snap, and all three of those sounds were pumped with as much reverb as possible— as if she were singing in an empty stadium. 

“ _ Ain’t nobody bringin’ us,”  _ Seraphine sang. As it built up, deep synths, light claps, and a riser all crescendoed into a sparse, bass-kick driven chorus. “ _ Down, down, down, down, down, down. They can try it but we're gonna wear the crown. You could go another round— round, round, round, round, round— wish you luck, but you’re not bringing us down. _ ”

“ _ We go hard, ‘till we get it, get it _ .” The guitars, the percussion, and the synths all came roaring back during the second half of the chorus. “ _ We go hard, we so in it, in it. We pop stars, only winnin’, winnin’ now. Ain’t nobody bringing us, down, down, down, down. _ ”

Seraphine stood the guitar up against the side of my desk and leaned back in her chair. “We finished that song in what, like, an hour?”

“Just about.”

“Crazy. You’re crazy, Jae.”

“You know, it’s not just me, right?” I asked. “You picked up on the style of the song quickly, and you sang it perfectly in just a few takes. I may have produced it and all of that, but your delivery was perfect.”

“Thanks, Jae.” She smiled.

“We’ve got both of your covers finished.” I stood up and stretched, looking back at Seraphine. “Which means we’ve made at least  _ some _ progress on the EP.”

Seraphine nodded. “So, what now?”

“Well, it’s almost 5. My sister will be home in about an hour, if she isn’t being kept there,” I reasoned. “How about we make some dinner?”

**[;]**

While Seraphine may not have known her way around a kitchen on her own, having an extra pair of hands was more than enough for me. Dinner was done in record time, and the table was set long before Eunkyung even texted me she was on her way home.

“Does Eunkyung give you birthday presents?” Seraphine asked.

“Not since I turned twenty,” I explained. “How about you?”

“If my parents weren’t there, they left me something. If they were home, then they always surprised me.”

“You know,” I began, “I actually thought about getting you something.”

“Oh? What was it going to be?”

“Well, I already got you a new piano, so I can’t get you that,” I listed. “What about a new guitar?”

Seraphine shook her head vehemently. “No, no, no. There’s not a chance in hell that I’m letting you get me a new guitar. A— an— and it’s too late now anyways, my birthday is almost over,” she sputtered.

I laughed. “Fair enough.”

“How’s Lux?”

“Busy.”

“Well, she’s there for school, so it makes sense,” Seraphine reasoned. “Have you messaged her at all?”

“No time,” I said. “And I didn’t want to bother her with the messages.”

“I… I don’t really think it’d be bothering her,” Seraphine murmured. 

I shrugged. “If she finds time, she’ll text me.”

Seraphine fell silent at my answer. “Alright,” she finally said.

Before I could respond, the front door opened and Eunkyung stepped inside. She held up a plastic bag, and I rushed over to take it from her. As she took her shoes off, I checked the bag's contents.

“A cake, huh?” I asked.

“I can’t ever hide anything from you in the fridge,” Eunkyung said, taking the bag back from me. “And Seraphine’s here, so I figured I might as well get a cake for her as well.” She set the bag atop the kitchen counter and pulled the cake out of it. “Jae, can you get the numbered candles in the pantry?”

I found the candles and grabbed a lighter, taking it to Eunkyung while she set the cake up on the dining table. It was a simple chocolate cake, but it was the gesture that mattered.

“C’mon you two,” Eunkyung said as she finished putting the candles on the cake and igniting them. “Sit together.”

I pulled an extra chair over and motioned for Seraphine to sit beside me.

“Thank you,” Seraphine said. “This… this means a lot to me.”

“Of course.” Eunkyung took out her phone. “Now smile so I can take a picture.” She quickly snapped a photo. She swiped her screen, likely switching to recording. “3… 2… 1…”

“ _ Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you… _ ” We all sang.

As we sang, an almost impossible feeling of happiness bubbled within me. 

“Happy Birthday!” Eunkyung cheered. “Make a wish.”

With Seraphine by my side, we blew the candles on the cake, wishing into the stars and hoping that our dreams came true.

**[;]**

“Goodnight, Ser,” I said, standing in front of Seraphine and her parked car. “Drive safe.”

Seraphine looked up at me. “Goodnight, Jae. Thanks for letting me come over.”

“No worries,” I replied. “Having you here made the day great..”

She smiled cheekily. “Maybe for you it was. Not so much for me.”

“Oh?”

“It was a  _ perfect _ day,” she breathed. “I couldn’t imagine a better birthday— considering I spent it with my best friend and all that. But that’s besides the point.” Sera put her hands on her hips. “I better get going. Bye, Jae.”

“Bye, Ser.”

“See you whenever!” And with a final wave, she popped open her car door and slid inside. The door clicked shut, but the window rolled down. “Or maybe next week.” She winked.

I rolled my eyes. I watched as Seraphine pulled out of the parking spot and drove out of the garage. And even though she was driving away, I was still hung up on what she had said earlier. 

_ Friend _ .

For some reason, hearing it felt… weird. It felt strange. Where it once felt comforting, and made me feel safe and secure, now it was almost alienating.

And as I laid atop my bed, feeling the soft surface of the comforter against my skin, I realized it then: 

That calling us friends wasn’t enough anymore. 

It wasn’t anywhere near enough. 

I thought it was, back when I had that conversation with Eunkyung. I thought my feelings were fleeting. I thought my feelings were nothing more than a passing fancy. But the consistency with which my heart and mind raced at the thought of her, how desperately I wished to see her in-person again, and just how  _ happy _ she made me… 

She was more special than love. 

More precious than myself. 

She was my angel. 

“I love you, Seraphine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! Finally onto the romance stuff, right?
> 
> The last two weeks have been incredibly taxing on my mentality. We had the viewing for him last Sunday. I won't get into it, but it was rather traumatic to see him like that. In all honesty, I've felt a lot better. I'm not the type of person to feel blue that often, if ever. But this loss really ruined things for my mentality. I've been taking time to myself. Healing. Keeping up with friends, family, and other loved ones. And of course, writing. Two weeks after the loss, writing has been incredibly therapeutic for me. However, I chose to work on some other projects of mine instead of Rising Stars because I knew that if I worked on this story during the last two weeks, I would have ended up hating it, and therefore cancelling it.
> 
> Which is the LAST thing I want to do to you, my readers, and especially to myself.
> 
> I love this story. Even with all of its glaring flaws and errors, I'm proud to have stuck with it for this long. And it makes me so happy whenever I read anything all of you have commented on. Speaking of comments, thank you to everyone who left a supportive message on the last chapter. They mean a lot, even if we're just a couple of strangers talking over the internet.
> 
> Anyways, thank you for sticking with me thus far. I appreciate it more than I can communicate and more than you can know.
> 
> Next Chapter: 1/29/21


	14. XIV - An Angel, Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy.

**April 12th, 2020**

"Any luck with the songs for the EP?" Seraphine asked. "We've got my two covers done, but we have none of your tracks done and I feel bad."

"Well, I actually made something last night," I said to Seraphine as she idly strummed at her guitar.

"Wait, you finished the whole track overnight?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Mixing and everything?" She double-checked.

"Yup," I confirmed.

"Wow."

"…That shocked?"

Seraphine flushed. "Well, It's… just a little surprising. With how little progress we were both making and all that, I mean," she explained. Then, she grinned widely. "I love the name already."

" _Cinnamon Sugar_?"

She nodded. "Mmhm. It's cute." Setting down her guitar, she slipped on her headphones. "Alright, I'm ready to listen."

The track opened with a classic R&B percussion rhythm that featured muted kicks, light snare rolls, and consistent taps on the side of a closed hi-hat.

" _All these sweet talks, midnight drives to your place_ — _Still come to my shoes when you don't wanna see my face_ ," I sang. " _And I love when you throw your clothes on the floor, could I sit and watch you put your makeup on before you leave out the door._ "

From the first section of the verse, the soft, lilted piano played gentle notes, and it was shortly followed by the deep strums of a bass guitar. " _And I know, you like tea in the morning, cause coffee don't do your heart well. I'm all ears, your stories never get boring— Even though they're stupid as hell._ "

Seraphine giggled.

I chuckled alongside her.

" _When its time to go, by the time you'll know— Cinnamon sugar, cravin' that flavor, taste a little sweeter when its drippin' from your lips._ "

" _Now that I realized I can't let go_ ," I sang in falsetto, every word pronounced and emphasized by the rhythmic strumming of the bass guitar. " _Cause I need you every time and day baby— But I know I will find my way to your heart. Show me the way, the way_ …"

I paused the track. "Aside from the verses and the bridge and stuff, that's pretty much the whole song," I said.

"That was amazing," Seraphine said with a smile.

"Thank you, Seraphine." _You were the inspiration after all_.

"Not sure what I did," Sera replied. "But you're welcome, Jae." She scrunched her nose adorably and brought up a fist. "Alright, looks like I need to get to work too! I need to catch up with you, after all."

I grinned. "That you do, Ser."

And with renewed passion, Seraphine and I continued to work on the EP for nearly the entire day.

**[;]**

**April 21st, 2020**

I glanced back at Seraphine. "This is super random, but do you think you could learn Korean lyrics?"

She looked up from her laptop as she sat on my bed with her back against the headboard. She had a blanket drawn over legs and her laptop in her lap. Her hair was wet from the shower she had taken— something we decided she would do as a precautionary measure against the virus. Sera hummed in thought. "Mmm… Most likely," she stated confidently. "Is it for just one song?"

"Two songs." I motioned for her to come over as I pulled up the notepad I was using to write the lyrics. There were three duets, with two of them in Korean and the last one in English. I had the Korean lyrics separated into two different sections, one with the original Korean lyrics and the other with the translated English lyrics. "I've been working on the lyrics for the duets for most of the week, and they're mostly done."

"Oh. Already?" Seraphine asked, looking over my shoulder at the lyrics. "Would it really kill you to at least let me take a look at them first?"

"I… I'm sorry. I was just really inspired lately, so I let that take control," I murmured.

"It's okay," Seraphine replied. "It just means I need to get better at writing, I guess."

"We all have things to improve on." I smiled. "I have to start working _with_ you instead of just going off and doing my own thing."

"Mmh." Seraphine crouched down and grabbed hold of the mouse to scroll down the notepad. "All of these look good, and thanks for romanizing it."

I chuckled. "Think you can do it?"

She stood up. "Yeah. I can do it."

"Great." I grabbed the nearest guitar. "Let's get to recording."

**[;]**

**May 1st, 2020**

With my newfound inspiration, the EP was finished within the month. After the last three months of little to no progress, struggling to even start producing or writing lyrics, finishing the entire EP in such a short time felt _good_. It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Because of how many tracks there were, finding enough inspiration within ourselves to fulfill that track count was a mental strain.

But we did it.

Seraphine finished writing her last song; I found the perfect Gallant song to cover. And I wrote my other three songs within the course of a week, as well as the three duets that Seraphine and I wanted on the EP. Two of which were in Korean.

Even though Seraphine didn't speak it, she sang them extremely well. After a few takes, and a little help from me, of course.

"You know, I feel kinda bad for re-using Jhin's photos for the EP," admitted Seraphine. "It sort of feels like we're just taking it from him, and I don't think he would take too kindly to that."

I shrugged. "He did send all of them to us, even though we were only using one photo for the project." I pulled up the photo we chose for the EP cover.

I sat in a chair in the middle of the frame with my legs open, resting an elbow on my right knee and my chin in the palm of my hands. Seraphine sat between my legs, the back of her head leaned up against my left knee. And the both of us were staring at each other, as if we were deeply enamored.

"I think it's good though," Sera said. "Really fits the concept."

"Definitely," I agreed. Right now, I was in the process of uploading the EP onto Soundcloud, where almost all of our music was. Despite the two of us being fairly unknown artists, we had a decent amount of plays on Soundcloud. For our last EP, _WONDER_ , Seraphine's main track, _With Starry-Eyes_ , had nearly fifty-thousand listens. Her other song _Shh_ in _REMINISCE_ had over seventy-thousand listens. "It's interesting that people listen to your songs a lot more than mine or even our duets," I commented.

She glanced over at me, her eyes slightly widened. "Really?"

I nodded, somewhat surprised at her own shock. "Yeah. Here, look." I opened up the respective songs to show Seraphine.

"Oh, wow," she gushed. "Honestly, I kind of forgot that we uploaded the first two EPs we made on Spotify."

"That forgettable, huh?" I retorted, fighting back my grin.

Seraphine frowned and scratched the side of her neck with a finger. "Well, I didn't say it was forgettable… I just forgot about the uploading part, which was just a small part of that whole experience."

"I'm joking, Ser," I chuckled. "But still, it's impressive right? People are really listening to you."

A small smile danced across her lips. "Yeah. They are." She put her hands together. "It's all thanks to you too," she said. "If you hadn't uploaded those tracks, then they wouldn't have heard me."

I shrugged. That was something I could hardly take credit for. "You would have uploaded it eventually, Ser. But I appreciate the sentiment," I said honestly.

Seraphine nodded. "So, now that we're done working on the EP, mind telling me where you found that sudden burst of inspiration?" She asked out of the blue.

I let out a nervous chuckle. "I.. Uh… I just sort of forced it to come out?" I tried.

"You 'forced' it out?"

"Something like that," I said. "It sort of just came to me, y'know?"

"Why not just tell me the real reason?"

"Because…" I trailed off. "Because I don't know how to say it."

"You seem to be able to write about it well enough," she countered..

"But you know as well as I do that writing it is nothing like saying it, Ser."

"I just don't understand, Jae." She leaned forward, her face inches from mine. "Please, help me understand."

I shook my head. "I… I don't even know how to put it into words, Sera." I chuckled slightly. "I just need time. That's all I need. Give me time to find the right words."

"Then take as much time as you need," Sera said, pulling away. "I'll always be here."

**[;]**

In the middle of the night, I heard the sound of laughter coming from the living room. When I went to go check, I found Eunkyung sitting on the sofa, a blanket drawn over her legs and her face illuminated by the light of the television. Her eyes were trained on the TV while she munched on the bowl of popcorn that rested in her lap.

"Jae?" She asked, most likely seeing me slightly open my door. "It's late, what are you doing awake?"

"Couldn't sleep." I stepped out of my room. Taking a seat beside my sister, I leaned my head against the back of the sofa. There were too many thoughts crossing my mind. Too many to keep track of, too many to count, it was almost dizzying.

"Thoughts kept you up?"

"Yeah."

Eunkyung reached for the remote on the coffee table and paused the movie she was watching. She turned to face her entire body towards me. "Talk to me."

"It's… about Seraphine," I began. "But you probably already knew that."

"Jae, the _only_ things you ever talk about now are Seraphine and music. And even the music is usually about Seraphine." Eunkyung cracked a smile. "Did you finally decide how you feel about her?"

"I did," I confirmed. "I love her."

"And you're sure that you love her?"

I shrugged. "I'm not a hundred-percent certain, but I know that I feel very strongly about her."

"As long as you're confident. That's more than enough," Eunkyung said. She reached over and put a hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"I just don't know what to say," I said, my hands curling and tightening around the blanket. "It's _frustrating_. An entire EP of lyrics, and I _still_ don't know what to say."

Eunkyung rubbed my shoulder. "That's fine, Jae," she comforted. "Have you told Seraphine?"

"That I love her?"

"That you don't know what to say."

"I did."

"What did she say?"

"She's willing to wait as long as it takes."

Eunkyung sighed.

"Is… is that bad?"

"It's not," Eunkyung replied. "It's just what people always say. And words hardly matter when it comes to something like this. If you can't carry out what you say, then it doesn't matter."

"Is that what happened to you and Caitlyn?"

Eunkyung pursed her lips and shook her head. "No. Caitlyn just… didn't feel the same way as I did anymore. And I could tell. I could tell the moment her feelings for me changed, and when I knew that she had found someone to replace me."

"Do you hate her?"

She chuckled at that, despite the seriousness of my question. "I wish I could say that I don't. That I'm over her. That I've healed. But… But after three years, I think I'm still as angry as I was the day that she left me."

"I'm so—"

Eunkyung put up a hand to cut off my apology. "It's something I need to fix myself, Jae. And I was exaggerating. I'm doing better than I was those years ago. Much better." She glanced to the side. "While I'm nowhere near as happy I could be, I'm also nowhere near as depressed as I was— and I think that's a really good thing for me."

My mouth opened and closed while I searched for a response. "Okay," I said lamely.

Eunkyung rolled her eyes. Then, she patted my back twice. "Alright, to bed you go. Go think about what I said."

I stood up and walked to my room. I glanced back at Eunkyung. "Thank you, Noona."

She looked over to me, smiling slightly. "You're welcome, Jae."

**[;]**

I laid on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, fully processing what Eunkyung told me.

Action meant more than words. They had more weight. More power. More _meaning_. That was the goal, wasn't it? To find meaning in my relationship with Seraphine? To make our relationship _have_ meaning— or more meaning? To me, this was the single most important relationship in my life, second only to my relationship with my sister.

It struck me then: I had no idea how Seraphine viewed our relationship.

Sure, she flirted with me, but that was just a part of her character. She was flirty with people she was comfortable with. She was friendly, approachable. We talked very often, and she, apart from my sister, was the only other human being I saw in person.

_Maybe I could ask Lux…?_

I shook my head free of that awful thought. Texting Lux " _Hey! I wanted your opinion on whether not you think Seraphine would respond well to me confessing my love to her_ ," after not talking to her for months would be the stupidest thing on the planet.

And this was something I needed to do on my own.

It was something I needed to figure out on my own.

It wouldn't be genuine otherwise.

I let out a groan, ruffling my hair, grabbing my nearest pillow, and smacking it against my head a few times. _This is stupid! I feel like a nervous high-schooler whose never so much as talked to a girl in his life!_

It was hard to shake the feeling— the rapid beating of my heart in my chest, the butterflies that fluttered around in my stomach, and the lightning that rushed through my veins.

"If you can't carry out what you say, then it doesn't matter," I repeated to myself.

 _Words don't matter._ _Action does._

Then, letting out a deep sigh, I dropped my pillow onto my face.

_The answer was right in front of me._

I didn't need to find the right thing to say.

I needed to find the right thing to _do_.

**[;]**

**June 11th, 2020**

"We're graduating from UCLA in twelve hours and we're laying down on the floor of your living room staring up at the ceiling," Seraphine said to my side, her tone incredibly soft as she let out a small giggle. "That's… crazy."

For some reason, California decided to turn up the heat today, and everybody in LA was currently experiencing a comfortable 90°. To save ourselves, Seraphine and I moved the coffee table aside, as well as the carpet, and decided to lounge on the wooden floor of my apartment.

"Can you really call it a graduation?" I asked. "It's virtual, after all."

"And we already have our diplomas," she added with a chuckle. "Yeah. I guess it's not really a graduation."

"No Grad-Nite either."

"If there was one, would you have gone?"

I shrugged. "Probably. At least to go and talk to the musicians there."

"Of course you would go for that."

"I'm that predictable, huh?"

"Only when it comes to music," replied Sera. "You're an enigma otherwise."

"An enigma, huh?"

"Mmh." Seraphine propped herself up onto one arm and turned to face me. "Are you excited?"

"As excited as I can be," I replied honestly. I rested my hands on my stomach, folding my fingers together. "More excited for life _after_ we graduate, honestly."

"Nothing to do but make music," Seraphine said. "Is that what excites you so much?"

"Yeah," I replied. "I mean, getting to do what I love without having to worry about school is a blessing."

"Definitely," she agreed. "Do you think you'll keep going to school?"

I shrugged. "There's no real point in getting a higher education for me. I think I've absorbed all of the academic knowledge of music that I could— which sounds arrogant of me, but I genuinely think my time would be better spent in the studio, making music and actually applying that knowledge."

"I think you're right," Seraphine said. "There's nothing wrong with wanting to get as experience as possible."

"What about you? Are you gonna go to graduate school?"

Seraphine raised a brow. "You really think I'm made for graduate school?"

I chuckled. "Guess I'm gonna have to deal with you for a little longer then, huh?"

"You're gonna have to deal with me until the day one of us dies, Jae," she corrected, a sly grin growing on her lips. "That's something you can count on."

"Then deal with you, I shall."

Seraphine giggled. "Good."

**[;]**

**June 12th, 2020**

On the morning of my graduation, it was Eunkyung that woke me up, not my alarm. She'd taken hold of my shoulder and gently rustled me awake. She had a towel turban that encased her wet hair, and her glasses were slightly foggy from the heat that emanated from her face as she looked down at me.

"Wake up. Your ceremony is in three hours."

"Mhh." I groggily sat up, rubbing my eyes and running a hand through my mess of hair. "I'm up, I'm up."

"Good." Eunkyung walked over to my door. "It's a big day today," she said, glancing back at me. "Enjoy it to the fullest."

**[;]**

That morning, I took the longest, coldest shower that I could manage. But it hardly managed to calm down my nerves. I wasn't sure _why_ I was so nervous. I wasn't sure why a cold stone had settled in the center of my chest. It remained there, unmoving, yet moving me entirely.

It was graduation.

It was one of the few events in your life that you didn't get to repeat.

And it was only until I left the shower and saw Eunkyung standing before the small shrine to our parents that I understood why. She had her hands drawn together, her fingers interlocked as she muttered a prayer under her breath.

The shrine was simple, and mostly unnoticeable. In truth, it was something that I'd forget about from time to time. It was humble. A small wooden desk with candles, flowers, and three standing photos of our parents and us. When we were all still together.

I approached from behind Eunkyung. "Think they're proud of me?" I asked despite already knowing the answer.

She nudged my side with her elbow. "You were their baby. They would be proud of any of your accomplishments." Eunkyung smiled softly. "Yeah. I think they're proud of you."

"They were proud of you too, you know."

"Yeah. I know."

"You don't sound so sure."

Eunkyung shrugged. "It wouldn't have hurt to have heard it more often."

I put a hand on her shoulder. "It won't be the same, but I'll say it to you anytime you need it."

She put her hand atop mine. "Thanks, Jae."

"Anytime, Eunkyung."

Closing my eyes, I placed my hand atop the frame that held a picture of my father and my mother, holding each other in a side hug, smiling comfortably at the camera. It was an older picture— one of the few that didn't feature me or my sister, funnily enough.

_Hey Mom. Hey Dad. It's been awhile since I've talked to you. I know I do it every year, but I figured that now would be a good time to check in, I guess. You probably already know because Eunkyung told you, but here I am, telling you myself: I'm graduating in a bit._

_Well, technically I've already graduated because my diploma is sitting in my room. Unopened, sure— but I still have it._

_Anyways, that's besides the point._

_I'm excited about graduation, I guess._

_I… I really wish you two were here to see me graduate._

_It would have been really amazing._

_In other— I guess happier— news, I'm in love with my best friend._

_She introduced herself to you two last year._

_Her name is Yeng Seraphine._

_And she's the best thing that ever happened to me._

_It's funny actually, I'm trying to write a song about her, about my love for her. And it is simultaneously the most difficult thing I've ever done, and the easiest thing I've ever done. Heh. I know that doesn't make any sense, but if there's anyone that I know that can figure it out, it's you two._

_You two were so in love. You always knew what to say to each other._

_And yet I don't have a clue._

_But I guess that comes with the territory, right?_

I opened my eyes. "Mom, Dad, please take care of us," I prayed.

As I finished, Eunkyung grinned at me. She clapped her hands together. "Alright, since it's your graduation, I think it's time that I cooked something for you instead of you cooking something for me."

"Wait, wait, wait, I don't think—"

Eunkyung waved me off. "Nonsense! I've been practicing this recipe for awhile now, and it's _super_ easy. Pretty much no way I can mess this up."

"Oh boy…"

**[;]**

After nearly an hour of helping Eunkyung cook, telling her what to do and what not to do (specifically when it came to ensuring that our apartment did _not_ go down in flames), and finally convincing her to just let me cook instead, we comfortably ate our food on the sofa while watching an episode from one of Eunkyung's many K-dramas she watched.

There wasn't much else to do while waiting for the graduation ceremony to start.

"I refuse to believe that, out of all the possible emotions I could be feeling before my graduation, I feel _bored_ ," I announced as I finished my food. "It could be worse, I guess."

Eunkyung rolled her eyes. "Everything could always be worse. But in this case, boredom is probably only second best to being happy," she argued. "Rather be bored than nervous, right?"

"Right."

"I got an idea," Eunkyung said, poking my side.

"And that is?"

"Talk to Sera."

"Noona, she's celebrating her graduation too, I don't want to bother her—"

"Don't want to bother her like you think you'll bother Lux?"

I pursed my lips.

"When was the last time you even talked to Lux?"

"Maybe four months ago…"

Eunkyung clicked her tongue. "Jae…"

"I… I'm awful, aren't I?"

"Just a little bit," she confirmed with a nod. "But I don't doubt the fact that Lux is incredibly busy. Look, just go and give Seraphine a call. Never know, she might be itching to talk to you too."

"Alright, alright," I stood up to drop my plate off at the sink.

"Leave your plate, I'll wash."

"Was already planning on it."

"Mmh."

I stepped into my room and called Seraphine, pressing my phone to my ear.

After not even a single ring, she picked up.

"Hey, Jae!"

"Hi, Ser."

Seraphine giggled. "Missed me?"

"Yes, I did," I replied flatly. "I miss you."

"Oh— Uh— I…. I miss you too, Jae." She coughed. "So why did you call me?"

"Just wanted to talk to you before the ceremony." I sat down on the edge of my bed. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm good! Really excited. My Dad's been bothering me for the last couple hours on how we should dress and stuff," Seraphine explained. "How about you?"

"Nervous," I murmured.

"Why nervous?"

"Maybe not exactly nervous. More sad, I guess."

"Why sad, then?"

"My… parents won't be here for my graduation. And I guess that realizing that broke my heart," I said, trying to hide the dejection in my voice. The last thing that Seraphine needed on her own graduation day was to worry about me. This was as much her day as it was mine. "But don't worry about that," I quickly voiced my thoughts. "Eunkyung is here to take care of me."

"Good." She breathed a sigh of relief. "That's good."

"Mmhm." I nodded.

The conversation fell into a lull, and I found myself simply staring up at my ceiling in the silence.

"Still awake?"

I cracked a smile. "Yeah, I am."

Seraphine chuckled. "Go and get ready, Jae. I'm sure that you're still lounging around in your pajamas. We've only got an hour left before the ceremony starts."

"Sounds good." I sat up and stretched. "Thanks for the talk, Sera. It helped."

"I'm… not really sure what I did," she said. "But you're welcome, I guess."

"Talk to you later, Ser."

"Later, Jae."

And the call came to an end with a muted _beep!_

"Well, no time like the present, I suppose."

**[;]**

It hadn't even occurred to me how strange a virtual graduation would be. There was so little time to adjust for anything, to have a proper plan for everything that when the graduation started, there were already technical problems.

Some months ago, it was announced that the graduation would be streamed on the UCLA website so that everyone, regardless of whether or not they were a UCLA student could view it.

Since it was live, there was hardly time to fix the problems. As the graduation progressed, from the speeches given by the Dean, the Valedictorian, and the Class of 2020 Student Representative, some of the present staff's microphones weren't muted, others had their cameras activated when they weren't supposed to, and the broadcast would sometimes lag behind the audio by half a second.

Eunkyung, who was sitting beside me on the sofa, had her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes narrowed at the television screen. "You'd think that UCLA would be pretty handy at fixing their tech, especially given how much money you're paying them."

"No one's perfect," I attempted to argue. But in truth, I was feeling incredibly frustrated myself. I expected more out of my school. Out of the place that I spent four years studying within. Out of the place that I'm _proud_ to be graduating from. And there was nothing wrong with expecting more out of something. Or someone. "They're probably not gonna bother with saying the names of every graduate, huh?"

"Definitely not. If they do, we're gonna be here for five or more hours. And no family member has the time to be sitting around like that."

"Could always just leave it on and then come out when the 'T's go up."

Eunkyung shrugged. "We'll see if they even start calling out the names."

And sure enough, they never even bothered to say the names of each graduate.

"And now, officially, I would like to congratulate UCLA's Class of 2020 on persevering, navigating, and succeeding during such a difficult year. Every single one of you did it," the student representative said, looking straight at the camera with a wide smile. "We did it together. And as we start the next chapter of our lives, remember the time that we spent at UCLA. The memories. The moments. All of it. Thank you."

I sat on the living room sofa, my diploma in my hand and the staff's cheers peaking over the speakers, causing it to crackle, and I let out a deep breath.

_What a fucking graduation._

It wasn't like the year could get any worse, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to every single one of you for leaving a comment on my last chapter. They mean the world to me.
> 
> Next Chapter: 2/5/2021


	15. XV - Opportunity & Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fairly early on this one.
> 
> Enjoy.

**June 26th, 2020**

Seraphine sat beside me, her eyes glued to her screen as she typed on her phone.

"Someone's been on their phone for awhile now," I said with a smirk. It didn't really bother me. Seraphine hardly ever used her phone when we were together, so her using it now was more strange than annoying. "Any reason why?"

"I finally got around to making accounts for social media," she explained. She put her phone in front of me. "Look, aren't I adorable?" She'd just posted a picture of herself, smiling prettily at the camera while leaving her hair blow in the wind. Her azure eyes seemed to shine and sparkle even within the still picture.

"That you are, Sera," I replied honestly. "Very adorable."

She grinned. "You know, as late as I am to jump on this train, I'm a little surprised that you don't have any social media accounts."

"Too busy for it," I said. "And it's not really all that interesting to me."

"Too busy for it?"

I rolled my eyes at her nitpicking. "You know what I mean."

"Fair enough," Seraphine said. She tucked her phone in her pocket. "How's The Vastaya?"

"Good," I found myself saying. "As _crazy_ busy as it is, it feels really great to have a source of income again. And its pretty fulfilling to work there. How about you? How's your job at Starbucks?"

Seraphine shrugged. "It's alright. Kinda miss the environment at The Vastaya. But one of my coworkers, Ben, is a really sweet guy. Makes the days a little more bearable."

"Ooh." I nudged her side with my elbow slightly. "Got a bit of a crush going on?"

"Nah," she said. "He's a little too… normal for me."

"Never heard that before."

"Probably because no girl has ever called you normal," Sera explained. "Almost like you're crazy talented or something."

"Yeah." I let out a small breath. "But sometimes, I'd kill to be a normal person," I murmured.

"And why is that?"

I thought about giving her a response. Ultimately, I decided against it and just simply shook my head. "When I have time, I'll make one."

"Make one what?"

"Accounts for both Twitter and Instagram."

Seraphine hummed. "Promise?" she asked.

"Yeah. Promise."

"Oh yeah, speaking of that," Sera began, sufficiently distracted from the previously weighty topic. "I was intending on posting the covers of Childhood Dreams and POP/STARS sometime next month."

"Why next month?"

"I want to draw stuff for it."

"Oh, that makes sense."

"Yeah."

I nodded. "Sure. They're your covers as much as mine, Ser. Do whatever you want with them."

"Sounds good." She glanced at me, and then slowly lowered her head to rest it on my shoulder. "Mind if I borrow this?"

"You ask me after you've already borrowed it?"

Sera smirked. "That's usually how it goes whenever I do this."

I rolled my eyes. This was how it always was between her and I. So close and yet so far away at the same. Seraphine leaned against my shoulder, laid in my lap, and even cuddled up next to me when we were alone together. But ever since our conversation in March, ever since I accepted that I loved her, the distance between us never changed.

Despite the painfully obvious difference with which she and I acted together, nothing had changed. It was like both of us were too afraid to say something, to do something, to act on our feelings. While I wasn't sure if that was true for Seraphine, I knew how true it was for me.

But slowly, over the course of this last month, I'd been working on a song to translate my feelings into words.

And unlike every other song I'd written before, this one felt _genuine_.

That was when I knew that it was the right song. For me. For the both of us.

A hand came to rest on the side of my cheek. "Doing a lot of thinking there, Jae. Mind sharing with the class?" Seraphine asked as she looked up at me.

"Just…" I trailed off, trying to find a reasonable answer. "Looking forward, I guess. Thinking about the future, all that good stuff. You know, the usual post-graduate thoughts."

Seraphine giggled. "That's all you're thinking about when you've got me right here?"

"More interesting in _doing_ , rather than thinking when it comes to you," I said, lightly rolling the shoulder that Seraphine was resting on.

"Jae!" She lightly hit my stomach.

"What?" I looked incredulously at her. "You're the one that started it."

"Well, I… I guess that's true." Seraphine sat up straight, her lips pursed. "Would _not_ mind that right now, honestly."

"Which part? The flirting or the doing you?"

Sera looked at me. "Both."

"Wait, Ser—"

"Jae, do you love me?"

"Yes. I do," I responded immediately.

Seraphine pushed herself up and positioned her face mere centimeters from mine. Her lips were a hairs' breadth from mine, and her intoxicating perfume filled every one of my senses. "Then kiss me. Right now," she breathed.

Slowly, shakily, I placed both of my hands on either one of her cheeks. Then, I pushed her away. "Sera. I don't want it to be like that. And you know that."

"I'm here. I'm ready. I _want_ you, Jae," she exhaled. "Why are you waiting?"

"Because _I'm_ not ready," I replied. I reached out and ran a hand through her soft hair before placing it on her cheek. "But when I am ready, you'll be the first to know."

"Me, and no one else?" Seraphine asked. She laid her hand atop mine.

I nodded.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Jae," Seraphine began after a small lull in our conversation.

"Ser?"

"I… I want to make an album."

"Like.. our own full-length album?"

"Yeah. An album that only the two of us worked on. An album that only has us in the credits. An album for us, and no one else but us."

"Then let's do it," I breathed. "But, you know how hard this is going to be, right?"

Sera nodded. "Yeah. I know."

"It's not as simple as an EP. An album means… a lot of things. And we have to nail every single one of those things if we want the album to be successful."

"I know."

"Sure, we've made EPs before, but producing an album will be nothing like that, and—"

Sera pressed her lips against my cheek, leaving me frozen and entirely still. The only point of warmth throughout my entire body was the warmth of her lips even as she pulled away. "Jae," she said, staring straight into my eyes. "Calm down."

"I…" I let out a slow, heavy breath. "Right. I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "You have nothing to apologize for." With her hand, she grazed the side of my cheek with her fingers once again. "Now," Sera began, a small smirk dancing across her lips. "I'm feeling a little tired, so I'm going to use you as my pillow. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah," I replied, finding myself smiling. "That's fine."

And without another word, Seraphine adjusted her position on my bed, and then rested her head against my chest, eventually falling asleep to the steady beat of my heart.

**[;]**

I glanced at Seraphine as she laid beside me. Her hair was a slight mess, some strands sticking up and out from the top of her head, seeing as she had just woken up from a fairly fitful nap. Her eyes were slightly lidded as she squinted at her phone screen.

Sera caught my less-than-subtle staring, and she raised a brow at me. "You know, lately, you've been staring at me pretty often." She flicked some hair over her shoulder. "Enjoying the view?" She asked.

Despite the messiness of her appearance, the slight tiredness in her eyes, and the small, nearly undetectable small that ghosted her lips, she was, in that moment, the most beautiful that I'd ever seen her before.

"Yes," I exhaled. "I am."

A blush lit up Seraphine's cheeks. "I… I see," she murmured, biting her lip.

"Something wrong?"

"No, no," she replied, waving her hand innocently. "Nothing's wrong." Sera looked to the side. "Just… getting used to you being so upfront about everything."

"Is that so bad?"

Sera shook her head. "Not bad. Just different."

I hummed. "I see." Grinning, I tilted my head. "I don't know, I don't really mind it— I kinda like it, honestly."

"Oh." Seraphine's cheeks darkened even further.

"Do you even have any ideas for the album?" I asked, changing the topic before I found myself getting embarrassed as well.

Sera seemed surprised by my sudden question, but she responded regardless. With a shrug, she said, "Honestly, I have no idea."

"No clue?"

"None at all," she confirmed with a nod. "How about you? Between the two of us, you're the only one making actual music. And that song you've been making…" She trailed off.

"I've only got that one song I'm working towards," I stated. "Other than that, I got nothing."

"Oh. I see." Sera leaned forward in her chair, an inquisitive look on her face. "I guess there's not much else to write about?"

"There's a hundred million songs that are still unwritten, Seraphine," I said with a smile. "We just need to find them. Together."

**[;]**

**July 17th, 2020**

"Honestly, I'm shocked that you two haven't made it official already," Eunkyung said whilst she absentmindedly scrolled down an article on her laptop.

I looked up from my phone. "Made what official?"

"That you're dating— I mean, when Seraphine was last here, she looked about ready to just pounce on you." Eunkyung pointed to the couch. "She was here until midnight too, probably just waiting for me to go to bed."

"I'd like to think that Sera has a bit more tact than that," I said.

"Do you really?"  
"I said a bit. I didn't say she had a lot."

Eunkyung chuckled. "Is it bothering her that you're still figuring things out?"

"It shows through every now and then, but when I tell her to stop, she stops."

She hummed. "Shouldn't keep a girl waiting, Jae."

"I feel like you've told me every bit of advice under the sun now," I said, trying to hide the shit-eating grin that threatened to break out onto my face. "Is there actually any truth to it?"

Eunkyung shrugged. "That one was a joke."

"I see, I see."

"But in all honesty, I want to do this right. I want it to be genuine." I smiled to myself. "I want it to be every bit as cheesy, as cliche, and as beautiful as everyone says it is. I want it to be unforgettable. The moments, the memories… Everything."

"And what if its not? What if it isn't anything like you thought it would be?"

"Then… then I guess I went wrong somewhere along the way."

"Do you really think that?"

"Yeah. I really do."

"I see…" Eunkyung sighed. "Well, if that's all the convincing you'll need, then I think you know what to do from here on out."

"I'm writing a song for her," I said out of the blue, surprising both myself and Eunkyung. "It's… a genuine song. A song that I think the both of us would appreciate and relate to."

"Good. Being genuine is the best place to start." Eunkyung smiled slightly. "And how's your album coming along?"

**[;]**

"I posted the cover of Childhood Dreams today," Seraphine said. She laid on her side, her phone likely resting against a nearby pillow as she glanced up at the camera. Since Sera was feeling a little tired after her shift at work, she and I were on FaceTime today instead of on our computers.

"Any traction?"

"A small amount. Nothing too impressive."

"That's good, that's good."

"How about you? I heard a new song playing on your speakers at the start of our call today."

"Oh." _She'd heard the song I was writing for her_. "That's a side project of mine. No idea where its going, so I haven't told you yet."

She hummed. "A love song?"

"It usually is."

"Mmm? I see, I see." She giggled. "I won't ask anymore about it, but I _am_ intrigued to say the least."

"Figured you would be." I bit the corner of my lip. "Probably gonna let you listen to it sooner rather than later."

"No pressure," she said, grinning. "I'm here as long as you could ever want me."

**[;]**

**August 23rd, 2020**

According to Seraphine, ever since she posted her cover of Childhood Dreams, she'd gained a decent amount of followers on her Instagram as well as Twitter— but when she posted her cover of K/DA's POP/STARS, her follower count shot through the roof. Apparently, despite the band having not released a single track for two whole years, they still had an incredibly dedicated fanbase.

Seraphine had become a small star overnight.

And she was more than excited to share the news with me.

"I'm at, like, over fifteen thousand followers now, Jae," she stated over the phone. "It's crazy! I had to turn off all Instagram notifications from my phone because there's always people commenting on the POP/STARS post."

I wouldn't lie— despite being happy for Seraphine's recent success, I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. Sure, making an account was easy, but maintaining it, keeping up with every new trend, and making the effort to follow those trends was too time consuming for me.

And with me being out of school, I needed to work hours more than ever to fight off the crushing weight of my student loan debt. As it turned out, having to pay around three thousand dollars a month to just pay off the interest and a small portion of the actual debt was difficult. _To say the least_.

Between that, making my own music, helping Eunkyung, and managing the house, I barely had time to myself. And even less time to dedicate to Seraphine. And _even less time_ to dedicate to something like social media.

Fighting back the cold feeling of jealousy as it attempted to worm its way into my heart, I cracked a small smile. "That's great, Ser!" I cheered. "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, Jae— You're the one that produced the cover after all, so I made sure to mention you."

"But I don't have an account."

She shook her head. "I just said, 'Here's my take on POP/STARS, produced by my friend Jae and sung by me.'"

"Then that's good enough for me."

"You know, maybe I should just start pictures of us together instead of getting you an account," suggested Seraphine.

"Do whatever you want. It's your account, Ser."

"I'll think about it then," she decided.

"Speaking of music," I said. "How's your busking going?" Sera, despite the quarantine, had taken it upon herself to go busking at least three times a week near the Starbucks where she worked. I remember when she'd asked me to join her, but unfortunately my busy schedule wouldn't let me. She and I often worked at around the same times, except that her shifts ended hours before mine did.

Upon mentioning her busking, Seraphine's face lit up. "It's going! I tend to get at least five or six people to stick through a single song before leaving, which is pretty good," she explained. "I'm thinking of performing the cover of POP/STARS tomorrow after work."

"Go for it." I grinned. "Who knows, now that you're a small internet star, people might recognize your voice."

"That's the plan." She smiled back at me. "Alright, Jae. I'm gonna get going now, don't want to keep you for too long."

"Sounds good. Talk to you later, Ser."

"Later, Jae."

**[;]**

**August 24th, 2020**

As Ahri strutted across the red carpet, a thousand flashing cameras surrounding her, a hundred questions flying at her, one question in particular stood out to her.

"Can we expect a comeback from K/DA any time soon?"

Ahri stopped in her tracks. She glanced back at the reporter who had asked the question, pulling her sunglasses down to reveal her glinting blue eyes, the black mask she wore still shrouding the bottom half of her face.

"Comeback? Why… We never _left_ ," she said with a smirk that reached her eyes. Dramatically, Ahri flicked her hair over her shoulder before walking over to the car that awaited her at the end of the red carpet.

A few steps from the car door, Ahri's phone pinged with a text from none other than Evelynn. Ahri opened her phone.

 _ **Thought you mind find this interesting**_ , Evelynn said. And in the following text, there was a video of a pink-haired girl standing in front of a microphone, a mask covering her face, and a guitar in her hand.

Curiosity piqued, Ahri played the video.

" _And when I start to talk like that, oh you won't know how to react…_ " The girl sang. " _I'm a picture perfect face with that wild in my veins, you can hear it my growl, growl, growl, growl…"_

And in that instant, Ahri saw herself in the girl. She saw herself, all those years ago, in the same position as the girl— holding her guitar and singing her heart out.

Flipping back over to her and Evelynn's texts, Ahri typed out a response while stepping into the car. _Thanks, Eve. Looks like I have a phone call to make._

A small smile ghosting her lips, Ahri leaned back in her chair.

_It's about time that this year got off to a start._

**[;]**

**August 25th, 2020**

I sat beside Sera, my gaze trained on the computer screen. "You ready?" I asked.

Sera cleared her throat and went for another gulp of water. A few quick warm-ups later, she replied. "I'm warm. We can start."

I smiled to myself. Sera and I would make it. Together. I would be right by her side, and she would be by mine. With _ANGEL_ already completed, and our own full-length album on the way, Seraphine and I had been flying high ever since graduation. It felt like we were on top of the world— and the last two months have been absolutely unforgettable.

At least, unforgettable for me.

As faint sunlight began to leak through the thin blinds of Sera's room, I readjusted my position beside her. I glanced at Sera once again. And she gave me a small smile paired with a thumbs up.

With a click, we were recording.

And Sera's soft, beautiful voice filled the room.

" _Toes in the sand by the setting sun._

_I saw you, wide eyes._

_Soft hair._

_And my heart was done—_ "

Suddenly, Sera's phone erupted in ringing bells and soft, twinkling sounds.

I nearly fell out of the chair, but I managed to catch myself and sit back up.

Sera looked me over, her eyes alight with concern. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah." I moved to pause the recording. "You gonna get it?"

"Oh!" Sera picked up the phone. "Hello?" She looked clearly frustrated at the fact that she hadn't silenced it before the recording. "Yes, that's me!"

Sera, as if she had seen a ghost, froze. Her eyes moved sluggishly towards the poster or K/DA's Ahri that hung above her bed.

"Y— Yes! Oh my gosh, sorry. Yes." Sera shot out of her chair and placed her guitar in my lap. She looked at me. Her azure eyes alight with a joy that I had only seen a few times before. "Of— of course! I mean, yes! That would be… just incredible!" A second later, she lowered the phone.

"Sera?" I asked hesitantly.

"They… they called me! She called me!" Seraphine hopped up to her bed, her hands flying up into the hair as she jumped up and down on the bed.

I set down the guitar. I approached her. "Who did?"

"Her!" Seraphine pointed towards Ahri. "Ahri from K/DA called me!" She squealed. She looked at Jaemin. "Jae, can you believe it?!"

"I…" I swallowed. The words stung my ears and sent my head spinning, spiraling, descending."Yeah. I can. You're an amazing singer."

She laughed, smiled, and with a great yelp, fell back onto her bed. Sera let out a deep sigh. "Wow. I can't believe it. I'm working on a song with K/DA."

Something stabbed straight through my chest. A cold feeling slowly built throughout me, like a freezing hand grabbed my heart and began to slowly squeeze it. I rubbed at my chest, believing that it would somehow ease the ache. "You— you are?"

"Yeah… At least, I think so. I hope so." Sera sat up and crossed her legs. She smiled sheepishly. "Ahri said I should keep it a secret, but you're my best friend! So of course I would tell you."

My knees buckled and I fell back into the chair. My words caught in my throat. I forced them out. "Right. A secret." I managed a small smile. "I'll be sure to tell everyone I know," I joked.

Sera giggled. She stood up from the bed and walked towards him. Gently, she placed her arms around me and wrapped me in a tight hug. "Thank you, Jae. I made it this far because of you. You know that, right?"

I bit my tongue. I fought to keep the smile on my face. "Yeah. You owe me big time."

Sera grinned. "I do." She sat back down on the chair beside him. "So, we should get this song finished, right?"

I shot up from my own chair, nearly knocking down Sera's carefully balanced guitar. "I actually can't. I just remembered that Rakan told me to come in and work a shift tonight."

"Oh," Sera said, visibly surprised. "I didn't know you had a shift tonight."

"Covering for Jinx," I said quickly.

"Alright. Tomorrow, then?"

My hands flew to my pockets. "Maybe. I'll let you know by tonight."

Sera nodded. "I'll see you later." She smiled. Those beautiful azure eyes sparkled as a ray of sunlight illuminated them like the waves of the ocean. "Thank you, Jae."

"No problem, Ser."

Without another word, I left Sera's room. My heart hammered in my chest. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as the cold numbness that spread throughout me solidified into a freezing chill. In the middle of walking down the stairs, my legs gave out, and I collapsed on the stair I was on, my back against the wall.

And I wept in silence.

**[;]**

**August 26th, 2020**

Ever since yesterday, Seraphine hadn't heard a single word from Jae. He didn't respond to a single one of her texts, a single one of her calls— it was like he'd just dropped off the face of the earth. Sera accepted that he was likely just incredibly busy, especially because he hadn't even so much as opened the texts.

As she laid on her bed, Seraphine idly scrolled through her phone, knowing that she was being entirely unproductive.

 _I should probably get something done._ She smiled to herself. _I can hear Jae yelling at me._ She had a ton of work that she needed to get done— especially in regards to the album that she and Jae were working on.

But ever since Ahri had called her, ever since yesterday's almost dreamlike reality, her mind had been a storm of emotion. Tomorrow, she was going to be standing in front of her idols. She was going to meet the four people that she had grown to love, adore, and respect. And it was likely going to change the entire course of her life, if she did it right.

That, she had to admit, was more exciting than the project she and Jae began a month ago.

She'd reached that conclusion last night, when she couldn't so much as write a single lyric or produce a single note for the album and instead wanted to work on something entirely new, something entirely different.

And for the most part, Seraphine thought that was okay. She believed that Jae would think it was okay too.

Whenever he found the time to respond to her texts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh.
> 
> I was strongly debating posting this chapter early versus on the scheduled time, and I'm sure you can see why.
> 
> Thank you so much for supporting me, and Rising Stars thus far. It means the world.
> 
> Next Chapter: 2/12/21
> 
> Yes, I know that's far- but I hope that two updates in such a short period of time is worth that wait.


	16. XVI - Flying High

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go!
> 
> Enjoy.

**August 27th, 2020**

_I refuse to believe that today is real_.

Seraphine let out a deep breath as she drove up the winding and curving mountain road to the K/DA house. Her hands tightened around the wheel of her car in an attempt to fight off the sheer _nervousness_ that she felt. Even as she did so, her hands and fingers tingled with anxiety, and that sensation spread throughout her entire body like a wildfire. And eventually, Seraphine pulled up to a large, enclosed black gate with an intercom at its side.

She rolled her window down and cleared her throat.

"H— hello, this is Yeng Seraphine. I was invited to this house by Ahri, and…" She trailed off, not sure what else to say.

Fortunately, someone responded to her. And Seraphine immediately recognized the voice. "Hey, Seraphine," Ahri greeted. "Gate should be opening up now. Feel free to just park in the middle of the driveway. See you inside."

The intercom clicked silent, and the gate drifted apart to reveal the wonder that existed beyond it.

The view was picturesque— an almost unrealistic view of the Los Angeles skyline, and something that seemed to be straight out of a scene from a movie. The early morning sun illuminated the clear, blue sky and bathed the city in gleaming golden light.

Seraphine rolled into the expansive driveway of the K/DA house, and as she did so, she finally got a good look of the house proper.

It was pure, clean modernity at its finest; a beautiful building of black, gold, and glass that echoed K/DA's simplistic grace.. Seraphine found herself staring at the home in complete awe, and slowly began to walk toward the entrance of the household.

Letting out a small, shaky breath, Seraphine rang the doorbell.

It was barely a minute before the door was opened by none other than the leader of K/DA herself: Ahri. And even in her casual clothes— which were still designer— she looked as radiant as the photos and videos that Seraphine had seen her in.

"Morning, Seraphine," Ahri said, her eyes sparkling. "I hope you don't mind my appearance."

"N— no, no! Yo— you look beautiful!" Seraphine's ears turned crimson at her own stutter. _Definitely not what you're supposed to say when you first meet your idol_. "I mean, uh…"

"Don't worry about it," Ahri waved her off. Pointing to the mask that covered Seraphine's face, she continued. "And you can either keep the mask on or take it off— we trust that you've been safe."

Sera nodded and moved to take off her mask, stuffing it into her pocket.

"Come inside. Everyone's either still in their room or downstairs eating breakfast." She stepped to the side and waved Seraphine inside.

Seraphine, steeling her resolve, stepped through the threshold of the door. It was like walking through a portal into another world— there was something magical about the house, everything from the way it looked to the way it was made, and even more so because of the people that lived in it.

"Welcome to our little home," Ahri said, waving at their surroundings.

The front door opened into an open living room with a clear, glass ceiling that allowed the sun to shine through. On the other side of the living room stood a leather corner sofa, complete with decorative pillows and even a plant on either end. In front of the sofa was a glass coffee table.

Stepping out of the left, from what Seraphine presumed was the kitchen, was none other than the navy-blue-haired dancer of K/DA, Kai'Sa, who sported a pair of simple black shorts and a loose, blue blouse that was nearly the same color as her hair. She carried a clear shaker bottle in her hands, the liquid inside was a light shade of pink. Her hair was tied up into a ponytail, and when she spotted Seraphine, she offered a small smile in her direction.

She approached the duo. "Mornin' Ahri," Kai'Sa said, her accent as clear and classy as ever. She glanced at Sera. "And I assume this is Yeng Seraphine?"

"Uh. Yes. Hello." Seraphine waved meekly.

"Hello, Seraphine," Kai'Sa greeted with another smile. "Thanks for being able to drop by on such a short notice. I'm excited to see what we can do together during the coming weeks."

"Me too!" Sera echoed. Maybe a little too loudly, judging from Ahri's flinch.

"Well, I'll talk to you later." Kai'Sa raised her shaker bottle. "Gotta go workout."

"See you later, Kai'Sa."

The dancer nodded and walked off, throwing a lazy wave over her shoulder.

 _Wow. That was…_ Seraphine sighed in an attempt to clear her mind and mentally reset. Not that it helped much, if at all. The reality of the moment was slowly crushing her— she was meeting her idols. Every single one of them. She was going to talk to them, interact with them, spend time with them, as if she were one of them.

Numbly, she followed Ahri into the kitchen and through a sliding glass door into the house's own garden. A place where all of the members could catch some fresh air, and the place where Ahri often found Kai'Sa meditating, or Akali practicing her martial arts forms.

They both stood at the edge of the garden, their arms resting against the glass railing as they took in the city's sights.

"Seraphine?" Ahri asked, pulling the starstruck, pink-haired woman back into reality. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Just… taking it all in, I guess," Seraphine breathed.

"It's jarring isn't it?" Ahri asked. "Having everything change around you so quickly?"

Sera nodded.

"And you've only met me and Kai'Sa." Ahri chuckled, a lower sound than what Seraphine was expecting, but still as enchanting and beautiful as the singer herself.

"Are… are Evelynn and Akali really that scary?" Seraphine asked, feeling cold hands creep up her spine.

"I wouldn't call them scary, per se…" Ahri trailed off. "They just have strong personalities."

"Oh," Sera flushed. "I guess how they act in your guys' interviews is sort of how they act in real life as well, then."

Ahri made a squeezing motion with her fingers. "Just a bit." She winked.

Just as Seraphine went to respond, her stomach let out a loud growl. Her cheeks turned a violent shade of red and she immediately went to cover the offending organ.

Ahri laughed at Seraphine's plight, but she began to walk back towards the kitchen. "Guess you didn't eat breakfast?"

Following behind her, cheeks still tinged with pink, Seraphine replied. "Was too anxious to eat anything."

"Well," Ahri said, sliding the glass door open. "I hope you like my cooking."

**[;]**

As it turned out, brilliant singer, performer, and businesswoman Ahri of K/DA, despite all of her achievements and accolades, was an _abysmal_ cook. Somehow, through a sheer diabolical miracle, the popstar had managed to burn _eggs_ — a feat that even Seraphine, who was a terrible chef in her own right, had never been able to accomplish.

Fortunately, the entire K/DA house was saved from a possible house fire by none other than Akali. She rushed into the kitchen, looking she'd sniffed out the fact that Ahri was cooking and sprinted out of bed to stop her. Her crop-top was barely on, and she was only wearing a pair of spandex shorts that hugged her figure.

"Ahri!" Akali pushed aside her leader and ripped the frying pan from her hand. "We all told you: you're not allowed to cook!"

Ahri, hurt flashing across her eyes, pouted and crossed her arms. "But no one was down here, and Seraphine was hungry…"

"Just call us next time," Akali said exasperatedly.

"Fine. I'm gonna go and grab Evelynn," Ahri announced. "I'll be right back."

Akali nodded. "Do you think she'll want the usual breakfast?"

"You know how Eve is. The only constant in her life is food."

"Chicken salad it is," Akali agreed with a smirk.

With Ahri gone, it was only Akali and Seraphine left in the room. Discarding the ruined eggs, she began to prepare a fresh batch. She glanced over her shoulder at Seraphine. "How do you want your eggs?"

"Scrambled. With cheese on the inside, please," Seraphine replied, bobbing her head. "Thank you, Akali."

"No problem," she said with a grin. As she cracked the eggs and stirred them, she continued. "Now that you know that our dear leader here can't cook, you also have to make sure that she doesn't burn the house down."

Sera giggled. "Sounds good."

"How are you holding up?" Akali asked as she cooked. "Ahri told us that you were a pretty big fan, so it must be shocking to be meeting your idols like this."

"It definitely is," Seraphine agreed. "But you guys are down-to-earth, which I kinda expected."

"Oh? You expected that?"

Sera flushed as she realized the plain honesty in her statement. "I didn't mean it negatively or anything, but I just sorta sensed it, I guess. I'm sorry if I offended you at all."

"Don't sweat it." Akali put a hand on her hips. "I'm fairly confident that you're the kind of person who wouldn't even so much as hurt a fly."

"That's fair," Seraphine mumbled. _Little do you know…_ She could almost laugh at the irony of it all. But she had more important things to focus on besides her past transgressions towards Jae. He'd forgiven her, and Seraphine understood how much that meant.

At the sudden silence, Akali prodded her with a question. "Or do I have the wrong impression?"

"Maybe three months ago," Seraphine found herself saying. "But I learned from my mistakes, and I'm a better person for it."  
"Good. We all make mistakes," Akali said. "It's who we become after those mistakes that show who we really are."

"Wiser words couldn't have been said," a tired, alto voice called out. Evelynn stood beside Ahri as they both walked into the kitchen. The diva stood with one hand on her hip and the other gently rubbing at her eye. "Waxing poetry so early in the morning, Akali?"

"Just giving out some friendly advice," Akali replied with a wink in Seraphine's direction.

Evelynn approached Seraphine— her golden eyes flashing with something that Sera couldn't exactly pinpoint. "It's good to finally meet you in person, Seraphine."

"Finally?" Seraphine asked.

"I was the one who sent Ahri your video," Evelynn revealed. She glanced at Ahri before taking a seat at the dining table and resting her elbows on its surface. "You could say I'm the entire reason that Ahri even found you."

"Oh." Then, Seraphine owed Evelynn a _lot_. "Thank you very much, Evelynn. It really means a lot to me that you would give me an opportunity like this."

"I wouldn't go and give myself that much credit." The diva smirked. "But I appreciate the compliment regardless."

"Don't mind her," Ahri said, waving a dismissive hand towards Evelynn. "She's just trying to poke fun at you."

Evelynn feigned hurt, resting a hand on her chest. "You wound me, dear leader. What I said was only a _partial_ joke."

Ahri rolled her eyes at Eve's antics, while Seraphine found herself smiling, glancing between the two of them. Despite Ahri's attempts to ease her worries, Seraphine agreed with Evelynn, if what she was saying was true; and if it was, then Seraphine genuinely owed the diva more than she wanted to admit.

Her train of thought was interrupted by Akali placing a food of steaming food in front of her. The rapper cracked a grin. "Enjoy, Seraphine," she said.

"Thank you so much," Seraphine replied, bowing her head slightly.

"You're welcome." Akali sat down in one of the free chairs beside the table.

As Seraphine began to eat, it was Ahri that spoke up and sparked a friendly conversation. "So, Seraphine, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?"

**[;]**

Before Seraphine even realized it, the day was over. She'd spent nearly the entire day at the K/DA house. From morning until night, she was there, hanging out with the members, talking to them, learning more about them, spending time with them, goofing around with them, singing and dancing along with them, touring the house with them, and even getting a sneak peek at the songs they were producing.

Her entire world had been turned upside down. From making music in a small, two-bed, one-bath apartment in L.A., to working with a multi-million dollar pop group inside of their mansion on the L.A. hills, Seraphine felt like she was riding an all-time high.

She'd _never_ felt better— and she knew that it was only up from here. But she also knew that she needed to work her _ass_ off if she wanted to succeed. As blissful as the day was, the pressure that was beginning to build atop her shoulders was beginning to irritate her.

Seraphine learned a lot about K/DA that day. She knew that they were hard-workers— you had to be if you wanted to be as successful as them, but she didn't think that their schedules were so filled all the time. According to Ahri, some of the members even needed to spend multiple nights out of the house in order to finish all of the schedules.

Evelynn, on many occasions, spent entire weeks out of the state (and even out of the country) to get done what she needed to get done.

Sera could hardly imagine that. Being separated from the people that you cared about for an extended period of time was among her worst fears.

However, Seraphine also knew that the women of K/DA were strong-willed and driven, two traits that, even in the little time that she'd spent with them, shone through in every aspect of their personalities. It was present in everything they did, said, and how they acted. It was nothing short of inspiring. And it only pushed Seraphine harder, it made her want to put even more of her energy into standing on a stage alongside K/DA.

By the time Seraphine decided to leave, it was practically midnight.

"Have a safe drive, Sera," Ahri said with a smile. "Make sure to drop by on Sunday, we're all very excited to hear you sing for us."

"Right." Seraphine nodded. They'd spoken earlier about Seraphine's singing, after all, it was the reason that Ahri called her. As nice as it was to just hang out with the girls, at the end of the day, it was about the collaboration. At least the prospect of one.

With a wave and a grin, Seraphine said goodbye to Ahri. "Say goodnight to the others for me," said Sera, spinning on her heel.

"Goodnight, Ser."

At those words, Seraphine froze as Ahri closed the door.

" _Jae_ …" She breathed.

Suddenly finding herself in a rush, Seraphine popped open her car door and climbed inside. With the white light of the moon illuminating the midnight sky, she pulled out her phone and began to write out a text.

_**Hey, Jae. Sorry I haven't messaged you at all today, but I was spending the entire day with K/DA. If you're okay with it, I'd like to call you, just to check in and stuff. It's fine if you're not.** _

Sera bit her lip as she wrote out the next text. _**Anyways, they want me to come back on Sunday to sing for them! So I'll be needing your help rehearsing a song until then. Talk to ya later, Jae!**_

Hoping that he would respond, Seraphine sent the text and started up her car.

**[;]**

**August 30th, 2020**

Jae didn't respond to her text. He didn't even so much as _read_ it. Seraphine couldn't shake the feeling that something was going on with him, that something had gone wrong. But she had to focus on other things— on, admittedly, more important things.

 _He's fine_ , she told herself. _Probably just really busy_.

So, Seraphine spent the next three days rehearsing the song that she would sing on Sunday for K/DA. It was _Me and You_ , a song off of the first EP that she and Jae worked on together. She figured that it was the song that would best show off her voice, and it was one that she had written entirely on her own.

She practiced whenever she found the time. Whenever she could _make_ the time, in all honesty.

When Sunday finally came around and Seraphine found herself sitting in her car, on the driveway of the K/DA house once again, she steeled herself. She strengthened her resolve and took in slow, deep series of breaths. Summoning her courage, Seraphine, her guitar case in tow, made her way to the front door and rang the doorbell.

A few short moments later, Kai'Sa answered the door. "Hey, Sera! Perfect timing." She ushered Seraphine inside and shut the door behind her. "I went up to grab snacks for everyone."

"They're all downstairs already?"

Kai'Sa nodded. The dancer momentarily disappeared into the kitchen before popping back out with snacks bundled up in her arms. "Alright," she said with a smile. "Let's head down."

As they walked, Seraphine trailed behind Kai'Sa. Even now, she couldn't shake the nervousness that surged through every fiber of her body. Her knees seemed to tremble with each step, her hands occasionally jolted and twitched, as if she were struck by lightning.

"Seraphine?" Kai'Sa asked, glancing back at her. "Are you okay?"

"I— I'm fine." Seraphine mentally cursed at her stutter.

"Are you sure?"

Sera cleared her throat. "Yeah. I'm fine. Maybe a little nervous, but nothing I haven't dealt with before." _Definitely nothing I've dealt with before_.

"If you say so." Kai'Sa stopped in front of a door. She pressed her hip to the metal bar, and then pushed the door open.

The inside of the K/DA studio hadn't hanged much from the last time that Seraphine was at the house. The only real difference being that the studio lights were light blue instead of light pink. The other three girls all sat in front of the mixing console, with Akali taking the center. The rapper rested her elbow on the arms of her chair while she kept a hand on the mouse to navigate the studio computer.

"I'm back," Kai'Sa announced, handing everyone their snacks from the kitchen. "And Sera's here too."

"Hi." Sera waved.

"Great!" Ahri stood up. "Do you need to warm up at all or are you good to go?"

"I…" Seraphine pursed her lips. Internally, she knew that she wasn't ready for this at all. Her heart hammered against her chest. But she had to do this. She _had_ to. "Yeah. I'm ready."

"Alright," Ahri said. "Follow me."

Still seated in her chair, Evelynn had a brow raised, but she said nothing as she munched on her snack.

Seraphine adjusted her guitar case on her shoulder and fell into step behind Ahri. The leader of K/DA opened the door to the live room, and guided Seraphine inside.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Ahri asked, grabbing one of the microphones. "It can wait until later, if you're not feeling well."

"I'm more than ready." Seraphine set down her guitar case and began to unpack her Little Martin. "Fake it until you make it, right?" She asked, chuckling slightly. _It's worked for me so far._

Ahri hummed. "I guess." She set to work hooking up the microphone to the mixing console. A few short moments later, she finished. "You're all hooked up. Do you need your guitar to be mic'd?"

Sera shook her head. "Just this one will be enough. Thank you, Ahri."

"No problem." She nodded. "Good luck, Sera. Give it your best shot."

"I will," replied Sera. Ahri's words were encouraging— not that they did much to quell the rapid beating of her heart.

The popstar returned to the control room where the rest of the members were seated and waiting.

Seraphine adjusted the position of her guitar before placing a hand on its neck and the other on the microphone. "Hello?" She tested.

There was a click, and, a moment later, Akali's voice came through the speakers. "We can hear you, Sera. Feel free to start whenever."

Taking in a deep breath, Seraphine adjusted the microphone to her height. She counted herself in, her knuckles tapping against the body of her guitar. Then, with the pressure of the world on her shoulders, she began to play.

" _I'm the one to blame, gave you my heart. Willing—_ " Seraphine blanched as her voice cracked, her fingers froze, and her entire performance stopped before it even began. "Sorry, let me try again," Sera said. Heat flushed throughout her neck from sheer embarrassment.

She didn't even take a moment to hear what the others had to say, Seraphine just started straight from the top again.

" _I'm the one to blame, gave you my heart. Willingly gave it away_ , _should've known from the start_ ," she sang. Seraphine attempted to put her all into the performance, but she couldn't focus. Her mind raced at a million miles a minute, all her senses honed in on the shaking of her fingers, the unmistakable tremble in her voice, it was all becoming too much for her— too much for her tiny body to handle.

She carried on, her performance as shaky as her hands and fingers. " _Bandaids only temporary remedies, don't know how long but my mind is killing me_ —"

"Seraphine," Evelynn's voice cut through the thick air. "I believe we've heard enough."

Seraphine's throat tightened. "Okay." She released her white-knuckle grip on the neck of her guitar and slowly wandered back into the control room. Numbly, she pushed open the door. Her eyes were glued to the floor, unable to meet anyone's gaze. "I'm sorry."

A hand gently rested on her shoulder. "It's okay," Ahri murmured. "It was too much pressure, wasn't it?"

Seraphine's gaze shot up to Ahri. "It— it wasn't that— I just wasn't prepared enough, and I'm feeling a little out of it because of some other things in my life right now, but I know that if I had more time to prepare then—"

"You had three days, Seraphine," Evelynn challenged. "That's more than enough time to properly rehearse one song."

"But I was busy," she argued, knowing that it was a complete lie.

"With?"

"Sch— school, and homework," Seraphine stuttered.

Evelynn caught on to her bullshit in an instant. The diva cocked her eyebrow, and shot her with a knowing look, but she didn't say a thing. "Well, you'd better get your priorities straight then," Evelynn said. She stood up and walked towards the studio door. "I'll be in the other studio." Her gaze flicked to Seraphine. "Doing something actually productive." Evelynn shut the door behind her, leaving the other three girls alone with Seraphine.

"I'm sorry," Sera repeated. Shame bubbled beneath the surface of her skin. She was pale. Deathly so. "I just took up everyone's time, didn't I? I'm sorry. I should have just stayed home and—"

"Seraphine." Ahri stopped Sera from continuing her downward spiral. "Take a breath. You didn't waste our time. You didn't disappoint us. And you didn't ruin your chances with us." Ahri rubbed Seraphine's shoulder. "Sure, you messed up today, but we all know you're a better singer than how you sang today. Right, girls?"

Kai'Sa gave an encouraging nod, while Akali grinned and shot her a thumbs-up.

"We all have our off-days," Kai'Sa added. "And sometimes the stress can really affect our performances. We might try our best to not let that happen, to never let it happen, but eventually it will. And it's in that moment, when we've reached our limits, that artists truly shine."

"But I didn't shine," Seraphine argued. "I failed. I _fucked up_."

"We do that too," Akali said, tilting her head. "We're not perfect." She motioned with her head towards Ahri. "Remember our debut performance in Korea in 2018? The stage-lights and the special effects glitched out during the broadcast, and everyone saw it. Everyone knew that something had gone wrong."

"But we kept going," Ahri finished. "We didn't stop the show. We didn't restart from the beginning. We took our mistake in stride, and took it as an opportunity to improve."

Seraphine pursed her lips in thought. "But, just then, Evelynn seemed so angry with me."

"Eve expects the best out of everyone that surrounds her," Ahri stated. "She might be a little irritated at you right now, but give it a couple hours and that'll disappear."

"Her expectations are really pressuring," Akali commented. "When I first joined K/DA— heck, even now— that pressure felt insurmountable. But once you get used to it, and believe me, you will, the stuff that Evelynn expects out of you will make you a bigger star than you can even imagine."

"It's the reason she's been so successful in her solo ventures," Kai'Sa explained. "She might expect a lot out of the people around her. But she expects the _most_ out of herself."

Seraphine nodded, finally understanding how Evelynn's mind worked. At least, a small slice of her personality. "So," she hesitantly began. "What now?"

**[;]**

After the mess that was her attempt at a performance, Ahri pulled Seraphine aside. "You know, I'm more than willing to help you." Ahri smiled slightly. "Despite how nervous you were, it's clear that you have a good foundation, and, even on its own, your voice is beautiful."

Seraphine flushed at the compliments. "I… Thank you, but I feel like I would be taking too much of your time if you coached me."

"Nonsense," Ahri replied. "Thirty minutes a day, coaching you, teaching you, guiding you, is hardly a big commitment of time. And between you and me," her eyes sparkled with mischief, "I could use the breaks."

Sera giggled. "Okay, okay. But I think we should limit it to whenever I spend time here. That way I can keep up with school and stuff."

Ahri nodded. "Now that sounds like a plan."

"Thank you, Ahri," Seraphine said, honesty spilling through every word. "Really. It means the world to me." She genuinely meant it. Being able to sit down with a vocalist as talented and skilled as Ahri for a one-on-one coaching session was something that money could never afford.

"No worries, Seraphine." Ahri grinned. Then, she glanced thoughtfully at Sera. "Is school difficult right now? Do you want us to postpone this—"

"No!" Seraphine immediately replied, her voice at a near screech. She then realized how loud she'd become. "Sorry. I… No, I don't want this to be postponed. That's the last thing that I want."

Ahri held her gaze for a short time, then, she nodded. "Then let's get to work!"

**[;]**

**September 3rd, 2020**

Over the course of the week, Seraphine had gone to the K/DA house nearly every day. She quit her job at Starbucks as soon as possible, and dedicated all of her time to singing and making music. And in all honesty, she believed that it was the best decision she'd ever made. Ever since K/DA called, and ever since she'd met them all, she was flying at an all-time high. She was happier than ever, less burdened, and felt like she could do anything. Like she could _genuinely_ do anything.

As it was now, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays were spent at the K/DA house. Seraphine just took one of the many guest rooms they had and stayed over the night. It was sort of like her own miniature vacation every week. Though, calling it a vacation wasn't necessarily true either. She hardly had the time to relax whenever she stayed the night. She was always busy learning more about music from K/DA, getting coached by both Ahri and Evelynn, working out with Kai'Sa, and producing alongside Akali.

But for Seraphine, being busy felt good. It wasn't burdensome. She was learning more about music, about what she loved more than anything else, and, in her case, being busy meant she was growing as an artist.

"So, you've been spending a lot more time here lately," Kai'Sa said, one eye blinking open as she sat in a meditative pose.

Both her and Seraphine were in the wooden shrine within the garden of the K/DA house. The floor was warm beneath Sera's bare feet, her legs crossed over one another in an attempt to mimic Kai'Sa's pose.

"Yes, I have."

"But I remember a week ago you seemed rather pressed over your schoolwork."

"I… I actually graduated earlier this year," confessed Sera. What she said a week ago was a white lie, a desperate attempt to find an excuse. "But I've gotten better at managing my time. And my priorities."

"And those are?" Kai'Sa asked.

"First, I want to succeed in this industry. No matter what. No matter the obstacle or the challenge. There's so much out there for me to see, to experience, to understand. And after that…" Sera trailed off. "I don't really know."

Kai'Sa raised a brow. "Then I guess you have a lot more to think about." And without another word, she closed her eyes and returned to her meditation once again, leaving Seraphine alone with her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a different chapter, right? Anyways, thanks for giving me a bit of time off from this story. School just started back up for me fairly recently, so I've needed to put a bit more effort into that, but pieces should fall back into places sooner rather than later.
> 
> Thank you everyone for supporting me thus far, and if you enjoyed the story/chapter, please leave a comment. They really mean a lot! 
> 
> Next Chapter: 12/19/2021


	17. XVII - A Decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fast update, fast update, fast update, fast update.
> 
> Enjoy.

**October 1st, 2020**

"Jae, table three needs another order of Pirao Pork, and an extra set of silverware," Jinx said as she walked past him. Her brow was furrowed, her gaze focused, and her bright blue hair kept in a high and tight bun.

I paused. "Wait, another set of silverware? I thought there were only five of them."

Jinx shrugged. "Ask Ori." She tapped her wristwatch. "I'm on break for fifteen."

"Jinx—"

She spun on her heel and waved at him. "Technically not at work right now!" She announced, her blue bun bobbing along with her steps.

I let out a deep sigh. _What I would give to have a break right now_. I wrote down the extra order of Pirao Pork on a piece of scratch paper, tore it off my notebook, and hung it up in the kitchen. "Pirao Pork to table three," I said to Kayn, adjusting the position of my mask. "How long?"

Kayn managed to hear me perfectly, even through all of the raucous in the kitchen. He glanced up at the clock, then his table, and then at me. "Gonna need another fifteen." He gave an affirmative nod.

Despite the business of working at the Grand Vastaya, it was incredibly fulfilling, even if I was five years into working here. Everything from the environment, to the pay, and especially the people— my coworkers specifically— made it all the more bearable.

The rest of the night went smoothly, the customers at table three all tipped well, something that I'm certain Jinx would be happy about. Everyone gathered in the middle of the floor as we prepared to put up all of the chairs and make sure the restaurant was ready to open for tomorrow.

"So, Jinx," Xayah said while wiping down the table. "You're graduating this year. Any idea what you're gonna do after?"

The blue-haired girl— though, she was a woman now, I supposed— shrugged. It was still strange to not see Jinx with her signature twin-tails and that manic look in her eye. Over the course of the last two months, her personality had been far more tame than the Jinx that I was used to. Of course, she still had her moments of forgetfulness or rebellion, but she seemed more and more professional by the day.

"Not sure," Jinx replied. "I do know that I'm going out of state though."

"That is rather surprising, Jinx," Ori commented.

"Really? Why?"

"You seem comfortable here." Ori smiled. "If it were me, I would like to stay where I am most comfortable and never leave."

"Well, that's just the difference between you and me." Jinx, even through the mask that covered half of her face, noticeably grinned. "I like being a little bit uncomfortable."

Orianna hummed, a finger resting on her chin. "I see."

"It's good that you're broadening your horizons," Rakan added. "But we're gonna miss you over here."

"You won't miss me too much," Jinx said. "Who knows, you might forget about me in a year."

Xayah looked absolutely offended. "We would never!"

Rakan tilted his head in Xayah's direction. "What she said."

Jinx scratched the side of her face with a finger. "Well, it's not like I'm leaving right now. I still have until next June."

Rakan turned to me. "How about you, Jae?"

"Wh-what about me?"

"How's your music stuff going? Make any huge hits lately?"

Even though he meant it jokingly, the simplicity of his words pierced my heart. "I…" I trailed off. "Yeah." I attempted a chuckle. "I'm an up-and-coming star, didn't you know?"

"Are you really?" Ori asked. "Does this mean you'll finally share your music with us?"

"Ori that— I was joking." I rubbed the back of my neck. "It's… a little hard for me to make music right now."

Ori's countenance softened. "Oh."

"But it's okay! I've been hard at work doing other things," I said with a smile that I hoped reached my eyes. "I've got a second job on the way too, so that's exciting."

"A second job?" Kayn asked. "You already work fifty hours a week here, why do you need a second job?"

"My sister's planning to go back to school soon," I explained. "And once she's there, we're gonna need the money."

"She's not gonna take out a loan?" Xayah questioned.

I shrugged. "I'm not sure how interested she is in getting a loan, especially when we already have my student debt to pay off."

"That's understandable," Jinx said.

Xayah and Rakan glanced at each other before looking at me worryingly. As Xayah opened her mouth to talk, I subtly shook my head. I did my best to convey that I didn't want to talk about it through my gaze, and it seems like she picked up on it. Her mouth shut, and she turned to Rakan, a pleading look in her eyes.

Rakan put a hand on her shoulder, and then mouthed to me. " _We'll talk later_."

We all returned to work wiping down the tables and chairs, setting the clean chairs upside down on the tables, then sweeping and mopping the floor. Once we finished, Jinx, Ori, and Kayn all clocked out and headed to their cars.

"See you tomorrow," I called.

"Later, Jae."

"See ya!"

"Have a good night, Jae."

I closed the front door behind them and headed into Rakan's office. The normally cluttered room was being cleaned up by Xayah while Rakan sat behind his desk, a hand on the mouse and his eyes trained on the monitor. His eyes flicked up to me as I walked in.

"Have a seat." He waved to the chair in front of his desk.

I did as he instructed, resting my hands on the arms of the chair.

"Are you doing okay?" He asked. Concern laced his words.

I rubbed the back of my neck. "I'm doing as well as I can, I suppose."

"Is there anything that either of us can do to help?" He continued. "You know that we're both willing to help, right?"

"I know, I know," I replied. "I don't think I want your help right now." _More like I don't deserve it, actually._ "But I appreciate it."

"Jae—"

"Please," I immediately interjected. "I will let you know if I need your help. At all. I promise." The last thing that I wanted from either of them was a handout. And I knew that they wanted to help. That they were so ready, and so willing to. But it felt _wrong_ to ask something of them. And I knew that Eunkyung wasn't interested in it either.

"Jae, stop being so prideful," Xayah called out. "We _want_ to help. Please, just let us help."

"It's not a matter of pride," I argued. "It's… I don't know." The argument died on my lips.

"Xayah and I agreed to give you and your sister $2,000." Rakan smiled slightly. "You should receive it in about two days."

"Wait, no, that's _way_ too much—"

"Jae," Xayah quickly cut through my words. "You alone have boosted our profits by thirty percent. Ever since we hired you, you've been responsible for a large part of our business, even if you're not in a managerial position. In all honesty, Rakan and I think we've been _underpaying_ you because of how much of your time you give us."

"But that much money is…" I trailed off. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. I furiously attempted to wipe them away. "I— _We_ don't deserve it."

"It's not about whether or not you deserve it, Jae," Rakan countered. "You don't owe anyone's approval, especially when they want to help you. We… We love you, Jae. Genuinely. And you've done more for us than you know." He stood up, and he extended his arms towards me.

Carefully, cautiously, and with all of the hesitance in the world, Rakan and Xayah wrapped me in a warm, tight hug.

"Thank you," I whispered hoarsely.

"No," Xayah replied, running a hand through my hair. "Thank you, Jae. For everything."

**[;]**

**October 15th, 2020**

Ever since that day, Xayah and Rakan have been steadily sending Eunkyung and I money. Anywhere from $500 to $1,000 dollars every few days. From what they told me, it was hardly a dent in their own income. After all, The Grand Vastaya was one of L.A.'s most prominent and popular restaurants, a feat that one could hardly call easy.

But even with their help, Eunkyung and I both knew we would still need more money. Student loan debt was no joke. And neither was the cost of re-entering school.

"Did you get an interview for that job yet?" Eunkyung asked with her nose buried into her textbook. She'd been assigned a large chunk of reading for the weekend, something like two hundred pages.

"It was yesterday."

"Did you get it?"

I nodded. "I start tomorrow." The job that she and I were talking about was working as a customer service rep at an insurance hotline company. It's funny, when I first told Eunkyung about it, she told me that it was too 'normal' of a job for me. To which I reminded her that I've been working as a waiter for the better part of five years. Customer service was right up my alley. Sure, it was over-the-phone work, but it paid well and wasn't that much of a commitment. Just three to six hours working the graveyard shift.

The company was built around giving those without insurance the quickest and easiest path to getting insured. So, getting calls in the middle of an emergency situation was commonplace.

"Still can't believe you took that job."

"Not sure why you can't believe it." I crossed my arms. "It pays $30 an hour, which is about as good as working at the Vastaya, minus the tips."

"Still can't believe that Xayah and Rakan are giving us money either."

"Yeah. You're telling me."

Eunkyung looked up from her textbook. Then, she set it down atop the table, closed it, and pushed it away. "So, when are you gonna tell me what happened between you and Seraphine?"

"We…" I trailed off as I tried to find the right words. "We had a disagreement. We're just taking some time to ourselves, that's all."

"Taking some time to yourselves," Eunkyung repeated with a snort. "Is that why you haven't so much as touched your instruments in the last two months?"

"That's unrelated."

She raised a brow. "About as unrelated as you and me." Eunkyung crossed her arms. "Jae, I don't get it. Just tell me what's going on."

I shook my head. "Another time, Noona. I… I need time to think about it still." I stood up. "Have a good night." I pushed in my chair and headed into my room, shutting the door behind me. It would only be a matter of time before my sister decided that she wasn't willing to wait for me to think about it, and when that time did come, she would repeatedly prod me for an answer until I gave one.

But there was still time.

Until then…

I rested my hands on my hips and stared at the numerous instrument cases beneath my desk, everything from the strings to the MIDI keyboards— the dust that had begun to gather atop them, and even the places that they'd remained for the better part of two months.

What Eunkyung said was true.

I wasn't making music anymore.

I hadn't even so much as opened Ableton.

And, in all honesty, the last thing on my mind was music.

Ever since Seraphine got that call, the world was at a standstill.

It felt like she was moving at lightspeed, while I was stuck in slow-motion.

At the end of last month, K/DA announced their new, personal label, ICONS. And, as expected, Seraphine was the first artist to be signed to ICONS. I saw her face on nearly every billboard, on the cover of nearly every magazine that I came across, and whenever I scrolled through the internet, I saw her face in promotions and advertisements on YouTube.

One would think that after not making contact with Seraphine for two months, she would be easier to avoid. It seemed, however, that the world had entirely different plans for me.

I bent down and began to pull my instrument cases out from underneath the desk. One by one, I stacked them beside my bed. Then, I pulled open my closet door. I did my best to not think through what I was doing. To not ask _why_ I was doing it.

Part of me. Maybe a small, tiny part of me knew that what I was doing was wrong.

But right now— in this one, exact moment— it felt right.

I stuffed every single one of my instruments into my closet. I shoved them as far back as they could possibly go.

I wanted them gone.

I wanted them out of my sight.

I wanted every memory I had of her, every moment we shared, to be the _**last**_ thing on my mind.

It had to be the right thing to do.

It _was_ the right thing to do.

Right?

**[;]**

**October 31st, 2020** The car door locked with a soft click! Rain pattered over my umbrella and atop the cobblestone surface of the pathway to the graveyard. My hands were freezing. My feet were cold, even though they were encased in two layers of socks and a pair of thick, black leather shoes. And even with the mask that I wore, my face was still numb. Rain bothered me. It always rained on this day.

 _Except when Sera_ —

"Jae," Eunkyung called, and I was thankful for her interruption.

"Sorry." I jogged to catch up with her. I adjusted the bundle of flowers that I carried.

"I thought you would be ahead of me considering how much you hate the rain," she joked, managing to make me crack a smile.

"Well, you know me. I love to keep Mom and Dad waiting."

"Annoying brat." She adjusted the sleeve of her black blazer. "C'mon, we've kept them waiting long enough."

I fell into step beside her until we were standing in front of our parents' headstones.

"No flowers this year."

"Yeah." It wasn't a surprise. With the pandemic, people hardly wanted to leave their homes. Still, it made me a little sad. Mom and Dad always got flowers from people other than us. I handed Eunkyung my umbrella and kneeled down in front of the headstones, placing the flowers evenly between Mom and Dad.

 _No fighting over them_ , I thought with a smile.

"Are you gonna talk to them first?"

I shook my head. "I'll talk after you. Go ahead." I stood back up and let Eunkyung take my place as I held one umbrella over her.

Her conversation was quick. She stood up and took both umbrellas from me with a nod.

"That was fast," I commented.

Eunkyung shrugged. "Didn't have much to say. But you, on the other hand…" She trailed off.

"Yeah. I've got a lot to talk about."

 _Hey Mom. Hey Dad,_ I began, closing my eyes. _I… You know, at the beginning of this year, I was really worried. When the pandemic hit, I thought that everything would be ruined. My graduation wasn't even in-person, I couldn't go to work for nearly three months, and I was stuck at home all the time. But… But it wasn't that bad._

_I'm still making music, obviously. I'm still fr— friends with Ser— Seraphine. Things are going well. Really well. Super well. I'm the happiest that I've been in a long time, and I'm excited to announce that I think I'll be able to keep making music because of how successful my EPs with Seraphine have been._

_Exciting, right? The future, for once, is looking pretty bright for your favorite son._ I smiled slightly. _Oh! And Eunkyung's going back to school, but I'm sure she already told you that. Still not entirely sure how we're going to pay for it. Regardless, I'm sure we'll find a way._

_I… I really miss you guys. This year more than ever._

_Please continue to watch over us. Keep us safe. Keep us healthy. Keep us sane._

_Remind us to take care of ourselves._

_I love you both so much._

I opened my eyes and glanced around, searching for any sign of—

"Ready to go?" Eunkyung asked.

"Yeah." I stood up. "I'm ready."

**[;]**

On the car ride home, Eunkyung spoke up, both hands on the wheel and her eyes trained on the road. "Did you tell them that you wanted to give up music?"

"I… I didn't."

She sighed. "Jae.."

"I know, I know." I glanced out my window. "It's just… It's hard for me to admit that to them." A cold feeling settled around my heart and in my chest.

"If you're serious about it, it shouldn't be." Eunkyung calmly switched lanes towards the exit ramp of the highway. When she finished the switch, she glanced at me. "You are serious about it, right?"

I glanced back at her. The chill rose up to my throat. Tears pricked at the edge of my eyes as I desperately fought them back. "Yes. I am." The words bled through my lips, through choked back sobs.

I meant every word.

I _forced_ myself to mean every word.

I'd made the decision to cut myself off from music two weeks ago.

When I put my instruments away.

When I combed through my computer and wiped every single music-related file on it.

When I removed my names from the songs and EPs that Seraphine and I posted.

When I packed my feelings into a box and shipped it to a place where I hoped against all hope that I would forget them.

Through her furrowed brows, her pursed lips, and the unsteadiness of her eyes, Eunkyung nodded. "Okay," she said. "I believe you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... We're in angst territory now. Don't worry! Next chapter will be better :) A lot better :)
> 
> Thank you for enjoying the story thus far. Please leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed the chapter! They really help me get these chapters done faster :P


	18. XVIII - Reset

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy.

**October 7th, 2020**

Seraphine and Akali stood at the shoulder of a highway that overlooked the surf. The rapper leaned against her bike, her arms crossed as she looked Sera over. "What happened?"

Sera flinched at the sudden question. "What do you mean?"

"I listened to the old stuff you released," Akali continued. "Your originals were amazing, and I'm really surprised that they didn't take off."

"It was all him."

Akali raised a brow. "Him?"

"Son Jaemin."

"Who?"

"Jae. He is— was," she quickly corrected. "My best friend."

Akali frowned slightly. "I'm still lost here."

"How do you not know him? How'd you even manage to find our originals?"

"I just searched up your name, and aside from your Instagram and Twitter, I also found your songs on Soundcloud."

"Then how do you not know Jae?"

Akali shrugged. "They were posted on a ghost account on Soundcloud," Akali explained. "And there were only songs marked with your name."

"With my… name…?" Seraphine's eyes slowly closed and she rubbed her forehead. "Of course he would do something like that. Of course he would go and delete only the songs that he sang on."

Akali put a hand on her shoulder to draw the singer back into the conversation. "Sera, what do you mean he was your best friend?"

"He..." Sera trailed off, looking entirely uncomfortable with the question.

"Did he hurt you?"

"NO!" Seraphine exclaimed. Her volume caused Akali to flinch and raise her hands up in defense. "He… He never hurt me." She pursed her lips before continuing, her voice barely audible above the water. "If anything, I hurt him."

"What do you mean you hurt him?"

At Seraphine's clear hesitance, Akali continued.

"You don't have to tell me." Akali glanced out at the sea. She rested her elbows on the seat of her bike. The waves crashed against the cliffs, sending echoing roars all around them. Her wild hair blew freely in the breeze, but as she looked down at her hands, she tightened them into fists. "But take it from me: holding this kind of stuff in is never healthy. It's better to get it off your chest as soon as possible. The longer you hold onto it, the more it hurts."

She shook her head. "If that's the case, then it's for the best that I hold it in."

At that, Akali raised a brow. "Why?"

Seraphine smiled. But it was a smile spoiled by sadness.

"Sera—"

"I appreciate the advice, Akali. But what I'm enduring, what I'm feeling right now, no matter how painful I think it is, how awful I perceive it to be… It's nothing compared to what he is going through." Her voice cracked. Tears rolled down her cheeks. "I deserve this. I did this to him."

"What…"

Seraphine rubbed her eyes, using her sleeves to wipe away her tears. "It's nothing. I'm… I'll be okay. Eventually."

"Sera," Akali tried again.

The rising pop star shook her head. "Don't worry about it, Akali. It's something I need to sort out on my own."

Akali looked solemnly at Seraphine. "It's not something you have to do alone. I'm here to help. K/DA is here to help." She smiled slightly. "You're never alone, Sera."

"I know." Sera continued to wipe her eyes. "I know," she repeated.

She said more for herself than Akali.

And it didn't change the fact that she still believed she was alone.

**[;]**

**October 9th, 2020**

With K/DA, the weeks passed at a pace that Seraphine could hardly keep up with. She went from being a small indie singer with a decent following on social media to an overnight pop sensation who was busier than most people her age could imagine being. Every minute of every hour of every day was spent doing something, either for the label, ICONS, for her upcoming debut EP, for herself, for K/DA, or for the performance they were putting on in two weeks at Shanghai.

It was a whirlwind.

But lately, Seraphine had grown to _love_ whirlwinds.

One could say that she chased after them.

"Sera," Ahri called from the living room as the pink-haired singer walked down from her bedroom. "You've got a recording session with Zedd and Akali in about half an hour."

"Mmhm!" Sera grinned, skipped over the kitchen, and popped a piece of bread into the toaster. While waiting for it to finish, she pulled out her phone and began to scroll through Twitter and Instagram. Her follower count on Instagram had grown from fifteen thousand in mid-June, to over two hundred thousand now. As much as she disliked it, she couldn't lie that she enjoyed seeing that number steadily rise.

Whirlwinds kept her busy. Being busy meant that she had no time to herself. And having no time to herself meant that she couldn't sit down and think. Because she was certain that if she started to think, it would only end in disaster.

The toaster dinged, and Seraphine grabbed her bread and began to spread butter on it as she made her way to the studio in the basement, a glass of water in hand.

She caught Evelynn making her way down the stairs towing a luggage bag behind her. "Oh, where are you going, Eve?"

"I've got to make a quick trip to Vegas," she said.

"But I thought you were coming with us to Shanghai…"

Evelynn grinned. "I am. I'll be there at the airport. Don't you worry, Sera."

Seraphine hummed, but then she simply nodded. Evelynn was a woman of her word. "Okay, see you there." She waved.

The diva walked past her and left out the front door, where a black car waited for her.

Seraphine knocked on the door to the studio. Akali opened it a moment later.

"Oh, you're up early," Akali commented.

"For once," Seraphine admitted shyly. The girls quickly found out that she was not a morning person. At all. But what could she say? After all, she loved her sleep. Seraphine set the bread down on a nearby table and began to munch on it.

"Zedd will call us in about thirty minutes from now. Do you want to warm up at all?"

"Yeah," Sera replied. "Just let me finish my breakfast." Sera quickly finished the rest of her bread and water, then she stood up and stretched. "Alright, I'll be in the live room."

"Everything is already hooked up. Feel free to warm up and I'll let you know once we start the session."

Sera nodded. She popped into the live room and took in a deep breath. Compared to her August self, Seraphine was on an entirely different level of singing. She was over her anxiety of singing in front of K/DA. Her technique had improved miles thanks to the efforts of Ahri and Evelynn. Every day that she spent learning how to sing properly at the K/DA house was like two weeks outside of it, learning on her own.

Seraphine slipped on her headphones and tested the microphone. Then, she began to warm up. From chromatic scales, to going from her chest voice to her head voice, and to singing out tongue-twisters to get her vowel pronunciation down, Seraphine spent the better part of twenty minutes preparing for the recording session.

"Sera," Akali's voice clicked over the loudspeakers. "Zedd is here."

"Alright. I'll be out in a sec." Seraphine removed her headphones, hanging them on the stand beside the microphone. She reached up and put her hair into a ponytail. Sera left the live room and stepped back into the control room.

Akali had put Zedd's camera on the TV screen, and motioned for Seraphine to sit beside her.

"Hey!" Zedd called. "It's nice to finally meet you, Seraphine."

"You as well." Seraphine bowed her head before realizing who she was talking to. Fighting a small blush, she grinned. "I've always loved your songs, so working on a project with you is a dream come true for me."

"Well, I'm excited to work with you as well." He smiled. Then, he turned his gaze to Akali. "Did you get the project files that I sent over last night, Akali?"

The rapper and producer nodded. "I did." She clicked her mouse a few times and opened the project, then began to share her screen with Zedd.

"Great. Let's get started!"

**[;]**

" _It's funny how you miss me more than you could ever love me, How you couldn't give me everything and now you want it from me_ ," Seraphine sang, her foot tapping along to the rhythm of the building drums. " _Yeah, it's funny how it's different now that I got somebody. Yeah it's funny."_

As the song dropped into the chorus, Seraphine nodded her head to the edited vocal chops, the bouncy drums, and the rhythmic synths. " _Both my hands are on his body. Yeah it's funny how it's different now that I got somebody. Yeah it's funny._ "

The song transitioned back into the verse with a rising and falling white noise, and Seraphine began to sing once again. " _Sending a message, through mutual friends. It's like I'm talking to you using them. You heard I was happy, and I heard you're not_." She carried her voice upwards, forcing it to crack to highlight the emotion behind the line. " _I guess freedom didn't free you like you thought_."

After singing another pre-chorus, the hook returned with the same energy as the first, but as it ended, all of the percussion momentarily dropped out before coming back in time with heavily layered synths to build up into the final chorus.

" _Who's laughing now? Who's laughing now? Oooh_ ," Sera sang. " _Who's laughing now? Who's laughing now… Oooh_."

**[;]**

" _We stayed up_ _all night. Talking to each other, whispers under covers. You told me your life, wasn't always easy, I said I know the feeling_." Seraphine's voice threatened to break as she sang the lyrics. But she pressed on. _Not right now_. " _I told you all about the scar on my shoulder. And you told me you're terrified of getting older. We stayed up all night, the first night of a million more 'cause…_ "

The drums cut out. And synthesized vocal harmonies entered. " _I'm gonna love you, love you inside out. I'm gonna love you, love you inside out_. _Nothing you say is gonna scare me now. Still gonna love you, love you inside out_."

And a moment later, the drums returned, more energetic than before as they steadily built up to the chorus. " _I'm gonna love you, love you inside out. I'm gonna love you, love you inside out_. _Nothing you say is gonna scare me now. Still gonna love you, love you inside out,_ " Sera finished.

The chorus dropped into a rhythmic, pocket-heavy, synth-filled chorus.

But to Seraphine, it… it sounded the exact same as the last song they'd just recorded.

It was missing something.

Something that Seraphine knew was present in her other songs.

Her old songs.

Her songs with him—

"That's all we need, Sera!" Akali called. "That was great! Awesome job."

"Okay!" Seraphine set her headphones back onto the stand and wandered back into the control room. Akali was finishing a conversation with Zedd when she entered.

"Can't believe that we only needed one take for both songs," Zedd said, clearly surprised. He saw Seraphine enter the frame and he grinned. "I guess you're as talented as ICONS made you out to be."

Seraphine rubbed the back of her neck. "I wouldn't be so sure about that. But… Thank you, it means a lot."

"If there's one piece of advice I can give you, Seraphine, it's to accept compliments as often as you can," Zedd said. "Once you become an artist, whether or not you're doing music, the expectations pile up. And there's one thing that separates artists from everyone else: their ability to overcome those expectations." He smiled slightly. "I don't give out compliments lightly. Akali knows. I mean it when I say that you're talented. I expect great things out of you, Seraphine."

 _Guess he really wasn't kidding about expectations_. Seraphine cracked a smile. "Okay, okay. I get it. Thank you, Zedd. Genuinely, now."

"Good." He laughed. "I'll have these mixed and mastered within the hour, and then I'll send the files over to Akali for your debut EP. Have a good rest of your day, you two." Zedd waved at the camera.

"Bye!"

"Later, Zedd."

And the call ended.

Akali turned to face Sera. "Do you have anything else you want to record? We need three pre-release singles for your EP— and since you want to drop it at the beginning of February, we should probably start those now."

"I…" Seraphine trailed off. "I don't even have a clue of where to start."

"Well," Akali began slowly. "I always think it's best to start at a place that matters a lot to you. Whether its an actual location, an emotion, or a memory…"

"A memory, huh?" Seraphine repeated.

"Got an idea now?"

Sera, despite the unease that wormed its way into her heart, managed a smile. "Yeah. I think so."

**[;]**

**October 30th, 2020**

Between practices, rehearsals, training, and other schedules, Seraphine hardly had the time to write songs for her EP, even if she felt incredibly inspired to do so. And on the rare occasion that she did find time for it, she usually spent that time resting or bonding with K/DA.

Ever since they landed in Shanghai, they spent nearly every hour of the day together. Through practice, through rehearsal, through meals, and even at the hotel, Seraphine didn't leave K/DA's side. But, eventually, they were given a day off— a day to themselves. And Seraphine spent that day exploring Shanghai, eating delicious food, and taking pictures of the city (and the food).

The thought to write for her EP crossed her mind, but she figured that her time would be better spent relaxing and actually taking time to herself. However, even during her day-off, her mind was still plagued with the mounting pressure. They were going to perform soon. She was going to stand on the biggest stage she'd ever seen in her life.

Seraphine giggled as she remembered the conversation she had with her father before leaving for Shanghai.

"What do you mean you're going to Shanghai?" He asked.

"I'm singing there, Baba."

"With K/DA?"

She nodded. "Yes, with K/DA."

Her father grinned and drew her into a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you, my little angel." He pulled away, a hand still on her shoulder. "I'll be supporting you from home! What time is the performance?"

"It's pretty late. It's supposed to start at around 2 A.M. for you."

"Then that's fine," he said. "I will be there!"

Seraphine's smile widened into a grin of epic proportions. Her heart threatened to break from her chest. "I'll send you all of the links and stuff!" She bubbled.

That moment was probably one of the greatest moments of her life. Her father wasn't an affectionate man, so that moment… It was one that Seraphine would treasure forever.

**[;]**

Every K/DA member shared one giant, five bedroom, hotel room during their stay in Shanghai. Akali and Kai'Sa lounged on the sofa, a large blanket covering both of their legs as they watched their show on the TV. Ahri had her back against the headboard while she rapidly texted someone. And Evelynn looked out the window of their room, her fingers on the glass, tracing the outlines of the Shanghai skyline.

Things were quiet, aside from Akali and Kai'Sa's show.

But there was pressure in the air that weighed down on the shoulders of everyone. Their show was tomorrow after all. They'd done all they could to prepare for it, countless hours of rehearsals, endless repeats of their songs, and enough dance practices to make _everyone's_ headspin.

It was a waiting game now.

Seraphine stared at the black, lifeless screen of her phone. She had a million thoughts racing through her head. She was supposed to be asleep an hour ago, but that wasn't happening. Then, a thought crossed her mind.

_What are the chances that Jae's gonna watch tomorrow?_

She picked up her phone and swiped to Jae's phone number. Sera stared at that screen for some time, her thoughts meandering, debating whether or not she should text him links to their show.

It was a courteous gesture, even if she was sure that he hated her.

They were best friends at one point, even if Seraphine wronged him.

They had loved each other, even if it was too late to wonder about what they _could_ have been.

She shut off her phone and dropped it onto the bed.

It wasn't like he ever replied to the text she'd sent months ago.

Tonight wasn't the night to dwell on past relationships, past opportunities. Past friendships.

Seraphine needed to be grateful for the chance she'd been given.

A one-in-a-million chance.

 _Meeting him… That was one-in-a-million too_. She rolled her eyes at that thought. It was a little too romantic for her tastes. And it wasn't like Jae was a one-of-a-kind guy.

There were lots of other people who could play seven instruments at a professional level. There were lots of other people who were capable of singing so well that it sent chills down Seraphine's spine. There were lots of other people who made her laugh and smile as much as he did. There were lots of other people who understood her so deeply, so well, that they could tell whatever she was thinking or feeling.

_There were lots of other people who made her as happy as he did._

It was her fault that they separated.

Her fault that they were not longer friends.

Her fault that Jae was alone.

Her fault that Jae _hated_ her.

Seraphine's phone lit up as the clock passed midnight, and October 30th turned to October 31st.

 _Amelia Rose and Son Jungwon (Jae's Parents) - Death Anniversary_.

Sera put a hand over her mouth to silence the cry that threatened to escape her lips.

She buried her head into her pillow. She grabbed both sides of it and pressed it harshly against her face.

Muffled sobs wracked her body, accompanied with deep exhales.

And a severe lack of inhales.

Every member of K/DA shared one glance, and then they sprang into action. Ahri and Evelynn grabbed both of Seraphine's arms, Kai'Sa trapped her legs, and Akali yanked the pillow out of Seraphine's grip, the soft cotton flopping against the far wall. Seraphine immediately reached for another pillow, but the other girls all kept her still.

"Let. Me. GO!" She screamed.

"You're only gonna hurt yourself, Sera!"

"I deserve it. It's my fault. I deserve it. I deserve—" Sera kept grasping for something to place over her face. Something to keep the air from entering her lungs. Something to suffocate—

Ahri touched the side of Seraphine's face. "Seraphine. Deep breaths. Focus on the sound of my voice. _Focus on the sound of my voice_. Match your breathing with mine." Ahri inhaled slowly, then exhaled.

Seraphine shut her eyes and did her best to follow Ahri's instructions. And soon enough, she found herself calming down.

"Better?" Ahri asked.

"Better," Sera confirmed.

Akali sat down beside Seraphine and rubbed her shoulder. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"I…" Seraphine swallowed. "Today is the death anniversary of Jae's parents."

"Jae, he's your friend from school, right?" Kai'Sa asked.

"H— he _was_ my friend." _I'm fairly certain that he hates me now._

Evelynn raised a brow. "But it's not like you're able to visit them. Their places of rest are thousands of miles away from here."

"But I _should_ be there." Seraphine scoffed. "He's probably crying himself to sleep in his two bedroom apartment. Meanwhile, I'm in a five-star hotel in Shanghai, dressed in designer pajamas, in a room with some of the most successful pop stars in the world, and I'm going to sing on the biggest stage in my life tomorrow ." Seraphine brought her knees to her chest, hugging them and resting her head atop her arms. "What a _joke_."

The K/DA members were utterly silent as Seraphine cried.

Even Evelynn had nothing to say. Her lips were pursed, her face and brows drawn into a frown as she turned to face away from Sera.

Ahri glared at Eve. "Apologize," she whisper-yelled.

"Sera, I'm sorry—"

"It's fine." Seraphine shrugged Ahri's hand from her shoulder. She stood up, wiping tears from her eyes. "I'll be in my room."

"Seraphine, I don't think that's the best idea…"

"I won't do anything rash," she replied. "Promise." The pink-haired woman smiled sadly. "After all, I've got my first live performance tomorrow."

**[;]**

**November 1st, 2020**

I sat with my hands drawn together, a blanket covering my lap, and my eyes focused on the TV screen. The Worlds 2020 Opening Ceremony was beginning.

Over the last week, I'd debated whether or not I would watch it. Ultimately, I decided to bite the bullet and watch the performance. Whether for my own curiosity, in support of an old friend, or to simply torture myself… I couldn't exactly tell.

As the show started, I took in a deep breath.

After a brief intro, a few stunning shots of Shanghai, and a snapshot of the Riot Games logo, the heavy bass and driving kick disappeared.

And Seraphine sat on a cyan stage, her legs crossed and her mic resting at her side.

Her azure eyes, even after not having seen them in months, were still as stunning as ever.

As she began to sing, I immediately knew that something was wrong.

Her voice had a weakness to it that wasn't there before. Like it was strained. Like it was being held back. Despite the performance using the same instrumental that I had produced, the same cover of K/DA's POP/STARS, it was nothing like the original. All of the emotion, all of the feeling, all of the strength behind Seraphine's voice was missing.

When her section was finished, she stood up and walked towards the camera.

And then, it was K/DA's song.

MORE was a good song. Catchy. Sonically interesting. But it didn't captivate me like I knew it captivated the rest of the audience.

But my mind still hung on Seraphine's performance.

I took out my phone and swiped over to my texts with Seraphine and began to type out advice to guide her singing.

_Hey, make sure you rest up after your performance. Drinking that tea blend I showed you from before might do you some good too. If you need me to check on you, then just let me know—_

I froze.

_What on Earth are you doing?_

I deleted the text and set down my phone.

I wasn't friends with her anymore.

I wasn't the right person to tell her things like that anymore.

I wasn't even in the same _world_ as Seraphine.

A sigh escaped my lips.

**[;]**

**November 15th, 2020**

Eunkyung sat down at my desk. I laid on my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"What did you want?"

"I saw Sera today. She stopped by the office and asked for me by name."

At the mention of Sera, I stiffened. "I see. What happened?"

"She and I just talked, played catch-up." Eunkyung chuckled. "She also mentioned something else."

"What else?"

"She misses you."

My breath caught in my throat. "Wh—what?"

Eunkyung moved closer, the chair rolling against the wooden floor. "Sera misses you," she repeated. "She said that you're her only real friend. And while she's ecstatic about working with K/DA, that she loves them all deeply, none of them could ever replace you."

"Well, clearly, they did."

Eunkyung rolled her eyes. "You miss her too."

"No, I don't."

"You still have that photo of you two at the beach as your home screen."

 _How on Earth did—_ "I don't," I protested weakly.

"You totally do. I looked at your phone when you left it on the table earlier today." Eunkyung crossed her arms. "I'm shocked you still haven't changed your passcode."

"It's not like I have anything to hide from you…" I wanted to get back to talking about Sera. "So, what else did she say?"

"Interested, are you?"

"And if I am?" I challenged.

"I'm just teasing, Jae," Eunkyung reminded. Her eyes softened. "You really need to talk to her."

"It's not that easy."

"It's never easy," Eunkyung assured, her voice like a gentle caress. "If everything that mattered to us were easy, life wouldn't be the same."

My chest tightened. "What if I don't want to talk to her?" Even as the words left my lips, I knew they weren't true.

"Don't even start with that, Jae. I know you do." A smile danced across Eunkyung's lips. "When you mentioned Sera for the first time, do you know how I felt?"

I shrugged.

"I was happy. Genuinely happy." Eunkyung stood and moved to sit on my bed. She rested a hand on the top of my head and ran her fingers through my hair. "I was so happy that you finally managed to make a friend. After Mom and Dad died, I was worried that you would be too focused on school, work, and all of our responsibilities that you wouldn't have found time to enjoy yourself." Her hand stopped. "But after you started to talk to Sera, when you wouldn't _stop_ talking about her, I realized that I didn't have to worry about that anymore."

I sat up, leaning my head against the headboard of my bed. "And now it's all gone."

Eunkyung's hand returned to the top of his head. She patted it. "It's not. You know that."

"It is gone."

"Jae, you shouldn't sound so certain when—"

" _It is gone_ , Eunkyung." I glared at her. "It was gone the moment Seraphine chose success over our friendship."

Eunkyung clicked her tongue. "Like you wouldn't have done the same thing had it happened to you instead."

My heart shattered. It splintered, fragmented, and fractured into a thousand little pieces. Razor-sharp glass settled into my chest, cutting through every inch of my body.

My brain tried and failed to comprehend what had just happened. It was like Eunkyung had taken a knife and stabbed it straight through me. "You— I…"

The words died on my lips.

She shakily extended a hand towards me. "Jae. I… I didn't mean that—"

I shot to my feet.

"Jae..?"

I walked towards the door to my room. I clutched the door handle so tight that my knuckles grew white. I wrenched it open.

"Jae, where are you going?"

I ignored her. I had to ignore her. _If… If my own sister— How could she say that? How could she say that? How could she say that?_ The words droned on and on in my head. What she told me. How she said it. It threw every inch, every cell of my being into a whirlwind of pure confusion.

"Jae!"

I slipped out of our apartment, my hands stuffed into my pockets, turning, twisting, and flipping my phone within it. When I made it out of the complex, the cool, ocean breeze pierced the thin layer of clothes I wore.

I need someone to call. Someone I can trust. Someone who won't… won't leave me. Someone who really will always stay by my side no matter what. I scrolled through my contacts, and passed by a name I hadn't heard read in a long time.

I called the number. A few seconds later, it picked up.

"He— hello?" I answered, pressing the phone to my ear.

**[;]**

A white-gold car rolled up to the curb of the lamp-lit sidewalk. The window rolled down. And for the first time in months, I met face-to-face with Luxanna Crownguard.

She looked as radiant as ever, and even just seeing her immediately lifted the weight from my shoulders. There was a small, nearly invisible smile on her face as she stared at me. Her braided blonde hair looked as smooth and silky as ever. The interior lights of her car illuminated her face in a way that emphasized the grace of her appearance.

Part of me wished that we were meeting under better circumstances.

"Lux…"

"Hello, Jae." She motioned to the seat beside her. "Hop in."

I climbed into the car and clipped on my seat belt.

"So," Lux began as the car accelerated forward. "Why the sudden phone call?"

I scratched at the side of my cheek and adjusted my surgical mask. "I needed someone who wouldn't abandon me."

"Abandon you?" She asked.

"My sister."

"Eunkyung? Abandon you?" Lux sounded like she could hardly believe it. "What did she do?"

"Don't wanna talk about it right now," I murmured.

"Then we won't." She tapped her fingers on the wheel. "How have you been?"

"I've been better," I replied. "Life is… hard right now. To say the least."

"I figured. You called me, of all people."

"You were the only person I could trust."

"Not Seraphine?"

I pursed my lips and shook my head. "Not her."

She hummed. "So, you two did have a falling out." Lux glanced at me. "Do you want to talk about that?"

I shook my head again. "I want to talk about better things." I rested my hands on my lap and laced my fingers together. "What about you? How was Korea?"

"As nice as it could be while I was cooped up in my room because of COVID," she said bitterly. "I couldn't even be in the States for my graduation, and worse yet, it was a virtual one." Lux sighed. "But the country is beautiful, and I felt like I experienced so much because of how different it is culturally."

"How's your Korean?" I smirked.

Lux grinned. "Pretty good. I can probably hold a conversation with you now," she replied in absolutely flawless Korean. "How is it?"

"Perfect," I said, utterly shocked. She sounded just like a native. And, in many ways, she was probably more practiced than I was. "Wow, I'm impressed. Good job."

"Thanks." She winked. "Is it really that good? I learned a lot of it by myself."

"Yes, Lux. You sound completely natural," I stated.

"Good. That's good." She smiled slightly. "So… Should I take you to my house?"

"I…" I trailed off, feeling a little unsure of how her family would react to me suddenly appearing by Lux's side after all these months. "I wouldn't mind it, but if your parents—"

"My parents won't mind. And neither will Garen," she said, alleviating some of my stress. "Besides, it's the one place that I actually know of where I can keep an eye on you."

I chuckled at that. "I see. Well," I said, crossing my arms and leaning back in the chair. "Let's head to your house."

**[;]**

Despite not having seen or spoken to Lux in what was basically a year, the atmosphere that surrounded the two of us wasn't foreign or strange or awkward at all. It felt like no time had passed at all, like our relationship was no different from when Lux was last in the States.

Her car rolled into the large garage of the Crownguard mansion, and she pulled into a parking spot before shutting off the car.

"Thank you, Lux," I said, facing her. "Not sure if you've heard that from me yet."

"Anytime, Jae." She smiled. "Let's head inside."

I followed behind Lux as she guided me through the halls of her house. Thankfully, considering how late it was, her parents and brother were likely asleep. It was a small blessing that she and I wouldn't have to explain my predicament tonight.

We stopped at the door of one of the guest rooms.

"You can stay here in the meantime," Lux said, waving to the door. "There should be a change of clothes already inside."

"Thank you, Lux. Seriously. This means a lot to me."

"I know, I know…" She rubbed her forehead. "Look, Jae. It's late. Let's just head to bed, okay. We'll have all of tomorrow to catch up, right?"

 _Oh._ "Right." I rubbed the back of my head. "G'night, Lux."

"Goodnight, Jae." Lux headed to her room, leaving me alone in the hallway.

I silently pushed open the door to my temporary room and flicked the light switch. I quickly washed my face and changed into the pajamas that Lux had prepared for me— it was a little surprising how well they fit. I laid on the bed that dominated the center of the guest room.

Despite everything that had happened today, despite what my sister told me, and despite the unpredictability that I knew tomorrow would bring, there wasn't a drop of unease that coiled within my chest.

In all honesty, it felt good.

For the first time in months, I was comfortable. I was at ease.

And it was all thanks to Lux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The return of one Luxanna Crownguard after 32k words. And don't worry, she won't be leaving any time soon. Had to pump out this chapter to stick to my schedule that I'd written out back in December. Hopefully it was good!
> 
> And with this chapter, Rising Stars has officially surpassed 100k words! This is a huge achievement for me. Usually my works die at around 60k words (as seen with The Producer), but I seriously LOVE this story and its great to see that everyone else is loving it as much as I am.
> 
> Thank you all so much for supporting me this far, and please look forward to more and more chapters for Rising Stars. I WILL complete this story.
> 
> If you enjoyed the chapter, please leave a comment. They really help motivate me to get to the next chapter.


	19. XIX - Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy.

**November 16th, 2020**

I awoke to someone gently shaking me.

"Wake up, Jae."

The voice brought a rush of memories flooding back to me. Argument with Eunkyung. Leaving the house. Calling, _seeing_ Lux again. At her house. In her guest room.

I shot up and came face-to-face with Lux. She was dressed in silk, white pajamas, her blonde hair tied up into a ponytail.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." She ruffled my messy morning hair. "Go and clean up. Lunch should be ready by the time you finish."

"Wait, lunch?"

"It's 11:30." She giggled and made for the door.

"Oh…" I stretched. "Thank you, Lux," I said once I finished.

"No problem." The door clicked shut behind her.

**[;]**

"How have you been, Jae?" Pieter asked as he set down his glass.

"I've… I've been better," I replied, surprised with how honest I was. "Things are a little difficult right now."

Concern immediately made its way onto Augatha's features. Her brows furrowed as she stared at me, clearly worried. "Is there anything that we can do to help?"

I vehemently declined. "No, no. I… I don't think anything you can offer me would solve the problem." I rubbed the back of my neck. "It's something that I need to fix myself."

"Are you sure?" Augatha pressed.

"I—"

"Mother," Lux interrupted. "I think that's enough." She smiled slightly at me. "If he says he doesn't want the help, then we should respect that, right?"

"You're right, Lux," Pieter said with a nod. He finished the rest of his drink and stood up. "Well, you're welcome to stay in the house as long as you need, Jae."

I bowed my head. "Thank you."

"Anytime." Pieter checked his watch, then turned to Augatha. "Well, we have a meeting in an hour." He waved to me. "Have a good day, Jae."

I waved back. "You too." I smiled, watching as the two walked away.

Lux tapped my shoulder. "Let's go to the gardens." She twirled on her heel and began to walk towards the door to the gardens.

**[;]**

The gardens of the Crownguard estate were more than extravagant. It was closer to a small forest, in all honesty, than a garden. I followed behind Lux as she navigated the greenery, we walked past the cerulean waterfall and climbed up to the tree that stood at the height of the waterfall. Beneath the canopy of the tree was a bench that overlooked the entirety of the gardens.

Lux sat on the bench and patted the empty space beside her. "Sit."

I sat beside her.

"Talk to me," she said.

"...About?"

She sighed. "Everything, Jae. Tell me everything." Lux turned to face me, her blue eyes alight with an indescribable emotion. "You and I haven't talked in _pretty_ much a year. I want to know what you've been up to. And I'm sure that you're curious about what I've done too, right?"

"Fair enough." I leaned back on the bench. "So, how was graduation?"

She clicked her tongue. "If you could even call it a graduation. It was just me, sitting in my apartment, dressed in my cap and gown, watching a stream." Lux crossed her arms and pouted. "Probably the lamest thing I've ever experienced."

"Yeah. It was exactly like that here too." I chuckled. "They didn't even call our names out one-by-one. But… I'm not really sure what I expected, honestly."

"I expected something a lot more organized," Lux added. Her eyes were narrowed as she stared at the waterfall. "But it's whatever. Can't complain about the past, right?"

I nodded. "Right."

"Though, I didn't exactly want to talk about graduation." Lux glanced at me. "What happened between you and Sera? Last I was here, you two were on… really good terms, to say the least."

"She and I…" I trailed off. I bit my lip.

"You and her?"

"We had a falling out," I began slowly, trying to find the right words to explain the situation. "Throughout the school year, she and I were working on another EP— and during that time, I slowly realized that I loved her. As in, actually, genuinely loved her." I rubbed the back of my neck, heat crawled up my skin and tinged my cheeks. "I was writing a song about my feelings, just so I knew what to say and how to say it."

"But you waited too long to tell her, didn't you?"

I pursed my lips. "Yeah," I replied, my tone clipped. "Way, _way_ too long."

"And now she's a part of ICONS, and too busy for you, right?"

"Something like that," I said. "I just want to move on. I want to forget about her. Those memories, those moments, I want to be free of them."

"Free of them?"

I nodded. "There's no point in me dwelling on her." I sighed. "Can't complain about the past," I finished with a smile directed at Lux.

"Too true," she bubbled. "Then I suggest you get busy," Lux said, poking me with a finger before placing a hand on her chest. "Take it from me, staying busy is the best way to forget about someone."

"Oh." I glanced to the side. "I'm sorry, Lux, I—"

"If you seriously think that one apology is going to fix the fact that you ghosted me for a whole year, then you've got more than a rant coming your way, Jae." She glared at me. And for the first time, I realized how scary Lux could get if she was genuinely angry. Her blue eyes burned holes into me, and she looked about ready to smack me.

"I… I'm sorry, Lux."

"I just want to know why, Jae. Why did you never message me? Why did you never call me?"

"Because I thought you were busy."

"You thought I was too busy to send a text to?" She crossed her arms.

"Well, when you put it that way, it sounds really stupid," I murmured.

"How do you even think something like that, Jae?"

"Heh." I chuckled slightly. "I… I'm awful, aren't I?"

She shook her head . "You're not awful. You're not a bad person. And I'm not going to be mad at you forever."

"Ghosting your friend for a year when they're in a foreign country seems like something a bad person would do," I retorted.

Lux shook her head. "No. It's a mistake. And people make mistakes. I make mistakes too." She sighed. "I'm not entirely in the right either. I could have texted you myself, and I know that you would respond in heartbeat. But I believed that you were too busy with other things. And people."

"People?"

Lux rolled her eyes. "With Seraphine, Jae."

"Oh."

"Honestly, you two were so in love that it was almost annoying that you hadn't made it official yet," Lux grumbled, clearly annoyed. "I'm surprised I even got to kiss you on your cheek without her tearing off my head right then and there."

"That obvious, huh?"

"Oh yeah."

"More than just obvious," she said. "But that's in the past too. So we can't exactly do anything about it." Lux sighed, raising her hands up into the air and stretching. "You still never told me exactly what happened between the two of you."

"Well, that's because you sort of guessed the whole story."

Lux flushed. "I'm sorry. Didn't intend to cut you off like that."

"No, no. It wasn't entirely wrong," I replied.

"So, what happened then?"

"I produced two covers for Seraphine, K/DA's POP/STARS and ARY's Childhood Dreams, and she posted them on her social media accounts. In all honesty, I didn't think there was going to be that big of a response. But I guess I was wrong." I thumbed the armrest of the bench. "She got famous pretty much overnight, after that, she got an offer from K/DA. And the rest is history, I guess."

"She got signed into ICONS really fast, and I couldn't really escape the news in Korea," Lux added. "I was a little more than surprised to see her being signed alone, instead of with you."

"Yeah. Me too," I mumbled.

"Were you angry at her?"

"I was. For a bit. No more than a couple of days." I bit my lip. "Then I just… gave up."

"Gave up how?"

"Gave up everything," I explained. "I stopped going to work, stopped making music, stopped everything."

"What changed?"

I smiled slightly. "Xayah and Rakan reached out to me. They're helping Eunkyung and I pay our bills and groceries."

"That's good." Lux patted my shoulder. "Good to know that those two are still as friendly and helpful as ever."

"Yeah. They are."

"...And what about your music?"

"What about it?"

"Did you ever pick it back up?"

I shook my head. "Haven't played a single note in the last three months."

"Jae—"

"It's fine, Lux," I interrupted. "Really. It's fine. I… I don't really think I want to make music any time soon. At least, not as seriously as I did before."

Lux fell silent. She sternly held my gaze, as she seemed to stare through the windows of my eyes and into my very soul. All to find a fragment of deceit in my words. Then, she simply sighed. "Alright. Fine."

"That— that's it?" I asked, unbelieving that she would give up so easily. "No protests? No arguments? No convincing me? Just a 'that's fine,' is all you'll say?"

She raised a brow. "Is that what you want, Jae? If you're as serious about giving up on music as you say you are, then I think you wouldn't be so insecure about your decision." Lux shook her head ever-so-slightly. "Are you serious, Jae? About giving up music?"

"I—"

"And be _honest_ with me," she demanded. "I know when you're lying."

I stared at my hands. "...I don't know."

"Then you better figure it out." Lux glanced at me. "Before you lose the time to decide."

**[;]**

**November 18th, 2020**

"Are you sure that you want to go home?" Lux asked, her hand frozen on the handle of the car door. "It hasn't been that long since you and your sister fought. She might still be mad—"

I shook my head. "Eunkyung and I fight all the time. Just so happens that this one was at a bad time. And she's not the kind of person to hold a grudge against someone, especially when she knows that it was her fault that it happened in the first place."

"Well, you know your sister better than I do. Let's get going."

Lux and I climbed into her car. Just as I was finally getting used to the newness of her Audi, I was going home. It was about time though. I'd already spent two nights at the Crownguard estate, and I was beginning to get the feeling that Lux's parents thought I was just leeching off of them— which was the last thing I wanted to become a reality considering how Lux's parents treated their own daughter.

Of course, even with the constant assurance from both Lux _and_ her parents that it wasn't the case, that didn't dissuade my feelings regarding the whole situation.

I was already getting a lot of help from Xayah and Rakan.

The last thing I wanted was to seem like I was asking for more help.

"Are you alright?" Lux asked.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine," I replied. "I just feel bad for making it seem like I was leeching off of your parents."

"Jae, you know that they don't see it like that at all, right?"

"I know," I said with a slight smile. "Still doesn't make me feel less bad about it."

Lux rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say," she teased.

The rest of the drive back to my house was mostly silent. Lux pulled into the garage and parked. Then, she turned to me. "Think you're gonna be okay?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Thank you, Lux. For everything."

"You're welcome," she replied with a smile. Lux raised a single finger. "You just owe me one thing."

"Which is?"

She pointed at me. "Don't. Ghost. Me. Again." She punctuated every word with a jab of her finger into my chest. "Got it?"

I furiously nodded. "Yes, I got it."

"Good."

**[;]**

Eunkyung thumbed the side of her black mug, a clumsy smiley face drawn into the side of its glossy surface. It was one of the four mugs that our family took home as souvenirs from when we went to a mug-making factory. They let us choose and decorate a mug of our choice. The one that Eunkyung held was mine.

"I didn't think you were coming back." Her voice was hoarse, like she hadn't drank water at all in the last couple of days. "Had me worried for a second there," she joked, but her expression told me that she was more than just worried.

"Yeah, well, I couldn't leave you all by yourself. You wouldn't even last a week alone," I said with a smirk.

"Probably true." Eunkyung glanced down at the mug. She turned it so the smiley face was facing towards her instead of me. She fell silent.

"Noona?"

Tears welled in the corners of her eyes. She looked up at me. "I'm sorry," she breathed. "God, I'm so _fucking sorry_ , Jae." Her tears fell freely now. They left glistening trails down her cheeks and onto the surface of the mug, marring the smiley face.

I reached across the table and placed my hand over Eunkyung's. I'd seen my sister cry before. Hundreds, if not thousands of times. But I'd never seen her cry for me. It took all of my willpower to not break down into tears as well. "It's okay, it's okay," I cooed. I stood up and wrapped Eunkyung in a hug. "I forgive you," I murmured. "I'm not going anywhere again."

"Do you promise?" She asked.

"I promise, Eunkyung," I replied. I rubbed her shoulder. "We're siblings. We fight all the time. This is no different from when we fought in the past."

She nodded. "Right."

I grinned. "Good." Then, I lightly smacked her back.

"Jae—"

"That's what you get for saying that to me. But… It wasn't exactly untrue either."

"No, Jae. What I said was out of line, and completely false. Don't you even _dare_ think I would genuinely believe you would do something like that."

I slowly shook my head. "That's the thing, Eunkyung. I _would_ do something like that. Maybe not now," I continued. "Not with the kind of person I am today. But three months ago? Our positions might be reversed."

"Jae…"

I shrugged. "It's alright. I forgive you."

Eunkyung nodded once. "And I hope you can forgive yourself too."

**[;]**

**November 20th, 2020**

"So," Lux hesitantly began. "My parents want you and Eunkyung to join us for Thanksgiving. It's just gonna be us, so there's no need to worry about the virus or anything."

"Are… Are you sure?"

"Jae, except for you, my entire family hasn't had contact with anyone but each other. And its safe to assume that Eunkyung is safe too, right?"

"Yeah. We're careful about it."

"Good," Lux bubbled. "Well, talk to your sister about it and let me know whether or not you want to come. Sounds good?"

"Yup," I replied. "Sounds good. Talk to you later, Lux. I've got to head to work."

"Oh. Okay. See you there!"

"See you— Wait, what?!"

Before I could get a response, the call clicked closed.

"Jae!" Eunkyung called from the hallway. "Let's go!"

"Okay, okay. I'm coming."

**[;]**

_She's really working here again_. I watched as Lux walked into the break room at The Grand Vastaya, her blonde hair tied up to the height it normally was whenever she worked. A simple white mask covered the bottom half of her face.

"I don't know whether or not I should be surprised to see you here," I said to Lux.

"Well, I'd rather you just be happy," she said with a wink.

Jinx sighed as she entered the room. "Why am I not surprised that you two are flirting on the first day that Lux comes back?"

Lux and I both blushed.

"We're not flirting," we said simultaneously. Then, we stared wide-eyed at one another.

"See, you're even saying the same things." Jinx pointed at us. "Ugh! It's so _gross_."

"I, for one, find it positively adorable," Orianna added, wandering into the break room.

"Did everyone start at the same time today?" I asked. There was just no way that every single person on the floor got on break, or clocked in at the same time.

"I am on break," Orianna replied.

"This is my second shift today." Jinx grinned.

"And I just started my shift." Lux smirked.

I sighed. "Okay, okay. I'm gonna get changed," I announced, holding up my uniform. "Everyone get back to work."

Jinx saluted me. "Yes sir!"

"Of course."

"Mmhm!"

**[;]**

"You and Lux are talking a lot," Eunkyung commented as she stood beside me, watching idly while I stirred the pot of yukgaejang. "I assume that you two are good friends again?"

"Yeah," I said. "We are."

"You know what's weird to me," she began. "Your only friends are females. Does that not weird you out at all? Never miss being friends with guys?"

I shrugged. "I don't really think about stuff like that. Friends are friends. Regardless of gender."

Eunkyung patted my back. "Good to know that you were raised well."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes. "Speaking of Lux, I wanted to ask you something."

"And that is?"

"Lux's parents invited us over for Thanksgiving. Do you want to go?"

"Us? Or you?"

"Us," I emphasized. "They knew Mom and Dad. And I think they'd be thrilled to meet you. I don't want to pressure you, but we haven't had a real Thanksgiving in a _long_ time. It wouldn't hurt to have one again. With other people."

Eunkyung nodded. "Alright. Then we'll go."

**[;]**

**November 25th, 2020**

"Okay," Eunkyung said as she drove up to the Crownguard estate. "I knew that they were wealthy. But this? This is a little much." She stared in awe at the size and grandiosity of the mansion, her face a near exact copy of mine when I first saw their home.

"Yeah. I would say that you get used to it, but clearly that's not the case," I said, grinning.

Eunkyung pulled up to the front gate, and the guard, through the front window, recognized me. He waved and opened the gate, letting Eunkyung drive inside to the front of the mansion.

"I'll take your car from here," the guard said, popping open the driver's side door.

"Wait, are you—"

"The car will be fine," I assured Eunkyung. "Thanks again, James."

"Enjoy the evening you two."

And with that, he drove the car into their parking garage, leaving Eunkyung and me at the front door. I walked up to the door and rang the bell.

A few moments later, Lux opened the door. She wore a simple blue dress that matched her eyes perfectly. She greeted me with a grin. "Good evening, you two."

"Hi."

"Hey." I waved at her.

"Come on in. My parents are waiting for you at the dining room."

"Sorry, we're a tad late," I apologized, following behind Lux as she led us through the foyer and towards the dining room.

"No worries. You guys actually showed up a lot earlier than my parents expected." Lux smirked in my direction. "They're used to Jae being a little late whenever he stops by to hang out, so they think you're the same way, Eunkyung."

Eunkyung's eyes narrowed in my direction. "Don't tarnish my reputation with yours."

"Sorry. Purely unintentional."

They narrowed even further.

I raised my hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay! Got it."

Eventually, we arrived at the front of the two dining room doors. Lux pushed them open to reveal the meticulously, and beautifully decorated dining room. Autumn banners draped down from the high ceiling, neatly crafted lanterns ran evenly from one end of the table to the other, and soft orange cushions covered the six seats that lined the table.

While the table itself was empty of food, the amount of plates and utensils on the table revealed that there was going to be an abundance of food. More than Eunkyung and I ever had on our own small Thanksgiving celebrations. But, as foreign and strange as it was, it was also more than welcome.

Lux guided Eunkyung and me to the patio outside of the dining hall where both Pieter and Augatha were relaxing in front of a small bonfire.

I moved to Lux's side, leaning down to whisper in her ear. "Where's Garen?"

"'Training,'" she said, with air quotes. "But he's having dinner with Katarina."

"Instead of you guys?"

"They always have dinner together on Thanksgiving. It's the only time that they can see each other." Lux smiled. "He'll be joining us later tonight though."

"Oh. That's good."

"It is good to finally meet you, Eunkyung," Pieter said once we were in sight. He patted the sides of his perfectly maintained white petticoat. Then, he extended a hand.

"You as well." Eunkyung bowed her head as she shook the older man's hand. Pulling her hand away, she glanced between Pieter and Augatha. "Jae tells me that you two knew our parents?"

"We all went to college together," Augatha explained with a smile.

"All of you?"

Augatha nodded.

"How… How did you guys even get connected? I know that Mom and Dad were in the same major, but are you two also musicians?"

Pieter chuckled at that. "No, no. Augatha and Amelia, your mother, were friends long before I knew Jungwon. I met Jungwon in one of my general education classes, and we became fast friends."

I glanced at Augatha. "Why did my mother never mention you to us?"

"We were all busy when you two were younger," she answered. "As much as we would have loved to meet you as kids, there wasn't any time for it."

"But after Mom and Dad died…?"

Pieter's gaze darkened. "We weren't sure if you knew of us. I felt as if reaching out to you, especially after your parents' death, was a foolish decision. It was more than likely that we were just going to be strangers in your eyes."

"That's…" Eunkyung trailed off, unsure of what to say. "That's fair. I likely would have just declined any help anyways."

Augatha nodded.

"Well, now that we've had that discussion," Pieter began. "Why don't we all sit down and eat?"

**[;]**

By the time we returned to the dining room, every plate was filled with food, everything from a beautifully prepared stuffed turkey, to, much to both my surprise and Eunkyung's, a few Korean dishes. Soft music played from hidden speakers, and a comfortable warmth accompanied the delicious aromas of the dishes. We all took our seats eagerly, eyes scanning every meal with anticipation.

As we began to eat, amicable conversation supplemented the food. We talked about the simple things, we reminisced about the past, especially about my parents' past as Eunkyung and I eagerly asked for more and more stories about our parents from Pieter and Augatha. Even Lux seemed incredibly interested, and that made my heart glow.

We eventually found the limits of our stomachs, and dinner began to wind down. Pieter and Augatha broke out the wine, serving themselves. Augatha, glass in hand, spoke up. "Jae," she said, looking momentarily at me. "Has anyone ever told you that you share your father's hair and eyes?"

I smiled. "I've heard the eyes. I'm the only person that I know with golden eyes, after all. But I haven't heard the hair."

"His hair greyed early too."

At that, Eunkyung let out an exclamation before screaming out in laughter. Lux chortled, her hand flying to her mouth in an awful attempt to hide her laughter from me.

I felt my cheeks burn. "It's not exactly grey hair."

Augatha frowned. "Oh. Then what is it?"

"They started popping up after my parents passed," I replied. "And since I didn't have the money to dye it, I sort of got used to them being on my head. Does… Does it look bad?"

"I don't think so," Augatha said. "I think it tells a story about you." Her eyes shimmered with mischief. "Though, it can be satisfying to poke a bit of fun at you for it."

I rolled my eyes.

"Well, Jae may have inherited his father's traits," Augatha said before turning to Eunkyung. "But you inherited everything about your mother, at least in terms of your appearance." She smiled widely. "You are a very beautiful young woman, Eunkyung. Amelia would be so proud of you."

"The both of you," Pieter corrected. "You two… It amazes me how strong the two of you are. Despite everything you've been through, the challenges you've had to face, you two came out on top." He sent Lux a half-hearted glare. "If only our own daughter could do as much."

I smirked at the banter.

After dinner, we returned to the patio and sat once again around the reignited bonfire. Between conversations, snacks, and more stories about our parents than I knew what to do with, time passed in the blink of an eye. Before both Eunkyung and I knew it, the moon was already at its peak, shining down on the gardens of the Crownguard estate.

"You two should probably head on home," Pieter said. "It's rather late."

"Unless you would like to stay the night," Augatha quickly added.

Eunkyung glanced at me. "Do you want to stay?"

"Might be for the best," I replied. "You drank a couple glasses tonight."

She nodded. "Alright. We'll stay."

Eunkyung and I both bowed our heads.

"Thank you."

"Thanks."

"It's no problem," Pieter looked to Lux. "If you don't mind showing them to one of the guest rooms, Luxanna. We're going to retire for the night."

"Of course, Father," Lux bubbled.

We followed behind Lux as she guided us to two separate guest rooms. Eunkyung quickly excused herself, the door to her room closing with a nearly silent click. She left Lux and I in the hallway in front of my room's door.

"Thanks for inviting us," I said to Lux. I scratched the back of my neck. "It… It means a lot."

"Of course. You're welcome, Jae."

"Seriously, Lux. You've been a ton of help lately and I don't even know how to repay you for it."

"Just keep being my friend," she said simply. "That's all I ask."

"Then I'll do just that." I grinned. "Good night, Lux."

"Good night, Jae."

And with that, she walked off towards her room.

I opened the door to the room that I was sleeping in last week and, after quickly changing into the provided pajamas, crashed onto the bed. I couldn't stop a smile from blooming on my face as I stared up at the ceiling.

_Today… Today was a good day._

It was, by far, the best Thanksgiving that I've ever experienced.

And once again, it was all because of Lux.

I turned to my side and held my hand out in front of me. I owed Lux… more than words could even describe. I owed her more than the world at this point. I owed her anything and everything she could ever want. She _saved_ me.

With my thoughts filled with the soft blonde hair and brilliant blue eyes of Luxanna Crownguard, sleep came to me the easiest it had in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for supporting me this far. Love you. Please leave a comment if you enjoyed the chapter.


	20. XX - The First Step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where this story finally earns its M rating. For those of you adverse to reading about sex, there is an important plot bit near the end of the scene. Good luck.
> 
> Enjoy.

**December 25th, 2020**

Christmas was always a strange time for Eunkyung and I. Ever since we lost our parents, it's only ever been the two of us. We'd grown used to it being like that. It was like an unspoken rule that my sister and I shared. Holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas were for the two of us, and just us.

But, this Christmas, we were spending it with the Crownguard family. After talking extensively with Lux for the last month, everyone seemed fairly eager to meet up again, and with Christmas around the corner, it made sense that it was chosen as the next time to celebrate.

Eunkyung and I, for the second time in a month, stood at the front door of the Crownguard estate. Only this time, we carried with us numerous bags. Most were presents, marked by the colorful and holiday-inspired print on the bags, and some were home-cooked meals by yours truly. I felt bad that the Crownguards provided all of the food for Thanksgiving, so the least I could do was give them a taste of what home-cooked Korean food tasted like.

As delicious as the Korean food was for Thanksgiving, it didn't hit quite the same as Dad's recipes did.

Instead of Lux opening the door as she usually did, it was her tall, broad-shouldered older brother: Garen Crownguard. Even at my height, he still stood at _least_ a head taller than me. And wider by a good fifty pounds of pure muscle too. His deep brown hair was slicked upward, emphasizing the ice blue in his eyes. He wore a well-fitted grey suit, and smiled at me and Eunkyung. He stepped to the side and kept the door open. "Come inside."

"Whoever does your decorating deserves an award," I said to Garen as I stared at the impressive height of the Christmas tree that dominated the center of the dining hall. Beneath it were numerous presents, and a circular dining table was positioned near the base of the tree. Atop the table was a soft-looking gold-lined cloth, and silver plates, bowls, and utensils rested on the cloth itself.

"Mother plans it and designs it, and Father hires people to build it."

"Props to your parents then, I suppose." I placed the bags containing the presents along with the others.

"Thanks," Lux interjected as she walked in through the open patio doors.

I felt my mouth dry as I drank in the sight of her.

She wore a short and tight silk red dress that seemed to cling to her every curve. Her french-braided blonde hair seemed to almost shimmer in the light of the chandelier, and her gold eyeshadow and dark eyeliner emphasized the brightness of her eyes.

"Good to see you in person again, Jae," Lux said with a nod in my direction. "You too, Eunkyung." She approached the two of us, then glanced at the bags that Eunkyung held in her hands. "Is that food?"

My sister nodded. "It is."

"Home-cooked?"

"Always."

She let out a sigh of relief. "Thank God. I was really missing Jae's cooking this last few weeks, especially after the Korean at Thanksgiving."

"I thought it was alright," Garen said.

"Take it from someone who spent the last year in Korea, Garen," Lux began. "That was _nothing close_ to what actual Korean food tastes like."

"Well." Garen smiled at me. "Then, I look forward to your cooking."

 _Way to set up an expectation, Lux_. I internally sighed. Hopefully Garen liked it. "Where are your parents?" I asked.

"They'll be down shortly. Mother takes forever to get ready, and you two are early for once."

"It's Jae's fault," Eunkyung immediately blamed.

"It… was actually my fault this time," I surrendered. "Took a little too long finding the right thing to wear."

"Fashionably late, hm?" Lux questioned, an eyebrow arched.

"Correct."

She smiled. "Well, let me be the first to say that you look rather dashing tonight."

"Thank you. And you look… incredible. Gorgeous. Amazing."

"We get it, Jae, you're in love with her," Eunkyung said with a grin.

"I—"

Lux giggled. "Oh? You're _in love_ with me, Jae?"

"You're what," Garen growled.

" _I'm_ gonna start prepping the food," I said, skirting past Garen and taking the bags out of my sister's hands. "Where's your kitchen, Lux?"

"I can take you there," she bubbled.

"I don't think that's—"

"Nonsense!" And without a care in the world, she sidled up to me and hooked her arm around mine. "Let's go!"

**[;]**

"Any reason for your insistence to follow me?" I asked Lux as she stood beside me, casually observing me take the food out of the containers and plate or reheat them.

She shrugged. "No reason," she said. "Just wanted to have some time alone with you."

"Oh."

"Mmhm!" Lux smiled. "Do you need any help?"

"Actually, yes." I pointed to the already plated food. A plate of japchae, the brown noodles reflecting the warm light of the kitchen like glass. "Do you mind taking that out to the table? Those are good to eat now."

"Alright. I'll be right back then." And, with practiced ease, Lux swooped up the plates and walked them out to the table. It hadn't even been a full minute before she returned. "You know," she began, leaning her hip against the edge of the countertop. "This sorta reminds me of work."

"Except I never cook there."

"Why not?"

"Doesn't make as much money as being a waiter does," I replied, completely honest. "And when I first signed up for the job, it was mainly for the money."

"Fair enough." Lux smiled. "Speaking of cooking and whatnot, when are you gonna teach me how to cook this stuff?" She motioned to the last couple dishes before us.

"Whenever you want me to." I grinned. "I'm more than happy to teach you."

"Then we'll do it some time this week."

"Sounds good."

**[;]**

Christmas with the Crownguards was an… interesting affair, to say the least. Dinner was quickly devoured, with the Korean dishes disappearing into Garen's eager stomach. He eagerly tore apart every single portion that he was given. And he made sure that his thoughts on my cooking were well-known.

"This is absolutely fantastic," he announced his large hands trapping the thin pair of chopsticks that we brought with us. "You have to show our cooks this recipe."

"I'll type it up and send it to Lux then." I couldn't help but feel pride bubble beneath my chest. Garen seemed like the type to rarely give out compliments, and whenever he did, he truly meant them.

"What about you, Eunkyung?" Garen asked. "Do you cook at all?"

Eunkyung flushed. "Well, I don't exactly cook…"

"She's more of a baker," I said with a nod. "The cake we brought along with us was made by her."

"Ah, the mascarpone cake?" Augatha asked, pointing to the neatly divided slices of my sister's Lemon Berry Mascarpone that rested on a platter in the middle of the table. "I was wondering who made that."

"Well, I suppose we'll dig into it now." Pieter smiled.

And everyone enjoyed their slices to the fullest. The soft, fluffy texture of the cake along with the slight sourness of the lemon and mascarpone that accompanied the sweetness of the blueberries… It was a perfect blend of tastes and textures. As expected from my sister's best recipe.

After dinner, and as everyone began to wind down with a few glasses of red wine, we moved to sit in front of the Christmas tree.

"So," Pieter began with a clap of his hands. "I suppose we should begin opening presents? Who would like to go first?"

Eunkyung raised her hand. "Seeing as Jae and I are the guests, we'll go first." She stood up and collected the presents that we brought with us. Earlier in the week, we discussed whether or not we would collectively give presents to the Crownguards, but we ultimately decided on giving them separate gifts.

It was the least we could do for the amount of kindness that they'd shown us thus far.

She brought out a tall and thin bag. "For Pieter and Augatha." Eunkyung walked over and handed them the bag. "Don't open it yet!" She called as she spotted Pieter taking a peek inside.

"Sorry, sorry."

Augatha chuckled and pulled the present over to her side.

Then, Eunkyung produced a thick present box. "For Lux." She gave the box to her. Then, she leaned down and whispered something into Lux's ear.

Lux glanced at me, then at my sister, before nodding slowly.

With a smirk in my direction, Eunkyung returned to the tree and picked out the final present. It was a simple, black envelope that had Eunkyung's name signed across the front. "For Garen."

"Should I be worried?" He asked as he was handed the gift.

Eunkyung rolled her eyes. "It's nothing dangerous." She grinned. "Okay, next is Jae."

"I assume we're opening our presents at the very end?" Lux asked.

"That we are."

I stood up and began to collect my presents. They were all on the smaller side. Nothing grandiose, nothing exceptional, and nothing too expensive. I figured that the Crownguards could buy any material object they wanted, they had the money for it, obviously. So, my gifts were more sentimental than anything.

"For you two," I said, handing Pieter and Augatha a thin, carefully wrapped box.

"Feels rather light," Pieter observed.

"It's a surprise," I whisper-yelled in his direction, smirking slightly. Then, I continued to the next present, another carefully wrapped box. "For you, Lux."

Lux smiled at me and graciously accepted the present.

"And lastly," I began, reaching into my pocket. I produced a solid white envelope and handed it to Garen.

He glanced between the two opposite-colored envelopes. "Okay, now I'm really worried."

Eunkyung and I shared a knowing glance before chuckling.

"Don't worry," I reassured. "It's a good present. Promise."

Augatha stood up. "Alright, now it's time for us to give ours out."

Presents were given and accepted with kindness and gratitude, with everyone ending up with a decent pile of presents. And it was certainly more than what Eunkyung and I were used to. I eyed my pile proudly, feeling warmth spread throughout me at the realization of how much effort went into picking the presents and wrapping them.

"Let's open some presents!" Pieter exclaimed.

And everyone tore into the holiday-themed wrapping paper like starving wolves.

Pieter and Augatha gave me a brand new pair of sweaters and pants. They were a designer brand, but that didn't matter to me at all. The sheer act of buying me clothes was enough to nearly bring tears to my eyes. "Thank you so much," I said to them. "This means the world to me."

Augatha smiled widely. "Of course, Jae. We're happy to help."

Despite not knowing me very well (and likely getting some help from Lux), Garen had given me a very kind and thoughtful gift: a bottle of hand cream. I glanced up at him as he stared between the two envelopes that my sister and I had given him. "Thanks, Garen." I held up the bottle. "I'll make sure to use this."

He grinned. "You're welcome."

And Lux… Lux's present was amazing. It was a framed photo of the two of us at Disneyland, locked in a side-hug, our eyes alight with pure joy and smiles as bright as the stars. In the corner of the photo, there was a small, neatly written message from Lux.

_The Happiest Place on Earth is by your side._

I returned the frame inside of the packaging and walked over to Lux. I kneeled down, wrapping her in a tight hug. "Thank you, Lux. I… I have no words."

She returned the hug, equally as tight. "You're so very welcome, Jae. Love you."

"Love you too," I murmured.

**[;]**

After dinner, and the following party games and karaoke contest (which Eunkyung and I won by a landslide, sadly), Lux asked if I could accompany her to her room to talk about something. The view from Lux's balcony was stunning. I stared up at the moon, watching its light drip like satin across the Crownguard estate gardens. I found myself feeling slightly jealous at the fact that Lux had this incredible view available to her at any time, yet she rarely seemed to use it, judging from the amount of dust that permeated the surface of the balcony's railings.

I enjoyed the cool breeze against my skin for a few minutes before the door behind me clicked open, and Lux joined me on the balcony. She stepped up beside me. Her red dress fluttered gently in the wind.

"It's a nice night," she said absentmindedly. "Nice weather."

I smirked. "Talking about the weather? Are we really that boring now?"

Lux lightly elbowed my side. "Asshole."

I turned my nose upward, scrunching it slightly. "Why yes, I am. How ever did you know?" I joked.

Lux giggled. Then, she seemed to mellow down quickly.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"I wouldn't exactly call it ' _wrong_ ," she began slowly. "Just a little nervous."

"Nervous? Why?"

She turned to face me. Behind the glassy blue surface of her eyes, there was something that sparkled and shone. Lux stepped close to me.

"Lux—"

Like flashfire, an incredible heat coursed through me as Lux pressed her body flush against mine. She stared up at me, those brilliant blue eyes betrayed nothing but raw desire and burning passion. Her irresistible scent— a storm of violets, roses, and sandalwood— grabbed me and drew me in closer to her.

"Jae…" breathed Lux. She licked her lips, creating a layer of glittering moisture. "Please…"

Without a second thought, I caught her lips in mine, my arms finding themselves around her waist. The way her crimson dress clung to every curve in her body set me on fire. I snaked my hands beneath the dress' hem.

Lux gasped as my hands squeezed her soft yet firm bottom. I captured the breath that left her and squeezed a little harder. With her lips still against mine, she giggled lightly, clearly enjoying the pressure as she wiggled her hips.

My pants had grown painfully tight— and Lux was taking full advantage of it. She reached up and took hold of the collars of my blazer and used it to guide me back into the room. I reached behind me and shut the doors to the balcony, locking it.

Lux strutted to the bed.

And I drank in the gorgeous sight of her hips swinging from side to side as she did so.

I followed behind her, placing my hands on her hips as she laid down on the bed.

"Enjoying my ass?" She whispered between soft kisses.

"I've been enjoying looking at it. But touching it is _far_ more enjoyable." I squeezed once again.

In response, Lux ground her hips into mine and I let out a soft moan.

"God, that was _hot_." Lux practically shivered.

I peeled her off me and sat up.

"Jae—"

I laid her on her back as I drank in the sight of her.

With half of her face illuminated by the light on her bedside table, she stared up at me with wide eyes. Her soft, pale legs were slightly spread. And with how high her dress was hiked up, I caught a glimpse of her pink and lacy lingerie panties.

She followed my gaze. Sheepishly, Lux put a hand in front of her underwear.

I grabbed her hand and pushed it aside. "You're beautiful, Luxanna." I placed my hands on her thighs and pulled her closer to me, until our faces were a hair's breadth from one another. "And I want you."

Her eyes flicked between my own eyes and my lips. "Then take me," she finally murmured.

I trailed kisses from her lips down to her neck. My hands grasped the hems of her dress and lifted it over her head. Gently, I grazed her perfectly shaped breasts; they were like teardrops topped with pink, hard nipples. Lux gasped at my touch, and that gasp turned into a moan as I wrapped my lips around a nipple and began to lightly suck it.

" _Jae_ …"

Our hands roamed each other's bodies. She frantically grabbed at my shirt's hem and lifted it over my head. I did the same with hers.

We drank in the sight of one another. I returned to my position before her, wrapping her in my arms as I placed my lips on hers. She submerged herself in my touch, lost herself in my lips as we deepened the kiss. Just as she was about to penetrate my mouth with her tongue, I pulled away.

"Jae…" She whispered.

I put a finger on her lips. I trailed kisses from her cheek down to her neck, down to her chest. I suckled on her nipple once again before continuing further down her body, until I came face-to-face with the front of her underwear.

I peeled the panties off of her.

"Jae—"

I rose up to silence her with another kiss.

She was wet. Unbelievably so.

"You're soaked."

"Mmm. _Wonder why…_ "

I tentatively licked her pussy. Her taste was like liquid electricity against my tongue.

Lux let out a small moan.

"Is it your first?" Lux asked breathily as she reached out and ran her fingers along the length of my cock.

"Y— Yes," I struggled between my small groans of pleasure. "Yours?"

"Me too."

"Just tell me whenever it hurts."

"Mmh." She released her grip on my length and moved to straddle me.

I wrapped my arms around her waist. "You okay?" I asked.

"I'm fine. Just working up the courage."

"Take all the time you need."

"Thanks, Jae." Lux leaned down and began to kiss me, her lips and tongue grazing against mine. Sometime during that kiss, she reached down and guided my cock inside of her.

I laid on the bed, staring up at Luxanna as she rode me. She lifted and dropped herself onto my length, and moans escaped our lips. Her perfectly shaped breasts rested before me, rosy pink nipples as hard as diamonds. With both in my hands, I leaned forward and gently sucked on them— taking great pleasure in the gasps I pulled out of Lux.

" _Fuck_ , Jae. Your dick is so _fucking_ good."

And hearing her curse made my blood _boil_.

I released her nipples from my mouth and pulled her against me. Then, I flipped us over, leaving Lux on her stomach. She yelped at the sudden switch of positions. With both hands I grabbed and squeezed her perfectly shaped ass. Lux let out a giggle at the sensation.

"You really are enjoying my ass," she whispered.

"And you're enjoying my dick," I murmured.

"Mmm…" She turned back to look at me. "How about you me how good it is again." She wiggled her hips, her ass jiggling along with the movement.

Without a moment's pause, I began to thrust into her.

Slick, wet warmth surrounded my cock as I pounded into her. The faster went, the louder and more energetic her moans got.

And I chased those moans like it was my lifeblood.

"Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_ ," she gurgled. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head from the sheer pleasure. " _Keep going_. Don't you dare— _Ngh!_ — stop _fucking me_."

I chuckled. _Who am I to deny a lady's request?_

I lost track of how many times Lux orgasmed in that position, how many times her pussy clenched and tightened around my length, how many times her eyes crossed and her tongue lolled out of her mouth in brain-melting pleasure, how many times her moans reverberated within the walls of her room; but I could feel myself nearing my own climax. Her warmth clenched around me, tightening, and milking every inch of my cock. It grew harder still— pressure mounted within it, and Lux noticed it as well.

"Are you close?" She managed between gasps.

"Y— yeah," I grunted.

She placed a hand on my stomach to stop my thrusts. "I want you to come in my mouth." Lux pulled herself off of my dick, then turned to face me.

"Wh— what?"

Lux crawled towards me, licking her lips all the while. "I. Want you. To come. _In my mouth_." She emphasized every word, somehow making me even harder.

"I…"

She pushed me downwards. "Just lay on your back. I'll do everything."

Warmth surrounded the tip of my cock. The soft, gentle laps of her tongue grazed against it, driving me even crazier. Lux grasped the base of my cock with her hands and began to stroke it. Building up to a steady rhythm, she moved her head lower. And lower. And lower. Until the entirety of my length resided in her throat.

"God…" I breathed. "How are you so good?"

Lux shrugged her shoulders and hummed out an, "I don't know."

Then, she began to suck. Her tongue swirled all around my cock as it rested in her mouth. I did everything in my power to hold back my oncoming orgasm. But seeing an incredibly attractive woman that I cared for choke herself on my cock didn't help much.

And I reached my orgasm in a matter of seconds.

It took several moments before it finally stopped. When it was finished, Lux glanced up at me. My semen covered both of her cheeks and leaked down from her chin, but a wide smile danced across her lips. Lux took a single finger and ran it through my cum, gathering it all up. Then, she placed the cum-covered finger into her mouth and sucked it clean.

"Wow." I was still processing what just happened. "That… that was really hot."

"That last part?"

I laid down beside Lux, resting my hands on my stomach. "Well, yeah. But everything else too. You. Just all of you. God. You're _really_ hot."

She snuggled up against me. "So it was good?"

I chuckled. "Yes, Lux. It was good." Reaching up, I rhythmically ran my fingers through her hair. "I've got a question."

"I've probably got an answer."

"So… What now?" I asked, letting the question fall from my lips as I stared up at the ceiling. "Are… are you and I dating?"

Lux giggled. "Honestly," she breathed, still winded after our… activities. She stared up at the ceiling. "I think that you and I would make a terrible couple, Jae."

Finding myself more confused than offended, I glanced at her. "What? Why? If that's the case, then why have sex with me. Why lose your virginity to me?"

"Because I love you," Lux whispered, her voice meek and quiet. "And I want this moment, this night, to be spent with you."

"If you love me…" I trailed off. It felt all too similar. I'd heard the words that we were saying before. Before everything changed. Before my life changed.

"Why not date you?" She finished.

"...Yeah."

"Like I said. I think we would make an awful couple." She cracked a wry smile. "I mean, you ghosting me for basically an entire year is a pretty big red flag. Even if we were just friends at the time."

The frankness with which she said it couldn't conceal how hurt she was. Even through her smile, as sly and cheeky as it was, the pain was written clearly across her features. I bowed my head, unable to meet her eyes. "I'm sorry, Lux."

"One apology won't be enough," she stated. She turned on her side to face me. Part of her blonde hair fell over her face, and she brushed it behind her ear. Her eyes fluttered as she seemed to blink back tears. With narrowed eyes, she continued. "Definitely won't be enough. I expect you to be on your knees, begging for my forgiveness, you know."

"I'll do it," I replied, immediately moving to kneel before Lux, even while she laid on the bed. It was what Seraphine did when she asked for my forgiveness last year.

A soft hand brushed against mine. "Jae," she murmured. "It was a joke. I would never want you to shame yourself like that in an attempt to forgive me."

"But I wronged you, Lux."

"I know." She chuckled. "But this isn't how I want you to be forgiven. This isn't how I want you to seek forgiveness from me."

"I…" I closed my eyes and sighed. "I understand."

"Good." Lux rolled over and straddled me. She ground her vagina against my dick, letting out a small gasp of pleasure at the friction. "Since you understand, I think that we should go again."

"Wait, Luxanna—"

She planted a kiss on my lips, silencing me. "I'm not ready to say goodbye to my feelings for you yet. So please." Her eyes sparkled with… something that pulled me into her. " _Fuck me_."

And we lost ourselves in our mutual desires. Together, Lux and I rode out the throes of our pleasure— every touch, every second, every kiss, and every climax was accompanied by an unexplainable roar of pleasure and euphoria. We lost track of time; we counted time in orgasms instead of seconds; and eventually, we lost count of that as well.

**[;]**

Neither of us were sure when we fell asleep, but we both awoke at the same time.

"Good morning," I murmured to Lux, watching her eyes flutter open.

"Morning, Jae." She put a hand on her hip. "Man, I'm sore."

I flushed. "Sorry."

Lux shook her head. "No need to apologize. Last night was definitely worth a bit of soreness in the morning."

"Oh, then that's good. I guess."

Lux giggled. She poked my cheek. "You're adorable, Jae."

I rolled my eyes and sat up. The blanket fell around me, leaving my chest bare.

Lux put a hand to the outline of my abs. Despite being shirtless for most of the night, it seemed that she'd only just noticed the recently-developed muscles. "When did this happen?"

"Started going to the gym again after Thanksgiving," I said.

"That explains why you fit so well into your suit."

I pursed my lips and nodded.

"Something wrong?"

I shrugged. "I just didn't expect this much flirting from you after our… discussion last night."

"Oh." Lux tilted her head. "I guess I am flirting a lot, aren't I?"

"Just a bit."

"Then I'll tone it down." She smiled. Her smile faded slightly as red began to tinge her cheeks. "If you don't mind turning around while I head to the shower…" Lux motioned the clothes that were strewn on the floor. "Don't exactly have a usable change of clothes nearby."

I did as she requested, turning away from her and covering my eyes with one hand. "If you don't mind tossing me a sweater and my slacks form the floor, that'd be great."

"Sure." A moment later, she spoke up again. "It's behind you."

I reached behind me, grasping for the clothes. Once my wandering hand found purchase, I began the process of putting my clothes back on. From behind me, the whirring of the shower started up, and I debated whether or not to wait until Lux finished or if I should leave now.

Fortunately, my decision was made for me.

Lux's door opened.

And Garen stepped inside.

"Luxanna, it's rather late, Mother and Father told me to come and wake—" He stared straight at me. Then, his eyes, for but a moment, flashed dangerously. "Jae."

"Good morning… Garen."

"Is she in the shower?"

"Yes."

"Tell her to come downstairs once she is out." The large man turned around, a hand on the doorframe. "The only reason I'm not throwing you out that window is because Lux trusts you. I assume that you two were safe?"

"Yes, we were."

His head bobbed. "Good. I'll see you downstairs, Jae."

"See you in a bit, Garen."

The door closed behind him.

A moment later, there was a loud _bang!_ from the hallway.

I winced at the sound. _Probably for the best that I stay here then._

I waited until after Lux finished her shower. She stepped out, her hair clean, face pristine, and her eyes shining like it always seemed to do. Her brows furrowed slightly at my expression.

"Is everything alright?"

"Garen walked in."

Her eyes widened. "Oh. What did he say?"

"Told you to come down after your shower."

She clicked her tongue. "Not that. About you. And me."

"He said that the only reason I'm not being thrown out your window is because you trust me," I said, reciting every word of his threat. "Lucky me, I guess."

Lux rolled her eyes. "He's just a big bear. He won't hurt you unless you did something wrong to me. And lately, your track record has been pretty good."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

I stood up and stretched.

"Not gonna shower?" She asked, picking up her phone from the nightstand and putting it in the pocket of her sweatpants.

"Eunkyung already left," I said. "And I hate to ask you to drive me, so I need to get a bus—"

Lux waved her hand. "Nonsense. I'll drive you home."

"Lux, it's out of the way for you. I don't want—"

She placed her index finger on my lips, silencing me. "Just let me help you, Jae," Lux whispered. "You're not getting rid of me. And I'm not getting rid of you. You and I are stuck together now. Forever. Alright?"

"I…"

"That present I gave you. The picture of us," she said. "I really wasn't joking with what I wrote there." Lux put a hand on her chest. "You make me happy. Seriously, _genuinely_ happy. Every minute that I spent with you is worth so much more to me than anything else in the world. I want to be by your side, Jae. As a friend. As your best friend."

I could hear the weight behind her words. The emotion. The honesty. It was all there. Lux believed what she was saying, what she wanted me to hear.

I just needed to believe in it too.

 _This is the first step, Jae._ _The first step of many._

"Alright," I choked. "If you'll have me."

She leaned forward and pressed her lips against my cheek. "I'd be more than happy to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... that's the end of Act 2. Sorta the same vibes as the end of Act 1, but hopefully a little bit different. There's a rather long road ahead of Jae (and us), and we're finally gonna get back into music!
> 
> Only reason that this chapter is out this quickly is because I had half of it written already. This is SUPER DUPER ahead of schedule, but next chapter will most likely still land on the listed date. Otherwise, it'll be on the week after that. Thank you for reading and supporting my story. Love you.
> 
> Next Chapter: 3/5/21 OR 3/12/21


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